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Topic : Stress at Work

Number of Replies: 237
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:24:47 am
Author : dataimport
How do you manage stress in the workplace? How do you leave the office at the office and manage a stress-free home life? Join us to share strategies.

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February 2, 2006, 1:03 pm CST

Stress at Work

Quote From: loyalone2

Thank you so much for caring.  I'm glad there are others out there who understand my situation.  

  

Oh, in my previous post about the part where I became complacent.  I used the wrong word.  I meant disinterested.  I felt I hit a plateau or glass ceiling with my supervisor -- that I couldn't communicate my worth to him anymore  -- and as a result I temporarily stopped caring (I gave up) about my situation for a while, took classes, lived my life, and just went along with being the undervalued worker.  I didn't have another job to go to and I definitely didn't want to be unemployed so although I was grateful I had the job, I have been longing to leave for months. 

  

I hope other managers learn something from my pain.  I dealt with some awful politics a few years back when a new supervisor took over and you know, after that (that's a book, too) I deserve to be treated right! 

  

I ask myself many times:  Why me?  Why me?  Why?  Why?  Please stop this garbage!  It's enough to drive you crazy.  I just want to work and make a living!  I have no time for games.  I just want to be respected, valued, acknowledged, and most importantly compensated a reasonable salary that someone w/a BA should be making.  Because of my efforts, I deserve to be making more!  Like my previous coworker said, "you totally deserve it.  C'mon now, what is he pulling anyway?"  I abhor favoritism and backstabbing (with a smile on his face) and discriminating bosses.  

  

Once again, loyalty and dedication mean nothing.  Moving up, getting more responsibility, and receiving better pay is all about the supervisor liking you enough and if he doesn't, your doomed to remain in a go-nowhere, dead-end gig w/lousy pay even though they have the budget to pay more. 

  

Several weeks before Christmas, I had lunch with a friend who said she would be retiring either December 2005 or January 2006 from a local big name employer.  She worked there about 30 years and was telling me that the last 15 years weren't as good as the first.  I asked her why.  She told me that moving up is all about networking and schmoozing Vs loyaly, dedication, and hard work.   

  

Early January, I sent out a bunch of resumes.  Usually I never hear but then I got a "bite."  Yaay!!  Interview time!!!  The guy said in the e-mail that he liked what he saw on my resume, and asked me for my salary requirements.  After I responded, we scheduled a mutual day/time to meet. 

  

It's interesting.  The salary range I mentioned in the e-mail was fine w/him.  But to my current supervisor, I can't even get to the bottom of that range!  

  

It just shows you that there are employers out their that place enough value on employees working for them.  I wish there was some hint at the end of the interview where I can know if he's going to consider me over other candidates.  He did say to e-mail him if I have any questions.   

  

Shortly after I responded to the ad he posted on such and such website, he contacted me.  So it appears the search for a new candidate has recently begun.  I wish I had asked in the interview:  How long have you been looking to fill this position?  I got that advice from my brother.  I did ask other questions that I thought were good.  He said he's interviewing for two more weeks.  Is this a normal response or if he liked me wouldn't he get back to me right away or within a couple of days?  Plz anyone, shed some light on this mystery of interviewing. 

  

Should I handwrite, type, or e-mail my thank you note?  Have done all of them in the past but wondering which one is better. 

  

I have hardly a life because I'm spending my evenings exhausted from job hunting.  It is so true that looking for a job is a full-time job.  So it's like I have two full-time jobs.  If only I were well-connected...(sigh) 

  

The last girl who left got more respect from our supervisor but he did something that peeved her and she decided that it's time to go.  About two weeks after that she started a new job.  Now how did she find that quickly?  Because she has good connections.  I only wish I did. (sigh) 

  

I can't even enjoy a good book when I get home from work because my mind is preoccupied with this whole thing. 

  

On top of that, I assist an anal, critical, nit-picking, manipulative, and sometimes verbally abusive publicist.  That is PART 2 for another time.  Oh, is she a bag of hot & cold air and false promises.  Briefly I'd like to say that I offered my writing services and now she can't afford to pay me until she gets one or two new accounts!  I ran several errands for her after work last year and she's like, "Thank you!  Thank you!  I'll never forget this (x2)!  You're the best!  I'm going to buy you an outfit.  Blah blah blah."  It's not so much that I need the outfit, but she never did buy it for me after all I did for her!  As talented as she is, she has family problems and she takes it out on me.   It's been off and on since we met.  She claims to be in the image and tact biz but hasn't been tactful with me on many occasions!  Not everyone has a photographic memory like her.  She asked me what the guy said at the end of the interview and I was nervous, went blank and casually said, "I don't remember."  And she had a problem w/that.  Responding with a snotty, "you mean you don't remember?"  It's hard to put on paper here but she is just flatout strange.  The only reason I stay in touch and help her is because she's a good contact to have (in the industry she works in.)  Also, I can get press release clips.  She says I'm a killer writer and I know she means it!  It's not everyday I meet publicists who are willing to take a chance on me!  She used to live down my hall and that's how we met.  First friends, then I volunteered my services to help her in her PR biz (sort of like an apprenticeship), then I started freelancing.  From the beginning of our friendship/work relationship, she sensed I was hungry to do writing.  And she has been moody from the beginning.  Guess that comes along with the terriorty of running a small, one-woman show. 

  

Before that turns into a book...more later for another time. 

  

  

  

  

  

Yeah, it's pretty normal for someone who's interviewing to tell you they won't be making their decision for a week or two.  I do that all the time when I'm interviewing.  The last person I hired was the first person I interviewed and she was THE BOMB!  But upper management wanted me to present them with 5 strong candidates, so I had to keep interviewing until I'd reached their quota.  It was definitely frustrating for me because it felt like such a waste of time.  Still, I understood where they were coming from.  Besides, it ultimately showcased her even more when I presented the other candidates to the Veeps.   

  

I think typing your thank you notes is a better idea.  It's more professional - and as long as you're saying things that apply to this particular company it won't sound like a generic "form" type letter.   

  

Don't think your current company is unique in their inability to pay employees at "market value".  For whatever insane reason, most companies are like that.  I think that's why the average life span of an employee has gone from 10+ years to 3+ years.  I remember back in the days when people would retire from a company after 20 - 30 years of service.  Who does that anymore?  Now, you get in - you get your experience - and you move along.  If I left this company that I work for right now (and it's a great company), I would easily go to my next gig making $10k more than I'm making now.  I really wish more companies understood that bringing Joe in at $40k when Jane's been with the company for 5 years and is at $30k - well, that's a morale killer.  (not to mention that it could open the door to discrimination lawsuits - but that's a novel for another time!  haha)  And when your employee's morale is in the toilet - you're going to suffer more than just poor work performance.  Bad morale in one employee is bad morale in a whole lotta employees, right?  It's not like we all sit at our desks and don't complain to our colleagues and friends!   

  

I read about a progressive, forward-thinking company that gave their employees Supervisor Review forms to fill out each year.  How awesome would it be to work for a company that valued your opinions & feelings the way this company obviously does?  I read about another great company that offered unique benefits - from health, to retirement, to flexible work schedules.  And wouldn't you just guess, they have a next-to-nothing turnaround in their administrative staff.  Ain't in amazin'??   

  

So my question to the world is this.  WHY aren't there more companies like that out there in the world.  Is making top $$ really so much more important than being a socially responsible (and caring) employer??? 

  

  

 
February 8, 2006, 12:10 am CST

The Common Denominator is Me

   I have had a pattern of getting a great job, really liking it and doing well, then after 6 months to a year, things start to fall apart.  Other coworkers have complaints about my attitude, feel like I am rude or difficult to work with, etc.  I really work hard at getting along, but I am doing something wrong and I am not getting the picture on how to change my behavior for success in working relationships. 

   I recently quit a job I love because of this.  I am not sure how to make the right changes. 

  I believe this problem is related to a background of abuse in my chilhood. My mother is bipolar and abused me emotionally and physically.  This has affected my relationship with my own daughter who is now grown.  I am not trusting of women as a rule, and I am a nurse, so the majority of workers are women.  I do not make friends easily, and believe that I avoid close relationships for fear of being hurt. 

   I would like to work on this problem, because avoiding it is not working.  I need a new plan and a new attitude.  I am tired of carrying this problem and am ready to be a better person. 

 
February 8, 2006, 9:09 pm CST

UPS Stress

Hi, 

I am new to this site, and I don't know if anyone can shed light on this subject.  I have had problems with co-workers before, but this one is new to me!  I am getting stressed out by this UPS dude who stops by everyday! 

  

I work in a very small office - just 3 of us total.  The boss sits in the back office in the afternoon, the part-time layd leaves @ 1:00 p.m. and my desk is in the front, and when the UPS dude comes in in the afternoon, he "unloads" on me all this crap that UPS management is  supposedly is doing to him, and he after he tells me all this, he just looks at me with this look, that says "what are you going to do to help?", or "tell me what to do" sort of look!  And usually it's a real sad look.  Right away I am thinking, "I gotta come up with something fast", "He wants some sort of reply".  So I would usually ask something. 

  

The whole month of January, which is generally my busiest month, he complained to me every day to the point to where I couldn't eat, sleep, and I was worried about this guy all the time - figure that one out!  I was able to "keep it together" every day at work, after he left the office, and I would "unload" every night on my husband and kids!  Check this out, I generally don't get panic attacks, but by the Friday of the week before he went on vacation, just the site of the UPS truck outside my office window set me into a panic attack, and then when he was done with me, I was craving a beer so bad, I almost left my desk and went to the nearest liquor store to get one!  That's sick! 

  

I should have told this guy that I didn't want to hear it anymore, and that it was making me a nervous wreck, but my boss said I have to be respectful to everyone, and I assumed that included the UPS man and mail man, since they are the only two whoever come in during the day! 

  

The only week I got rest fromt his guy is the week he went on vacation, and I couldn't relax because I was worried about what would happen when he came back! 

  

Sure enough after he came back the crap started all over again.  I got pissed last THursday and told him he was telling me lies, and he denied he was doing that!  Last Friday I set him up and had my husband come to the office, and I introduced the two of them, and then I said to my husband, "Dear, this is the guy I have been telling you about, the one who whines to me all the time!" That pissed the guy off, and this  guy accused my husband of filing a complaint with UPS against him! 

  

Monday of this week, he told me when he brought me a delivery, that for sure he was getting fired because of the complaint my husband filed!   That pissed me off, and I followed him down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk and we talked about a bunch of stuff.  I told him not only had my husband filed a complaint, but I did too, which is true.  He then begged me to drop both of them, which I didn't want to do, but I did.  I made him promise that he would not complain to me anymore, and to come talk to me in the afternoon, so we could come up with a plan.  He showed up early just as I got back from my break, and he was talking to my boss, and refused to speak to me!  My boss made me drop both complaints. 

  

Tuesday, he wouldn't speak to me, and today (Weds), I said "hi", and asked if he was speaking to me.  He just ignored me, and ran off!  It was so odd. 

  

What's sad here, is that I don't look at this guy as a "man" but as a "child". 

  

Tomorrow I am going to apologize for the complaints, and see if we can still be friends.  Frankly, I think I have done more than enough for this guy, and I don't get anything out of it! 

  

Does anymore have any other suggestions?!  I have never been in such an odd place before! 

  

Thanks for listening. 

 
February 9, 2006, 3:10 am CST

this is what I do

Quote From: meandkt

   I have had a pattern of getting a great job, really liking it and doing well, then after 6 months to a year, things start to fall apart.  Other coworkers have complaints about my attitude, feel like I am rude or difficult to work with, etc.  I really work hard at getting along, but I am doing something wrong and I am not getting the picture on how to change my behavior for success in working relationships. 

   I recently quit a job I love because of this.  I am not sure how to make the right changes. 

  I believe this problem is related to a background of abuse in my chilhood. My mother is bipolar and abused me emotionally and physically.  This has affected my relationship with my own daughter who is now grown.  I am not trusting of women as a rule, and I am a nurse, so the majority of workers are women.  I do not make friends easily, and believe that I avoid close relationships for fear of being hurt. 

   I would like to work on this problem, because avoiding it is not working.  I need a new plan and a new attitude.  I am tired of carrying this problem and am ready to be a better person. 

Hi!  I read your message and can understand why you don't trust people easily.  Sounds like you've been through alot with your Mom. You say you don't make friends easily.   I don't think you really have to become close to people at work.  What I try to do is just be pleasant to co-workers.  Show interest in them by asking about things that are meaningful to them..ie. "How does your daughter like college?"  "I hear you went on a trip to...what did you do there?"  Current events (I'd stay away from real political topics though because they are controversial) are another good conversation piece. You can smile, make small talk and joke around with them without becoming close friends.  You don't have to talk about stuff that is very personal for you. I myself  don't like to become too close to co-workers, but I like to be able to enjoy the time I do spend with them each day at work.  So try smiling, small talk, showing interest in their lives and see how it goes.  Perhaps you should also investigate counseling if you have unresolved issues from your relationship with your mother.  I hope this helps.  Write and let me know how you are doing.
 
February 10, 2006, 9:42 am CST

UPS Stress

I think what I would have done in your case with the UPS driver, was take your break at the time he came in and let your boss deal with him, or just let him drop off the packages and leave.  Getting involved in his sad little life is too stressful as you found out and then his problems effect your life.  And, now things are a mess.  If you would have just cut him off and refused to talk to him, he would have stopped complaining, because there was no one there to listen.
 
February 10, 2006, 7:55 pm CST

Stress at Work

Quote From: normalita

I think what I would have done in your case with the UPS driver, was take your break at the time he came in and let your boss deal with him, or just let him drop off the packages and leave.  Getting involved in his sad little life is too stressful as you found out and then his problems effect your life.  And, now things are a mess.  If you would have just cut him off and refused to talk to him, he would have stopped complaining, because there was no one there to listen.

Thank you for the advice.  Now the boss made me retract both my complaint and my husband's complaint, and the UPS driver is in a lot of trouble with management, so he isn't talking anymore for now.  I figure after a month or two, when he figures he is out of trouble, then he will "whine" at me again.  Only this time, I will cut him off and tell him that I only want to talk about positive things.  Or, maybe I will get lucky and management will take him off the route! 

Thanks again. 

 
February 13, 2006, 4:04 pm CST

Boy, this post is like reading my own life!

Quote From: meandkt

   I have had a pattern of getting a great job, really liking it and doing well, then after 6 months to a year, things start to fall apart.  Other coworkers have complaints about my attitude, feel like I am rude or difficult to work with, etc.  I really work hard at getting along, but I am doing something wrong and I am not getting the picture on how to change my behavior for success in working relationships. 

   I recently quit a job I love because of this.  I am not sure how to make the right changes. 

  I believe this problem is related to a background of abuse in my chilhood. My mother is bipolar and abused me emotionally and physically.  This has affected my relationship with my own daughter who is now grown.  I am not trusting of women as a rule, and I am a nurse, so the majority of workers are women.  I do not make friends easily, and believe that I avoid close relationships for fear of being hurt. 

   I would like to work on this problem, because avoiding it is not working.  I need a new plan and a new attitude.  I am tired of carrying this problem and am ready to be a better person. 

However, I did not have an abusive childhood--one of my parents was a terribly abusive alcoholic, but I must admit my mother sheltered us a great deal from his abuse--lord bless my mother, she was a saint to stay with him as long as she did.  However, he did threaten to kill us all one night when he came back home in a drunken rage, so I absolutely know what you mean. 

  

I have the same problem of making female friends at work.  And I am at the same junction--either I change, or I continue in this horrible pattern! 

  

I am with you!  Please help us change ourselves!! 

  

Sincerely, 

Izzy 

  

 
February 17, 2006, 7:59 pm CST

jelousy

Quote From: chabely_k

However, I did not have an abusive childhood--one of my parents was a terribly abusive alcoholic, but I must admit my mother sheltered us a great deal from his abuse--lord bless my mother, she was a saint to stay with him as long as she did.  However, he did threaten to kill us all one night when he came back home in a drunken rage, so I absolutely know what you mean. 

  

I have the same problem of making female friends at work.  And I am at the same junction--either I change, or I continue in this horrible pattern! 

  

I am with you!  Please help us change ourselves!! 

  

Sincerely, 

Izzy 

  

I have been down this road and I've decided that a lot of people are insecure about there jobs and think they my loose it to good people like us.....I have been fighting jelousy and work politics all my life.    I might have to start my own business.......You as Rn can contract out and run your own bus. then it's all about you and your job  not you the job and co- workers.
 
March 26, 2006, 6:57 pm CST

Professional suicide

I don't know where to turn...as a registered nurse I know that caregivers get the worst of everything. I am abused by doctors and frustrated family members.  I see my coworkers divorcing, abusing themselves and self destructing.  I am so much more than a bedpan pusher, I care, I truly do.  I love my job but I may have to get out if this feeling of hopelessness, that spills over into my personal life, doesn't change.  I cannot support this divorced, single parent household without this job, I am trapped...I have days that I don'y want to get out of bed...How can this change? I am desperate!!!
 
April 3, 2006, 7:12 pm CDT

45 Year old Can't Keep a Job!!

   Help! I'm a 45 year old father and husband who can't keep any job he gets. I have lost 6 jobs in the last six or seven  years!  It has taken me years and  years to find my niche. I have gone through counceling about it. I finally found what I thought to be my niche with web design.

I am a talented designer, and reasonably intelligent. But I keep losing jobs. They say I am too slow!  I am also very nervous at work, and it shows!

All my life people have come along and outdid me. Now it is happening with my career.  I have a Bachelor's degree so I know I am no dummy.  Yet I may have some sort of mild learning disability.

Dr.Phil I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
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