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Topic : 03/09 Dominating Spouses

Number of Replies: 258
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Created on : Friday, March 02, 2007, 12:04:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are tired of being bullied and bossed around by their spouses. They say they are treated like personal assistants, and their lives have become an emotional roller coaster because of their partners' domineering ways. Jodi wants to confront her husband, Frank, who admits he’s a chauvinist. Frank says a woman’s role is to serve the husband, but Jodi says, “Not after today!” After 14 years of being at his beck and call, will Jodi be able to stand up to her husband and demand respect? Then, Ahnika wants her brother-in-law to get a backbone and finally stand up to her controlling sister! She says Sarissa walks all over her husband, Jason, and if she doesn’t change her domineering ways, he’s going to wise up and leave her. Sarissa says she’s forced to take control because her husband doesn’t know how to wear the pants in the family, but Jason says it’s easier to shut down than it is to fight. Can this couple find balance in their family roles? Tell us what you think!

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March 6, 2007, 9:18 am CST

Is there a difference between domination and abuse?

In my mind domination IS abuse. I just don't think I could live with someone like that. Neither my husband or myself are dominant. We wouldn't have lasted this long if the marriage (or courtship for that matter) had started out that way. That doesn't mean that we always agree on everything. But through the years we have managed to work things out together. I personally think it would be a lot of work to be constantly telling my husband what he needs to do. I think he functions just fine and he thinks I function just fine. I feel very blessed to be married to such a good man. Can these people change? Maybe, if they really want to change and really work hard at it.
March 6, 2007, 10:37 am CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: amymarie2

From my experience, I hooked up with a controlling loser because I was lacking the healthy esteem needed to make a good choice for myself.  I ignored the red flags that were so apparent to everyone around me who warned me against the man I married.  I listened to no one and married him anyway. 


He was charming in the beginning and I fell for it.  After he "had" me the real him came out but by then it was too late.  Deep in my heart I kept wishing that same guy I knew way back when would come back. 


But he never existed. 


I have learned that the best way to deal with a controller is to take control.  Get control back for yourself.  Stand on your own two feet.  Become responsible for yourself and your children and rely on nobody. 


For anyone who is in a controlling situation I say to you: for as weak as you think you are you are as strong as well on the other end of the spectrum.   As low as you have shrunken as a victim you can tower as a survivor! 


You have it in you!  The pendulum swings both ways.  XO

I guess that makes just makes me sad for everyone all around. Controlling men too...because they will never learn the joys of having a partner and friend and lover all in one if they continue the way they are....

I'm glad you got out of your bad situation.
March 6, 2007, 11:41 am CST

dominating spouses

I am a wife to a dominating husband. We have been together for almost 11 years,married for 3 years. When we met he was a womanizer. I do not know why I wound marring him in the first place. He is very controling. He brought me a flyer from work. He thought it was for self defence. It was actually for an empowerment class. He wanted me to throw it away. I told him no. I went to the class  and have a new sence of control over myself. All this is because I finally asked him for a divorce. He wound up throwing something at my head, punching two holes in the bathroom door. I left him but unfortunately came back to him. I need to find a way out before he goes back to trying to control my life as well as the children.

We are not placed on this earth to be used, abused and controled by anyone. We deserve better. It time for us to stand up to these controlling spouses. I will be watching this episode to see what will come of some of these people and for some advice for myself.

March 6, 2007, 1:31 pm CST

I feel exactly 100% the same way.

Quote From: jettav

I am a wife and  mother and I expect to be treated with love, respect and dignity for I deserve it and any man (or woman) who mistreats their spouses do not deserve to be married. It's nice to have a husband come home to me and tell me that he loves and appreciates me for the things I do for the home and the family. I guarentee that if he came home just to degrade and manipulate me, I would not be the happy, loving and kind person that I am, I would have absolutely no desire to be a good wife to my husabnd and I certainly would not want to live with him. Love and honor is a part of marriage and those people who can't handle that, needs to get a grp on what true love and respect is.

Wives were not put on this earth to be slaves and mistreated and used and manipulated and husabnds were not put on this earth to be slave masters, Marriage is about TWO people being there for one another, loving, caring, sharing a life, and being on the same team, supporting one another by encouraging and helping one another in this life journey. I thank God for the wonderful husband that I have, he is my rock and encourager, and I am here for him as well. Man, We may make our share of mistakes, but it aint nothing like these people casue my husabnd and I love and respect each other, that's what it's about and if a coupl. spouse can't do this tehn really,t hey shouldn't be married.
You are so right. I have had the marriage you describe for almost 33 years. If it had started out any differently I really don't think I'd have stayed. Actually when we were going together, if I'd seen behavior like that I wouldn't have married him. I feel really fortunate to have found a good husband.
March 6, 2007, 4:24 pm CST

OH Yeah

Quote From: busybowman

I can't wait for this show. The rest of the week's topics don't interest me much except for the Peterson jury. I am legally separating from my husband right now after almost 25 years of marriage. I have been controlled by bullying, verbally and emotionally. Our son was physically abused by him and our other children lived with the chaos. He threatened that if I left, I wouldn't get a dime, that he would never pay for a house he wasn't living in. He thought he could always keep me compliant. He thought wrong. I retained an attorney 5 months ago and did alot of homework and preparation behind the scenes. With my attorney's help, I am staying in the family home and he is having to leave and pay child and spousal support. He tries to make agreements with me that are in his best interest, but I am not falling for it. I am no longer under his control.

I love this because I think its never too late.  After 25 yrs I'll bet he felt pretty safe and secure that you'd never stand up to him.  You did your divorce the right way too by going and finding out your rights. I only commented just to make sure everyone reads this again in case theres a woman out there wondering what to do.  Well, see above! ;)


Good Luck to you!


March 7, 2007, 8:02 am CST

Dominance makes for an unhappy marriage

Been married to a WONDERFUL man for 18 years (he's a super father, too). For years I HAD to be in control. It was my personality, probably due to having been raised by a man who had to be in control. I was domineering and sometimes ruthless.


My husband, a reserved man who has more patience than a saint, somehow loved me enough to put up with me. Eventually, with maturity, a renewed belief in God and children, I mellowed over the years.


And once we attended a weekend of Marriage Encounter (thru the Catholic church), our marriage got EVEN BETTER! I learned that my spouse and others are NOT my adversaries. We are teammates who should show eachother mutual respect. And respecting someone does not mean controlling them! Fear is what motivated me (always worried I'd be left, I suppose), but it no longer motivates me. We have a peaceful, happy, ful-filling life...lovers, best friends, mates for life.


The domineering spouse has the problem. The one who gets walked on also has the problem(my husband didn't fall into this category, luckily). If two people want to be happily married and AT PEACE, they need to work on their marriage both independently and together. Do it for yourself, for God and for your innocent children.  SO GLAD I did!!!

March 7, 2007, 8:09 am CST

Take action. You can do it!

Quote From: labella226

Dr. Phil:


My son Michael got married for the first time on October 21, 2005.  He is 37 and she is 31.  He was dating her for six years and the very first time I ever met her was at the actual wedding.  For some unknown reason since that first day she is very jealous of my love and affection for my own son.  She does not let him call me or see me.  I have not spoken on the phone to my son for almost a year, I will never call his house I'm afraid of the trouble I will make for him.  Except for me attending the wedding, prior to that date, I did not see my son for over six years, the exact time he has been going with her.  I don't know what I did to her that she hates me so much.  Even her mother at the wedding, treated me like a dog, an outcast and tried to humiliate me at the reception but, I mouthed back at her because I feel I did not deserve that kind of treatment considering I never met her either except for the first time at the wedding.  Dr. Phil, please help me figure out what happened here between me and my son; prior to him meeting her, we were very close, we only have eachother, my husband died, my parents died, and he was my only child.  I am going out of my mind trying to find a way to solve this matter but, I would never call his house, I'm afraid of her.  I need your input please.  Arlene in Orlando, Fl.

Id your son loves and respects you, you should be able to sit down with him alone and ask him if there's a problem.


However, if I were you, I'd call his wife and ask if you can take her out for dinner, shopping, etc (whatever it takes). Then tell her how important your son is to you and since he has chosen her for his wife, she must be an awfully special person (a person you'd like to get to know better). Begin a relationship with her. Once she feels comfortable with you and decides its ok to like you, she won't want to stop you from seeing your son. You may need to clarify why you "mouthed off" at her mother. If she is like I am, her mother is very special to her and you may have crossed a line.


However, it sounds as though your son is making choices here. There must be more than meets the eye. Mail him a "Thinking of You" card and tell him you love him and miss him. If that doesn't get him to contact you, I would guess that his lack of attention toward you has more to do with something other than his new wife.


I feel your pain, but you are not a victim. You can take some actions that change this situation. Why not try? All he (or she) can say is "No." Would that be any worse than what you already have???? God bless you, Arlene.

March 7, 2007, 8:13 am CST

Men always get dumped on

Quote From: cynthia20

I truly relate to this situation, and Ithink Frank definitely SHOULD be a partof a MANS' CAMP situation, along with myown husband. Men are not suppose to degrade their wives in any terms. The saying that Dr. Phil so often uses,""IT'S BETTER TO BE ALONE AND HEALTHY, RATHER THAN TOGETHER AND SICK"", is the truest thing that could be said, andothers should heed to it also. Men can be so perfect, while they are courting, and trying to WIN you over, in a mannerof speaking......; BUT it is also sotrue, "ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS"!I have always felt that those older thanmyself, have probably already walked thepath, and can tell me what I need to know, IF I will just 'LISTEN'-This Frankguy,just does not want to hear anythingthat is not in his own favor, and she would be better off without him......-BUT so many of US are so SCARED of the unknown!! and get use to the situation!PUT THIS FRANK PERSON, IN THE MAN CAMP--LETS' SEE IF HE IS A MAN!!

Man Camp should have been named COUPLES CAMP because the women were as messed up as the men!


And please add women to the mix of those who aren't supposed to degrade people. Men get a bad rap in our current society while we women skate by. There are just as many lousy women as there are lousy guys! I have no male duds in my large circle of friends and acquaintances. I suggest we women start acting smarter and picking wiser...unless we would rather play "victim" and enjoy complaining.

March 7, 2007, 8:17 am CST

True love is never a "Hassle"

Quote From: caladyinmt

Now I know why I have decided to remain single.  It is just too much hassle to be in a relationship anymore and I am too old to change my ways.

Very sad. I've been married 18 years to a GREAT guy and I have many GREAT male friends who are making wonderful husbands. Marriage takes work on the parts of BOTH husband and wife.


Sadly, today many people don't want to make the effort; they'd rather grow old alone and miss out on all the special times a husband and wife can share.


I, personally, look forward to watching my husband's hair turn gray and waking up beside him every morning of every day of ever year. He's my best friend and our relatioship is WONDERFUL. I cannot be lonely with such a fun, thoughtful and kind-hearted soul by my side.


Just because one guy is a dud doesn't mean there aren't GREAT guys out there looking for a quality relationship. Giving up on love is very sad. True love is NEVER a "hassle!" 

March 7, 2007, 8:33 am CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: penny_lady

I guess I don't get why women marry men like this in the first place! Why are these men rewarded with wives and sex and partnership in the first place?
I am the one that wrote the other one that I am currently married to a controlling man. I did not say that he and I was having sex. Because we aren't. We do nothing together.
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