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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7818
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

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July 26, 2005, 7:45 am CDT


Quote From: hisjewel

Well, it is true that you can't change what you don't acknowlede but when you look at the question, what amI not satisfied with in my life and your answer is nothingis ever good enough well haaaaaaa how in the world doI change that!!! I mean sure I know it's possible but well yeah I don't know what I am talking about. LOL
 Ask yourself this, "Who is it not good enough for?" If your answer is YOU never feel you are good enough, how did you arrive at this answer? And is it getting you what you want in life?  If it's  somebody else's voice telling you you're not good enough,  where's the truth in it? Why would you let somebody else decide if you are worthy or not? These are exactly the kinds of answers that you can find in SELF MATTERS, if you truly want to find them.
July 26, 2005, 7:47 am CDT

Finally I feel that it's over!

I started the path of living DAMAGE CONTROL. Took me 13 years to finally discovered Self Matters and it all finally came together as a nice neat little package!  I couldn't believe the fairy tale life I had created - such a victim - such a whimp!  It was everyone else that was wrong & bad!  and when I finally faced the shame & humiliation that I was living the life style I created for myself and had no one to blame but myself - I cried.


That was last spring 04.  I then practiced the tools in Self Matters and tackled all my self-destructive behaviors.  It was awful at first -- then slowly ever so slowly, I began to replace my negative self-talk with positive tapes.   I found myself challenging my thinking!  I am able now to figure out all the little tapes that I say that keeps me my from life style.


One of the hardest tapes has been the one I have with my mom.  And on Friday, 7/22, I finally heard the words I've been seeking --  sit down with her and talk to her one-on-one - no blaming, no condemning -- just be truthful about how her words hurt me.


I can do it with a friend, co-worker, whoever, but I never could do that with my mom.  I want to be an adult now.  That is how an adult behaves. 


I can finally read Weight Loss Solutions and bring closure to Key 4, Step 2 at long last.  Cause now, the only urges to eat are because I'm bored not because of the DREAD I feel when dealing or being with certain people.  Its' such a strange feeling you know.  But I'm going to get used to it really really fast!


Marcia, now living her life as an adult and not responding as an 8 year old!

July 26, 2005, 8:06 am CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Quote From: marcia52

In Weight Loss Solutions, Chapter 2 - Dr. Phil went into Goal work. I couldn't read it cause every time I've done goal work, I just lost it cause I never got it done. In 2004, my motto was: DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT so I turned to Stephen Covey's THE 7 EFFECTIVE HABITS of EFFIENCIENT PEOPLE and it was an eye opener for me. Then I spent the next few months teaching myself how to focus and do goals. The hardest thing for me to learn (and it still is) is asking myself when will I know I have reached it?

Confusion and unhappy with what's going on in your life is asign of depression. Are you seeing a therapist? See if you can locate one in your area that is into Cognitive Therapy.

yeah i have a therapist but i am about to leave for college........  i can't wait it is something i have wanted to do and it will get me out of this place......  i am going far away for college..


Thanks for sharing the book with me and well i just try to read that stuff but a lot of times and get so frustrated and want to throw it across the room....  if i get to a part and it's like no then i will be like ok just close the book for a while......  the thing is a lot of the time i never open it back up.....


i am sure i could say a lot more but i have to go i have to get get and do some things and will be back later this afternoon 

July 26, 2005, 8:07 am CDT

Time for evaluation

Quote From: sarwile

I am writing a small message on Dr Phil's message board because I am bored. Does anyone here ever just find it exhausting to live life? I have always been considered a "happy", and "fun" person. I have been married for 2 years. I am a going to school to be a Nurse practioner. I tell myself that I love it, I tell myself that I couldn't be going into a better career and that I love treating patients response to illness. Truly though I want a huge house in the mountainsthat is covered in fruit trees with a fence that is twelve feet high surrounding it. A pool, a barbeque, a million books to read and a dog by my side to keep me company. I don't like people and their infectious diseases. I actually like infectious disease more then I like people. I have no reason to dislike people except that all I see in them is sadness and the ability to be hurt. I see their ability to hurt others with acts of stupidity or just plain accidents. I think I may be depressed, but I have no functional problems yet. My husband tries to get me to talk to a psychiatrist and he makes appointments for me to see one. On my way to the appoinments I rationalize my self out of the appointment. I see the problems in me and I am scared to change them. I like me but I see the sickness in me. I see the sickness in Americans all around me. I try to tell myself that when I am done with school I will find a country with less sickness but I know there isn't one out there. I tell myself I will be happy making enough money to be comfortable on and helping people with their sicknesses and being "good" and "kind" but it won't happen. I know that good and evil are relative and that I am not a candidate for either one of them. I see my fellow students not relishing in the fact that they will soon be able to help people, but the fact that they will be making a 6 figure income soon. All of my ideals of going to school to be a health care provider have been shot in the conversations with my peers. My mind is sick, and I am tired. Maybe I will finish my degree and become a beach bum. That will make my parents proud!!!! I must sound crazy but I was just trying to define my authentic self so deal with it.

Why did you choose this line of study? Go back to your reasons, figure out what drove you to spend years of your life learning this vocation. Sometimes the motivation (desire to help others, as an example) has not been paired with the right niche. That should not stop you from finding that niche. As a teenager, I considered becoming a nurse, so I took a job as an aide to see what it would be like. I found that at that time, I was not ready for the stress of people in pain. You definitely don't get to see most people at their best. I knew that in time, I would become like some of the older nurses who had no compassion left, that handled the patients with brusque efficiency and let them know they thought they were being "babies." It takes a certain attitude to be a good nurse. If you honestly don't think you'd be a good one, just be a nurse for awhile. Be looking for a position that your education and experience will help you get into, that fits you better. There are other careers that nursing can springboard you into. My best wishes to you.
July 26, 2005, 8:12 am CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Quote From: ritehere

Ask yourself this, "Who is it not good enough for?" If your answer is YOU never feel you are good enough, how did you arrive at this answer? And is it getting you what you want in life? If it's somebody else's voice telling you you're not good enough, where's the truth in it? Why would you let somebody else decide if you are worthy or not? These are exactly the kinds of answers that you can find in SELF MATTERS, if you truly want to find them.

I know to do those things to ask myself those questions........  there is someone besides myself i feel that i will never please but you know it' just to bad i am already hard enough on me without that person adding to it.......  sure i will think aobut how they made me feel that way for a bit but i don't lthink that is what drives me to do it....  does that make since.......  there are just some people that are never happy with anything someone else does and well that's them not me......  sometimes just for a brief moment i think look at how far you've came in life, listen to all the good things people say, hear how they look up to you and are inspired by you, they think so much of you, why can't you just believe it why can't you just hold on to it........  the thing is that deep inside i know they are right but well i don't know......  i really just don't know........ 


anyway i really need to start getting ready so i can head out but i will be back later

July 26, 2005, 8:16 am CDT

In the trenches with ragged nails,

Quote From: blgspc

Ya know, when I was preparing to finalize my separation/retirement I was experiencing a bit of anxiety and apprehensiveness. I actually found myself gnawing at my nails.

Then, I began thinking of how long I've been working with the, "Just get the job done." thinking. I don't mean that I devalue the people I serve and I certainly cherish most of the people with whom I've work with, however, I sure became aware of how much respect I've lost for the 'System' in which I work!

I thought about all of the people who have been right there with me, in the trenches. That's when I said, "I'm worried about NOT being in the TRENCHES...a long narrow ditch?!?!"

I also realized that I really LOVED my job about 15 years ago. As I was being promoted and saying at the same time, "But, I REALLY want to continue to work hands-on in Nursing." So, they gave me BOTH! Acute Primary Care and Management responsibilities! I was an idiot to take on the things I've been assigned in the last ten years!

I will miss those wonderful people I work closest with over the year. (Hey, they think I'm funny!)

However, once I got clear. I grabbed my shoulder bag, with my dingy head held high and headed for the Personnel Office to file for full retirement!


Brenda :-)

It's usually the people you miss the most, because they are what made the trenches bearable long after your honeymoon period with the job is over. I'll bet they are missing that wicked sense of humor you have. I have to agree with Marcia on the 3 month thing. I read somewhere that you have to have about 3 months of aimless good times and relaxation to disconnect with the old life, come face to face with the REAL YOU, and decide, or not, what you will do with yourself from here on out. Take care, and my best to the rest of the family.
July 26, 2005, 8:19 am CDT


Quote From: jpmitford

 There's never a bad time to start. Go for it and the best of life to you.
July 26, 2005, 11:11 am CDT

Thanks Marcia!

Quote From: marcia52

As a newly retired person as of 1/1/05, the best advice I can give you is:

  1. Get a calendar and block off 3 months! Start counting backwards and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES sign up or commit yourself to anything!! You have to stop the YEARS OF BUSYiness that you are used to. Many of the folks that retired with me, signed for classes & stuff and ended up totally living the same life style. Give yourself a break ... take a vacation, whatever! For me, I chose to tacking turning my house into my home (I spent anywhere from 9-12 hours 5 days a week working - so basically, I just lived here)! I took everything out of every closet, box, whatever and went thru it. I got rid of so much crap!
  2. Walk thru house and make a list of everything you have ever wanted to do and go thru the list. Do you still want to do it? and Why?
  3. Do the same with your yard.
  4. Give yourself permission to slow down.

At firstexperienced fear - I've never known a time without working -- I retired 2 months short of my 31 years (and that doesn't include other jobs I've worked).

Is it a wonderful experience!As long as you give yourself permission to enjoy the time. Step back and BREATHE. I mean, when was the last time you had time off, got paid for months and months and months!

Funny thing, I always thought I was an afternoon person, but I'm up anywhere from 7 to 8 a.m. every day! No alarm clock! And I had to use an alarm clock to get up every morning to go to work!

WOW! You SURE you were relaxing?!? Sounds like you re-built your life! Which sounds like a good thing to sift through your home and your life and make choices that make your life more full and enjoyable!


I am always so impressed with someone like yourself. Outlining and defining exactly what is needed and WHY.


I think that so many people don't stop and fully examine the 'Why' and as a result pursue costly things that were appealing in their 20's and 30's.


I, also, wish that I had your organizational skills! I have ALWAYS lacked that. I appreciate your sitting down and listing what helped you during that time of transition!!!!


Thanks, again! Cause while I may be feeling cocky, now, I too have always worked. I can't imagine NOT working. So... If you should find me on this board in the months to come trying to locate an inexpensive buy of Cyanide or Stricnine you'll know that things didn't go exactly as planned! Ha!

Thanks again, Brenda:-)



July 26, 2005, 11:33 am CDT

Lost and Lonely

I am 69 years old and have spent almost my entire adult life wondering where I fit, in this life. I am never comfortable in social situations particularly with people that I know.  Put me in a room of more acquaintances than strangers  and it is the loneliest  place to be. Even when the event is with immediate family it can be very lonely. I just do not seem to belong.


I began "Self Matters" a year ago and got to the ages 13-20 chapter. I am trying to pick it up again. Just writing this is quite a challenge, it's as if I am afraid to find out what is in my past that could be frightening or upsetting.


I am an only child and spent most of my life with adults; high school graduate, married 50 years Oct 05, 4 children, 10 grandchildren, 10 great-grandchildren. Have been active and still active in many organizations not only as a member but also as an officer. It is also very difficult for me to complete projects; I will become very anxious, easier to put aside but then I continually worry.


Anyone there with suggestions?

July 26, 2005, 11:34 am CDT

Hey! YOU!

Quote From: jpmitford


I'm 50!!!!!!

Pay attention to the FACT that you're NOT dead, yet! That steady rise and fall of your chest is always a clue to that fact!

Then, get started on what ever it is you NEED to do!!! These folks here can help support you in that process, including ME (aka: the weird one)!

If you're stalled, examine 'Why'. I think that Dr. Phil's book, 'Self Matters', is a very good 'How to fix yourself-in 12 nifty Chapters'!!!!  Just remember that 'Self Matters' nor anything will help if you WAIT until you're in the 'BURY' Patch!!!

Think About It!!!


Brenda :-)

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