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Topic : 06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Number of Replies: 169
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:23:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/24/07) Do you find yourself wondering where your relationship with your child went wrong? You say it’s your child. Your child says it’s you. Who’s to blame? Dr. Phil uncovers where the problem lies in these families. Penny says her life is in shambles because her 17-year-old son, Jason, is extremely threatening and violent. Jason says his mother is a lazy alcoholic, and all he has ever wanted was to feel loved by her. Penny’s sister, Jackie, says Penny has a drinking problem and wants the mother and son to get help before they kill each other. Then, Kim has three sons –- 14, 2 and 15 months -- but says she loves her middle son, Cullen, the most. She has pictures of him all over her house, but not her other two sons. She takes Cullen to bed with her at night, while the baby cries himself to sleep in his own room, and she buys Cullen new clothes, while her youngest gets hand-me-downs. Her oldest son says he has felt neglected his whole life and is worried the baby will feel that way too. Kim’s friend, Starlette, says Kim’s baby has even started calling her Mama. What’s behind Kim’s favoritism, and why does she feel justified? Share your thoughts here.

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January 24, 2007, 12:27 pm CST

Problem Parent or Problem child

 My grandparents on my dads side did not like me or my 2 brothers they only liked my 2 sisters and my 2 cousins...And the sad thing was they made it obvious..When we would go visit them they would always have plates of cookies out and jars of candy and we would watch our older sisters and cousins go up and get some any time they wanted but if brothers or I would try we got slapped real hard..we never understood,,They lived out of our state so when we would go visit we would have to stay a couple of days... everybody got beds except brothers and I.... we got to sleep on hard floors and share a blamket and 1 pillow...My brothers got to the point they did not care and they would just try to make them hate them more but I wanted them to love me so bad but for some reason they just never could and all 5 of us had same mom and dad..When we would leave to go home they would hug my sisters and tell them they loved them and to hurry back but when I would hug them they would't even hug me or say any thing......When I got older I asked my mom why but she did not know....I also found out that when we would go there for christmas that my mom would have presents in the car for me and brothers so that we would have some to open like everybody else cause grandparents would not buy us anything....Well I When I had my firsrt child my oldest sister wanted me to go with her to grandparents house for a couple of days to show them the great grandkids cause my sister had just had her 3rd child and they had never seen any of them...So I went... the 2nd day we were there MY grandparentshad left and when they got back they were so excited they said they had gifts for all the kids....Well of course they had them for my sisters but not mine and just as I got up to say something my sister told them that she has had enough of the favoritism and that we were leaving and that she was through talking to them she told them just what they could kiss on her....and we never saw them again......And because of that I could never favoritze any of my 4 kids..Or let any body else....EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 24, 2007, 12:29 pm CST


Jason - you ave so so much going for you - you are a nice looking, well-spoken guy who can go so far. You really need to do a few things - you need to take the help Dr. Phil gives you, you also need to get to Alanon - your mom is nowhere near ready to accept her own responsibility in how badly she's failed you and she's not ready to admit she's an alcoholic and not ready to get sober.  You have already passed your mom out on the maturity level - but you need to do a lot more for yourself - there's something inside you that is going to help you save yourself - you may never going to have a real grownup relationship with your mom - she may never be up to it.  She;s deserate to blame you - it is NOT your fault - you do have a lot of anger and show it in the wrong ways - and that is something you have to address.
January 24, 2007, 12:35 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: jsg262003

My boyfriend is very special to me and we been to gether few months now.  Certain things just irritate me that he does.  One of them is yes this show today was like him e.g. Danny T anner/Bob Sagat from "Full House" '88='95.  He clean freak galore.  There is a purell sanitizer botte in just about every room by the door/entrance way.  He sorta drives me up the wall w/ it all.  He constantly telling me and my daugher to wash or use purell to be free of germs.  Anyway the main problem recently is that he got  a transfer of job bout 1month ago and spending all his free time w/ my daughter and not me.  He adores her and she loves him just about from the start when we all met.  Recently, he transferred from nights to day hours.  SHe just loved him for that.  He did it bc he thought he lose us bc he didnt see much of us, especially my daughter.  (bc of her schooling)  Every time i turn around recently he'll pic her up from school and not tell me prior to i attempting to pic her up as i usually have done in past.  He's spending time w/' her or us.. I feel it out of hand.  I said someting to him few times but doesnt do nothing.  Unless she in bed shes allways w/ him, which is m,aking feel neglected.  Dont get me wrong its good they have a good relationship/bond together but i feel it overboard /overkill.  He constantly taking her places w/ out telling me first bout it so i know or can say" ya ill go too".  He gives me affection and attention but not as much as he used too b4 the job switch.  I feel/think he wants to make up for all the times he wasnt there for her i think, but not sure??? Any suggestions/comments anyone?? confused here...Andrea
oh my -  the red flags are all over your situation -- he is spending more time with your child than with you and you don't realize that is NOT normal??? And now he's not so affectionate with you as he used to be - could it be that he's replacing you with your daughter??  This just doeesn't sound normal - at all ... you need to step in there for your daughter's sake.
January 24, 2007, 1:01 pm CST


Dr. Phil,   I cannot believe the behavior of the mother of the three boys. I am a Mother of three boys as well but each is unique and loved for himself. Am I perfect? NO. I will take that little boy in a heart beat. That mother would be kinder to let someone who would love thet child have custody.
January 24, 2007, 1:16 pm CST

ooooerrrr,,, dos,nt sound good.

Quote From: kec132

oh my -  the red flags are all over your situation -- he is spending more time with your child than with you and you don't realize that is NOT normal??? And now he's not so affectionate with you as he used to be - could it be that he's replacing you with your daughter??  This just doeesn't sound normal - at all ... you need to step in there for your daughter's sake.


At all, i,d be asking some serious questions and be prepared to make a stand bewteen this guy and your daughter. For, the sake of your daughter, its just NOT normal imo, maybe you need to start being more assertive and taking more of a leadership role in your daughters life, all sounds a bit suss to me.

January 24, 2007, 1:19 pm CST

Kim is toxic to Cullen, too

 Whenever a child is a 'teacher's pet," Mom's favorite or Dad's special child, the child knows that they are part of a situation that is unfair.  As soon as they are old enough to realize that they are loved more or given privileges that others are not given, they understand that the situation is unjust.  They can experience a deep sense of guilt, or a false sense of superiority, or more likely, conflicting feelings.  This is even before they understand that since their privilege is given by caprice rather than merit, their privilege is insecure and can be withdrawn just as easily by the adult and is really out of their control,  Poor Cullen, he is in almost as untenable a situation as his two unfairly treated brothers.  Good luck to all three of the brothers. 
January 24, 2007, 1:19 pm CST

what a mother

 I can not believe the mother. Here she thought her son was at fault for all this when really it sounds like she was more at fault then him. First off I can't believe she would drink in front of her son everyday with out not having one day with out a drink of wine and others. She is not setting a good role model for her son.

I think her son is anger all the time because his mother doesn't show that she loves him she would rather drink than spend time with him.

I'm a mother and I would never do that to my son. I don't know how she could. 

January 24, 2007, 1:36 pm CST


  I can't believe this woman!!!!! She calls herself a mother! She is lucky enough to be blessed with three healthy, beautiful children and she only pays attention to one. She doesn't deserve to have any of them if that is the way she is going to treat them. If she doesn't change all three of them will grow up resenting her and most likely have drug and alcohol problems. Children are a blessing. Once you have them the world is no longer just about YOU! She needs to let go of her feelings for the middle childs father because he obviously has. Her priority should be being the best parent she can to all THREE! Not for nothing, but if she didn't want to have anymore children then why did she get pregant in the first place with the third son? He didn't ask to be born. The problems she has in her life are not his fault! Things just happen in this world like it or not and you have to adjust the best you can. My mother is a toxic person just like the woman on the show and I will not allow myself to be her.
January 24, 2007, 1:38 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: momofwatsonx


Mys son was 6ft 5 inches and weighed 450 big guy, lots of muscle, yea we argued and he would get made i would say something that would just tick heim off and before i know he had punched the wall and put a hole in it... my son and oldest daughter's dad was a abusive man and did drugs, i left him when josh was 3 and his sister was 5, this man beat me so bad that i lost a baby, and i decided that was it. i never looked back and my kidss became better childern and adults because of that decission...... they have never seen there dad since that day....


So my son drew a lot of his angry from this man, and when we got to that point, i simply walked away, he would go to the garage get the stuff patch the hole think about and then come out and say hey mom I am sorry but you really made me mad, then we would talk about it and always ended with 'I LOVE YOU'


There was one day that i had came home from work and he had hit his 8 year old sister playing around but rememember hes a big guy,  well i got mad we argued i told him that i was kicking him out of the house, now this whole time his friend was there listening to us argue.... after a few minutes he got up told his friend he lets go, he walked over knowing i am mad kissed me on the forehead and said i love you mom..... and left to hang with his friends,   when they got in the car his friend said "man, dude you really mad your mom made, she's gonna kick you out dude"

my son look at him and said, no she wont she loves me and in a few minutes if will all blow over cause i know she loves me   this was told to me by josh friend after her died.   and he was right in a few minutes everyting was fine and i knew that we were ok because he said i love you mom



long story to make a point, but  you controll your kids, it might not look like i was in controll all the time but i was because my son knew the one thing that is the most powerful thing in the world is the   I LOVED HIM UNCONDICTIONALLY, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!


I wish we could go back to those days, life is so empty with out him.......but i give thanks that the last phone call i had with him that day was him asking were his sister was and when i asked him  didn;t you hear anything i told you this morning (at 7 am before i left for work he was sleeping and i woke him to tell him bye) he said  uhmmmm i heard bla bla bla bla bla  I lOVE YOU, BECAREFUL, BLA BLA BLA   BYE




sorry about sp crying cant see what im trying



I watched your show today and it was very good. My son went in a rehab just before Christmas. He has been sober since and we are very proud of him.  He told me a few weeks ago he is tired of his lifestyle.  He has 1 friend and the friend doesn't do drugs or drink.  I don't know if you do shows on grandparents or not cause I am not able to watch it everyday but my daughter got engaged at Christmas and he informed us the only way we are allowed  to our grandchildren is in a public place cause my son was in prison and used to do drugs. Our grandchildren are 7 years old and  months and mean alot to us. My son asked if he could watch Derek at the pinewood Derby last Saturday afternoon and he was told no. I am disappointed in my daughter.We never told our grandson in ws in prison. Kids wonder why  parents get depressed?. I told her think about it.We don't speak right now.

January 24, 2007, 1:47 pm CST

Who is going to help the other two?

I cannot believe that the friend or some other family member does not appeal to this mother to remove the kids from her home.  She sounds like she is depressed and god knows what could happen if she goes over the edge.  What happens if the baby cries and wont' stop?  Someone needs to help these kids before we read in headlines about another tragedy.



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