Message Boards

Topic : 05/30 "Butt Out!"

Number of Replies: 275
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:07:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 01/18/08) Do you have someone in your life who’s so annoying and frustrating that you just want him or her to go away? What do you do when that person is your ex and the parent of your children? Todd says his ex-wife, Nicholle, needs to butt out of his life, even though they share custody of their two daughters. He says he’s tired of her showing up unannounced, so she can be with the girls when it isn’t her time. Nicholle says Todd and his new wife, Michelle, fail to keep her informed about the girls -- like the time their little girl was in the emergency room. Both parents agree that the girls feel upset every time they have to go to their dad’s house. Cameras capture a typical custody exchange. What is the cause of the chaos? Dr. Phil points out the mistakes these divorced parents are making as he tries to get to the bottom of the threats and name-calling. Can these co-parents learn how to get along with each other for the sake of the kids? Then, meet a mother who hates her son-in-law so much, she refuses to have a relationship with her own daughter unless she divorces him. They face off for the first time in three years. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 30, 2008, 1:51 pm CDT

Having a little problem with stepmoms, aren't we?

Quote From: fireman453

michelle butt out these are not your kids and will never be yours. mind your damn business. They did not have these for you to be involved with. Step mom means nothing all you are is there fathers wife. you should say nothing and do nothing to interfear with them raising there kids. mind your own business michelle

I was shocked to read such an unenlightened position on this board!

 

Please remember that this woman married a man with kids and an ex-wife.  I don't know, but somehow or another, I don't think he surprised her with them.  She knew that there was a bio-mom in the picture.  I don't believe that she is attempting to marginalize the bio-mom.

 

Additionally, you should remember that the children are in her house twenty-six weeks out of the year.  She may not be the bio-parent, but as someone who has a vested interest in whether or not her family works -- she must parent the children to some degree.

 

Children don't ask for a lot of things that we force on them.  For example, dentist visits, teachers who make them sit down and do a hard assignment and be quiet, brussel sprouts, are all things that children -- as a rule -- didn't ask for in their lives. 

 

To expect the stepmother to maintain a role as the father's wife without any interaction with her stepchildren is unreasonable and could be detrimental in the long run.  Among stepmothers, it is called disengaging and is done, usually, as a last resort. 

 

Finally, she may not be the mother of those two little girls, she is going to be the mother of their half-sister.  This woman, the stepmother, has a valid and legitimate right to be with her stepchildren and involved in their lives.

 
May 30, 2008, 1:52 pm CDT

05/30 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: marjean3

 When the father complained that he and his new "pregnant" wife both have to work so hard to pay his ex-wife child support, I could have jumped through the TV screen!  He and his present wife knew there were children from his first marriage.  They should have thought about that before fooling around with a married man, screwing around as a married man, getting pregnant when there were already children to support.    BoooooooHoooooooooooo!  As you can see I have no sympathy for him or his present wife.  When will people learn that there are sacrifices when you go for the "greener grass". 
i think you missed a few parts... it wasnt that the father and new wife didnt want to pay child support. they split the time with the kids and the mother. all they wanted was for the support to be fair and split fairly just like the time with the kids.
 
May 30, 2008, 1:53 pm CDT

You took care of your babies Mom

Quote From: lady_tinou

I could not of said it better!! Very well said and and so true!

Amen!!!!!
My step mom did the same thing, you don't take the other parent away you dont bash them you just do what it is best and take care of your kids and let them grow to see for themselves.  I am very proud of you it takes a strong loving parent to do what is right.
 
May 30, 2008, 1:54 pm CDT

05/30 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: fireman453

michelle butt out these are not your kids and will never be yours. mind your damn business. They did not have these for you to be involved with. Step mom means nothing all you are is there fathers wife. you should say nothing and do nothing to interfear with them raising there kids. mind your own business michelle
the day i married their father the kids became my buisness as well.
 
May 30, 2008, 1:55 pm CDT

Why can't the bio-mom get a paying job?

Quote From: marjean3

 When the father complained that he and his new "pregnant" wife both have to work so hard to pay his ex-wife child support, I could have jumped through the TV screen!  He and his present wife knew there were children from his first marriage.  They should have thought about that before fooling around with a married man, screwing around as a married man, getting pregnant when there were already children to support.    BoooooooHoooooooooooo!  As you can see I have no sympathy for him or his present wife.  When will people learn that there are sacrifices when you go for the "greener grass". 

I didn't read the conversation as being unhappy about paying CS.  What I heard was that they were griping about paying CS so that the biomom could choose not to work.

 

I still don't get why they are paying CS at all.  He has the kids 26 weeks out of the year. 

 
May 30, 2008, 2:13 pm CDT

Thank you Dr.Phil

I really liked this show today about how parents need to GROW up. I wish Dr.Phil was around when my parents got divorced! All the things he said that parents do that hurt their children were exactly what I went through. Episodes like this one make me realize I am not alone in my feelings and my parents aren't the only disfunctional family out there! My parents have hurt me so much in the past and every day it gets easier and easier to understand why it all happened and Dr.Phil helps me work out all the knots I have inside of me. Thank God for Dr.Phil...there should be more people in the world like him.
 
May 30, 2008, 2:14 pm CDT

05/30 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: angier15

Oh my gosh! I totally know what this family is going through.The kids are 1! It's so hard being divorced with children.
dont give up!! do whatever it takes to make life for the children the best that it can be! its hard work, but it is possible!
 
May 30, 2008, 2:20 pm CDT

05/30 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: witaness

I was shocked to read such an unenlightened position on this board!

 

Please remember that this woman married a man with kids and an ex-wife.  I don't know, but somehow or another, I don't think he surprised her with them.  She knew that there was a bio-mom in the picture.  I don't believe that she is attempting to marginalize the bio-mom.

 

Additionally, you should remember that the children are in her house twenty-six weeks out of the year.  She may not be the bio-parent, but as someone who has a vested interest in whether or not her family works -- she must parent the children to some degree.

 

Children don't ask for a lot of things that we force on them.  For example, dentist visits, teachers who make them sit down and do a hard assignment and be quiet, brussel sprouts, are all things that children -- as a rule -- didn't ask for in their lives. 

 

To expect the stepmother to maintain a role as the father's wife without any interaction with her stepchildren is unreasonable and could be detrimental in the long run.  Among stepmothers, it is called disengaging and is done, usually, as a last resort. 

 

Finally, she may not be the mother of those two little girls, she is going to be the mother of their half-sister.  This woman, the stepmother, has a valid and legitimate right to be with her stepchildren and involved in their lives.

thank you very much
 
May 30, 2008, 2:40 pm CDT

05/30 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: texasmomma3

This family is so full of anger they cannot see they are hurting their kids.  I wish that they could see themselves from the outside the new wife needs to hold her tongue and be more nuetral.  The exes need to remember that at one time they were friends they did love each other they were a family, and they don't have to be in love with each other to respect and love their children and give each other respect and coparent their kids.  My ex and I are going though this now and it is so hard, but when he gets mad I refuse to even get angry I focus on my children.  You do choose to angry most people blame the other person they say he made me angry, the truth is you have a choice.  I put my kids first and give them tons of love and he will come around eventually I just hope it is before he hurts our kids.  He wants them to know all sorts of bad things about me from our past that will only damage them, you have to remember to fight venom with love love will always win.  I am always nice to him even though he calls me stupid, I pray for my children and tonight when he picks up the kids I will pray for him too.
The bottom line is this:  Divorced parents have to love their children more than they hate each other! They must be mature enough to not trash each other...especially in the presence of the children... because it will come back to bite you later on...and, again, it's putting an adult burden on children and no one has the right to do that!
 
May 30, 2008, 2:47 pm CDT

05/30 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: texasmomma3

My step mom did the same thing, you don't take the other parent away you dont bash them you just do what it is best and take care of your kids and let them grow to see for themselves.  I am very proud of you it takes a strong loving parent to do what is right.

Thank you.

 

It was VERY hard, but we all managed just fine....without, by the way, a dime of child support! (This was in the mid 1970s and child support was not enforced the way it is now.) I had to grit my teeth a whole bunch to avoid expressing my anger at their father; I knew it would not be productive, or good for them.

 

What I always kept in my mind was the fact that kids have a way of blaming themselves for things...and if you bash their parent, they think to themselves, "well I'm half of that parent, so I must be bad, too."

 

Never a good thing to do to them.  

 
First | Prev | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | Next | Last