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Topic : 11/22 Saboteurs

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Created on : Friday, September 07, 2007, 03:36:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 9/14/07) Do you know someone who smiles to your face, but schemes and maneuvers behind your back? Dr. Phil takes on saboteurs –-people who undermine others for their own personal gain. First up, Linda claims her daughter-in-law, Deanna, is a master manipulator. Linda says Deanna is so set on keeping her son and grandchildren away that she has allegedly bruised, scratched, pushed and verbally attacked her. Deanna says Linda is causing the vicious divide, and that it’s high time her mother-in-law stop playing the victim. Will the women ever stop pointing fingers at each other? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 14, 2007, 8:48 am CDT

09/14 Saboteurs

I think a big piece of this puzzle is missing... SHANE. The grandmother sounds like she really just wants to be a part of her family's life. My own mother became pretty obsessive with my kids' lives when she went through a divorce. She was just looking for something to hold on to.
September 14, 2007, 8:53 am CDT

God help me..........................

I have five boys..................God please give me good daughter-in-laws............I have great in-laws and they treat me as if I were there daughter, but I am also their son's wife and the mother of their grandsons.  I have total respect for them because they taught my husband how to be a good father and husband.  Same with my father (God rest his soul) and my mother were old school Italian immigrants that taught me how to be a good wife and mother and daughter-in-law.  Respect breeds respect.  Resentment breeds resentment.  I've seen it too many times in other families.  I really do not know how these people can live like that.
September 14, 2007, 9:00 am CDT

09/14 Saboteurs

Quote From: nuttfive

The grandmother is probably overbearing, but the daughter-in-law is cold.  Where is the son? 

i have been in the same spot and still am. my mother in law moved in with us foer a while, i wasthe one who who suggested it. my husband did not have a good relationship with his mom. boy was i wrong for letting her move in, she critized my every move, told my husband i was cheating on him,critizing how i was taking care of my children. she has never liked me since day one. she even tried to get my husband to divorce me and find hi x . when it came down to it my husband was in the middle of a battle between me and his mom. i just told him that i could not take it anymore. i even said that she has a daughter who can take her in. we took her in because she had no place to go. well come to find out her own daughter did not want her. so she went to stay with her brother. they found out what i went threw and they told her to get a job and get out. you see, i was trying to be good to her, but she did not care. she thought it was a free ride to stay with us, i was injured and could not work. as of now i still ca not work and my health is not good due to the stress she has put me under. i am having surgery on monday. my blood pressure is not good. we do not talk to her if we do not have to. she calls my mom telling her all kinds of lies, my mom has had enough just like i have. i wishshe would get the point and just leave us a lone. she has never been there for my children, even my children have no use for her for what they have seen and heard her do .
September 14, 2007, 9:20 am CDT

Emotional Blackmail

About the grandmother, Linda, today--I am in a similar situation. I have not seen my granddaughter for two months. She is being held hostage (for a settlement claim) and it is heatbreaking and hard to understand. You made a good statement--that Linda was allowed to get close to her grandchildren (and then they were taken away). I'm sure this happens more often than I would like to believe.
September 14, 2007, 9:22 am CDT

The mother in law was completely nuts!!!!!!!

I can not believe that people could not see through the mother in law? It was not mentioned if she divorced her son's father or another man? Her eyes were shifting the whole time she was talking, she could never look Dr Phil in the eye. I believe she has done some dirty deeds. Deanna tried to say what she did to the first wife, but they went to commercial. From what I could get out of it, it they have Shane's child from his previous marriage, her son from a previous marriage and a child of their own. The only one Linda was concerned about was her first grandchild, that right there should have told you something about her character. When it comes to children, it should not matter who their parent's are, they all need love. I believe they did the right thing to move to AZ to put some room between them and maybe with help they will work out where Linda can come to AZ, but I would never allow my child to be sent to her, for fear of never getting my child back. She is so distraught over her divorce that she may not be capable of good judgement right now. All we can do is pray for all of them.      
September 14, 2007, 9:26 am CDT

I'm Shocked

First, Dr. Phil says the guy who has affairs with his nanny is not the devil and now he can't see through Whack-Job Granny?  What am I missing here?  Aren't both of these people toxic not only to the adults, but also to the children in the situation? 

I feel really sorry for Deanna.  By keeping her composure, she drew the accusation of being "cold."  Not every woman is an emotional wreck.  I think she made the best choices for herself and her family and I also think that the fact that she has a good relationship with her son's father is proof that she understands that relationships with family are important. 

What about the aunt sharing Deanna's personal secrets with the world? Do you think she deserved that?  I think that gives a huge insight into the social rules of that family.  I think Granny is hanging on to sanity by a thread.  I wouldn't let my children be around her, either.
September 14, 2007, 9:34 am CDT

09/14 Saboteurs

Quote From: apbcme

Well, this show speaks of my ex-husband and his wife.  Since I divorced him, and even more recently since moving one hour away from the base where he is stationed, they seem hell-bent on getting our two boys away from our home here and keeping them as much as possible in their town.  My first clue that things were going to be hellacious should have been when he told me he would beg at his "dying father's bedside for whatever money it took to make sure (I) never (took) our kids from (him)."  He even promised to bankrupt me if he had to, going in and out of court to stop me at every turn.  (Great, huh?)

My ex places our children directly in the middle of issues that they do not need to be involved in.  After not getting his way for swapping a weekend, for example, he tells the boys about what their step-mom had planned for them, gets them to ask me (again, but without knowing he and I already spoke) to see if they can go.  He refuses to bring the boys to their soccer games, a league they were both signed up for last year when we moved and again this year as that was what they really wanted to do, yet will not listen to their requests to bring them to their games on weekends he has them, won't come see them play, signs them up for a league in his town, much to the boys' protests, as they know that is even less chance they will be coming to play with their teams here.  My ex has refused to allow the boys to be a part of their step-sisters' birthday parties, though the parties took place 10 minutes from his home and the boys would only be gone for maybe 2 hours out of "his time with them".   On the first weekend of the soccer season in my ex's town, he refused to tell me where the boys' games were and my family was forced to drive around town trying to locate one out of numerous soccer games going on that day before we finally found my younger son's game, then found out he lied to us about the time of the game, wouldn't tell us about my older son's games except what town it was in, saying he couldn't remember the name of the field or where it was.   Fortunately my husband knows that town well and took off to go find it and my older son in his soccer game, and shortly thereafter, my ex took left our younger son's game to make it to the field because our first son's game  had ended, so again, he lied about the time of HIS game as well.  

It is a very twisted, convoluted mess that our kids are sorely in the middle of. This manipulation and control that my ex feels no shame about continuing only hurts them and adds so much stress to my family.  While we are divorced, he seems to feel he needs to keep our lives totally embroiled and will stop at nothing to pull the boys away from our home here.  They miss seeing their baby sister, their step-sisters, their school friends, sporting events, school events...the list just goes on.  My husband and I did not move to get the boys away from their father, as he would like others to believe.  We moved for other very rational reasons.  The boys are not getting equal down time at all between their two homes and I am at my limit with veiled threats toward me and manipulation of our children. 

My ex and I are trying to go through a program , mediation of sorts, to try to find a better way of communication with each other for the best interests of our kids.  Our sessions have only been a way for him to further lie about what has gone on, either history with us or in the present, to manipulate, as he is master at doing, someone who doesn't know us at all.  He sends email that only completely frustrates and angers my husband, yet my husband's hands are tied while my ex and I are seeing this mediator.  My husband cannot answer email to set my ex straight or give his opinion, facts, side of anything.  The boys are getting more and more stressed by having what they tell their father fall on deaf ears.  While we try to keep the issues away from them, there is only so much we can do.  Without the same consideration of the second home they live at, we are fighting an uphill battle.

People need to understand kids cannot handle adult issues.  THEY ARE CHILDREN!!!!!!  WE ARE THE GROWN-UPS AND NEED TO ACT AS ADULTS!!!!!

Why do You get to decide to move the children that your and your ex share to a new town? It sounds as if he is just trying to involve them in some kind of life while they are with him, and you resent anything he and his new wife try to do with them as taking them away from their "real" life with you, at "home", where they belong - right?


Lighten up and let the man be a father while he has his sons, he doesn't horn in on your time with them, why are you trying to do so with his time?

September 14, 2007, 9:47 am CDT

I don't like that very too much

That is not good health for you. I know you worst to sick. I am numbers you,.,,,,,,,,,,,,, That is not nice health... WOman meaning to hurt to you face to face to meaning. wow I don't believe that you are hurt to blaming or myself... Don't do that bad hurt to yourself what are yout thinking.

September 14, 2007, 10:25 am CDT

In Laws

Dr. Phil,


Great job on the in law situation.  The daughter in law is not only controling with the mother in law, but I'm sure her husband also.  He should have been there so we could hear what he had to say.  I heard the  statement but that could have been written by her.  Who really cares that he bought her a Mercedes?  What did that have to do with the show?  Does she think that makes her a better person?  It doesn't!!  You read her correctly.  I don't have a real loving relationship with my in laws but they are my husbands family and they will always be welcome in my home.  Life is just toooooooo short to be hateful and mean and obnoxious. 

September 14, 2007, 10:51 am CDT

toxic in-laws

I have an extremely selfish, self centered, self absorbed daughter-in-law.  If everything doesn't revolve around her, she throws little temper tantrums.  I've tried numerous times to try and reconcile but whatever I do is wrong.   I've finally resolved myself to the fact that I won't have any kind of relationship with my son or my only Granddaughter.  She's too caustic to allow in my life and therefore, I have cut myself off from them.  I miss my son and granddaughter terribly but in the end it will be her loss.
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