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Topic : 04/07 Will Fights

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Created on : Thursday, November 08, 2007, 07:36:51 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/13/07) Has an inheritance that seemed at first like a stroke of good fortune become a dividing force in your family? Meet four sisters bitterly fighting over their aunt’s inheritance. Virginia's original will divided her estate four ways: Pat, Linda and Barbara would each receive $10,000 and Carol, the youngest, would get the remainder of the trust -- approximately $400,000. But the inheritance was split six ways to include Linda’s two kids after Aunt Virginia went to live with Linda. Barbara says she can’t imagine why her aunt would change the trust unless Linda manipulated her. Does Barbara have a case against her sister, or is she just being the family troublemaker? Their mother, Fran, drops a bombshell about the real reason the will was changed. Then, Sondra says she and her husband, Patrick, fight constantly since they blew his $100,000 inheritance in less than a year. After purchasing five new cars, a new TV and furniture, they can’t afford to pay for their daughter’s college tuition. How can this couple end the battle over the buck? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 8, 2008, 3:36 pm CDT

personal loss

Quote From: cndrlla

Yes, I am also glad I didn't fight with my brother or sister, too! We lost our brother in a terrible car accident on Christmas Eve 1995....I would have hated to have been at odds with him when he died..especially over stupid stuff like material things or money!  tomorrow is promised to no one...you need to treasure each moment you have with loved ones...you never know! The only thing that comforts me is the fact that the last words I said to my brother before he died were: "I love you." It's the way I end each visit with EVERYONE I love, whether in person or by phone..or email!

 

Love each other while you have each other... money and material things mean NOTHING!!

 so sorry for your loss. you have a beautiful attitude though,
 
April 8, 2008, 3:39 pm CDT

Juridiction defeats Justice

 My trustee sister has moved my mother out of state effectively defeating legal jurisdiction over the family trust.   My father is deceased and my mother is afflicted with severe Alzheimer's and dementia and my trustee sister refuses to have mom declared incapacitated, and continues to say mom wants this or that.

My sister claims that my mom wants to gift certain things to only my sisters and their children, amazing as my mother has severe dementia and Alzheimer's.  My mother's things that have gone missing include:

    * the use of my mothers Palm Springs home was given to my twenty year old niece and her husband (my sister says this is what mom wanted though it is inconsistent with my mother's behavior her entire life and I am convinced that my mother is unaware that she even owns a home.  Recently these young 19-20 yr olds have been using mom's house as a venue to host multi-level pyramid marketing parties for a travel scheme.  They irresponsibly gave out her address and gate codes to the community on the internet.).
    * my mom's specially equipped handicapped van was given to my brother (he's not physically handicapped)
    * My mother's jewelry was always being discussed as a point of contention among my sisters-- they must've worked it out because they're both quiet now.
    * furniture etc. has been gifted to my other sister also a trustee
    * no accounting has been done of household or personal items to date.

My sister has repeatedly told me "that if I don't like the way she is handling things I can prove it in court" of course that's not possible because of jurisdictional issues.  The Ohio adult protective service suggested I get an attorney ( my mom has been moved to Ohio by my sister , we have no family or other interests there.) however jurisdictional issues immediately arise as the trust is in California and an Ohio attorney could not represent me in Ca. and vise versa, effectively defeating all legal systems.

Several months ago both of my sister-trustees have started saying, "There will be nothing left."  Or "Anyone who disagrees is OUT."  I would tend to believe that they can get away with whatever they want as the government and lawyers don't seem able or want to get involved.

I have seen a lot about Financial Elder Abuse on the internet and how serious a crime it is, and how it should be reported, etc-- but no one seems to want to listen when it is blatantly occurring.

My parents worked hard their entire lives and decided to retire in style in sunny California.  Why my sister can uproot my mother and force her to live in Ohio-- is infuriating.  My mother has a house in CA and has the resources to have full-time in home care.

I know my father would want me to fight on my mother's behalf...what to do?

I like that Dr. Phil spotlights these will/trust issues...it's a pretty complex and emotional subject that includes grief, unrealistic expectation, sibling rivalry, and don't forget grown adults still rebelling against their parents.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
 
April 8, 2008, 8:23 pm CDT

That Addition...

As far as the  "smell test" that Dr. Phil referred to with regards to the addition on Linda's house I could not agree less.  Did the aunt pay rent?  Any idea how much nursing homes cost in central new york?  I do.  I work at one.  $4,000 a month is nothing for this type care.  Paying for an addition on the house to keep your family member at home is not too much to ask.  Linda- I think that it was very good of you to take care of your aunt during the end of her life.  You will receive blessings that far surpass 70,000 dollars!   And her entire estate was not eaten up by a nursing home. 
 
April 8, 2008, 11:59 pm CDT

The love of money is the root of....what???

 No amount of money could ever EVER replace time with a loved one.
These fights are about something else entirely.
Life is SHORT, people! Is this really how you want to spend it???
 
April 9, 2008, 5:32 am CDT

04/07 Will Fights

Quote From: ramair

I made this point after the show originally aired. And, I'm making it again. Patrick inherited more than a cabin from his father. He inherited his father's lack of money management skills. Patrick was left with a cabin with $70,000 still owed on it. And, apparently, no savings with which to pay it off. And, due to their lousy credit history, no one was willing to lend them that $70,000. So, they sold them cabin for $100,000, probably only half of what was worth, and blew the money. I suspect Patrick's father didn't instill good money management skills in him.
You know people are so bold.... I work my ass off.... I bring home (3) times as much as my husband that is why he works two jobs! Patrick is very difficult to live with....especially if he doesn't get his way.The Dr. Phil staff experienced this when we didn't get to stay an extra day in Hollywood! We were told by an attorney to spend the money as fast as possible or the court would take it! Pat's dad was wonderful and saved every dime.... he just didn't believe he was going to die....and didn't prepare things like they should have been! The house was going to be taken....Pat runs things... or everyone is put through hell, don't let the "Mr. Nice guy" fool you. 
 
April 9, 2008, 6:41 am CDT

04/07 Will Fights

Quote From: prettyktty2001

its sad that these women are fighting over the money their aunt left them. they should be supporting each other at this time they lost someone they loved and instead of embracing each other they are fighting about money. I'm embarrassed for them.
  It's not always about the money.  It's about the criminal activity to obtain the money.  You lose trust with your family members.  If a will had been changed and Linda knew this and that her aunt was seeing an attorney since she offered one she knew.  She should of let this information be known to her sisters then instead of later.  Things that come out later and that are secret are not to be trusted. 
 
April 9, 2008, 6:46 am CDT

04/07 Will Fights

Quote From: fromthesquare

As far as the  "smell test" that Dr. Phil referred to with regards to the addition on Linda's house I could not agree less.  Did the aunt pay rent?  Any idea how much nursing homes cost in central new york?  I do.  I work at one.  $4,000 a month is nothing for this type care.  Paying for an addition on the house to keep your family member at home is not too much to ask.  Linda- I think that it was very good of you to take care of your aunt during the end of her life.  You will receive blessings that far surpass 70,000 dollars!   And her entire estate was not eaten up by a nursing home. 
  It was brought up on one of the morning shows it costs just under $6,000. yearly to care for the elderly.  I hate when people make up reasons how the money is better in their pockets than the nursing homes.  Believe me there's always a hidden agenda and it profits the person conducting it.  It's always automatic that it must be about the money.  We should be looking at charges for people that take advantage of the elderly and make them accountable.  This especially happens when someone has dementia and altzheimers.
 
April 9, 2008, 10:29 am CDT

04/07 Will Fights

Quote From: wc2008

  It was brought up on one of the morning shows it costs just under $6,000. yearly to care for the elderly.  I hate when people make up reasons how the money is better in their pockets than the nursing homes.  Believe me there's always a hidden agenda and it profits the person conducting it.  It's always automatic that it must be about the money.  We should be looking at charges for people that take advantage of the elderly and make them accountable.  This especially happens when someone has dementia and altzheimers.

you have to tell me where an elderly person with dementia can get care for under $6000 a year.

that is an outrageous thing to say.  have you ever had to find a place for an elderly person with dementia?

 

i had to find a place for my mother.  she had dementia and high blood pressure.  she needed someone to help her remember her meds and keep her safe. i found her a spot in a family group home, they took every cent of her social security ($1600 per month) and the residents were all terrified of the homeowners.

 

they fought all the time, making my mother uncomfortable and uneasy.  she was scared and begged me to take her out.  the residents were not  shown any respect unless someone was watching.

 

i hope my mother has forgiven me for putting her in there.  she was happier and less stressed in my small apartment and weekly care from a social service agency. 

 
April 9, 2008, 11:30 am CDT

Recheck That Figure

Quote From: wc2008

  It was brought up on one of the morning shows it costs just under $6,000. yearly to care for the elderly.  I hate when people make up reasons how the money is better in their pockets than the nursing homes.  Believe me there's always a hidden agenda and it profits the person conducting it.  It's always automatic that it must be about the money.  We should be looking at charges for people that take advantage of the elderly and make them accountable.  This especially happens when someone has dementia and altzheimers.
Not to be argumentative  BUT I  think the figure was 6,000 dollars monthly- not annually.  Listen more carefully to your morning show next time.  $500.00 a month ( $6,000 a year) won't get you a studio apt.  But if you find a medical facility willing to take you for that annual amount then hurry up and sign on the dotted line!
 
April 9, 2008, 12:55 pm CDT

I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAMILY ON TV

Boy, I thought I was watching my sister & me.  Our father died 5-5-05 and we haven't spoken since then.  Only thing different is:

1.  there was only 2 of us

2.  No will was left

3. We had to get a lawyer

4.  My sister came to my house at night way after the funeral - & hit me on my front steps.

5.  My husband pay her way to come to Philly from Atlanta for the funeral and everything.

6.  She wrote me a nasty email which I still have.

7. etc.

 

We had the funeral and afterward we let the lawyer handle everything and was with us when ever we had to be together.  Since that time - we haven't spoken.  At least those sisters are speaking (even though they are yelling at each other).

 

Like Dr. Phil said - those problems of the sisters were there before Aunt Virginia just like with my sister. Our problems been there for along time but it took my father's death to make it ugly.  Dr. Phil would laugh at the letter my sister sent me.

 

Gigi

 
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