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Topic : 08/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:47:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/18/08) Living with an alcoholic parent is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching experiences a child can go through. Heather, 28, and Alexandra, 21, say their mother, Joey, is a pathetic drunk, and if she doesn’t get clean once and for all, they will walk away from her forever. Joey says she had her first drink at 7 and was drinking heavily every weekend by 15. She’s now 54 and about to lose everything she holds dear. Former guest and drug addict Joani began documenting Joey’s addiction a month ago. Faced with home video footage and testimonials from her family members, will Joey have the courage to take a step toward sobriety, or will she cave in to her addiction like she did after her previous stints in rehab? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 16, 2008, 8:15 pm CST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

i know what it is like to live with a parent who is an alcholic            my grandparents raised  me and my grandpal use to drink alot. i have a sister that stays drunk all the time. she has been in and out of the hospital for sickness. they told her that if she didn't stop drinking that she is going to die. but she don't listen to anybody. i just that  hope tha joey's mom gets some help or she is goin to kill herself      grandmal6
February 16, 2008, 9:25 pm CST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Quote From: debnhra

I too am a drunk...began at age 3 with my first sips of my Dad's beer...Loved it...started drinking at age 13 (stealing from my parents fridge)...been drinking ever 3 boys have definately been effected by my drinking in various ways, neglect being number husband tired of my drinking many years ago...anyway, I will be watching Monday to see if she can do it...Today is my 44th Birthday!...I wish Joey luck...maybe she can inspire me...Deb

You can do it if you want to, BUT YOU HAVE TO WANT TO, you have to d0 IT FOR YOU, not for your husband  or kids, but  YOU.

Look , been there done that, NO ONE will "INSPIRE" you,  YOU  have to WANT IT.

I hope you can see youself  HONESTY, you can admit a PROBLEM, WONDERFUL, first  step, GO WITH IT, and follow the steps.

February 16, 2008, 9:44 pm CST

my husband

dear dr.phil im married 24 years all these years because of his drinking im am falling for divorce, i waited because i didnt want my kids in a broken family. but now it time to live. thanks for your time lela
February 16, 2008, 9:57 pm CST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Wow. When I saw the perview for Mondays show it hit home!! My mother was an  alcoholic  for  probably half my life. But when she wasn't drinking she was using drugs. And in Juse of 2006 I got in the biggest fight with my mom and she said she was going to kill herself. I was like goahead . It will be easier on me .. My mother didn't kill herself. We fought off and on till Febuary 2007. We finally were in a good place .. She was stayin with me and was sober. Well then on Feb 21st 2007 I took her home to see my step-dad. The next night on the 22nd at 10pm I got a phone call from my step-dad telling to get to the hospital. At first he said there was an accident and they didn't think she was going to make it. I was like what happened !! And alot of crying and all that. Then he has told me she was it her "friend" . So I then knew that my mother had overdosed on methadone!!! I will never forget that night.. I had to call my little sister and tell her to rush to the hospital!! So we waited and waited . Finally they moved her to the ICU and they finally let the 3 of us back there .. I will never forget what she looked like. She had hypothermya because her "friend" threw her outside in the snow. They thought it would bring her back. God only knows how long she was out before they called 911 .. But anyways ,,,, My sister ripped me out of the room .. I have never heard her cry as hard as she did that night. So we had to make the decison wether or not to take her off like support !!! And we did because we knew in are hearts she was gone .. So I sat there and watched my mother die!! It has almost been a year now .. It will be a year on the 28th .. I still regret thinking and saying it would be easier if she wasnt around ..  I know it was months before .. but my life is pretty lonley without her .. I miss her so much .. And to top it all off I was 5 mnths pregnant with my second child and my husband had just been deployed to Iraq !! But the point of this is . No matter how much you hate that your parent or family member whatever is using. Just try to help them. And yeah just love them !!
February 16, 2008, 11:27 pm CST



         My Aunt died of internal bleeding caused by alcoholism. She was in the hospital so many times

before she died and I often saw her drunk, semi- conscious on the floor. It was really sad. I didn't

see her a 'pathetic'; I saw her as broken. It was like she'd given up on life and had a "I might as well

live" attitude. She was hurting herself, her children and me, her neice.


     Every situation is different, but I think there is a common thread in the stories of people who drink.

I think they are terribly unhappy and hopeless. They are drinking to forget their age, their responsibilities, 'their pain; they are trying to numb themselves. Some drink to punish others and perhaps themselves too.


    What to do? Only God can heal them through Jesus our Saviour. Even when we fail ourselves and

every single person in your life lets you down, "Jesus never fails, Jesus never fails, this whole world

might let you down, but Jesus never fails."


     Jesus gives us a chance to make it right again. The drinker can shed his or her drinking identity for

good and never look back and it doesn't matter how may years heror she invested in drinking; Jesus heals. He healed the man who was sick for 28 years (I believe it was 28); he can heal the drinker who has gotten drunk for 28 years.


     I remember having a dream as a little girl; I had it many times (I was 5). People were clinging to me

angry and desperate. They looked like they were part beast and they were grabbing at my legs and angrily

shouting, "Look what God did to us." I said, "You didn't turn to God, you turned to Satan, go back and

turn to God."


    I have asperger's syndrome and sometimes I see things a little differently than others but I know that God exists and Jesus exists; I know this for a fact. Every single human on this planet is tempted to fail and go down the dark road. It could be the road of lust, of greed, of hate, of revenge, of alcoholism, of self-pity, of suicide. Every person has to make the conscious decision to turn to Jesus.


    I know that Jesus gets a bump rap as being a wimp. I saw this horrible show where the devil was beating up Jesus but that is a lie. Jesus has such strength. He faced his own death to save us. He sacrificed his own life and faced torture and agonizing death so that we could have a chance to be with God. Is that a wimp? Humans who have to hurt the innocent and weak, who give into temptation and selfishness; they are the wimps. We can only gain true strength through Jesus.





February 16, 2008, 11:52 pm CST

Drinking too much.


     When a person hurts themselves it is devestating to us; we love them and we hate them.

Why won't they stop? Why are they living this way?


    Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do but love them and try to help them if we can, if it

doesn't endanger ourselves. The abuser should know that we love them but hate the behaviour.


    The drug or alcohol abuser is caught in an ugly trap, like a sticky spider web and he or she has become comfortable with the big spider sucking out their blood a little at a time. Who want to watch that happen? Can we save them? No, if we enter the web, we get stuck too.


    Only God can save them but they need to call for his help. What can we do? We can pray. We can tell the abuser that we love them. We can walk away to save ourselves because to watch such ugliness will destroy you. It is like that horrible show (I thought it was horrible anyway). "Leaving Las Vegas" .

I think that was the title, where Nicholas Cage drinks himself to death.


    Addiction is demonic and people who are addicted are being influenced and maybe even possessed by demons. Not a popular belief among some circles but so true. The addicted person has to realize that they are in hell and that there is a way out. They need to ask Jesus for the strenght to stop.



February 17, 2008, 12:35 am CST

People are weak


I have no tolerance for people who abuse themselves with drink AND drugs.  My youngest brother was both an alcoholic and drug addict.  At the tender age of 43 had to get an emergency heart operation.  It ended up with him getting a quadruple heart bypass.  He's 54 now.  He doesn't do drugs or alcohol since then because the doctor told him he won't get a second chance. He still smokes though and drinks several cokes a day.  Got quite a pot belly on him that one.


I worked for a gas station that sold beer and believe me it brought in all of the undesirable element.  There's nothing worse than telling a person who's had one two many and trying to buy beer that they can't have anymore.  I refuse them of course but, oh, the grief I get from them.  I would follow them outside and if they got behind the wheel of a car I immediately would call the police and give them the license number of the vehicle.  I am, if nothing else, a conscientious person.  I would think of the innocent people out there in their cars and some drunk behind the wheel. 


Despite all the DUI laws there will always be people drinking and driving.  Because there are people out there who think of no one but themselves and think nothing of putting their lives and the lives to others in danger.  I really don't know what we can do to stop drunks from driving short of  installing those devices in vehicles that can detect the scent of alcohol and therefore preventing someone drunk from driving.  Some people would argue it violates the rights but what about the right of others to drive without the fear of drunk drivers.  I feel that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the idiotic few.


Hope that mother chooses her family over the booze.  Booze cannot love you or keep you warm at night.



February 17, 2008, 2:45 am CST


Since Pathological Liars are ADDICTED to the behavior, please help me get them to be mandated to be "registered" ........ just like sex offenders.


prayerfully and gratefully,


February 17, 2008, 4:07 am CST

Accept this email hug

Quote From: skypilot2


Unless & until this lady accepts the fact that she is powerless over alcohol & that her life has become unmanageable, as have over 3 million other alcoholics world wide have done, there is nothing anyone can do for her!!

Unless & until she asks for help, which is ONLY a phone call away, there is absolutly NOTHING anyone can do for her & ultimatims will NOT do it!!

We alcoholis, myself being one---in recovery now for 22 years, are in a world of our own. I know, I've been there & even now, am only ONE drink away from my next drunk!

Unless & until this lady hits her "bottom" & accepts the fact that recovery CANNOT be done alone, she will remain "married" to the bottle!

As a former leader of a group in Alcoholics Anonymous, I repeatedly say "if you worked your sobriety program the way I work mine, you would likely get drunk".

To the concerned family, PLEASE, A.A. is listed in all phone books. Give them a call, someone will gladly bring a partner & meet with this lady. Hear them out, listen to THEIR story. They have BEEN where this lady is NOW! Maybe not exactly, everyone is different, but still the same. They too were HOPELESS DRUNKS!

May I also recommend Alanon for those concerned that you may better understand what the one you are concerned about is living with, or trying to escape from.

In closing, I pray she will find a higher power other than that of the bottle---I did.

On my DD, Dry Date, the God of my understanding took away my desire to hide from reality & really, that's all I drank for--to escape from the realities of life.

NOT all find this particular Higher Power, HOWEVER He can also be translated to that of Good Orderly Direction.

Good luck.

 Thank you for sharing.  I agree with you.  Thank you for your honesty, no holding back.  Thank you for encouraging all in the family to get help.  Alcoholism is an insidious dis-ease:  it is cunning, it is baffling.  The entire family is affected.  As a recovering adult child of a violent alcoholic father and a violent co-dependent mother, I am grateful to the Lord who is my HP for the help that I'm receiving from my meetings.  I want to change for the better.  I also attend Al-Anon meetings so that I can see my mother through softer eyes and open AA meetings so I can see my father through softer eyes.  I chose to get help.  My family of origin -- my parents as well as my siblings are, as of today, continuing in the dis-ease.  I pray that these young ladies will choose to get help for themselves.  They matter; they are of value.  What their mother chooses to do is her decision.  I hope she chooses to get help for herself.  She is also of value.
February 17, 2008, 5:09 am CST

Living with an alcoholic

While I didn't grow up with an alcoholic parent, I am living with one.  It is a horrible disease and I am greatly affected by it.  Right now he hasn't been home in almost two weeks.  There is no place to leave him a message and his only thoughts are the bottle, not me.  I wish I had the backbone to end this but I love him.  Despite being told by all my friends to pack his stuff up and put it by the curb, I am not that person who can do this.  I hold on to the person he is and was before the alcohol become his mistress. 
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