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Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

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Created on : Friday, September 21, 2007, 12:19:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/07) Do you wish kids came with a manual? Dr. Phil shines the light on the biggest mistakes parents make, and along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, he tells parents how to calm the atmosphere in their homes. First up, Renee says her 3-year-old son won't behave, unless her husband, Brian, is around. What do they need to do to get his behavior under control? Next, Angie, mother to three kids, says her youngest child's tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. Could Angie's guilt be contributing to her son's behavior? Then, Shannon joins Dr. Phil via Web cam to get help with her 4-year-old son, Branson, who screams, kicks, hits, bites and calls her names. What is the big mistake she makes? And, Michael, is a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old McKenna, who throws tantrums daily. Could he be to blame for her outbursts? Plus, Suzette and Tony's 5-year-old son, Malachai, has already been kicked out of three preschools, because he hits teachers, throws toys and won't follow the rules. Find out what in-home video cameras caught on tape, and why Malachai's parents say it's "disturbing." And, see what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to Eve, whose 10-year-old daughter, Julia, tells her, "I wish you were dead." Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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December 20, 2007, 12:46 pm CST

need to get their attention

Quote From: princessgina

I have an 11 year old daughter we don't spank her unless it's an absolute last result. Grounding mostly works for her. We only ground if her acts are bad enough for it then she gets grounded and spanking.

I don't think a swat or two on an 11 year old's backside is harsh punishment.   And I don't believe 11 years old is too old for that.  Sometimes you just have to get their attention so they can hear what you are trying to tell them.  At 11 there is still time to be a positive influence in their lives.


 If you wait until they turn 13 or 14 it is too late to get their attention because they won't hear what you have to say anyway.  By that time they should just  be able to move out & support themselves because they know way more than you do...LOL.....just kidding..... 

December 20, 2007, 1:00 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

I have a 6 year old son, and I go through the same thing with him, my problem is, his father is in jail. In the 6 years that Bodhi has been alive, his father has spent 3 and a half of those years in jail. I never had a lot of problems until the last 2 months. Since Bodhi has started school, and he sees other kids with their dads, it is now creating a problem. I have done everything that I know of for positive reinforcement, and I know that he knows he is loved, and I never say anything bad about his dad, but I have hit a dead end. I need some advice.
December 20, 2007, 1:01 pm CST

Time Outs Very Rarely work

Ok - I just finished watching today's show - -- my husband and I have teenagers - boys - whom we've NEVER had these issues with.  First thing that struck me is - - - -these parents attempted to "negotiate" with young children!!  Parents are "parents" - - -children are "children" - - - - they don't get the privilege of negotiations at those ages . . ...what we said was what we meant - PERIOD!! And, we normally didn't have to "say" it too many times because - there were spankings that came next if we did!!! And, TIME OUT - - - what is that mess anyway!!!  You say what you mean to a child, in a manner with which they understand that you mean it . . . . you stand by what you ask them to do .'re firm and sincere with your demands and they are just that . . DEMANDS . . not questions, not negotiations, not plea bargains  . . .. .we say, "go to your room" or "clean up this mess" and we mean it and they knew we meant it!!!  Because of that . .we have remarkably well-adjusted boys - - -who have been stellar students in school - oldest is freshman @ UVA right now . .youngest is in 10th grade - - -they themselves speak about how they will rear their children in same manner and they are expecting the same wonderful results . . ..they appreciate how they were raised and plan to continue it . . . .these parents need to get control IMMEDIATELY or we're going to hear about them in the news real soon!!
December 20, 2007, 1:26 pm CST

cranky kids

I found this show really interesting and wished I had more information when I had my children. 

However, I was concerned about the only advice given to Malachai's situation.  I noticed on the video that Mom was holding the baby at all you think that this could have contributed to his frustration?  Certainly I believe that he was afraid of his Dad, but I think that perhaps Dad could have held the Baby and Mom could have attended his needs and helped calm him down.  Malachai might feel that they love the Baby more than him????


December 20, 2007, 1:52 pm CST


Quote From: paulaallen

I have a 6 year old son, and I go through the same thing with him, my problem is, his father is in jail. In the 6 years that Bodhi has been alive, his father has spent 3 and a half of those years in jail. I never had a lot of problems until the last 2 months. Since Bodhi has started school, and he sees other kids with their dads, it is now creating a problem. I have done everything that I know of for positive reinforcement, and I know that he knows he is loved, and I never say anything bad about his dad, but I have hit a dead end. I need some advice.
Has ur son seen his father recently or has it been awhile? My 1st thought  was mabey ur son is acting out because  he misses  his dad and  dosn't know how to tell you,or  he may be sad his dads not spending enoughf time in his eyes. Is dad around,if he is see if he can take son to movie or something and spend 1 on 1 with him,or school so son can show off his dad,or Grandpa's often are good stand in's when dad's not around or other trusted family members.How about letters to dad if he's not around and just sit & talk to your son and let him know it's ok to feel the way he dose & don't worry if he cries it's ok. I say think about how you would feel if it were you and what would you want your mom to say to you & I think you will do fine but if you can't get through to him you can get therapy from school or ask his Dr for suggestions.
    I wish you both well...
December 20, 2007, 2:18 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

I know that some parents are enablers. How ever some kids have underlying problems that are harder to control. My son was an absolute BRAT. I started scouring the internet for help and found information on a disorder called ODD (oppostional defiant disorder). It fit my son to a tee. I took him to counseling but the counselor said he didn't think it was ODD. So I put that out of my head. A year later he was worse than ever and it was causing problems in my marriage.  So I took him to another counselor. He was diagnosed with ODD with underlying depression. It's not necessarily anything that my husband and I did we just had to learn how to deal with the disorder. You can't deal with a child that suffers from this the same way you do a child that doesn't. So really before you set there and judge these parents stop and look at your own lives. Maybe you don't have any problems in the parenting department but I'd be willing to bet that you live in a glass house like everyone else.

December 20, 2007, 2:42 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

"It's clearly normal for young children to have occasional tantrums," says first author Andrew C. Belden, Ph.D., a National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) post-doctoral research scholar in child psychiatry. "Healthy children may even display extreme behaviors if they're very tired or sick or hungry. But if a child is regularly engaging in specific types of tantrum behaviors, there may be a problem."

The researchers studied 270 children between 3 and 6 years old. They gathered the information about tantrums from a parent. The children were divided into four groups according to psychiatric symptoms: no psychiatric diagnosis, major depressive disorder, disruptive disorder, or depression and disruptive disorder. All of the children were part of a larger NIMH-funded study of psychiatric illness in preschoolers.

"We've been following these children for several years," says principal investigator Joan L. Luby, M.D., associate professor of child psychiatry and director of the Early Emotional Development Program at the School of Medicine. "It's important to find age-specific ways to diagnose depression and other problems in young children because it can be difficult to get very young children to tell you about their feelings. We've successfully used narrative and observational techniques, but characteristics of tantrums when present might be another helpful tool."

Luby, Belden and colleagues identified five types of tantrum behavior that appeared to be connected with depression or diagnosable disruptive disorders.

The first involves extremely aggressive behavior during a tantrum. When a toddler displays aggression directed at a caregiver or violently destructive behavior toward an object such as a toy during most tantrums, parents should be concerned. The study found that these children tend to have diagnoses of ADHD, oppositional-defiant disorder and other disruptive disorders.

The second worrisome tantrum behavior is when toddlers intentionally injure themselves — actions such as scratching until the skin bleeds, head-banging or biting themselves.

"It doesn't matter how long these types of tantrums last or how often they occur, self-injurious behavior almost always was associated with a psychiatric diagnosis in this study," Belden says. "Children with major depressive disorder tended to hurt themselves. We didn't see that in healthy kids or those with ADHD and other disruptive disorders. It really surprised us that this type of behavior was emerging at such a young age."

Other "red flags" involved children who had more than five tantrums a day for several consecutive days. Very long tantrums also signaled a problem. Healthy children might have a tantrum that lasts 10 or 11 minutes, but several children in the study, especially those with disruptive disorders, averaged more than 25 minutes per tantrum.

Finally, when preschoolers are unable to calm themselves following a tantrum, they appear to be at much greater risk of psychiatric problems.




Wake Up Doctor Phil!

December 20, 2007, 2:44 pm CST

Cranky Kids

Oh, puh-leeeez.
We're not five minutes into this show and I'm already soured on Dr. Lawlis. "Get a chart of facial expressions and ask him to  identify  how he's feeling." ("He" is THREE!!!) "Explain to him that if he will cooperate with his sister, he'll get more." (When he's in the middle of a screaming tantrum -- and he's THREE YEARS OLD! -- "cooperating" is not the objective here.
(I KNOW ... I RAISED one of these.)
Here's the bottom line: Who's the child and who's the parent?
What I see in ALL of these children is a serious bid for ATTENTION -- even NEGATIVE attention is ATTENTION.
I found with my son, the more interaction and involvement I had with him -- engaging him, talking to him, listening to him, spending time together with him, reading to him, building blocks with him, showing interest in HIS interests -- we didn't have tantrums and upheaval.
People have children and then want to put them on the floor and walk away to pursue their OWN interests: watching their TV programs, talking on the phone, visiting with the neighbors, spending hours on the computer.
The crux of the issue is -- kids are a LOT of work. And not just physical work -- feeding them, dressing them, bathing them, taking them to doctors when they're sick, keeping them out of the street -- but EMOTIONAL work. It requires round-the-clock commitment when children are very young.
If you don't want to put in the TIME -- don't have children!

December 20, 2007, 3:02 pm CST

Behavior vs our children

I totally agree about the cooperation...but there is 1 thing important that we have to remember


i was a kid with an abusive father verbally and physically and those behavior are inside me i been


in therapy and saw psy many times to try to get rid of those informations inside of me...To be able


to be cooperative with our kid is to be aware we do same thing as our parents and we need to


focus on getting better to give better ....and its a looooooooooooooooong way to change the habits


Thank God i was conscious about this but i still have work to do on me after 15 years of trying to


understand myself so i can give better to my lovely daughters.  Both are hyperactives/deficit of attention


and  1 of em is down syndrom i have fibromialgy i wish i can not worry on money too (smile) but i think


im getting there slowly.  Their dads not helping at all and he dont want to try he told me its 2 hard


i wish u the best i leave the girls with you...(he not working most of the time and more problems)


You doing a wonderful Job


Thank You - Merci

December 20, 2007, 3:03 pm CST

Cranky Kids 12-20-07

I just finished watching today's show. I found it very educating for all adults, especially the parents who have to deal with children who have some kind of a behavioral problem. Dr. Lawless was great when he went to visit the young 10 yr old and her mother. We adults sometimes don't really think about what we say to our children when we are upset. So in a way, the children are not a fault. Children do see things differently than we do. So to make matters better in a situation of cranky behavior, we need to focus, be calm, and listen to what the children have to say or feel. I give a big HIGH FIVE TO DR. PHIL & DR. LAWLESS. Thanks for showing this show again.  
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