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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 843
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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November 21, 2005, 1:21 pm CST


Quote From: jade_73030

Thanks Buffy i needed that
hey gosh im sorry I haven't been on lately My internet got disconnected. hows things going? I hope well. Im not doing to bad. I have been taken off my zoloft ^_^  but i still struggle with my eating disorder but thats life we have to take the bad with the good. lol well please if you ever need anything or to just talk I am here and if I'm not I check my messages. hAVE A GOOD DAY!! ttyl (((HUGS)))           ~Buffy~
November 27, 2005, 8:05 pm CST

Help me!!!!

Ok I need some advise.  My father died in February.  Well the front of June, my mother went to AL and got her uncle (Her dad's brother)  and he moved in.  Well then my mom turned to drinking everyday.  My little sister called me and told me to come and get her because *UNCLE* was feeling between mom's legs in the living room and she was scared.  So I went and got her.  She now lives with me.  I waited to the next day to ask my mom when she was not drunk. And she is together together with him.  She is choosing him over everyone.  She has four daughters (25,24,21,12) and she is putting us on the back burner.  She says she is a grown women and she can make her own decisions and that is what she wants to do.  She tells me that if i don't accept her then I don't have to talk to her or be around her.  It hurts so bad, that I just lost my dad and now I have to lose her.  I am 24 years old and married with a one year old and now I am having to be a mother to a 12 year old.  It gets stressed out a lot. I don't know how to handle this. I cry and talk to my husband and sisters but we have no idea how to approach it.  It is sick and nasty.  I need some help to talk to her.  When I do I think I get to mad and start yelling and she gets mad and kicks me out of her house, or hangs the phone up.  When I am over there the *uncle* tries es to talk to talk to me but I don't say anything. Is there any advise out there that someone can give me.  I don't want to lose my mother, She is the only mother I have.  My dad is gone but I will never forget him.  Please help me
November 28, 2005, 7:26 pm CST

I am trying to cope

From the outside I seem ok...but from within I scream...they are trying to say that my mother killed herself...but they didn't know my mother...I had just talked to her...the boyfriend was there...but stays to drunk and now out of his mind to answer the same question the same...he keeps changing the story...I wrote most of this story down!1pkbfRCzfo6z8S3fQkwuYtgg!593.entry 


I don't know if anyone ever accepts that a loved one kills themself...but I know my Mom and all that shes gone through in life and I WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT........... 

November 30, 2005, 5:25 am CST

The greatest man i have ever known !


     I lost my dad to cancer last march, and it was the hardest thing to see, he was such a strong man all his life, and to see the cancer just take him little by little was the horrible thing. Everyday he grew weaker and weaker, and all we could do was be there for him, one of the saddest days in my life would have to be one day last year, it was just a few weeks before Christmas and i was bringing my dad home from the hospital, and i asked him what he would like me to buy him for Christmas, and his reply just about broke my heart, he said all i want is to get better, and silently my heart broke and tears streamed down my face, i didn't want him to see me cry. It was a very hard Christmas, and now with him gone it going to be even harder, i miss him so much. He was always the one i would run to if i had a problem in my life, he always would hug me and tell me everything will be OK, now i just feel all alone inside, i still talk to him, and i would give anything to hear him say every things going to be OK, but i do know hes looking down on us and wishing to that he could be here. I am going home to spend Christmas with my Mom, so that she wont have to be alone, i know this is realy hard on her, and i want to make this first Christmas without him just alittle less lonely for her.  

November 30, 2005, 2:05 pm CST

A man I never knew.

On a cold Novembers night the innocent blood of a man spilled out on US131 five miles south of Grand Rapids, Michigan. The victum of another mans choice to drive while under the influence. The man was a father and a husband. The man was a friend and co worker to some. The man on his way home from a hunting trip with his friends. This man I am sure was  making plans for the Holidays. This man I am sure was planning what gifts to give his wife, children family and friends. This man I never knew. This mans blood is on my hands. I grieve for that mans family. For years this has haunted me and I cant get the grim memory of that night out of my mind. I cant deal with this anymore. This time of year only huants me with horrific memories of how I devastated so many others life. I haTe Novemeber , December and the new year. This year will be another year alone at Christmas only to contemplate the mere exisitence of my bieng. "Just let it end" I have cried to often. I know not how to deal with grief I only know that all the pain I have suffered and will suffered is the life long sentence I must serve due to what I did. Have a Merry F _ _ _ ing Christmas and a Happy F_ _ _ _ng New Year. Peace , joy and all that other bull to you all.
November 30, 2005, 8:57 pm CST

my son needs help..

I want to begin i would do anything for my children. but i don't know what to do. we have been seeking help for my 8year old son and i am hitting big brick walls.  the most painful thing a parent can feel in knowing something is wrong with your child. all of the doctors we have seen so far want to lable him a adhd and ofcourse pull the med. bag out and sedate him. i know he is not adhd but what is going on with him. i will start at the begining. he was a very healthy 10lb. baby full of life and so beautiful. about 9 months he began to go to strangers and hug everyone.. i thought i was a phase then began to wander we would lose him all the time one min. he was there and the next he would disapper. very scary.... then about 4 i started to wander to myself what is so off with my baby boy . he would make strange noises , strange faces, bang his head and seemed to get fixated on objects. then school began.. the school lost him 3 times and socialy he had a very difficult time. this contiuned and now in third grade he is listed with the kids as the weird kid.. he seems to have great difficuly with social rules , can not maintain topic , wanders , we have to stay right on top of him everysecond ... he is very intelligent 131IQ . he is an a-b student and is great looking child beautiful blue eys blond hair and tall unusally tall... i feel like i am not doing my job right now and feel like if i can not get him the help he need with either behaior therapy or i don't know anymore!!!! i feel like i could bust out criing any minute.. if anyone can help i would really appricate it!!!!! thanks tammy
December 1, 2005, 2:25 pm CST

Repsonse to you

Quote From: profderien

wow.  i really don't know how to respond.  so this is more of a reaction than a response. 


your decision was a horrible one with horrible consequences.  you are plenty aware of that -- i have heard it said that depression is anger turned inward.  do you think that applies to you?  then, peeling back the layers, what are you angry about?  your life surely has been changed since that night, too.  you didn't die, but it sounds like you wish you had.  i don't!  you have a story to tell that very well might stop someone else from driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. 


every time you tell that story -- even being as obnoxious as your parting shots -- you not only help someone else but you help yourself.  you might find living less grim, less of a curse, less lonely. 

you might meet people to let into your life.  try finding a speaker's bureau or a nearby school -- they need and want speakers to talk to high schoolers -- probably middle schoolers, too, sad to say. 


were you charged, did you serve time?  it is hard to know whether you are speaking in abstractions or concrete truth when you talk about the "life long sentence i must serve."  would you mind writing back and clarifying? 


you are so frustrated, so tired!  it's clear that the holidays are awful for people who are depressed -- whatever the reason.  please be gentle with yourself as you think back.  a hardened, evil person would have no remorse, no compassion for 'this man you never knew.' 


now... shall we try the holiday wishes one more time?  have a merry christmas, and happy new year.  peace, joy, and love to you. 



First thank you for the objective response. I hope to answer some of your questions. The anger might be due to the fact that it wasnt my blood on that highway. Or that I was not the one taken away in a black bag. Or maybe becuase I have to live this life with the guilt, pain and shame. Wait not live life but merely exist. My life long sentence is a one of emotional torment. Yes, i did serve a sentence which I physically incarcerated, however my mind is always imprisioned. My soul has become null and void of a true love, compassion, truth, and humaine choices. Well today is just another day of mere existance in hope of being able hope to for one more day. Thanks for the kind words and yes may you be blessed and may God give his grace to you and all others.
December 2, 2005, 9:34 pm CST

my son needs help..

thank you.. yes that has been said in passing. that is funny you would mention asbergers our youngest son has AS. he was diagonsed about a year ago. and with behavior and occupational help he is doing better than we could have expected. he is more verbal and sometimes will make eye contact. we are very pleased with the outcome so far.. back to mason.. can a child be catigorized with more than one disorder?? because i have been told that he is quite the enigma .. he falls into 4 catigories according to the school . and they don't want to lable him. i guess they don't want to make a dissition?? !! i feel like i am stuck in between everyone.. i started keeping a daily journal of everything that happens to him from sneezing and how he reacts to it to having a huge meltdown .. today he was sent to pricipals office for quiet time and see if they could get his work done with no distractions and the pricipal left for about 5 min. and mason rearranged his office . organize as he said. he can very compalsive about that.. i am at a loss .. and ofcourse the school asked today when we where going to start the meds. ..... i feel very offensive about this . i don't want my son on these drugs. i feel very adiment about this and my husband as well. what do i do now..... i feel like i am floundering . is my son an enigma??? thank you so much... tammy
December 3, 2005, 5:43 pm CST

How to help my mother?

This is sort of a long story, but I'll try to make it shorter. 

I just turned 17 years old a few weeks ago, and my mother has been suicidal for years now. I finally had to move in with an aunt after my mother's third nearly-successful suicide attempt. It is far beyond the point that I or anyone in the family could pull her out of anything. I stayed with her even while family memebers were offering for me to stay at their place, because I felt I should take care of her. I cooked for her, cleaned, woke up her every morning, etc. I was making her take care of herself and check her blood sugar and such since she's diabetic. She's been to counselling. She's even been in an in-patient facility for a week...twice.  She doesn't work, so we're on Tenncare, which is the state's free insurance. Since she was not making any progress, they said they won't pay for it anymore. And they don't pay for long-term residential treatment, which is what she needs. 


I'm tired of it. I mean, I know it isn't about me, but I have nightmares about her funeral because I know she will be dead soon without some intense, long-term treatment. I call her every day, just to make sure she's alive. I feel sort of guilty for moving out, but I didn't want my mental health to be damaged anymore. She'd always say how I was the problem, when I'd say 'I love you', she'd say 'Yeah right' or 'No you don't'. 


She needs that I can't give. I, and my whole family, has tried to talk to her.  I don't want her to die. She's my mom. What can I do? We can't get her in residential treatment, there's no state-run mental hospital, and she won't go to therapists because she always says "They just don't understand", but she says that to everyone. No one understand, she says. But of course, we do, all too well.  


I can't let her die. What can I do? 

December 4, 2005, 7:53 am CST

Giving and receiving

In this day and age I cant help but come to the conclusion that we are all connected one way or another. I dont mean that ina metaphorical way, but in a way that unites the humanity of mankind. I think by becoming involved in these discussions I have become more aware of that. I have a problem with the recieving aspect of support. I have been encouraged by many of the post on this site. I do not feel so much alone in this world to see so, so many people with many different circumstances and I know it is all relevant. Relevant to the fact that we are a living human being with feelings and emotions that someitmes are effected by traggic situations that will forever dictate our well being.
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