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Topic : 03/26 "Change My Face, Change My Race"

Number of Replies: 337
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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:47:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/20/07) Most everyone has thought about removing imperfections -- a nip here, a tuck there. But some people want plastic surgery to erase their ethnic identity! First up is James. He says he doesn’t want to change anything about himself because Asians are intellectually superior, and women should obey men. His wife, Roseanna, says he’s a controlling racist who demeans women, and she says she needs help before he corrupts their 11-year-old son. James says he’s ready to serve Roseanna her walking papers if she doesn’t become more obedient. Is James a controlling bigot or simply misunderstood? Then, Dr. Phil explores the pros and cons of eyelid surgery -- one of the most common cosmetic procedures for Asian women … and one of the most controversial! He talks to a woman who had a fold added to her upper eyelid, a plastic surgeon who performs these procedures and two guests who believe the surgery erases Asian heritage. Plus, Brad says he hates his nose, and he wants plastic surgery to look less Italian. His mother, Debbie, says she loves the way he looks -- big schnoz and all! Brad’s surgery is only a month away. Can Debbie convince him he's perfect just the way he is before he goes under the knife? Talk about the show here.

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September 20, 2007, 6:57 am CDT

i would

i would long enough to help to feed my kids as a white woman we cant get help to feed my kids i dont mean to sound that way but i feel its true. st least where i live right now i am with very little food my husband works my ex dont pay child support but they are counting what he dont pay but if i was another color in ohio i can and would get tons of help its not fair or if i had biracial kids i would . my husband carries insurance on us but iam i have the medical card but i must i they make me use my humana and the state wounte pay my co pay i cant afford to pay them. we keep it because they like to cut us off every 2 mo so we need to keep something. i have cried for 3 days wondering where iam gonna get food. i cant take much more honestly i cant i am on my last rope with one car and a sick son and in the boonies its hard for me to work so to this topic yes i would change my face and race so i can get help for food and a new home since the fire i have been asking for help to rebuld my home still no help on that and that happend the day before thanksgiving


September 20, 2007, 7:25 am CDT


FIrst of all James is right in the fact that God did make men to be the head of the house. However, the partnership comes with him needing to support his wife and give her the domain over the house. He is wrong in everything else and needs to include her on every decision.

Dr Phil is a wonderful role model and I pray that my children grow up to be like him. No race is better then the other.It never has been and never will be. 

September 20, 2007, 7:26 am CDT


I am a young southeast asian woman and all I have to say is that James is a joke. He is initmated by strong and educated women.  I would love to have a piece of James!  I know what Roseanna is going through, I grew up around that kind of behaivor, and though my parents have taught us (daughters) to be independent and educated, they still taught us how to be obedient, but one thing I have learned in life is "you get what you give."  Asian men has got it drilled in their heads that they are superior growing up, but I wonder how they would feel if their daughters were in a relationship with the same kind of emotional and mental abuse. Not only that but a lot of asian women are starting to be in interracial relationships and asian men get upset and wonder "why?"  We are in America! I'm not saying forget your traditions, I am saying change for the better.  I hope that Roseanna does leave James, because she deserves so much better.  If James wants an obedient wife, I hate to tell him this but marriage doesnt equal slavery. Education can only take you so far in life.  James wouldnt like it if he ever ran into me.


As for the lady who wants to change her thankful for what God gave you!  You are asian, you may change your eyes and whatever, but anytime you have to fill out a piece of paper you have to mark "asian." You say you are ashamed because you're asian???!!! I have to say that you are a disgrace to the race. Asians have a beautiful and wonderful culture, if you want to change your eyes, then dye your hair, lighten your skin also.  You were born asian, honey, nothing is going to change that.

September 20, 2007, 7:33 am CDT

09/20 "Change My Face, Change My Race"

Once again, we have yet another woman trying to convince herself to stay with an abusive jerk!  What's the point?  Once again I'll say, Ladies, get your own money and learn how to take care of yourself and any children you may produce! 


I get so tired of women waiting to be "chosen."  You have a choice too!  A choice to be with someone who loves and respects you and knows how to "agree to disagree" without violence and brutality both physically and mentally.


I consider myself "the prize"!  I"LL choose who is worthy of my time and energy.  I wouldn't sit back and wait to get "selected" by some jerk.

September 20, 2007, 7:56 am CDT

These Dang Press Conferences.........................

I hope I can catch Dr. Phil this afternoon!!!!

September 20, 2007, 8:06 am CDT

Attention Mr "holier than thou" James!

It really ticks me off to sit here and watch the smug arrogance on this guy like hes better than everyone! WTH? Quoting everyone under the sun, including Dr Phil.  The only original thoughts he has is that hes an overbearing, controlling, womanizing, racist jerk! She needs to just take the first steps and just leave his sorry butt in her dust as she drives away. And take the children with her. They dont deserve to be objected to his manner of thinking and behavior. His poor son will be just like him if she doesnt do something soon. Honey, you are a strong woman, just leave and let him rule over his own house. Let him be the CEO and Vice President of himself. Dont put up with him any longer. Get out and Move On with your life.
September 20, 2007, 8:19 am CDT


Quote From: lac1962

I am a 45 year old Caucasion American woman whom married an Asian man from Hong Kong. Even though my husband came here to the USA when he was 16 years of age, he still hasn't got with the program yet! I have been with him 20 years now and 17 of them married. He was totally different before we eloped, but as soon as those papers were signed, "HE WAS ALL, ME, ME AND ME".....  I always come #8. What I mean by that is, first comes himself, then his job (works in restaurant for family), then come his parents, then come his brother and sisters, then come his nieces and nephews, then comes anyone of Asian descent, then comes his own children (if they were full-blooded Asian they may have come 2nd), then comes me.

He has never physically hit me, but the silence and the verbal and emotional abuse has taken it's toll. I have done everything in my power to try and save our marriage (even went to a marriage councelor for a year "bye myself", he wouldn't even do a single phone-conversation with councelor). I have 3 boys and 1 girl and now my daughter is feeling the effects from it, this is why I must seriously get out!!!

I need your help Doctor Phil. There is absolutely no talking to this man, when I say "we need to sit-down and talk" he just about laughs in my face, there is now way he is going to take advice from a woman never mind listen to one, especially an American Woman.

Our daughter is absolutely georgous (modeling material) and I, myself, need one of Doctor Phils "Extreme Makeovers". I have no slef-esteem left, whatsoever. I hate myself for allowing things to deteriate this far, and especially hate myself due to the fact that my daughter asks me on a daily basis, "mom, please lets just get out of here and leave these men to fend for themselves".

My heart breaks for her, but I try to explain to her that with no money we are unable to go anywhere. A few months ago, he took the check-book and all the credit-cards away from me, another one of his control tactics.

I was working 5 days a week, down to 3 days a week, down to 1 day a week, so I just left (It's because almost all the work has been completed here since "Hurricane Charlie" hit and it seems as though there is a depression here, in Charlotte County, Florida.  Foreclosures went up 90% and taxes tripled since then and there are over 7,500 houses for sale here, not including the foreclosures which alone is 9,500 homes), and since I am not working, my husband hasn't spoken to me and has made his room on the sofa since. I think that the sofa part is the best thing that has happened in our relationship (will not tell him that) but, the "SILENCE" is another one of his control issues and it has broken the last straw on the camels back, so to speak.

I have taught myself how to tile and have made counter-tops for our kitchen, tiled Master-Bath and am 1/2 way done with guest bathroom/kids bathroom. I tell my husband that I have checked newspapers, online, etc. for a job, there is nothing out there, and that I am saving him a bunch of money doing all the tiling (due to Hurricane Charlie), and his responce is "your tiling doesn't pay my ******* bills!" I just want to puke when he speaks.

The race issue I can deal and live with but, the cultural issue I cannot live with any longer, and feel completely trapped.

I have written to the Tyra Banks Show trying to get my daughter into modeling, "this is my daughters goal and her dream", and I just know that she would be so good at it, but I would be embarassed for my daughter because of how I have let myself worth, and feel that I couldn't represent her in an up-lifting manner because of my appearance.

Please, Oh please Dr. Phil, help us.  THANK YOU!!!!




L & E Chan

I know its scary. But you need to leave. Honestly. Verbal and Mental is just as bad or worse than physical, if you ask me . Bruises heal. The memories of it are always there. You dont deserve that kind of treatment. You need to find someone you trust and tell them what is going on. Make a plan and go far far away without telling him where you are. Get a restraining order if you have to. Tell them you fear for your life if you have to. Do what you need to to get him away from you and your kids. I know what its like to live like that as a child. My mom was married to a guy from the time I was 2 until i was 4 that beat the hell out of her all the time, verbal, mental abuse as well. And I saw it all. And it stays with me even to this day. I'm 35 yrs old and I remember it like it happened yesterday. We had NO MONEY when we left. But my mom had a good friend that gave us the money to leave. We bought 3 bus tickets and me, my mom and little brother left and went to my grandmas house.It took her a long time to get away, but she did. And she is so much better for it. Its been 33 yrs since she left and she never looked back. You can do it. Just dont let him find out what you're doing. It could escelate the problem.  I'll be praying for you! Keep me posted on how you are.

September 20, 2007, 9:37 am CDT

Change my face,chance my race.

I'm a little surprised to say the least that so many people feel that to change the way one looks on the outside would be to change who and what they are on the inside. We are more then just flesh and blood and bone. We are spiritiual as well. What ever our heritage simply changing the way you look will in no way take any of that away. If someone would feel better about them selves by changing or correcting something on there body then who are we to put them down. If they are healthy adults fully aware of their actions and the consequences of them, then I say more power to them. Soceity does have a way of judging by appearance alone. Live and let live is my motto!   :-)
September 20, 2007, 9:46 am CDT

To each his own...

Quote From: raymom5

I am an Italian-American.  I passed my Italian nose, big brown eyes, olive skin, and etc.  on to five absolutely gorgous boys.  I cannot believe people that get nose jobs, eye jobs....whatever.  My dad gave me my nose...I passed it on (along with hubby) and these kids are going to pass it on!!!!  That's the beauty of it.  No surgery will ever make it go away!!!  DUH!!!!

I never said Italians are unattractive, so yes, i'm sure u have a beautiful family.   Secondly, it isn't only the fact I have the nose, but also what I have gone through with it.  Were u and ur children teased horribly about it? From the moment I was born, thats all I've heard about is my big nose, and I think I have a right to change it as I please.  I love Italians and the heritage that goes along with them, I just don't like my actual nose.  What is also not mentioned here is how badly broken it is as well.  Because of its size, i've hit it on EVERYTHING and because of that, my nose is all bent, twisted and turned to the point where I even have breathing difficulties.  This will also be fixed with the surgery.  U say u can't believe people who get the surgery, but if it makes them feel good and confident, then whats the problem? I'm still a proud Italian, with or without my nose.

September 20, 2007, 9:53 am CDT

Excuse me?

Quote From: lovebzforher

Change my face and change my race, wow what is going on here.? What is the problem ? Those are the questions I ask when I see this topic. We as individuals are so caught up on how we look that is just so offensive and downgrading not to ourselfs but others including but not limited to our mothers and fathers the one who had a hand in this.. Are we so willing to change who we are and how we look to embarrass and hurt the ones we so call love.. The issue here is not how we look but deep inside, its about how we feel. We have let people influence us on how perfect we should look, when in reality those inperfections that we have are the very things that make us unique from one another ; until we can accept the fact that we are not perfect and never will be perfect than we are going to continue to feel this way. So heres a little advice change your mental state go seek professonal help and if you can't find it there go seek God.
"Change your mental state go seek professonal help and if you can't find it there go seek God. "  Wow, thats quite a rash statement to make isn't it?  You must be perfect to give such advice.  Well, this is Brad, who is on the show from which u so rudely comment about and I feel you have misunderstood the point.  Though the title of the show may be harsh, I am VERY proud of my heritage.  I LOVE being an Italian and would NEVER change that.  However, I was born with a very large nose and because of the size, it has been broken several times and looks like a pretzel from some angles.  Do you feel I should have to live like this? Being teased for having a huge twisted nose? If so, wow, u r a great person...thanks so much!  I'm glad u care so little about people.  God would be proud of u right? Personally, I feel that if I will feel better about myself, than I can do what I please.  You are definately entitled to ur own opinion, but please, before telling me to seek professional help or God, examine urself first.
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