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Topic : 09/21 Does Age Matter?

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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:48:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Can May-December romances really last? Christopher Knight, famous for his role as Peter on The Brady Bunch, and Adrianne Curry, winner on America's Next Top Model, began their relationship when they starred together on the reality show The Surreal Life 4, and the public watched as they planned their wedding on their own show, My Fair Brady. Now they both say their 24-year age difference is a huge problem in their chaotic marriage. Adrianne says Christopher treats her like an employee, and Christopher says if she worked for him, she would’ve been fired a long time ago. Can these two work out their generational differences? Then, 38-year-old Shelly wants to know if it’s wrong to be in a relationship with an 18-year-old friend of her son. She says he makes her feel beautiful but wonders if she’s causing him or her children harm. Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells her his opinion. Join the discussion.

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September 16, 2007, 3:44 pm CDT

sick sick sick

All of you people saying that it is all about love and the 2 people,and all of that are just as blind as this lady is that is dating her son's friend!!! How can that be ok?? Does she not feel almost motherly to this boy instead of like a girl friend. And does she seriously think that this boy is going to stay with her! Some one should really try to set this boy up with some one his own age.  I think that she must feel very insecure about her age and thinks that by having a relationship with a child will make her feel younger. Would she want her son to date a granny???
September 16, 2007, 5:13 pm CDT

Age matters sometimes

I married the first man I ever had a relationship with.  YES I was a virgin at 22 when we met.

My ex was 3 years older than me.  I left him when I was 32.   I did not know how to date but I sure ran into

some real insecure boys in there 30's.  I looked really good and certainly not older than 24.  I started to play sports again.  I was very active. 

There was this tall guy, taller than I.  He looked young but we seem to have a connection.  It was so great talking with him.  I heard from one of the players on my team that worked with him he was interested in me.  I was clearly only going out for fun.  I asked how old he was and was told 24.  I had been going out with 24 -28 year olds so that seemed ok.  After all I was not looking to get married.  I had a young child and whom ever I dated needed to know my restrictions.  My child ALWAYS came first, and my life.  I did not believe in having anyone meet my child.  I went out when my child was at the Fathers.  I brought this child into this world and I was responsible for my loving child.  They had to understand that I was not free to go anywhere when ever they wanted too.   Anyway, this Tall young guy got it.  He was NEVER Jealous.  We'd go rollerblading, movies, comedy clubs.  I would invite him to watch me at my co-ed volleyball games.  He fianlly showed up one night when we had to cancel because of lighting.  We where talking and he said he wanted to plan ahead something special for his birthday coming up.  I asked him how old he was going to be.  He said 19,  I was really shocked.  I told him that was not funny.  He said he is not lying.  I asked to see his drivers liscense.  I about died.  He really was going to turn 19.  It took a long while before I could breath and speak again.  I told him that I could not be in a relationship with him, I am not a hypocrite, if I do something I have to live with the fact that if some day my child does it I can live with it.  I told him I can't go on seeing him I am old enough to be his mother.  I had turned 33 a few months earlier.

He pursued, me, we talked at times, he sent me cards.  I really did have a connection with him and I really had to do some sole searching.  I decided to meet with him and talk to him.  I asked him what he was looking for.  He told me that he is too young to look for someone to marry.  He has been working so much and he graduated from high school early and reminded me he was a district manager and I said I know that is why we connect, you are very mature for your age.  BUT I am 33 and old enough to be your mother.

I asked him if his parents knew, he said yes.  I asked what they thought.  He told me dad was, yeah go son, and his mother who is only a few years older than I, said he was to stop this.  I laughed knowing that is what I would have said too.  We had a really long talk.  I told him that this would never lead anywhere and that I was not looking fore anyone to settle down with.  He said he understood.  I then told him he would have to promise me that if he every found anyone at any time he wanted to pursue that he would be upfront and tell me.  I would NEVER stand in his way to finding someone else.  He said he could do that.  

I told him he would never ever have to worry about me that I am faithful.  He said he knew that and that was what he liked about me.  We where always up front with each other.  We had the most amazing relationship for 18 months.  I never had to worry about him being jealous or checking up on me at work, or when I was with my child.  He was the first person I introduced to my child.  On my next birthday he ran all over town looking for me with a dozen long stem red roses.  My roommate told him I had gone to the beach.  After about 4 times of checking back at my home he finally left the roses for me there with the most beautiful card.  That was the first time in my life I ever got a dozen long stem red roses.  Yes I loved that guy but I knew we where not ever going to end up together.  I really needed him in my life at that time.

He made me see what a great person I was.

He is married and has two wonderful sons.  He has the neatest wife too.  What a great team they are.

So age matters sometimes, and sometimes it just doesn't matter.

September 16, 2007, 5:14 pm CDT

Older women beware

Quote From: spookyjudy

Yes it definitely does.  My dtr. dated some one 13 yrs. younger then her.  They did fine for a while.  Then he decided if they have children it would be a problem. He was 23 she 38.  He felt that they could have a baby born imperfect with her age difference.  What a stupid thing to think about.  They broke up.  It was hard on her, but she is a better person then him.  Judy
 It is easy for a woman coming out of a bad marriage to go against her own good judgment and be wooed by a younger man.  It is good for a bruised ego.  But do not expect him to hold your hand as you become a senior citizen and he is going through midlife crisis.  I know.  I looked good at 40yrs. and he, a 26yr. old divorced man, was in love with all that was different from his former young wife.  Ten years later came the 'age' insults.  By the time we broke up I was past my 'second prime'.  Now at 66 I am alone and don't expect it to change.  Don't make my mistake.

September 16, 2007, 6:13 pm CDT

Chronological Age? Less so than Maturity!

My husband & I are 12 years apart. I was in my early 30s when we met and eventually started dating (we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary recently). We both knew even then that the eyebrows would have gone up had it been a decade or so earlier. Simply put, neither of us would have been ready to handle the issues that come with a chronological age difference of that magnitude.


As another poster has brought up, fertility (of either gender) can and does become an issue in relationships that have a substantial age difference. Subjects like that should be hashed out well before a wedding, IMO.


All that being said, technically the 18-to-20-y/o is considered an adult, so those who pursue them cannot be "child molesters" (by most definitions). However, I would question the maturity and judgment of a 30- or 40-something who goes after someone who is not old enough to legally consume alcohol in public!



Interesting timing for this show -- I just read that the movie "The Graduate" was released 40 years ago this week, and a commemorative DVD has been put out.


 "And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson..."


September 16, 2007, 6:28 pm CDT

Age Difference

My husband and I will soon celebrate our 32nd wedding anniversary; I'm 53, he's 69.  The 16 yr. difference in our ages has never been a problem.  I was 22 when we met.  I had always dated men older than me, because guys my age had not matured as fast as I did.  We have had our bad times, as most couples do,

but I wouldn't change a thing in our relationship.  Age is a state of mind, and if both parties are comfortable in the relationship, then the heck with all the outside opinions.  I am concerned that the guy in this situation is only 18; most guys that age are not mature enough to be married to anyon, let alone a lady with children his age.  This should be interesting!!!!

September 16, 2007, 8:32 pm CDT

Does age matter? dah!!!

Well, Yes I would think so. Imagine this, you could of given birth to this child at the age of 20.
September 17, 2007, 6:35 am CDT

What are you thinking...or are you thinking at all???

The fact that he is a friend of your son should tell you that you are too old for him. I'm sure if the roles were reversed and some "older woman" was sniffing around your son you'd be extremely upset, or at leaast you should be. This young boy is just beginning to find his wings. He still has so much to discover. Leave him alone. Don't you have any men your age in your town/city? Go find someone your own age, before you do serious harm to this boy's young life. You ought to be ashamed of yourself !!! Can you not entice someone in your own age range? Back off, I'm sure your son would be a lot happier too.
September 17, 2007, 7:46 am CDT

Are you kidding?

It's not wrong because of the age difference or because he is your son's friend, although both of those are valid considerations. You should especially consider that your son is probably terribly embarrassed by you. This relationship is wrong because of his age. HE IS A CHILD for God's sake. An 18-yr old male is still a child by any stretch of the imagination. He maybe cannot even recognize that this is wrong but you are a grown woman and should be able to walk away. Be a grown up and forget about this. This same situation happened in my family and it resulted in the birth of a child, break up of a family and marriage,  and eventual  2nd marriage for the woman. The 2 older kids from the previous marriage have been irreparably damaged due to the grown woman in the situation not being able to act like a grown-up.
September 17, 2007, 8:00 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

I am 37 and I like this kid I used to work with, he's 16 yrs younger than myself.   Why do I like him?   A few reasons... I'm not happy in my relationship of 10 yrs.  (Not married, one 5yr old boy)   I think that is the main reason.  That's why I'm looking "elsewhere", and I"m mature enough to know that is NOT right.   The kid has a girlfriend for at least 5 or 6 yrs. (Since he was 15 or 16).   It would ALSO be wrong to do anything to break them up.  I've been cheated on before, and do not plan on putting someone else thru the same thing.  I have thought of what it would be like to be w/ someone 16 yrs younger.  They'd be young and impressionable, so it wouldn't be all that hard to "sweet talk" them.  Not to mention the hormone factor of a 21 yr old male!   However, there's more pros than cons...   how fair would it be to him?  He is just starting out life, and I've lived it 16 yrs longer than him. Everything he might want to do, I've done already. He might want kids,  I might be done having kids. (but that's still not a closed option)  Would I just end up being  a mother figure to him?  How fair would that be?  I would not be an "equal".    I might be inhibititing him in someway, something that wouldn't happen if he were with someone his own age.    I almost think of him as the "one that got away".....  He has gone off to Police Academy in another state and there's still a part of me that believes him and his girlfriend might break up because of the long distance part and one day me and him IS a possiblity, but would it still be fair????   He's smart, responsible, funny, honest, shy, outgoing, and even has an attitude when he gets mad.  He's almost everything I've always wanted in a guy, but his age.  (And I'm no Julia Roberts, :( )  So, I continue to have my daydreams (and nightdreams!!!!!) and maybe one day ................................................
September 17, 2007, 8:14 am CDT

Does Age Matter

My husband and I are 28 years apart.  I am now 42 years old and my husband is 70 years old.  We started dating when I was 18 years old.  We will be celebrating our 17th Anniversary this Saturday.  I was 25 when we got married.  We do not have any children together.  All of his children except for one are older than I am.  When we were dating and first got married, people made comments about our age difference.  I don't think most people thought we would make it.  Of all the years we have been together, we have only had a few arguments.  I think it has more to do with compatiblity with each other than it does age.  I've seen many many couples on Dr. Phil over the last 5 seasons that are close in age, but have more problems than I can imagine.  Like Dr. Phil has said so many times, a marriage is 100/100 not 50/50.  You have to work at your marriage and make sacrifices sometimes.  I am so glad that I found my husband and I love him very much and I am soooo glad we don't have the problems that so many other married couples have.  The only thing that bothers me now, is because of his age, I know he probably won't be around too many more years and I know that it will be hard for me when he is gone.
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