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Topic : 04/07 Will Fights

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Created on : Thursday, November 08, 2007, 07:36:51 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/13/07) Has an inheritance that seemed at first like a stroke of good fortune become a dividing force in your family? Meet four sisters bitterly fighting over their aunt’s inheritance. Virginia's original will divided her estate four ways: Pat, Linda and Barbara would each receive $10,000 and Carol, the youngest, would get the remainder of the trust -- approximately $400,000. But the inheritance was split six ways to include Linda’s two kids after Aunt Virginia went to live with Linda. Barbara says she can’t imagine why her aunt would change the trust unless Linda manipulated her. Does Barbara have a case against her sister, or is she just being the family troublemaker? Their mother, Fran, drops a bombshell about the real reason the will was changed. Then, Sondra says she and her husband, Patrick, fight constantly since they blew his $100,000 inheritance in less than a year. After purchasing five new cars, a new TV and furniture, they can’t afford to pay for their daughter’s college tuition. How can this couple end the battle over the buck? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 7, 2008, 9:29 pm CDT

Upcoming Family Will Show

I can understand your frustration. I have a story that will put the four sisters in the shade. I haven't
heard anything from the show after the first response I responded to...
 
April 7, 2008, 11:01 pm CDT

it's not about money

Here is my story. My mom is 89 and failing. She always told us that everything will be divided four ways amongst her four children. My brother moved back into the house thirty years ago, and since then has never worked, contributed, shopped, cooked, cleaned or anything. Yet she has given him the house, it's entire contents, my father's (whom my brother despised) important collection. He has gotten his name on every checkbook, piece of property, as executor, and every other area. When I try to go over and clean for her, she says no. The house is filthy, and he won't even make her a cup of tea. He waits for her to cook him dinner.

What my sister and I are upset about is that he has taken and hidden every family album, piece of memorabilia, scrapbook, family document. Anything that we felt sentimental about, including my mother's wedding dress and my parent's military uniforms and medals. These are not just his things, they should belong to all the children.

My mother has let him get away with this our whole lives, so apparently she doesn't care about our feelings either. My great-aunt left me a special ring from her sister, my grandmother. My mother took it off my finger at the funeral. And yet she is complaining that we don't get along.

It has nothing to do with money. It is about respecting the feelings of all persons involved. It is about the control issues and greed of one person, and the blind favoritism of the parent. Money is nothing, but feelings of respect and love and inclusion are quite a lot.

As far as the women on the show, Linda is nothing more than a dishonest bully, overtalking, interrupting, and staying under the radar of accessing her aunt's accounts. She got that elderly woman into her redone house (which Aunt Virginia paid for) and went to work on her. FInding her a lawyer, indeed! She found her way around everything to get the lion's share.

Barbara is being pilloried because she is the one who clearly believes in honesty and justice. If she were as corrupt as Linda, she would have taken the windfall and been quiet. Instead she chooses to stand up for what is right, and that's commendable. That clears her right there of the charge of greed.

When Dr. Phil got to that point, where he said, "you ended up with more" and she said, "it's about what's right", when the bully butted it to dilute that point, Dr. Phil should have stopped her.

It's all about money and control for Linda. It's about justice and fairness for the other three, and as usual in this world, they lose. Sometimes a relationship with a sister is not worth more than anything, like your self-respect and integrity.
 
April 8, 2008, 2:27 am CDT

Assuming that she's saving some for future medical care...

Quote From: fromthesquare

My mother is spending "our inheritance" traveling all over the country and world-- And we couldn't be happier for her!  Hopefully, when she dies, we will have nothing but loving, happy memories.

...which I hope she'll never need, all I can say is GO GIRL GO!!!!!

 

She's lucky to have a daughter like you!

 
April 8, 2008, 6:53 am CDT

Gratitude

NO relative, not even a parent, is obligated to leave others a dime in their will. Any inheritance received needs to be treated as a sacred gift to be used in ways which honor both the gift and the giver. Yes, that can include paying off debts, or some needed purchases, as long as an attitude of gratitude is present. My wife had an aunt die and leave her some money, part of which we used to trade cars. That car became "Aunt B" and in some ways it became difficult to trade it off when the time came because of the emotions attached to it.  BTW, the rest of the money was put in savings, where it still is, drawing a little interest. It seemed like the responsible thing to do with an unexpected inheritance. Fighting over money which wasn't yours to begin with is evil at work.

 

The sisters on the show need to realize their aunt could have given all of her money to a dog shelter. The bi_ches sheltered there might have appreciated it more.

 

The second couple did nothing to honor the father. Dr. Phil is right. They need to learn from this major gaffe and get some sound financial money management advice.

 
April 8, 2008, 12:38 pm CDT

People that make a living out of people that are dying

  This weeks show touch home with me.  My sister, brother and myself our not speaking to our three older half sisters.  My second from the oldest sister took in my mom in 1997.  Two years prior my mom(divorced years earlier) had recieved an inheritance from my childless aunt for $100,000.  My sister took my my mom out to her neighbor that was a lawyer to supposebly have a Will done, so we thought.  She really had herself put on as power of attorney.  One year before she moved my mom in with her she remove the money and had it put into a mutual fund. Unknown to my mom were her activities.  My mom had dementia and the starting of altzheimers.  I live out of state and my mom came for a visit with my sister and her husband.  When we were alone to talk my mom told me of her concern that my sister wasn't doing the right thing with her money. I made my mom a promise that I would speak with my aunt and get to the bottom of things.  After much discussion with my aunt my third sister was added on to oversee all activities.  I was told when you have dementia you become paronoid and that this was nothing more than this.  As time went on I wanted to trust things were done right.  You always hear things like this happens in families.  Another red flag should of been when my brother- in- law's family accused him and my sister of doing the same thing years earlier to his mother and father.  Our concern at the time was for my moms well being.  We sat back and watched as my sister added on twice to her house.  In the meantime we were always assured there was a will.  My mom unfortunately passed after nine years.  I felt she was finally free as she never cared for my sister who took care of her.  My sister never wanted to work.  And she collected my moms hard earned social security and was state paid to take care of her.  I came up often never forgetting a birthday or mothers day.  If my mom went into the hospital for anything we were never informed until we found out on our own.  I offered numerous times to spend my vacation time caring for my mother so my sister and husband could take some time off.  I was refused but my two sisters came in and cared for her.  My sister and brother and I were sat down for a fake Will reading following my mother's passing.  My mom's pocessions were put in a yard sale and not asked would we like something.  My main concern was my pictures I had given my mom over the years(which I never recieved).  It all came to a head when I made a trip north and contacted a lawyer I once had and he told me to make a trip to the court house to see if a Will was ever on record.  The answer was no.  He did me a favor and called and asked directly to my sister if there was a Will and she said she was the power of attorney and she would do what she wanted to do.  How my other two half  sisters came into play is my sister paid them off.  I wished I would of went further with the information my mom had given me.  I feel my letting them know how I feel now makes up for not doing the right thing by my mother.  She died without anyone ever really taking her concerns seriously.  As for my sister and brother we are all closer now and know we weren't a part of this.    And my half sisters they will  have to answer later for their greediness.  My nieces and nephews are now starting to come around and ask questions.  Naturally my sisters told them we were the bad guys.  I explained what had really happened only if they wanted to know.  I believe in a person having bad carma and I do believe in what comes around goes around.  I will stay close to my nieces and nephews and hope I outlive my sisters so I can get back my pictures if they are still available.  And hope one day when the money is gone that they feel a sense of loss for loss of family.

 
April 8, 2008, 12:59 pm CDT

04/07 Will Fights

Quote From: kec132

 Patrick lost his dad. He was grieving - and that was not addressed by either his wife or Dr. Phil. To the wife it sounds like the money was viewed as a windfall - and she forgot to see that her husband was in the middle of an emotional loss. That's why he spent the money, question is why wasn't she mature enough to see that they needed to take a step back?  And why wasn't this aspect of the problem addressed? Of course Sondra wants to move on - this way she doesn't have to face up to fact that she let herself and her husband down.

Dr. Phil is famous for saying you can't change what you don't admit -- well this was and is a problem here -- Patrick is depressed - he's lost his dad, in his grief and immature way of dealing with it blew his dad's legacy with the willing help of his wife, his helpmate. Now the guy is working two jobs - I'd like to know what the wife is doing to help now? Is she working part-time in evenings or on weekends even one day a week to help him?

They both seem like nice people and a nice couple - but they need to face the fact that both of them played a part in thiis and that both of them let each other and their family down - Patrick didn't do this alone - and when we are experiencing grief as he did we hope and pray that our mate is there to steady us - to take the lead for a while cause we're overcome by grief.
I made this point after the show originally aired. And, I'm making it again. Patrick inherited more than a cabin from his father. He inherited his father's lack of money management skills. Patrick was left with a cabin with $70,000 still owed on it. And, apparently, no savings with which to pay it off. And, due to their lousy credit history, no one was willing to lend them that $70,000. So, they sold them cabin for $100,000, probably only half of what was worth, and blew the money. I suspect Patrick's father didn't instill good money management skills in him.
 
April 8, 2008, 1:02 pm CDT

things can be done right

I am very suspicious of Linda.  I must mention my mother who took care of her elderly  brother when he was near the end.  He would ask her if he should change his will, and she would tell him she wouldn't advise him on this -- he needed to follow what he thought was best.  He had made his will out when his wife was alive and all their assets were to be split evenly between all their siblings.  My mother was in a place where she could have easily influenced him, but she wouldn't.  (There were some people who were working on him, saying his wife was dead and he could change the will now.)
When he died his assests were split evenly, even to those he hadn't heard from in years.  This was to honor his wife.  Concerning the houses's contents, a sale was done managed by a professional, where everyone could take turns choosing items to buy, the items were sold and the proceeds split.  Everything was very amicable.  I am very proud of my mother -- my Uncle really relied on her to manage his life, and she didn't take advantage of this position.  This is how things were done when my grandmother died also - very fairly.  It helped that a will was left that evenly distributed things.

I have a feeling Linda took advantage of a person who was in a fragile state.  Of course a lot is unknown, we only see a small snippet of their life.  Linda just really appeared to be a bitter unpleasant person, who wanted to stake her claim, maybe she felt she was short changed as the oldest, and wanted a recognition.  I feel this show needed a whole hour, I felt Dr. Phil just dug up a lot of dirt, but did little to help resolve/heal.  If Linda was lying about Carol asking for money, I too would be very upset if I was Carol.  He said they needed to make peace, but what if Linda is a toxic dishonest person, should Carol really trust her again?  .. or vice/versa.   I would be really insulted if someone lied about me (If that is the case.)  I think sometimes toxic relatives do need to be avoided to avoid pain/hurt feelings.  If a person isn't honest and is lying about me and doesn't admit to it, I don't think I will invest anymore of my life with them, because more of the same is bound to follow.  I wonder why he didn't do a lie detector test, or does he feel you should forgive a relative no matter what.
 
April 8, 2008, 2:02 pm CDT

04/07 Will Fights

Quote From: ramair

I made this point after the show originally aired. And, I'm making it again. Patrick inherited more than a cabin from his father. He inherited his father's lack of money management skills. Patrick was left with a cabin with $70,000 still owed on it. And, apparently, no savings with which to pay it off. And, due to their lousy credit history, no one was willing to lend them that $70,000. So, they sold them cabin for $100,000, probably only half of what was worth, and blew the money. I suspect Patrick's father didn't instill good money management skills in him.
I agree totally with the comment you posted after the original air date. I felt so badly for Patrick, because it was obvious he was still hurting from the loss of his father. I also feel for his children, especially his daughter who is concerned about paying for college-- I have been there!! I hope things have been better for their family over the last five months.
 
April 8, 2008, 2:25 pm CDT

Will fights

This show came so close to home for me.  I have dealt with what happens when money is involved.  I am retired with many health challenges.  I was married to my children's father for 28 years when we got a divorce. I really attempted to make that marriage work, but there was always another in the marriage. In short, he always cheated on me.  When I left that marriage it was the hardest thing I ever did.  I still loved my husband dearly and I know in his own way he loved me.  After the divorce he said he would love me forever and understood why I divorced him, and maybe when we were older we would be together again. He also told me he left a small insurance policy in my name and everything else would go to the children.  I moved on with my life and remarried.  My children's father was killed in a plane crash ten years ago.  Both my children became very angry at me because I would not turn over the insurance money to them.  I paid for their father's funeral, burial, cemetary plot, and also purchased a grave marker for my ex husband's parents grave.  The rest I donated to charity.  The amount that I received was $14,000.  Because I did not give it to them they said they would never speak to me, and they didn't for 6 years.  My new husband went to them and pleaded for them to be in my life again.  Well..they were until it was found out I was on a pension plan that left to me aprrox. $100 a month.   When I went to my first husband's work they told me he did this for me, it was not a mistake.  Well...my children told me again that they would never speak to me if I did not write them each a check for $50 a month for the duration of this pension.  My son also told me that I had more to lose this time, a grandson, and I am not allowed to see him.  I thought about this long and hard, and came to the decision to keep the money.  I just did not like the fact that my children felt that they could bully me into giving them the money. But now, again I have no contact with my children and my grandson. I knew their father thought he was doing a kind thing for me out of love, but my children made this into a family division that I don't know if ever can be repaired.  Each of them was given over $75,000 but I guess they felt that was not enough.
 
April 8, 2008, 2:25 pm CDT

Will fights

This show came so close to home for me.  I have dealt with what happens when money is involved.  I am retired with many health challenges.  I was married to my children's father for 28 years when we got a divorce. I really attempted to make that marriage work, but there was always another in the marriage. In short, he always cheated on me.  When I left that marriage it was the hardest thing I ever did.  I still loved my husband dearly and I know in his own way he loved me.  After the divorce he said he would love me forever and understood why I divorced him, and maybe when we were older we would be together again. He also told me he left a small insurance policy in my name and everything else would go to the children.  I moved on with my life and remarried.  My children's father was killed in a plane crash ten years ago.  Both my children became very angry at me because I would not turn over the insurance money to them.  I paid for their father's funeral, burial, cemetary plot, and also purchased a grave marker for my ex husband's parents grave.  The rest I donated to charity.  The amount that I received was $14,000.  Because I did not give it to them they said they would never speak to me, and they didn't for 6 years.  My new husband went to them and pleaded for them to be in my life again.  Well..they were until it was found out I was on a pension plan that left to me aprrox. $100 a month.   When I went to my first husband's work they told me he did this for me, it was not a mistake.  Well...my children told me again that they would never speak to me if I did not write them each a check for $50 a month for the duration of this pension.  My son also told me that I had more to lose this time, a grandson, and I am not allowed to see him.  I thought about this long and hard, and came to the decision to keep the money.  I just did not like the fact that my children felt that they could bully me into giving them the money. But now, again I have no contact with my children and my grandson. I knew their father thought he was doing a kind thing for me out of love, but my children made this into a family division that I don't know if ever can be repaired.  Each of them was given over $75,000 but I guess they felt that was not enough.
 
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