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Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Number of Replies: 513
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Created on : Friday, November 30, 2007, 01:44:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How far would you go to be a mother? Dr. Phil's guests are women whose biological clocks are ticking time bombs, and they're willing to risk almost everything to become pregnant. When Tonya and Keith got married, they agreed not to have children. Six years later, Tonya has had a change of heart and is now obsessed with having a baby, but Keith is totally opposed to the idea. Can they reach a compromise without resenting each other, or will the baby talk end their wedded bliss? Next, Eric and Michelle have been married over a year and have been unable to conceive. Eric refuses to spend another dime on fertility treatments because he says there's no guarantee she's going to get pregnant. Michelle won't take no for an answer and has even considered going behind her husband's back and charging fertility treatments on her credit card. After talking with Dr. Phil, will Eric decide to invest in the procedures, or will Michelle put her baby dreams on hold? And, Dr. Phil fitness expert, Robert Reames, and his wife, Arminae, share their painful five-year struggle to have another baby. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 5, 2007, 3:47 pm CST

We're just all different.

Quote From: princessgina

Unless their is a health reason I can't undertsand why people would on purpose choose not to have kids. Kids are a blessing from God in my opinion. Kids put up for adoption should be sent into loving homes of people who can't have any kids.

I have 2 kids(grown). I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I reached an age(around 25) when I had a yearning for a baby. It was not something I consciously decided. It just happened. My husband wanted kids too,so there was no disagreement.

 Having said that, I can absolutely understand that there are people who just simply do not desire children. I don't think they should have to justify that decision.

I can certainly see where there would be a problem if one spouse wants a child and the other does not. And I have known of marriages that dissolved for that very reason.

I expect that if one half of a couple realizes that the 2 of them are not in agreement about having children, then they probably should not get married.

There's not much of a way to compromise.

December 5, 2007, 4:05 pm CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Whether or not you want children is something two people should talk about before they marry.


 It's sad and sick to hear of a woman who is married to someone who refuses to have biological children with her if that's something she desperately wants. I don't have children yet, but I can't imagine the devastation of someone hitting menopause while waiting around for an insensitive husband to change his mind. Life is too short. If a woman wants children and her husband refuses, I'd say that's a "deal breaker" and instant grounds for divorce.


Women are on borrowed time with procreation. A man can change his mind at 70 if he suddenly decides he wants children.

After menopause, and woman has lost her chance for biological children forever.



December 6, 2007, 6:48 am CST


      If the wives are desperate to have a child to love and raise, why don't they consider adoption?  If they have had the money for fertilzation clinics, they should have enough for adoption.  Is it really wanting a child or feelng good about themselves?  Why hasn't Dr. Phil suggested this?

December 6, 2007, 6:54 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Quote From: lmtoot

We're not talking about animals!

People are not forced to breed.  That is rediculous and that is not what the woman was saying.  There are unwanted children in foster care who need a perminant home. There are babies up for adoption. 

December 6, 2007, 7:02 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

I am 27years old, and have been with my boyfriend for four years.. The thing is at the start of the relationship I didnt t hink I wanted a kid, I mean I was younger and thinner and only thought about living MY life. Well now the time has went on and I have no grown so in love with this man we have decided that we will stay together, now I also have decided that I have seen him with his 3 kids, and well he is 15years older than, and his kids are grown, and I want that experience. The joy of bearing his child. THe struggles and the pleasures that may come along, and he has said he didnt want anymore, but I have heard him say that if he could have gone back and done it all with me he would in an instant. I just dont know how to talk to him about my need. I want a child, I want to feel that love, that joy, I want to feel what its like to know tht him and I made that out of love. I have told him many scary things from time to time, but really his kids are having kids now and I just dont think he would want to start over at his age, but I know I want a child, I dont feel right, I have this great man this pretty great life, I mean things could always be worse, but this I have been thinking about for a while now, and I still havent figured out a way to tell him I want a child, and I havent done anything behind his back, I would never do anything like that to him I love him and know he loves me too and would have the same respect for me.. Anyone out there with any advice?


December 6, 2007, 7:16 am CST

There is hope

I struggled to have a baby for 2 1/2 years. I always assumed that it would be easy for my husband and I to have a baby. But after three miscarriages I was devastated and hopeless. After much thought, prayer, and discussion with my husband we both realized that we needed to do whatever it took to have a baby. We went all out, pursuing adoption and fertility treatments simultaneously. We took out a home equity line of credit to cover the costs, and even considered selling our home. We both knew that we could always make more money and that on our death beds we would not care how big a house we had or how much money was in our bank account. What matters is family. What happened next was nothing less than a miracle. 3 days after turning in our adoption profile a birth mother chose us. We brought home Isaac, the most beautiful 2 week old baby ever, 3 days later. Two months later we became pregnant and after nine stressful months of prayer we had a healthy, perfect boy (on 7/7/07). Our boys are 11 and a half months apart. They are so amazing and precious. My husband and I feel so blessed. For anyone going through the hell of infertility, just know that there is life and happiness on the other side. To anyone who is afraid of adoption, it has been the best experience. There came a point where I realized that all I wanted was to be a mom. It did not matter if I carried the baby in my belly or not. I love both my children more than anything. Both children are miracles and blessings. I feel like our struggles have meaning because they brought us Isaac.
December 6, 2007, 7:25 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Quote From: drendo1

      If the wives are desperate to have a child to love and raise, why don't they consider adoption?  If they have had the money for fertilzation clinics, they should have enough for adoption.  Is it really wanting a child or feelng good about themselves?  Why hasn't Dr. Phil suggested this?

For people struggling with infertility, making the choice to pursue adoption is difficult and scary. It can feel like you are admitting failure. There are fears of all the things that can go wrong with adoption. I had trouble with infertility and when someone first suggested adoption to me it just made me cry. It was like they were telling me to give up. After months of prayer and thought I was able to realize that adoption wasn't failure or an option of last resort. Adoption is just another way of achieving your dream of becoming a parent. I couldn't come to this realization until I was ready.
December 6, 2007, 7:28 am CST

adoption vs biological

Quote From: drendo1

People are not forced to breed.  That is rediculous and that is not what the woman was saying.  There are unwanted children in foster care who need a perminant home. There are babies up for adoption. 

I would like to know if you have any children, and if so are they biological or adopted?

So many people, who have biological children of their own mind you, make ignorant comments and just say "Oh what's the big deal, if you can't procreate then why not adopt?...there are sooooo many children in need in this world who need a loving home".

Couples (especially women) that are going through infertility have just about heard it all... and minimizing their problem and trying to fix it with any easy solution is not fair to them. Adoption is just as emotionally draining and expensive.

December 6, 2007, 8:18 am CST

Buying Eggs??

I could not belive how much people are charging for their eggs.  Lord not many can afford that.  I would give mine for free, I don't need them...

And adopting prices are crazy.  My husband and I so wanted to adopt but we can not afford it.  It is crazy we can afford to have another baby but, not adopt.  I am adopted and really wanted to adopt a child.   If these children need homes then why make it so familys can adopted. 
December 6, 2007, 8:28 am CST

12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Why is it always the guy who has to change his mind?  These women knew when they got married that their husbands didn't want kids, and now they resent them.  Well, nobody forced you to marry him!  Be honest with yourself--if you think there's any chance you might change your mind, it needs to be brought up before the wedding.  People should be allowed to not want children and not browbeaten for it.

Have these women considered adoption?  Fostering?  *Must* it be a biological child (do they love kids, or is it an egotistical need to replicate themselves?).  A friend of mine married in her late 30's and, rather than risk the complications of late pregnancy, she and her husband adopted.  Another couple adopted after having a stillborn child.  Another adopted a child as a single mother.  That their new babies are not DNA-related to them doesn't matter: They are their parents.  They didn't fail and there is nothing wrong with them, and three little girls who would otherwise be parentless now have families that adore them and wanted them very, very, badly.

I also want a family but I'm 30 and totally single.  I don't want to have a child out of wedlock and cannot afford to raise one on my own.  Some of us don't get to have biological children.  I'm trying to get used to the idea that I may never even have a husband to make children of my own an option.  Yeah, it's lonely.  If I end up marrying later and we decide we want kids, adoption will be my preferred option, without any hesitations.

I am also mystified that people who insist that children are a blessing from God do not, conversely, consider that not being able to have children might also be part of God's plan.  Maybe His plan is for some of us to take in children in need, or to do some other great thing with our lives.  (I'm not saying children aren't a blessing from God, I'm just saying that all of us may not be destined to receive the same blessings.)
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