Message Boards

Topic : 01/15 Internet Mistakes

Number of Replies: 699
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:03:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Girls dancing on bars half-naked, passed out on the beach, hugging the porcelain … these are photos posted for all to see on the Web site Facebook, in a group called Thirty Reasons a Girl Should Call it a Night. These shocking and provocative pictures are supposedly submitted by the women in the photos themselves. The women say they love to have fun, and this is a way to bond with other girls just like them. But are there unforeseen consequences to letting the public behold you at your worst? Dr. Phil speaks with women on both sides of this debate. Jasmine is the moderator for the group Thirty Reasons and says, although she’s responsible for taking down questionable photos, she hasn’t found one yet! Amanda and Norma are incensed that women would degrade themselves in this way. Hear from the president of a company who uses Web sites like Facebook and MySpace to weed out potential employees. Could documenting your good time on the Internet become your biggest regret? Then, a teen who loves to drink says criticism of Thirty Reasons just reinforces the double standard of gender inequality. What do Dr. Phil and the teen’s mother think? Plus, a mayor’s sexy photo has her town’s residents outraged. And, meet a substitute teacher who says he was unfairly fired from his job two times for what’s on his MySpace page. Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 15, 2008, 9:25 am CST

Coping with ADD

Dear Mary,


My heart went out to you.  I am a 45 year old successful woman who when younger, struggled with ADD, except back then, there was no such diagnosis.  I was labeled a struggling (distracted) student, and a child with a lot of energy. I still have ADD and always will throughout life however, I’ve learned strategies to cope and control it and with self discipline (I am still learning how to engage the self discipline portion of my brain) I have a successful career in the airline industry and am now in a successful relationship.  I am a mother of two great kids and although I wish I could have been a better mother by understanding my ADD earlier in life, they are both doing wellI am very proud of them.


Mary it is hard for others who don’t suffer from ADD to understand how our brains work.   I bet if you and I set down and talked, we could find several things in common concerning our ADD and things that we do to cope that are exactly the same.  How it physically hurts our brains to try to finish a long task… we find an excuse not to complete it.  And OH, the distraction factor.  Distraction is such a big part of our lives, it control everything that we do….or not do (unfinished chores, and either incomplete or not to full potential school assignments), to the point that we would rather take the consequences then finish our task. Most of all how this damages our self worth and not understanding, why if we are so smart and beautiful, we feel depressed and really have no direction.


Since you were just recently diagnosed you may not know several positive things about an ADD person. 

            The biggest is:          Most ADD people on the average have a higher IQ which

                                             makes them survivors.

            They are survivors:  Because of their intelligence, they eventually learn how to             

                                             work around their weakness and focus on their strengths.


           Most are extremely social :   These social skills make ADD people good at  dealing                           

                                                         with people and with schooling and training can

                                                         tailor these skill into any type of  business

                                                         career successfully.


Your mission Mary is to find your strengths and focus on them.  Learn about yourself.  What makes you happy, and then take these things and search for a happiness that is right for you.  Takes trips to local business and take tours, job shadow individuals in a career that you may be interested in.  Most people would be glad to do this. Take SCUBA or yoga lessons if that interests you. Find that thing that gives you the same Adeline rush as drinking does right now, because must ADD people live off Adeline rushes.


Ya Ya….I know what you are saying and what you are thinking.  Remember you can’t fool me because I was you.  You are saying, “Yes, I can do that, ……when I get around to it”.  You and I both know your intention are always good but then the…..distraction is factored in.  The immediate “live in the now” feeling is so overwhelming that it is uncontrollable.  Your friends call and want you to “come out and play”.  There is a movie playing that you want to see.  “After all you have worked hard all week and deserve to have fun”.  You look for anyway to justify your distraction level.  Am I right?  I know……….believe me….I know.


You have to find a way to control and balance this distraction level.  But you can’t do this if you don’t think there is a problem.  On the show you said that you are normal….Oh how I wish I had a nickel for every time I said that, especially after I had just done something really stupid.  I believe my internal dialogue was “I’m not doing anything that any other teenage isn’t doing”.   Well I was wrong, but I didn’t learn this until I was much older.  I am hoping for you, that you see this much sooner in life and not waste as much time as I did on irrelevant things and relationship to fulfill the non-direction that I had.


You can control this Mary.  I know you can.  Do your research….read about ADD, if it is to hard to read without distraction, find a support group,  e-mail me if you have questions and I think you will find that you are not the only one out there that shares your feelings about life and how you handle it. 


One more thing.  “You must create your own opportunities for success”.  No one is going to hand you your life on a silver platter, in fact there are vultures out there that, if they see opportunity through your weakness, will seize the moment and steal your platter.  It happened to me time and time again.  Don’t let this happen to you, because you lack the self discipline and let something distract you. 



Successful and coping with ADD

January 15, 2008, 9:38 am CST

no brainer

Seems like a no-brainer to me.  Do you want to be an 'internet star' and risk your reputation, or do you want to maintain your good reputation and forget about making a 'name' for yourself online?  Rule of thumb: never post anything that could embarrass you now or 40 years from now. 

January 15, 2008, 9:44 am CST

Teach Needs a New Job

Because teaching doesn't appear to be his ultimate career goal who can expect him to respect the attitudes and moral obligations of the school board in this matter.  Clearly, his heart is not in the right place when it comes to teaching. 


Teachers and subs don't make a lot of money, perhaps he could take up waiting tables or some other type of job to pay bills while he pursues his music, then he can leave his music up on the net. 


He was the only person on the show who I felt a little sorry for, except maybe Amanda when she was outed for saying something under her breath) but I still would agree that just like we would not want a famous rock star with explicit language in his songs teaching at our schools nor do we want a sub who is aspiring to be such teaching in our schools.


Although I feel sorry for the teacher, I would be upset if my kid came home from school and looked up his teacher only to find music with a nude woman in it.   I would feel like he tried to corrupt or didn't care if he corrupted the minds of children.

January 15, 2008, 9:46 am CST

01/15 Internet Mistakes

Quote From: tresa44nsc

I feel that posting your personal life on the internet should effect your chances for possible emloyment with a company because it may ,in the long run, effect the company.  Keep your private life private.

THat's the point here--the corporations are policing private lives, as well.

Or are we only allowed to have private lives behind locked doors and black-out curtains in our own homes?  Will they next want my phone records and personal email log-ins so they can see if I have contacted any controversial people or organizations?

I use MySpace to network with musicans and college friends.  That IS my private life.  I do not bring my private life into the office and I would appreciate it if my employers would, in turn, leave their professional expectations out of my personal space (at home and online).
January 15, 2008, 10:08 am CST

lost Job

My son learned the hard way about just how public Face book is.  They created a private group with a password for members and they trash talked their employer.  It was the kind of conversation you would have about your boss sitting around the lunch room or a cup of coffee.  They got carried away and said things that perhaps they shouldn't have.  He was using this job to pay for his college.  His employer somehow was able to access the site and decided to make an example of him.  They took one employee form each of the 8 stores and made an example of them.  In many cases the person they choose was one of their best employees.  These kids were fired from their jobs and threatened with legal action.  These kids were then faced with having to explain this to their potential employer.  My son was fortunate to find someone who was able to look past this and give him another chance.  These kids have no idea just how public this information is, nor do they have any idea who is looking at it or who downloads the information for future use. 
January 15, 2008, 10:16 am CST

MySpace Accounts

When I first heard of My Space I thought from all I was hearing it was bad news.  But I do have an account now and I have one pic of me baking in the kitchen while holding one of my babies.  That shows me in my usual mode as busy  mom.


I was going to blog on there about some of my passions (father's rights, divorce law reform, etc.) but I am too busy typing on this forum daily, LOL.  


What I have on my MySpace account would not make anyone reject me as their scout leader, employee, babysitter, etc.  It is completely tasteful.  I have thought I maybe would cancel it b/c I get request for friends on there from perverts that I have to report. 


I don't think I will let my kids have a MySpace account based on all I have seen and heard about them.  


My brother is a principal of a high school and he frequently checks out MySpace to check on the activities of his students.  A lot of their activities take place at school and he has been called to testify against students from  his school that have gang affiliations and those affiliations have been documented through their MySpace accounts.


You'd be surprised what these kids put up on the internet and how much they reveal about themselves and their friends.


I frequently look for my babysitter on there b/c he has house sat for me and watches the kids so I want to see if he has anything up that would make me doubt his ability to care for the kids while I step out.

January 15, 2008, 10:40 am CST

Substitute Teacher (1/15/08)

I'm a music lover of all sorts. I believe it's an artistic way to express your emotions, feelings and beliefs. Without words your instrument of choice can release expressions from a person that might otherwise have gone unheard. With that said, I was curious as to if the "substitute teacher" played Harry Connick, Jr., or Frank Sinatra, or even Cher related music, would it be alright posting his website? I believe the Teacher has every right to write whatever type of music inspires him. Slash, Marylin Manson, Korn, and even Madonna are incredibly talented, gifted genious' in their respective right. Selling millions of copies of their CD's, concert tickets and memorabilia, they reached out to millions of fans. Just curious as if it was his choice of music, or just music in general.

January 15, 2008, 10:50 am CST

01/15 Internet Mistakes

Quote From: kleesun

THat's the point here--the corporations are policing private lives, as well.

Or are we only allowed to have private lives behind locked doors and black-out curtains in our own homes?  Will they next want my phone records and personal email log-ins so they can see if I have contacted any controversial people or organizations?

I use MySpace to network with musicans and college friends.  That IS my private life.  I do not bring my private life into the office and I would appreciate it if my employers would, in turn, leave their professional expectations out of my personal space (at home and online).

I was going to say the exact same thing you said. I personally don't think that employers or corporations should look into the employee's (or future employees) private lives such as Myspace or Facebook as well. That's a violation of privacy. Can't they be sued for that if they (Employees) found out? It should have nothing to do with their jobs that are affecting them, or for those who are trying to apply. Just because they post some things on the Internet inappropriately, doesn't mean that they'll carry it on into the workplace.


I do feel bad for Mary, because she has no idea on what she's getting herself into. And Amanda isn't helping matters any by calling her names & degrading her.

January 15, 2008, 11:26 am CST

I'm baffled

I'm trying to figure out why some people are blasting the establishment for using what they can to get what they perceive is the best fit for their company.  Gimme a break people and help me clear up some confusion in my head.  IS there "private" life when you spread it publicly around the world on the internet?  What is private about that?   Where does private life stop and "public" life begin?  As for the substitute teacher.  YOU have the right to post and play whatever music you so choose.... and the school board has the right to determine what type of individual they want to PAY to work with their children.  What is so hard to understand about that?  Just because you are an "artist" doesn't give you a free pass in the world which says everyone has to want you employed in their district.  If you had a disability that was no "fault" of your own or a characteristic that was "not a choice" that was made, then I would be the first to stand up and say "They can't do that to you!!"  But you have rights and so do they under these particular circumstances.     Guess I'm just getting pretty tired of seeing self-seeking attention getters whining about their lot in life. 
January 15, 2008, 12:01 pm CST

They need to know...

                            These girls need to know that there future needs to be thought about. They are not thinking clearly.Someday,they may choose to go into a profession that requires a background check.I don't care how much money you may have or your daddy has.You can't hide from your past especially if it is on the internet!! So, I hope these girls understand that good times now need to be in private.In these days we have to be on guard....Act like ladies!!
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last