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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 843
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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July 21, 2008, 4:09 pm CDT

husband has bipolar please help

I am a 30 year old women, with two kids girl 5, boy 10, and living with a BIPOLAR husband. all's i can say is that I HAVE BEEN THERE and BEEN THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING and STILL DON‘T UNDERSTAND. (the lying, cheating if you can think it, he has done it.)
For example, 12 months ago we bought a new home, two weeks after that we needed a new car. my husband at that time became stressed and went into a manic state. We had only been in our new home for about a month, and he said he was leaving. He moved in with a 42yr. old woman that he had only know for about 2 weeks from a bar. She has 2 kids that she doesn't take care of, tatoos all over, doesn't how to drive and lives in a one room apt. He lived there for about 2 weeks, would not talk to me or the kids, and his sons birthday was that week ( can you believe how bad that was.) In 2 wks. time he spend $6,000, got engaged to her, yes he brought a $50.00 ring, and had her NAME tatoo on him. After, he did that he woke from his manic state, left her and never talked to her again. And that's part of my story. Today, we are together and trying to work it out. The doctor’s we go to say things like this can happen. But how can I get over this and believe in him again. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 26, 2008, 12:12 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: maggiesparky

I am a 30 year old women, with two kids girl 5, boy 10, and living with a BIPOLAR husband. all's i can say is that I HAVE BEEN THERE and BEEN THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING and STILL DONT UNDERSTAND. (the lying, cheating if you can think it, he has done it.)
For example, 12 months ago we bought a new home, two weeks after that we needed a new car. my husband at that time became stressed and went into a manic state. We had only been in our new home for about a month, and he said he was leaving. He moved in with a 42yr. old woman that he had only know for about 2 weeks from a bar. She has 2 kids that she doesn't take care of, tatoos all over, doesn't how to drive and lives in a one room apt. He lived there for about 2 weeks, would not talk to me or the kids, and his sons birthday was that week ( can you believe how bad that was.) In 2 wks. time he spend $6,000, got engaged to her, yes he brought a $50.00 ring, and had her NAME tatoo on him. After, he did that he woke from his manic state, left her and never talked to her again. And that's part of my story. Today, we are together and trying to work it out. The doctors we go to say things like this can happen. But how can I get over this and believe in him again. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry you are going thru all this.  And it all sounds so familuar.  My brother is bi polar and has had simular behavior.  He has left his wife and 3 children.  Told his wife that he wished he had never had a family.  Its been a long haul for them.  My mother is also bipolar and it was so hard growing up with a parent who was always trying to take her life.  Can I suggest going to   Your family will be in my prayers.  Love to you
July 26, 2008, 4:01 pm CDT

someone who understands

Quote From: emocutie4life

Alrighty, I'm 16 and i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, and frankly i really don't believe that anything the "system" does help. People don't seem to understand that depression takes a long time to recover from, you can't just shove meds down our throats and lock us up in mental hospitals expecting everything to be ok, its not. You can't rush someone into being ok, and parents, spouses, friends, family members, just can't seem to follow the concept. I've sat here patiently for 3 years having therapist after therapist tell me that everything will be ok, just do what they say and it'll be fine. Got great news, never worked! There's a shocker, my life hasn't seemed to change from people bugging me or from taking annoying little pills. I'm seriously not trying to be some spoiled brat, or teen agnst, but i honestly do not believe that you can fix medical conditions with medication, there has to be a better way. I don't think people really see how frustrating it is when your doing everything your therapist says or suggests, and you take the little happy pills, and your still a depressed junkie. Pychiatrists (I know that's spelled wrong) job is to play the guessing game, which is all fine and dandy, until your patient feels suicidal and follows through. I'm tired of not having support from family, or friends, or whoever, and when i turn to the counselor's side. I'm their little guinea pig, and all they can suggest is bringing up a dose or trying another med that most likely won't do the job either. It's basically come to the realization that i will most likely not get any better from this, i mean i'm the girl who does the cycle. I would just kill to know exactly why is it meds are supposed to help, cause maybe there's something i'm not seeing.
I am so sorry you have had to live with diease a such an early age. I also grew up with depression and I do know how you feel.  I was fortunate to meet some very understanding people that helped me understand what caused the depression to begin to show itself at 14-16. I will not go into details on what happened to me that caused my mind to try and find a way to deal and wasn't able to. I am 50 years old now and I am still diagnosed with depression. With that said I have to also tell you that I did the medication thing, The phychotherapist the hospital all of it. Read Dr Phils book Self Matters and if you read the Bible read the 4th Chapter of Phillipians.  I do not take any perscription medication for my depression any more I went to the organic ones you would need to choose the ones right for yourself. But I helped myself by reminding myself life has to be better, I began to find things that intrest me, found myself a hobby.  And just to let you know one more time I understand I also raised a son that is bipolar-manic derpession/multiple personality diorder. If you would like to email me and talk to me you may at
August 18, 2008, 10:08 pm CDT

Please read story, sign petition, help

  Please sign the petition if you agree. Please send the petiton to all you know so that we may show the courts that alot of people, citizens, tax payers, are not pleased with their handling of the situation when it comes to Law and Justice for the Muhammed Kids. The link is below: Please copy and paste URL into your browser. Thank you.
The petition
The court has not repsected the kid's rights to have a safe, drug free,sex abuse free, nurturing environment. Instead they have been subjected to drug abuse, felony sex abuse, neglect, mental abuse, and physical abuse. Kids were told by mom that she wouldn't ever want to see them again if dad got custody so they opt to not say anything when given the chance because of the pressure of what mom said- the mental abuse. The kids have said without saying that they do want help but they don't want to be the reason why they are saved or taken away from mom since this is something they would have to live with but can and will accept it being done by the hands of someone else- the cry out for help. With all the evidence against the mom, the courts did not remove the kids yet they did take summer's away from dad but allowed him to keep his every weekend parenting time and increase child support to mom as a result of him taking her to court about the drug abuse and sex abuse. Both mom and minor have failed drug tests, furthermore,Father had to find out of the abuse from the mom's own mother whom had to hear it from someone else. Her own mom has called CPS on her, doctor's have called CPS on her, neighbors have called CPS on her, and the cops threatened to call CPS on her because she wouldn't cooperate with the investigation, but to no avail. She didn't even take the minor to the hospital after learning of the repeated felony sexual abuse-the neglect. Also these disgusting acts happened during the times that the dad was suppose to have minor but mom did not send her out of vengence.-Kept child from loving and caring dad but failed to protect minor from felon who lived at their home. Lets save these kids, godwilling. All it takes is a signature. If you feel as though if evidence can prove all the above allegations are indeed true, again, only if the evidence presented to the court does indeed prove all the abuse above to be true, then the kids should very well be removed from this custodial home then please sign this petition. Again the evidence presented to the courts include, repeated felony sex abuse of a minor in mom's custody during the dad's parenting time weekends(the felon aka cousin's live in boyfriend at mom's home is in jail awaiting trial right now), drug use/abuse of adult and minor(test were given to both and both mom and child failed for same drug also mom's van was confiscated by police in 2007 because of the same drug in van)-courts gave a sob story as to why she can't take kids to doctor's or get employment because of no transportation when the same courts have evidence and knows that the van was impounded on drug offense so now she's the victim and still didn't learn her lesson because she failed a drug test on June 18, 2008, physical abuse of minor, mental abuse of minor, and neglect of minor(minor was not taken to doctor's, hospital or nothing after sexual assault until dad found out about the assault over a month later, then he took the minor right away; she was more concerned about dad finding out and losing custody than the possibility of the minor being pregnant or have a STD),so because of this lack of evidence this also makes the case weak so the felon may very well get off. The Friend of the Court's solution to all of this was to take summer time away from the dad so the kids are forced to be in this environment even more so and to increase his child support payments, and take his legal custody away. Dad is drug free, has religious morals, Works and Goes to school, currently has one son and three step kids.The kids in his care are on honor roll and doing well.This man had tears in his eyes when he asked for my help, he wonders if one of the kids would have to die before they finally help them, so here I am trying to get him help. Please sign petition and please pass it on. These kids need our help. UPDATE: Mom is being evicted AGAIN August 20, 2008-4th eviction in 4 years. When dad brings issues like this up the Friend of the court says he's "borderline obsessive" of mom so in other words he has alot of evidence against her but instead of acknowledging this its easier to put him down. The evaluator also said though mom makes poor decisions there will be no change of custody because of his wanting to control the mom. In other words him telling mom not to have drugs around his kids, give him his kids on the weekends and during the summer when he is suppose to have them anyway per court order, is him attempting to control her. Friend of the court used such a big word to describe dad-borderline obsessive- but mom and minor being on drugs and mom not following court orders resulted in the minor being raped several times on different occassions were just referred to as "poor decisions". She also said there was no evidence warding for change when he turned in the police report mom and minor made to the cops about rape, not him, the transcript of testimony from child in court about the rapes, test results of minor who failed drug tests, and mom failed drug test given by Friend of Court, yet their main concern is money. If dad gets custody then they can no longer make money off his kids. He would take care of them and they would be out of the system.Last but not least the Friend of the court admits or shall I say favored him as being the parent who is capable of maintaining food, clothing, and medical care for the kids. They had a choice of favoring him, mom, or they could have said both parents are equal when it comes to providing these things yet the mom was totally knocked out the equation and it went solely to dad. Aren't food, medical care, and clothing the basic things we need in life to survive?-but according to the same people who wrote this, its better for them to live at the home where getting these essential things to survive may or may not be a possibility.So they admit she's not the best caretaker but they don't admit that she does help the state get more money for her carelessness. Again HELP THESE KIDS. If you know of anyone who can help then please email to the sponsor on the right of petition to contact dad directly. Thank you.

September 3, 2008, 1:29 pm CDT

Have many directions, yet feel so lost

(I did post this previously on another board, realizing it was the wrong one because someone would possibly respong negatively to said language inside this...i just need some form of support)


I lived in a small town up in West Texas, notice how i said lived, with my mother, brother and his fiance and two dogs. For quite some time we'd get along, and i know we all had some sort of mental problem that most times would put us nose to nose, or in some cases fist to face. My brother and myself are 5 years apart, and i love him dearly, yet even with help and family support he turned to heavy drugs and he's stick thin, having back problems and when he gets angry now he can get homicidally violent. It scares me, yet my mother lets it roll off and his fiance can only watch. Next comes his fiance, which eerily at one time was my girlfriend...she's like me, but about 80 pounds lighter, better outlook on life and is bipolar/scitzo. With her and him together, they love one another, but when they fight i want to just leave because one or the other, sometimes both, will drag me into the bullshit and it's just ANOTHER problem i have to deal with. I hate the little bitch, and yes i said hate, i trusted her and adored her to death until one day i was outside with her brothers and the kids from the roomates, playing around...well one of the boys pulled something off their motor bike and i needed to get a bit of help. I went inside, pulled my brother out the door and asked if he could help. Well nearly not 20 minutes later i come back in and i hear her and her mother talking...these are the exact words..."Yeah, was talking to him about dinner and the little fucking bitch just comes inside in that nasty ass dress she's wearing and pulls hims out. I don't care if he's her brother, she should have asked at least before yanking him out the goddamn door." Her mother saw me and i knew because she hadn't said anything was because i was there, I turn around to leave and i hear my brother's fiance say something to the tune of 'yeah why don't you leave you fat bitch before i give you another dose of what you need' hurt and that's the one thing i can't roll off. If she becomes part of the family it'll break my brother and me apart. How he could tell me i shouldn't have pulled her away when we ALWAYS have had an unspoken request to each other since I was born, it just amazes me. He's going to end up picking the woman over me, over his own family, and a already dysfunctional family will bite the dust. Just another statistic i should say.


Then comes my mother, she's sweet, funloving, compassionate and gets walked on constantly by men. The last few boyfriends i have had to explain things to them that if they did end up walking on her i would knock their ugly asses on the ground. Two ended up in the ground, the other in jail. The one she has now adores her, will do anything for her and i'm happy. Yet she's still depressive, still cries when i mention things about my grandmother who died in 2004 from lung cancer. In ways we're alike, others we're polar opposites. I adore my mother but the sad thing is we can only stand to be around each other for various periods of time or we fight, bicker and i hate it.


Then there is me. I am a 21 year old with severe depression and bi-polar(supposed to be the worse stage as there is two stages)...i've been used, abused, raped, molested and it's a wonder I haven't just fled the country...or the worst thing to say, killed myself. It's went through my mind, they're trying to help me but the saddest part is I can get the help but NOTHING is getting through to my emotions/mentality. It's like i can hear, nod, speak and talk but after it's all said and done I literally just seem to fade out, go back into myself. I cry constantly, i crave attention, yet i'm so scared to be touched by people, whether i know/love them or not. I would love to see if Dr Phil could help me but how one would get on the show i cannot possibly do. Financial strain for me has reached it's limit. I'm on the verge of being kicked out of where i live, and now i live in a town where i know only one person and i doubt they'd let me live with them. The show wants a recent picture, i'm so afraid of cameras, they want a video..again, another damn camera and it's supposed to have the explanation and ways i deal with things. How i could deal with things could scare people, I am a former, and now current cutter. I know I need help but will it take nearly killing myself to get it through my thick skull that my life needs to turn around before it's really too late?


What should a young person like myself with so many problems, some that have scarred me emotionally and possibly can't be reversed or continually lived with, and a family that's breaking apart, do before it honestly is too late? Would the rest of you recommend local help which is doing nothing, or possibly trying to get Dr Phil's attention which would still take an act of congress...and even if i could, what if he was too late too?

September 7, 2008, 6:35 pm CDT

I hit my sister for hitting her kids....

I am at a crossroads here...I got into a physical confrontation with my sister because I was tired of keeping quiet whenever she hit or mistreated her kids. I don't know what came over me but I had had enough. I was telling our mother about what had happpened and she cursed at me and one thing led to another. We had never behaved in this way before. Needless to say we have had a falling out and hardly speak to each other. My parents blame me for it all and even confronted me, while drinking, that I hated my sister and demanded that 'you hate your sister and you don't love her..'. I was left with my jaw open and hurt feelings. I need to know if I was wrong. I would have defended her kids from anyone else who was hurting them including their own mother. I need some input....Thanks! 
September 12, 2008, 4:45 am CDT




This is the third time I've tried to post to the right message board.  I hope I get it right this time.  Yesterday, I tried posting in a column about 'bullies', because I saw that the word pedophile was used.  Apparently, that was the wrong board.  I have written in my 'Shared Diary'; however, just one person has responded.  If you would, please, go to 'MY DIARIES' or 'MY SHARED DIARIES' I would really, really appreciate some help from anyone.  I know it's a bother to move around on this site; however, it has taken me YEARS to muster up the courage to post my thoughts and feelings here.  It's exhausting having to write every thing again.  My hopes are that a mental health professional with a specialty in this area AND an M.D. or Ph.D. can offer some sound advice and/or anyone with indepth knowledge of this subject.  I AM EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED AT THE LACK OF HELP THAT OUR SOCIETY OFFERS FOR INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THAT I HAVE.  I NEED HELP.  8[


When I tried adding to my first diary, I ended up writing a 'new' diary.  So, the second one is a continuation of the first.  You wouldn't know it, but I do have some knowledge of blogging.

September 17, 2008, 12:54 am CDT

I feel as if i lost my daughter...

I was basically a children bride..i didn't grow up in a small country town or anything. I met my ex-husband when i was 15 and he was 20 on a cruise in 2003. A year later i married him and within a month i was pregnant. During the pregnancy i was abused mentally and physically. Now some might say the obvious, just leave but in my own defense; when your 17 , beleive everything that is being said to you. I had moved across the country to be with this man and he was all i had. I was a child. I knew nothing of the real world. I was told if i left, i would be kidnapping. I had my daughter in April 2005, and in the end of 2005 my husband decided to kick me out of his parents home. I was 18; with nothing. I told him i wasnt leaving without my daughter and then i walked across the highway to call 911. The cops ended up picking me up and taking me to my home. They informed me that it was best if i left the child here because it was in the best interest of the child NOT to take her out of the home. I am NOT a drug addict. I am NOT a drinker. I AM a great mother. He WAS the drinker. HE WAS the one who did drug. Now how does that make sense...?
We rencently divorced in 2007... He threatned to take my daughter away from me if i didnt sign over part of my rights. He said i abandoned her. I DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE. I saw her after the divorce hearing and spent some time with her. The judge award us joint parental responsiblity. I have visitation, but now my ex wont let her come and meet my family up here.. granted it is something like 1200 miles away but im her mother. My daughter has a brother she never met. She has family shes never met. Shes seen my mom 2 times. The only way shes allowed to come up to ohio is if he comes up here. I have written Dr. Phil for his help.

What am i supposed to do when she asks me why i didnt fight for her? Or why did start another family? I constantly get stressed to the point where i get sick and cant sleep because im constantly worrying about that day. I dont want to talk poorly about her father but hes not a good person. Any man who lives with him mother until he is 25 and takes my daughter from me isnt a good person. Im a great mother. I know it. I prove it daily with my son. I just cant handle this sometimes...i dont want to walk away. Thats the easy way..and im fighting everyday to try to see her.

i need help. i need my daughter.
September 21, 2008, 4:16 am CDT


When someone is DEPRESSED you need to reach out and be a good listener. Some people lock up their HURT for so long they become INSECURE about themselves. They question themselves about doing anything in their LIFE that will turn out be a FAILURE. They look at LIFE in a different way than you look at it...they start feeling that no one will accept them if the share how DESPERATE they feel and people will JUDGE them. They might think people will look at their DEPRESSION as mental illness. DEPRESSION may cause some people to become JEALOUS of someone who is HAPPY because they are always so SAD. In order for them to want to share their feelings they need to TRUST that person not to repeat anything that is SHARED. The DEPRESSED PERSON is always worried that someone will look at them differently if they share what they are really knowing they are not like anyone..they rather see it rain than the sun shining..they rather stay in bed with the covers over their head then dealing with their problems..they don't feel comfortable with the way they look so they will not want to be around people...they become more DEPRESSED the more time they stay home ALONE..they are uncomfortable around people because they don't want anyone to see their PAIN...they feel like they have no reason to smile...they finally get so DEPRESSED that they don't take care about taking care of themselves or care about cleaning the place they live in..they finally get to the point they have NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.
HOW DO I KNOW ALL MOTHER was the DEPRESSED PERSON who went through all the stages I mentioned.
If we could all reach out to the person who is dealing with DEPRESSION they will have a chance of not getting to the last phase of their LIFE feeling they have NO REASON TO LIVE. GIVE THEM A REASON TO LIVE! TAKE TIME to be a FRIEND. It will give them a reason to SMILE again!
September 25, 2008, 6:52 am CDT


i dont even know if im in the right place here with my type of problem..but here goes anyway :(

where do i much has gone bad in my life...just like alot of people on here i guess.

well 5 years dad a vietnam vet killed himself...its been a long road..but im kinda ok about that now? i think? anyhow thats not what im here about..i have been married for 20 years..its like ive woken up one morning and felt like i just cant be married to this man anymore...a man that hasnt said he loves me in over 5 just not in love anymore i feel nothing towards him except that he is like a close friend...i want to end it with him...but i just dont know how? im not the kind of person who likes to hurt anyone,so im finding it very hard to get this out and tell him..he has been a great provider as in money...a good dad to our 4 kids{aged 16-18-20-22} the youngest my daughter} i dont want to hurt them either....i have to end this as i have fallen in love with a wonderful man,and in my heart i know this is so wrong :( and cant stand it anymore..i have to tell my husband its over..but how? im so scared he will flip he does this. my husband finds it so hard to love me,never really can recall any kind of love from him...i look back and try find those happy moments but i cant see them,every baby i had i never got i love you nothing..always remember feeling quite alone at those times...hardly ever recieved a card from him on those special days like birthday annaversary ect or a gift{ but the gift isnt what i worry about}i had a breakdown once as i was abused as a child,i was for a short time on drugs,got myself off them with no help...and instead of him saying im proud you did that...i got.."if you ever do that again,i will f**kin shoot you" nice hey? ive never forgotten that... we hardly have sex maybe once month if lucky and now hardly ever...ive stopped to tell you the truth as i just dont love him...last time i slept with him..i cried ..he never asked me why i was crying not now i  just dont go many things and so unhappy i could go on and on as you can see...please someone out there ..please understand what im going through...i have noone to talk to as you can tell by me raving on about slowly going nuts i think? i want to go away in 2 weeks to think about what i need in my life...i know i deserved to be loved right? is it to much to ask for this 2 weeks..oh hang on im asking him good god! i shouldnt have to do that right? who knows...????? arrrrrrg! im so confused????????????

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