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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 465
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 12:00:07 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-schoolers and school age kids.

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November 8, 2008, 11:17 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: neesa111

hi, I am a 25 year old mother of two girls, I have been through a lot in the last 8 years , One of them being abused by my oldest daughters father and after him spending 4 months in jail and doing anger management we are back together and he no longer hits me but now he is so unaffectionate and he blames him going to jail on me.  while he was in jail i had had another daughter from another guy and we lost touch while i was pregnant, and when i found him he had a girlfriend but i still care very much about him and have asked my oldest daughters father to leave but he won't and i don't want to get the police involved as my children have seen enough of them how do i make this man understand without a confrintation that this relationship is over and how do i help my kids to deal with him moving out i need him gone asap, as i need to move on with my life. Please help i can't take the insanity anymore and my kids don't need to start seeing us argue.  
If you rent and have a lease why don't you just move when the lease is up. Since he is legally the father to one of your girls he will have to know where you are moving to but you can just make it clear that he is not moving with you...
January 26, 2009, 8:37 pm CST

12 Yr old will not stop peeing her pants

I have had this child to Urologists, her pediatrician, a neurologist and three different psychiatrists.  She will not stop peeing her pants.   Urologist said her bladder size and shape is normal, functioning normally.  Neurologist tested her(EEG, Epilepsy, sleep study) all normal, three different psychiatrists said she does it just to do it, to show she has control.  Control over what? The child has a normal happy life always has.  She's not abused.  The one psychiatrist used her as a guineau pig, even prescribing zoloft which gave her suicidal thoughts. This has been going on forever.  We started the Doctors at 7 years old, and 5 years later no progress. Still the same,  we do not allow her to wear underwear anymore she wears pull ups and she pees in them, she doesn't wipe, sometimes she will #2 and not wipe. She doesn't clean herself up afterwards either, we have to tell her to go clean herself up.  Her grades in school are pitiful, teachers always complain she doesn't pay attention, she rips up paper, she eats crayons out of the shared communtiy box in the classroom(no she is not in special Ed). Can anyone PLEASE help. PLEASE.  Why won't she stop.  I'm in the DFW area in TX.
January 29, 2009, 3:55 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: tammyo1973

Have you had him in therapy? 


 I would say they are some underlying mental issues with regards to your divorce. 


I would ask these questions... was he bedwetting before the divorce? If so has it gotten worse? 

Does he have any tpe of delays emotionally or mentally? 


If you think the wetting has gotten worse since the divorce I would seek a child psychologist for him to work on his issues. Most children internalize issues such as divorce and it can reak havoc on their whole system.  


Also if you are uncomfortable with your pediatrician's advise ask to havea referral to a child urologist.  

Hope this helps a little 


Maybe you can try getting him up before you go to bed so he can use the bathroom!

My son is 4yrs and I have to do this for him because he will do the same thing!  I know there is a big age differs but it may help till you get some more help from the dr!

Sorry I do know how much work it is!
April 28, 2009, 5:19 pm CDT

Parent putting kids in the middle

There is someone I am having a hard time dealing with.  Basically I am avoiding her as best I can but  just knowing she is there when I have to pick up my kids after school is all it takes to really mess with my mood.  Next week there is a mothers day event and I am afraid the whole time ill be annoyed that im in a room with her and I wont be able to enjoy myself.  I would like some advice on how to let it go. 

My girls have been in the same school since pre-k and there has never been any conflict with anyone, I have not been told of any issues with behavior, and my kids seem to get along well with everyone and have a lot of friends. 

I am pretty quite.  If I get to know people I get more comfortable talking with them, otherwise I don’t really know what to say to people I don’t know.  I have to pick up my girls at school, there aren’t buses where I live.  I have a few ladies I am friendly with but mostly I stay by myself and get my kids and go home.  I had a sleepover birthday for my daughter and started talking to one of the moms.  We became fast friends with kids the same ages and us being the same age and husbands who seemed like they would get along well.  Well, there were two main arguments between us in the few months we were close. 

There was one time when she asked if my oldest daughter could sleep over.  She was also having a sleepover with a girl in my younger daughters class.  I asked her about my younger daughter coming there and her daughter coming to my house and she said no.  My cousin was having a party for her son and I wasn’t going to go.  My aunt ended up calling me and talking me into going.  My older daughter didn’t know about the sleepover and asked if she could stay at her cousins.  I told her I had said she would sleep over her friends and she said she wanted to stay with her cousin.  So I let my friend know my daughters not coming and she goes off and says I was doing it because she didn’t let my younger daughter stay at her house instead.  Then wants me to feel bad and says her daughters crying and thanks a lot.  There is this back and forth with angry texting  for a few hrs. 

Then a few weeks later she calls and tells me about her daughter coming home upset about my daughter and this has been going on for a while now and she tried to talk to my daughter before but now she has had it and my daughter was uninvited to the birthday party her daughter just invited mine to.  So I call her and I ask her first when she spoke to my daughter and she says that when our daughters were online together talking she got on there.  I asked her why she didn’t just call me and let me know something was wrong.  She didn’t give me an answer, instead tells me that my daughter is a bully and all my kids are brats and bullys and her friends have said so too.  She says I don’t raise my kids right, and my husband just yells at them. 

We hang up with things a hot mess.  My daughter asked hers if another friend was going and said she didn’t want to go without the other friend.  So that’s why this mom uninvited my eight year old to the birthday party.  i talked about it with my daughter and she wanted to apologize.  when she finally lets her answer she says she is sorry she said she didn’t want to go.  Well I guess her mom wasn’t happy because she said she didn’t apologize for the right thing and she still can’t go. 

I have this simmering for a week.  She doesn’t come to me I don’t go to her.  I did call the teacher and ask about my daughter and am told there are no real issues.  I am getting more and more upset about her having said these things about my kids.  Finally, I say to her I need to talk to her and she says she doesn’t want to talk to me.  Well I need to talk to her and I ask her why she is taking something between us and putting our kids in the middle of it.  She says she doesn’t want to talk to me and she wants to knock me out (while she is holding her toddler).  Meanwhile her friends are next to her laughing and making faces.  So I ask them who has a problem with my kids and no one says anything. 

Now, there is something else.  While we were friendly, I got an idea from a bear she had and her husband and her were not working so I asked her if she wanted to do this with me and the idea was to sell these bears at craft shows or something.  I spend all the money on the materials and spend hours sewing these bears and then give them to her to do the stuffing and eyes.  She still has my bears.  A few weeks after the blow up, and about a month ago now, I had asked her to return the bears and she said she would.  That is the one and only time we spoke since the blow up.  I still haven’t had the bears returned to me.  It bothers me most because the time I spent sewing them.  I also paid for them. 

I go to the school and I don’t want to look at her and I don’t want her to see me.  I am so angry about this.  I am also angry at her friends.  Mainly one.  I feel so wronged by her.  I feel like she is a gossip girl and these other people I don’t know or talk to think they know something about me and it really bothers me as much as I have been trying not to let it.  If anyone has gotten this far I guess I should leave you time to respond.  Thank you dearly to anyone that can help me let go of this grudge.  If you are a parent I would think you can see how hard it is to let someone talking badly about your kids and absolutely lying about them in front of other parents go easily. 

July 2, 2009, 1:20 pm CDT

Please Help

  My 10 year old daughter was a fan of Michael Jackson. As of today I believe it's been a week since he has passed and she still cries every day. We have never had to deal with a loss and I have no idea how to ease her out of this mourning. I want to empathize with her but I am so scared of how she will deal with it when someone we actually know passes. Do I tell her it's time to let go ? Please help I really don't know how to help her grieve. Any advice would be very helpful...
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