Message Boards

Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

June 9, 2008, 8:14 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: rapp12


I don't know why I post this. I can only say that I'm a single father who has learned a very valuable and important lesson. I hope any men who read this can take a moment and think. I am not preaching nor do I think I am now the greatest father. I can only hope it causes some men to sit back and think. So, here goes....


 There are many thoughts that I contemplate deep within the corridors of my mind. One of which I will attempt to talk about is LOVE. Has anybody truly sat down and thought about what love truly is? As I sit and think a thought comes to mind.

In growing up in a Latino home I saw that showing love as a man was to work and provide for the family. my father was a hard working man. He worked six days a week and in the 19 years I lived at home I never saw my father take a vacation, a day off, or a sick day. However, my father never said the words "I love you." My mother would always say, "Your father loves you. Look at what he does for us. Do you think it's easy to pay the bills?"


When my son was born I too started out like my father. For the first six months of my son's life I worked as many overtime hours as possible. Many times exceeding 70 hours per week. I would come home after work and spend no quality time with my son. I would not change a diaper, warm a bottle, give him a bath, or rock him to sleep. In my ignorance I thought it was my wife's job. Little did I know that my life was about to drastically change. I ended up separated and divorced.


This left me to take care of my son all alone when I had him. I had to bathe him, change him, feed him, rock him to sleep, and wake up at night when he cried. To say I had no idea what I was doing is an understatement! I have never experienced anything so physically, mentally, and emotionally tough and draining. In going through that life altering experience I have found a new respect and admiration for all single mothers. Words can't express the level of sacrifice a single mother gives. I was not a single father in the true sense of the word because I shared custody with my ex-wife. However, the days I had my son it was as if I worked 24 hours a day. To all the single mothers out there THANK YOU! I finally realize what the word love really means. I am so thankful for what I went through. I have developed a connection with my son that I would never have had. How many father out there know there son's favorite color, favorite cartoon, or even their favorite food? We as fathers take the little moments for granted. Simply giving your child a bath is a bonding event. I found myself getting emotional just watching my little boy play so happily in the bath. With all the crashing and shooting sounds he made with his toys my connection and love grew. I found myself laying next to him watching him sleep, listening to his little breaths, and sometimes taking in a deep smell from the top of his head. The weird thing is that to this day when I think of those moments I can still smell his baby scent. I can't imagine the connection a mother has carrying a life within her for 9 months. Then going through the long, arduous, and pain staking birth process. When I think of that bond I'm envious. It makes me look within myself and ask the question: Could I be strong enough to go through that? The truthful answer is I don't know. I have a new found respect for all women in this world. I have had a revelation. Society tends to think of men as strong, leaders of their families. Guess what??? Not true at all. We as men don't realize the true sense of the word strength. We think that going to work and making money is enough. Not even close guys! A woman's work is never done, and if I had not gone through what I did I would have never known. We as men think we are the leaders of our families..... What does a leader do? A leader guides people, a leader helps people, a leader teaches people, a leader motivates people, supports people and leads by example. Who truly does all those things for your children? If you're being honest with yourself you know it's their mother. What hypocrites we are as men to think we are leaders. Who spends almost every hour of their life teaching your children right from wrong? Who spends almost every hour of their life building the moral foundation upon which your children will lie their lives? That's right.... MOTHERS.

Men, I urge you to take a serious look at your lives. Ask yourself, "Do I really know my children?" If the answer is no I'm here to tell you it's not too late. Your children love you. They want you to know them. You'll be amazed at how your love will grow by getting involved in the little day to day things. Bathe your children, cook for them, feed them, change their diapers, put them to sleep, and when they have a nightmare wake up and let your wife stay in bed (even though she will still get up). I have to be honest it feels good that my son calls out, "DADDY!" when he has a nightmare. Who do your children call out for? Love your children the way they deserve. Give yourself the opportunity to experience motherly love. Some of you may read this and laugh while others may try it. For those that do you will see that it's a life altering experience. It will change you as a father and a man. You will look at the world with different eyes. We can learn a lot from our women. I ask you to be "man" enough to try.

June 11, 2008, 2:53 am CDT

I am worried/ so tired


 I am worried about my husband. It's a long story. It all began in 2003, after we had our first baby. We had some problems when it came to parenting. My husband is raised in a US AirForce family with lot of disipline and his dad was abusive to him. I'm the oppsite, im strict but not like my man. He have never been abusive to our kids , cause he dont want to be like his dad.  On top of this I was suffering from a birth depression.  I was so down from all this , stupid me seeked help from child service, something a very much regret today.  They like to think they helped us. but all they did was making it worse.  In 2004 my husband couldnt take it anymore here in Norway (He's american,im Norwegian) and he wanted to go back home to get a job there. So he went to stay with his dad that he just got contact with again after 20 years. When he left my depression hit me even worse , I couldnt get out of bed I was too broken. My mum helped me with my daughter.  He came back 5 moths later cause he couldnt  get a job. He was offered some more cousres to learn Norwegian but he dont want to speak the language, he hate everything about Norway. We still had problems with disagreing on child rising. He went back to the US in 2006 then to stay with his sister, this after I found out I was pregnant again, but I said it was ok . He came back again after 2 months. He left again in oct 2007 and  now in the US again. During this time since october I have been through a court case with the child service, they wanted custody of my oldest. we won the case, but only becuase my husband wasnt here , They wanted to givr me a chance on my own. A lot of the documents in this case are wrong. Im not a bad mother, my kids get all the love, care,food, help they need. Im being punished for being a calm and quiet person.  They dont really have a case. My husband wants to come back, but if he do we most likely lose our kids, I want  me but im scared. He refuse to read the court documents. All he see is that we won and they lost. He dont care about laws. He is very depressed and he have said many times he rather be dead. He told me yesterday he wanted to throw himself in front of a moving bus. Im worried about him. I wish I could be with him. I wish he would find a job, just like he wants. He is being consumed by his anger.  I know that the husband I know is still there behind the wall of anger,hate and fear. Im so scared to find out that he ended his own life.I just couldnt take that if it happened.  Just dont know what to do. I love him ,if it wasnt for the case I let him come back.

June 12, 2008, 12:54 am CDT

He says he and the children are one family and that the children and I are another family.

My estranged husband and in the process of a divorce. Today, he informed me that he and the children are one family and that the children and I are another family. He doesn't want to spend any time with me , because he is not comfortable, therefore precluding the four of us spending time together as a family.

I disagreed with him, stating that we may be an estranged, divorcing family but that he is still the father, I am still the mother and we are still the parents.  I asked what it would hurt to spend time together as a family and also to show the chldren that we are getting along?  I had suggested that we spend time on father's day, because he deserved to have a nice day.  The children feel that they have a right to be angry with him and they are still working through their feelings and their relationship with their father is strained. I called him because i saw a Dr. Phil show (thus this cry for help) and decided that I needed to be the hero of our family.  I didn't realize it at first, but now I have realized how important it is for me to express to the children that they will respect their father and they will have a relationship with him. They need their father in their life.

But his current edict makes it hard for me to try to normalize relationships.  i want to tell him that if we keep everything separate then the children would have to choose between us and that is sooo wrong. Our son's BDay is four days after Father's Day -- so I will invite him to the party.  However he sees this type of gesture and my other gestures of kindness as displays of affection (as he told the counselor).  I really want to give up!  If I am kind, then I am ..... If I don't do something he expects, then he says I am trying to hurt him. There is a third party involved with him and I am wondering how much that is contaminating the situation. Neverheless he is the boss of his behavior as I am of mine. I am just going to try to keep my head about me and do the right thing and just keep being the person I like myself being. But if you can offer any advice or encouragement that will help me so that things can get better for the children, please do!



June 13, 2008, 3:25 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: jaimie1974

My advice to you is to continue to invite him to events in the childrens lives. You are right- he is their father and they do need and deserve a healthy relationship with him. He is having a difficult time right now because, in my opinion, of that third party that you mentioned. That other person is not happy with knowing that he is around you, and he doesnt want to make that person unhappy. Remember that honeymoon period in the relationship when youd do anything to make your partner happy? Well, he is experiencing that right now with her. Over time, hopefully, he will relax and realize that you are only being courteous. You are being the hero that Dr. Phil talks about, and I congratulate you on that. I know it isnt always easy, but it is the right thing to do. Continue to be yourself, to be the person that you know you are & that you are happy with. Dont worry about what he says or thinks of you; it isnt relevant and it wont change your actions. Best wishes!
Thank you for the encouragement. It helps a lot!
June 20, 2008, 7:56 am CDT

help for a gay teen

the meaning of family means that the  parents help the kids

June 30, 2008, 9:53 am CDT

My family won't visit me.

I grew up in a very small town.  11 years ago, I moved 3 hours away to a larger city.   Since then I have gotten married and now have two children.  I have always had a good relationship with both of my parents and my two sisters.  My children love my family and since my husbands family in non existant, my family is all they have.  The problem is, my kids have a relationship with my family because I make the effort.  My mother came down and helped me after my children were born but my youngest is three years old now.  Christmas is at her house.  Thanksgiving is at her house.  My daughters birthday is at her house.  My son's birthday she does come down for a short couple hours trip and then goes home but only if one of my sisters comes with her.  My children are proud of there things and toys and I don't undertsand why we can't split the traveling.  My father has since passed and my mom doesn't work.  I work part time, run an eBay business and have to manage around preschool, swimming lessons, gymnastics.  My husband works two jobs so I also have to find someone to let out the dogs.  She knows how I feel about this.   She used to tell me my father was working so she couldn't come.  Now he is gone.  She has said she is scared to drive, yet she could give anyone directions on how to get to my house.  It's pretty much a straight shot.  She says shes scared the car might break down, yet hello I have two kids in the car and it doesn't stop me.  She told my sister she is uncomfortable around my husband but he works two jobs, is never home, and quite honestly she doesn't know him enought to pass that judgement.  She should come to see me and the kids, not him.  I am at a loss.  She loves my kids and they love her.  If I cut off ties I will hurt them and I don't want to do that.  But she has missed out on the grandparents day at school, my son is having surgery (basic) and I know she won't be there for that.  I know that sounds stupid but she was there for all of that for my nephew but tells me that grandparents day is stupid.  Tell my five year old that when his grandparents aren't there. I am just at a loss and need some help with this. Am I being selfish to expect her to come see us???  Geez just one weekend a year would be fantastic. There are grandparents who live a lot farther than three hours away  who come to see their grandparents.
June 30, 2008, 3:15 pm CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: brokeninside

I have to say this is the most wonderful thing I have ever read from a Man, and I have to say Good For You.. I am in awe of all you have said here in this post and I am happy that you have had the experiance you have had. I am sorry for your loss of a marriage to have this all come about though. May life bless you with more of these wonderful rich experiances threw the eyes you know have and the love you now know.. . God Bless You and may all the men that read it follow.   
July 12, 2008, 12:42 pm CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: marytate1813

                     You never know the meaning of family until you lose one. That is what happened to me and my brothers and sisters when we were very young. My dad and brother left when I was very young girl. For years I tried to find where they might be, but it was as if the earth had just swallowed them up. So I went on with my life and my memories. Then about a month ago My brother Frank emailed an invition to our family board. From there I found that I had even more brothers and sisters, one as young as 23. Then the most amazing thing happended My brother who haven't seen in 38 years was found. We are now in contact with each other and the healing is starting to happen . As the old saying goes you really never know what you have until it's gone, but when it's found you never let it go again                         Mary in Oregon

That is awesome that you and your family got to reunite! That has got to be the best feeling ever!

I am in the process of trying to find one of my brothers and I am having no luck!

July 16, 2008, 12:44 pm CDT

My nephew found his father

My nethew found his birth father on myspace last night.He wasn't  a very nice man.My sister had to hide from him to get away.The man has droped so many kids and my nethew  would like to find his brothers and sisters.But how do you find your brothers and sisters when you don't know there names or who there moms are.My nethew is confused he wants to meet his fother but does not know how to do it our if his father will  reject him.His father has remarried and has more kids unknown as to weather they are brothers or sister but he has epressed an intreast in meeting  them.The man is his father same name same face and is living in the same place where my nethew was born.What should I do encouraging him to reach out ??? How do would you help him find his brothers and sister who are out there by this man??How should  I help him reach out to these new siblings fromhis father without beiing cut off???I am unsure as to what todo???my nephew does not want his mom she is still afraid of him???How should he contact him there is no phone number just  a picture of  him and  a short bio.What  do I do???some one out there please give me some answers as to how to help my nephew  and find his siblings and get in contact with his birth father.What  should I do????
July 17, 2008, 8:20 pm CDT

Family is

Family is the people in your life who love you, support you and care about you the most.  And blood doesn't have anything to do with it.  In my life I have 3 friends who love me support me and care about me.  My own family doesn't.  They are glad to see me but that's it.  Where are they during the hard times?  Gone!
First | Prev | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | Next | Last