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Topic : 06/05 Family Court Battles

Number of Replies: 484
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:52:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/21/08) Stalking allegations, surveillance cameras, restraining orders. This may sound like a television drama, but it's the life of a mother and daughter who have declared war on each other! Rita claims her daughter, Lisa, is alienating her from her 13-year-old grandson, Koal, and is brainwashing him to hate her. Lisa says Rita is crazy and is using Koal as a weapon to hurt her. Lisa's ex-husband, Koal's father, says his ex-mother-in-law is a habitual liar and control freak. Neither parent believes Koal should be forced to visit with Rita. Accusations fly when mother and daughter face off. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Dr. Phil drills down on the issues. You won't believe what he thinks may be at the root of this problem. Then, with seven lawsuits filed, Lisa and Rita have visited the courthouse numerous times. Rita won her grandparent's rights to visit with Koal, and she says she will stop at nothing until Lisa allows her to see her grandson. Plus, hear from the 13-year-old boy who's caught in the middle of this nasty family feud. His comments may shock you. And attorney Gloria Allred sheds light on who has what rights in this case. Can this family arrange a plan for peace? Join the discussion.

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February 17, 2008, 8:05 pm CST

People need to lie in the beds they made.

Both my parents and may husband's mom have not been the best parents. I attempted a reconciliation with my parents when I was pregnant with my first child. Even though they had disowned me at 20. Seven years later I swallowed my pride and gave them a chance to be grandparents. It took a year before I gave up. They were religious nuts and control freaks and did not approve of my husband, my friends, the way I was raising my daughter, my daughter and my sister. Nothing had changed. When my mom told me not to bring my daughter over or my husband I was done. I told her she needed help. My daughter tried to get a hug from her when she came home from work and she was screaming at my other sisters in front of my two-year-old daughter "What the Hell is she doing Here!" I told her to get some mentel help and that I wanted an apology. I haven't heard from either my mom or dad since then. My children are grown now and I have told them they can contact their grandparents if they wish to, but hey, they weren't interested in establishing a healthy relationship with them, so my kids are not interested. My son is proud that his grandpa worked on planes in the Air Force. I did tell them nice things about their grandparents as well as the bad. Now my son is proud to work on 737s at Boeing just like the grandpa he never met. Anyway, if you make your bed a mess, your the one who will have to lie down in it.
February 18, 2008, 7:58 am CST

grammas and grampas

I would just like to say that when grandparents are part of their grandchildren's lives and then they are cut off from building a caring, resourceful and loving relationship, because the mom all of a sudden has been found out to be violent and abusive and blames her problems on her in-laws, and denies access to the children and won't even talk to the parents in-inlaw, then asking a judge to help is almost neccessary. The only other solutions I could see, would be to accept and give time for your heart to heal and hope for the children to be okay, or to hope your abused son, one of the childrens father, will be strong enough to stand up for what's in the best interest of the children and his parents. I can believe that sometimes when alcholism and mental illness are main factors, that it only takes one to destroy relationships. I have proof.


February 18, 2008, 9:52 pm CST



My Dad's mom alienated our part of the family- she was just straight up mentally ill.  She'd have mood swings and alienate us.  Then she'd turn around and be hunkey-dorey, smiles and sunshine.  Plus she was manipulative and had a relationship with us when it was convenient for her.  A nut to the core.


Point is, that a grandparent relationship isn't always a healthy one.  I hope that if the grandma was lying that the mom would be able to prove that in court so they can spare the child being used as a pawn to hurt the parents.  If not, those people are going to have to find a way to conduct themselves as adults for the sake of the boy. 

February 19, 2008, 4:26 pm CST

Sometimes you have to protect

          Yes,grandparents are very important to children but if the parents has any question what so ever  for the safety of that child they should step in and protect them.That could be mental,emotional or physical safety.I do believe that the conversation the parent and the child has about the grandparent should only be respectful to them.It is our duty as parents to protect them but also to teach them the right way.Any disrespectfulness or just being mean should stop.If you see your parents acting a way you don't like stop right there and break the cycle.Whatever you do,you be the one to be positive,teach  and show that child that you are  not like their grandparents. Fighting between each other has to stop if you want to stop the cycle.That is what I am doing with my children,there are some things that I don't agree with that my parents do but I have made it a point to teach my kids the correct way of whatever action they do that is not right.I am also teaching them to love and respect them even if you don't like their ways.
February 20, 2008, 3:00 pm CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

 Now just a question,
Why do grandparents have "Right" to their grandchildren ?  Isn't and shouldn't it be up to a child's PARENTS who a child has contact with ?
In some cases the children are much better off, remember Saving Grace, WITHOUT them, in some cases its wrong to keep them away (like petty bickering.)
And at thirteen, isn't he old enough to CHOOSE whether or not he wants to see Grandma ?
I'm guessing the poor kid just wants these so called adults to GROW THE HELL UP.
Well wait and see I guess, this one should be interesting, but I will bet the boy will be acting more mature than any of the adults.
February 21, 2008, 7:01 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

personaly i think these people are ALL acting worse than ANY 5 or 6 yr olds i ever saw,{ as a child growing up we saw our grand parents at thanksgiving every year at the family reunion, at grandmothers and grandfathers house, we saw them at Easter as well, } the rest of the year we stayed home, you never in hell heard of mothers and grandmothers batteling over visits from the grand children, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK DR PHIL? i think this country has gone to hell in a damn handbasket and were all to damn blind to even see it, were living in a time when more people try to abuse the courts with pure bulls#@&, such as this crap we going to see here today, the grandmother should go on with her life and let her daughter go her own way,  family court battle my ass, this IS BULL S#^&!!!
February 21, 2008, 7:25 am CST

Love of a grandmother is important

It is maturity that the mother needs for the sake of her son.  Even if that mother is still bitter about the old boyfriend stuff...the son should not pay for that and that is the root of the entire problem.  The mother is trying to make her mother pay for what she still feels because the mother married the man she still has an emotional tie to.  So what if the man is 18 years younger, they have been married for 30 years and that is their business.  But the mother is trying to punish her mother by using her grandson as a pawn because she knows how much her mother wants a relationship with her son.    Even to the point of trying to make something sinister abou her brother lying on his mother's sick and how far would she go to discredit her mother.  A grandmother's love cannot be matched with any other and if the mother distorts that, one day she will reap the bad seeds of trying to break that relationship. 


Dr. Phil, I think you were off base and definitely bias.  You may not see it, but your anger toward the grandmother was very obvious and distasteful.  Sometimes you are slightly off the mark and this in my opinion was off base.  You should have been a little more empathitic toward the grandmother.  Couldn't you see what was behind the mother's anger...the man her mother got and she still feels he is hers even when he never was hers.  The son will grow up and eventually see the truth and those responsible for all the ill feelings will be told by Cole.  It will only take 5 years and all this mess will bring forth its own fruit.  Mark my words Dr. weren't as philosophical as you should have been.  Well that's my unprofessional opinion, but I've been there before as a grandmother and still have to fight to see and talk with my grandchildren.  But it is because of a domineering step-father who has my daughter so under his control she is blinded.   I sit back because my grandchildren have asked me too because he makes life unbearable for them.  So I as a grandmother have no rights and all I can do is pray.  Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to go to court and present information to the court, but I know it would do exactly the same thing to my daughter as it has with your mother and daughter.  They will probably never have a good relationship.  You did not approach this problem from the right perspective...Cole.  You just didn't! 

February 21, 2008, 7:34 am CST

May your life be filled with lawyers!

Quote From: precious2me

Courts should not be the place family disputes are settled, however sometimes there is just no choice.  There are so many children living in violent or dysfunctional homes while grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other family members have to stand by and watch the slow, but certain, destruction of these children.  Unwed parents often lead to children being raised by one parent and the other parent unavailable to the child.  The extended family is extremely important to provide support to both the children and the single parent in these cases.  What happens when one or both parents can not or will not provide a safe environment for the child?  Social Services and the court system can step in when the situation is extreme enough, but not soon enough to prevent emotional damage to the child and often not soon enough to prevent physical damage to the child.  Family members can talk to, give suggestions, beg, plead, and threaten the parent into better behavior, but the parent soon learns that they own the child and no one can change that.  They can then use the child to extort money, things, promises, or behaviors from the family in order to keep the child safe.  Although parents should have the right to raise their children in the way they choose there should be safeguards in place for the children.  Parental rights should not be protected to the detriment of the children; however this is the case in many situations.  Hopefully this story will have a happy ending.


         Family squabbles only become worse when the legal system is drug into the midst. 

         This problem goes on in my family also.  My brother--who is 48--is now in the middle of a squabble with his stepson and his wife over the children.  Half the time, my brother, Ralph, has custody of his grandchildren.  The state of Washington has agreed that children's best interest are not  are with their natural parents.  My brother and my sister in law have accused the natural parents, their children, of everything from neglect to drugs and thievery, Ralph and Holly expect to have a good relationship with everyone involved. 

           It isn't easy.  It sure isn't realistic.

           I believe that women have a competitive nature.  We compete with one another over some of the most inane things.  My mother loves a good competition with me over who is the best parent.  And, nothing makes her happier than my unhappiness.   She gets to lord it over me to her heart's content.           









February 21, 2008, 7:41 am CST

Rita is crazy and Lisa needs to protect her son

Being a grandma gives you no right to be hateful or vindictive.  That woman has a screw loose.  she is lying and if the cops have any part of this, they need to keep that crazy old bat far, FAR away from Lisa and her son.  The problem is she has severe mental issues, because she believes every filthy lie that comes out of her mouth.  My ex mother-in-law is the exact same woman.  They both have built their role as the pathetic victim up in their own minds when the truth is they are the perpetrators.  If that woman had any love for her grandchild, she would get a life and leave them the heck alone!  And try a little therapy while you're at it!  You need serious help!
February 21, 2008, 7:59 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: shadycat1

 Now just a question,
Why do grandparents have "Right" to their grandchildren ?  Isn't and shouldn't it be up to a child's PARENTS who a child has contact with ?
In some cases the children are much better off, remember Saving Grace, WITHOUT them, in some cases its wrong to keep them away (like petty bickering.)
And at thirteen, isn't he old enough to CHOOSE whether or not he wants to see Grandma ?
I'm guessing the poor kid just wants these so called adults to GROW THE HELL UP.
Well wait and see I guess, this one should be interesting, but I will bet the boy will be acting more mature than any of the adults.
I got this off of

"State statutes providing visitation to grandparents generally require that a number of conditions occur before visitation rights can be granted. The marital status of the parents must be considered in a majority of states before a court will evaluate the relevant factors to determine if visitation is appropriate. In some of these states, the parents' marital status is considered only if the grandparent or grandparents have been denied visitation by the parents. In other states, marital status is considered only if the grandchild resided with the grandparents for a certain length of time. "

It looks like since the Kohl and his mother lived with Rita for a time, and Rita and Keith are divorced, that is the loophole she got through, whether is was good time spent, or bad.
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