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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7818
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 24, 2009, 8:07 am CDT


Quote From: sisterhelp

I am not worried for me but for my sister.  She has three girls all in highschool.  They are sophmore junior and senior.  She is a divorced and very worried about when they are going to go to college.  she is a wonderful mother and has participated in every aspect of their education.  When the get out of highschool she will have no finaicial help from their father.  She has struggled most of her life after the divorce.If she could get some help to eleviate her worries or at least get something for herself just for a little breather from her life,  i know you probably get many letters like this but I pray this will somehow be read by Dr. phil.  I pray all the time for her to get something a little special.Thank you very much.      

                                                                                   Kathy Gerber


Man I wish i could help, tho i can look my profile for my msn []

And ur sis or u can talk about it to me, and about Dr.phil will read this, don't worry about that annymore, he never reads annything on the forum here, it are his 'adminastrators' that write and read evrything. But if u add me i can maybe help, [i'll try]

kind regards, huNthi!
July 24, 2009, 8:12 am CDT


Quote From: blgspc

Yesterday was THE DAY my twin sister and I planned to SURPRISE my Dad with an 80th Birthday Party.

He had ONLY been lukewarm about going with us to one of his favorite Seafood places that had a party room. We never sent out a SINGLE written invitation. I just contacted people who had known him and asked them to spread the word. I then got back with those folks and got a feel for how many might come. All in all with the feedback that I got we were expecting about 30 people.

I really thought that he was going to back out at the very last minute! So, after we had decorated the party room at the restaurant including THE CAKE with the Red Roof Inn- his little shanty - where he and his men friends go to hunt, talk and cook Duck Bog- we came BACK to get my father. He seemed morose, low energy and just going with us to please my niece- his only grandchild. When we got BACK to the restaurant the parking lot was almost full.(When we had left to go fetch my father only two guests had arrived, so at that point I had been a little worried.) We had to almost drag him to the party area- he was saying, Were supposed to WAIT to be seated!. My twin sister took his hand and said, Not Necessary! When we got to the party room the 30 people we were expecting were all there with another 20 more people, ALL of the folks who had always LOVED MY Dad! They all cheered when they saw him and shouted, SURPRISE! His response almost made me cry. He broke out into a GRIN that ran from there almost to the NC Line! When I unveiled the cake I thought that the men were going to give that cake a standing ovation! My father was overwhelmed and said, "I want A LOT of pictures of THAT CAKE!" We had also, prepared a huge collage firm board poster of pictures that we scanned and blew-up of HIM from the age of 2years old -when he refused to stand up straight for my Grandma Mary- to childhood pictures of him as a skinny freckled face farm boy, to his adolescence, and pictures of him as a drop-dead-gorgeous young man in a suit AND pictures of him with his parents as a very young man. We even got pictures of him in his US Air Force uniform. We had pictures all the way up to NOW!

My sister-the talker when were together- surprised me by handing the address to all of those people over to me! When I asked her WHY she responded in her typical smart ass style, Well, you know how bashful and shy I am! Well, I was just SO relieved that we got him there that I stood up in the middle of that room and just looked at ALL of those faces of smiling people who LOVE my Dad and I thanked them from the very bottom of my heart for joining us to celebrate his 80 years on Earth!

I dont believe that I have EVER seen him smile and laugh like he did yesterday! Then, I was REALLY GLAD that we planned that whole thing. He typically AVOIDS crowds, even when its people he knows.

He was still laughing and talking about that party until he went to bed last night!


Brenda :-)

Good job, Brenda! Nice to share ur advanture with us, i enjoy'd reading it, and say him HB from me to :-)
July 28, 2009, 2:56 pm CDT


Quote From: hunthi

Good job, Brenda! Nice to share ur advanture with us, i enjoy'd reading it, and say him HB from me to :-)

Thanks, Hunthi!


I’m glad you enjoyed that and I’ll tell my Dad ‘HB’, for you!

I appreciate you comments and post.


Brenda :-)

August 17, 2009, 10:44 am CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

I have a very simple definition of authenticity - when your actions and your values are in sync.  And if they are not, your actions say more about your values than anything you say or think about them.
August 19, 2009, 9:14 am CDT

Exactly, elegantly correct!

Quote From: amabaie

I have a very simple definition of authenticity - when your actions and your values are in sync.  And if they are not, your actions say more about your values than anything you say or think about them.

The profoundest truths are very simple concepts, and this is the most succint definition I've found yet!



August 23, 2009, 6:25 am CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

hello, i'm new here. I'm also have same problem with everyone here.
August 23, 2009, 8:38 am CDT

The first step!

Quote From: robinsonstyle

hello, i'm new here. I'm also have same problem with everyone here.

To admit that you have a problem is the very first step in overcoming it!


Have you read, or are you reading SELF MATTERS?

August 31, 2009, 9:13 pm CDT

True Measure.....

Hi, All!


Dr. Phil has a topic on his Blog about girls bullying other girls and for a variety of reasons I REALLY didn’t want to post this on that Blog. The experience I’m going to share involves immature young girls and young women who DIDN’T know that the essence of ANY person CAN NOT be found in the clothes that they wear, the job they hold or how far they went in school. The true measure of a person can ONLY be found in WHO that individual is as a human being!


My twin sister and I were targeted for bullying, particularly in Junior High School. We were bullied by both males and females. There were at least three girls, who were always wearing the trendy, expensive clothes who were the very worst. Once in the Girl’s Restroom two of those girls encircled my twin sister- I wasn’t there or there might have been a different twist to that incident! They began taunting my twin sister. When they had her cornered the taller girl leered at my twin and said “Do You REALLY know how UGLY YOU ARE?!? You REALLY ARE SO UGLY! Where did ya get those picked hose and drab ugly cloth?” They just went on and on about how DREADFULLY UGLY she and her clothes were. That was their favorite thing to do during recess and it certainly wasn’t the first or last time, either of us would encounter that. In that incident at least they didn’t tear or damage what my sister was wearing and more importantly, they didn’t physically harm her. I believe that the worst thing was being corned and not being able to move passed those individuals, their insults and the verbal abuse. My twin didn’t share this particular situation with me until much, much later. That ONE particular time stuck with my sister. I don’t know why. It wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before. Maybe THAT was the day my sister became FED UP with their behavior. In those days neither of us had a lot to say to or about THOSE GIRLS!


Those girls had NO idea who MY sister was going to become!!! We both went to college and my sister went on to Grad School in San Francisco. On one of her trips BACK to SC we were driving back to the country/coastal area where we were born and raised, to visit with family. As we were traveling through the county seat-about 25 miles from my father’s home- I asked my sister if she needed to stop for any reason and she shook her head, ‘No’. However, just miles before getting to our parents home MY twin announced that she JUST HAD to stop at this little country grocery store. At the time, I didn’t really know WHY she decided to stop that close to home. Anyway we stopped at the little country store. When I walked in I saw that the person at the cash register was one of our worst girl bullies, who had enjoyed tormenting us in junior high and ninth grade. I also noticed that my twin sister had this mischievous smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye as she glanced that way. Well, my twin sister picked up a soft drink and some crackers and then she began engaging ME in this ultra ‘Clinical Talk’. We’re both in healthcare, and I believe that my twin sister used just about every single complex scientific word one can APPROPRIATELY use in a grocery store! Anyway, my twin sister continued her banter right up to that cash register and then in feigned amazement, my twin sister said , “Well, LOOK, Brenda! IT’S R*****! You remember, R*****!” and “Oh, you KNOW R***** could probably help us settle this little debate we have going!” My sister went on about some FAUX dispute we were having about ‘the clinical implications’ of SOMETHING or other IN the ‘consideration of some definitive diagnostic process(!)’ Blah, Blah, Blah! Then suddenly, my sister STOPPED threw her hand over her mouth saying, “Oh, I’m SO SORRY you never went to college DID YOU, R*****?!? I AM SO EMBARRASSED….here I was just talking completely OVER your POINTED and UNEDUCATED blonde and DINGY HEAD. Silly me!!!” Well, R***** wasn’t even slightly amused by my sister’s behavior and wanted US OUT OF THERE! As R***** was hurriedly trying to check us out. My sister continued her chatter as even I was trying to propel my twin sister towards the door! My sister finally said, “You know, R***** I’ll be thinking of you the very next time I’m in the Fashion District in downtown San Francisco. Oh, that reminds me! I’ve GOT to pick up that beautiful flowing silk skirt for my up-coming conference! R***** you DON’T KNOW how LUCKY you are to be here in….uh…..‘BUG TUSSEL’ and doing something SIMPLE like running a cash register, something that REALLY doesn’t require you to ACTUALLY THINK….AT ALL! Where EVERY DAY is dress down….I have times where I just LONG to-  like YOU - sit on a tattered ole stool, wearing a set of 30 year old flip-flops and some faded, raggedy ole jeans and just watch the dust settle….I EVEN had one of those episodes for a full THREE MINUTES about A YEAR AND A HALF AGO!!! And, THEN I SAID TO MYSELF SNAP OUT OF IT!!! You live in San Francisco and you‘re working on your Masters Degree! Get Over IT, ALREADY!” By then we were almost outside. When we finally got outside, I was just staring at my twin as she walked over to the car and climbed inside. When I got in the car I just huffed, “Now, THAT was REALLY poised, polished and professional! Wasn’t IT?!?” My twin sister had seen R***** hastily handing the register duties over to someone else as we were leaving. I said, “What you did was NO better than HER behavior, in ninth grade and junior high!” Though I REALLY didn’t HAVE to SAY anything. I could tell that my sister wasn’t proud of what she had done. She had embarrassed herself. In exacting her revenge, she had to engage in behaviors that SHE found, foolish, immature and inappropriate. My sister then recognized that she had to compromise her own sense of integrity to, ‘Get Even’! It was a hollow and embarrassing experience. The humor was HER, the way she used it to hurt EVEN R***** WASN’T, her at all! My sister had learned that she couldn’t be just down right mean-spirited and callous AND come away feeling ‘good’ about that.

My twin sister was a young 20-something year old woman at that point, in time. She wasn’t ruthless. My sister just had a VERY long memory AND a huge Ax to grind…. both she and I regret that she chose to, so publicly, grind it on and in R*****’s face!



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