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Topic : 01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

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Created on : Friday, January 12, 2007, 02:26:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Young moms have a million questions about their little ones, from, “How do I stop the temper tantrums?” to “What do I do if my child just won’t eat?” Dr. Phil enlists the help of a family of experts in the field of pediatrics: Dr. William Sears and sons, Dr. James Sears, and Dr. Robert Sears. Collectively they’ve written 50 books that cover anything and everything a mom or dad could ever want to know. Together they field questions from young mothers. First, Angela says her 3-year-old daughter, Ellie, has been a screamer since the day she was born. Could Ellie’s temperament be the result of Angela’s feelings toward her at birth? Then, Robert and Wendy argue over what to do with their baby’s night crying. Robert claims Wendy runs to their 4 ½-month-old son, Ethan, at every whimper, sigh and cry. Wendy says Robert just doesn’t get it -- and why would he? She says he just sleeps right through it. Plus, Lisa says she’s terrified of germs and takes every precaution to keep her kids from getting sick. Her husband, Michael, says “Enough already!” Who’s right? Learn the answers to these and other parenting dilemmas and share your own concerns here.

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January 19, 2007, 10:44 am CST

Listen to your instincts

I am the mom of three children, all six years apart, all were surprises, you go five years between them and figure you are done and "surprise!"  (I finally figured out what caused it and got it fixed ;-))


My eldest is 27, married and I am the grandmother of wonderful little boy.  Thankfully, all my children were fairly healthy, but each of them gave me a scare at one time or another.  I loved reading about what the Drs. and Nurse Sears had to share. 


My oldest got very sick when she was very young and I took her to the doctor week after week and kept getting pushed aside.  She had gotten the red measles before she was old enough to have recieved the vaccine (her father was in the military at the time) and while she survived (while not all the exposed babies did) I had to stop breast feeding her and she DID NOT do well on formula.  She was constantly throwing up and I told the doctors (military hospital) that I had been allergic to milk and maybe she was allergic??  Oh no, she may may have cystic fibrosis or cancer or something else...  Tests and tests and more tests.  Finally I brought her to the hospital and refused to leave until she was admitted.  They finally listened to me (I was 19 at the time and what did I know) gave her a bottle of soy milk, she kept it down and the tide was turned.  We are with these people all of the time we know when something is wrong! and often know what is right.


One more memory - Once I brought my other daughter to the hosptial (not the military)  at night, she had had a fever for several days, she had a terrible cough and I kept making her drink water and juice, anything to keep her hydrated while we waited for the antibiotics to kick in (I had taken her to the doctor of course)  She was suddenly so much worse I knew it had turned into pneumonia, just knew it.  My thermometer had broken but I knew that she was burning up and figured (from experience) that her fever was about 102. 


When we finally got to see the ER doctor he asked what her temp was and I told him I thought is was about 102, he asked how I knew, I said I had felt her, he actually held up his hand, palm toward me, and asked if there were any numbers on his fingers...  I said take her temp and it was 102.  Then he argued that she was so well hydrated that she could not have pneumonia, I stood right in his face and said TAKE THE XRAY!!  She had double pneumonia, both lungs filled up...


We do need to remember that these people are busy and they see alot of cranks but when you know what you know, you have to make sure that you follow that feeling, do whatever it takes, they do not live with your children, they do not know what you do. 


Just my humble opinion ;-)





January 19, 2007, 10:46 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: purplepenny

I tell my 2 year old that all the time, and it's true! I can't understand's working a bit. She's still very young for this to work all the time, but she does stop the crying and whining and does her best to speak in English to me...LOL

I don't think this is abusive in the least. It is hard to listen to whining. And sometimes you cannot be understood when you talk that way. Also, if they whined to someone who knew them less they just might NOT understand them. Whining isn't a great way of communication.
I once heard that if your child were whining or screaming and wouldn't stop, to talk very, very softly. That way they had to be quiet to hear what you were saying. Don't know if it works, cause my kids were too old for that at the time. But I suppose it's worth a try.
January 19, 2007, 10:53 am CST

Patience and consistency is the key

Quote From: gwarrior6

I'm no expert, but as far as the toilet training goes, have you tried charts and stickers?  Or put her on a schedule, and have her sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every two hours whether or not she needs to go.  I don't know what you've tried.


As for the tantrums, ignoring them is the best advice.  It gets worse before it gets better and then dies down.  If you're at the store and she's throwing a fit, walk away (don't leave her, but just ignore her bid for attention).  If you're at home, walk out of the room.

Are you sure that you are ready for this?  It takes time and patience. Once you feel that both of you are ready, perhaps the following will be of help.  If possible have her play with slightly older family members or friends who are already potty trained. They can be her  "Role models".  Talk about being a big girl and how big girls go to the potty.  Buy her pretty "big girl panties" with her favorite characters on them and talk about them.  "Wow! Look at these Dora panties! Aren't they neat, nice, etc. Go on and on about them. Make them really special.  Tell her they are not like diapers. They get wet, etc. Hold off on using them until SHE wants to try them.   Encourage her to be a big girl like mommy . Tell her "mommy goes to the potty" Daddy goes to the potty" and (whomever else she loves) goes to the potty.  Would (insert her name) like to go to the potty, too?  Then reward her with her "big girl" privileges, things babies can't do but only big girls.  Don't belittle her for mistakes and never punish her.  Don't make potty training become a battle.  Talk about it with her, read books to her about it. Make her feel as if she is someone really special,   that she is growing and that these are some things that big people do.  I don't suggest using pull-ups. But if you choose to use them, be consistent.  Don't say its OK if you pee in your pull-up this once because there is no bathroom close by or if you are busy.  Patience and consistency is the key.  Good luck!

January 19, 2007, 10:53 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: sbmump

TWO weeks?   Don't I wish.  Try 12 weeks...12 weeks of feeding on demand, skin to skin, lactation consultants, pumping and still no good latch.  This is after a week in NICU where he was given formula and I pumped around the clock to make sure my milk came in.  I knew breast was best, I knew no artificial nipples should be introduced the first week but things don't always go as planned.  I was suppose to take my baby home with me, not leave my baby at the hospital.  There are so many women out there who tried and tried and TRIED to breastfeed and DID NOT give up after a couple of weeks....and still no success after 3 or 6 or even 10 months.  They have issues with supply and latch and still pump for only a few milliters of milk/day and they know breast is best but have to supplement anyway.  Now...I am pumping and he gets 100% breastmilk at 4 months, however, I do not blame, judge or point fingers at women who choose not to breastfeed because I don't know their personal situation. I am glad my son gets breastmilk...not the way I planned but it is hard to let go of that nursing relationship I really desired and worked very hard to have.   It is sad that other moms judge when I get my bottle out and think I am a selfish mother because they don't know me and they don't know what I've been through.  It would be nice if there were compassion instead of judgement.  I am just so thankful I have a healthy baby....crying, whining, playful, and alert!
You tried and that's what counts. I breastfed my first but my didn't work out, he wasn't getting enough and was quite an unhappy little lad..once he was on the bottle he was fine. I do have to wonder if there's any correlation between my first who seems a bit more "dependant' and my second who's very independant
January 19, 2007, 10:57 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: krodhas7

I am a 28 year old mother to 7 children. I started young at the age of 18 when I had my first and they just kept coming. I even had 2 in 1 year and they are not twins. I had a girl then 5 boys and then another girl. People come to me like I should be the expert because I have so many, please I didn't realize there could be 7 different personalities. A couple of my kids have health issues that I have had to learn about, I still haven't conquered the tantrums or yelling all the time. My house is like a circus most of the time. So any mom I think could stand to learn more. Not all of us can be Martha Stewart. If I could learn how to get along with my 10 year old daughter that would be a blessing. If my boys could try and drive me insane less, that would be wonderful. And how do you get housework, playtime and me time all in one day? That is my question for the experts.


Kristina mother to 7

Oh my goodness!  Do you have any hair left?  :-)
January 19, 2007, 11:06 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: jettin

I am a twenty year old mom of a beautiful 4 month old. It seems that she has always had problems since she was born. Here bowels are all messed up. She screams in pain for at least 5 minutes just to have a bowel movement. Her doctor keeps telling us that it is a form of colic. I think otherwise. She refuses to sleep in her own bed, or in the room by herself. She has to sleep with me with my hand on her chest the whole night or she gets all fussy wakes up and cries until I move her. She cant sleep in a room without noise. There has to be the humidifier going and the stereo before she even thinks about going to bed for even a nap. And one last thing...I have started her on rice cereal as of two and a half weeks ago. She seemed to do really good on it but now she can only have a certain amount because it hurts her tummy and goes into the problem with her bowels. What can I do?
My son is almost two but I understand what you are talking about.  We had the same problem - we tried a number of different things one was 1/2 prune juice 1/2 water at bed time - if worked as long as he was on the bottle - but at 1 years old he was off the bottle and would not drink the juice.  After going to a GI specialist because he was underweight and had such a hard time with bowel movements ( screaming, turning red and at time pushing so hard he would throw up)  they placed him on glycolax a stool softner that is not habit forming.  It has made a world of difference no more screaming - eats much better and is gaining weight.  He had probelms with bowel movements and had a supposatory at 6 weeks old, so this was a ongoing problem.
January 19, 2007, 11:15 am CST

How about the first 15 weeks?

Quote From: tkay81


  I'm kind of sick and tired of hearing, "Do what's best for you."  As a parent you don't do what's best for you, that's part of being a responsible adult and parent entrusted to meet the needs of a child that is relying on you.  Breast milk is BEST and less than 1 percent of mom's can't breastfeed.  Yes, the first week or 2 are difficult for all moms and many give up.  What is wrong with meeting your child's needs?  If they are crying to get a bottle it's because they are hungry.  If they are crying to get a diaper change, they need changed.  Do you want to sit in poop?  If your child is seeking comfort and you hold him you are teaching him he can rely on you and the world for meeting his emotional needs.  It's not all about you as a parent.  It is a job and no one said it's supposed to be easy. Having a degree in early childhood education I learned to look not at my view as a parent, but from the point of my child and understanding what is going to help him develop and grow as a person that will have a strong sense of self and contribute to the world.  If you want to teach compassion you first must model it.  Thank God for the experts that can convey the research to the public and to the mother's that didn't go to school for 4 years to learn about how to help their children flourish.

lol That's how long I had problems. I had soreness and pain. I went to the lactation consultant, the home health nurse. I had them check my latch, watch me feed my daughter and they all said that I was doing everything right. But it hurt horribly to feed her those first three months. I was taking ibuprofin around the clock just to get through it. My husband does not believe in formula at all. The only time our daughter got formula was when the day she was born because her blood sugar was down and my milk hadn't come in yet. She was given formula through a tube because we were told that if we didn't, she'd have to go to NICU and have an IV put in. We felt the formula was the lesser of two evils. I didn't quit with the bestfeeding though and after the 15 weeks, it started getting better. Now, my daughter is almost 13 months and I'm still breastfeeding her along with feeding her three meals of solids throughout the day. It was definitely rough going for awhile but I'm glad I stuck with it. I had problems with formula as a baby, in fact my mom believes that the night terrors I had were due to the formula. I had a sensitivity to iron so my mom had to switch me to soy formula. With my little sister, she barely had her on formula and pretty much switched her to goat's milk at a young age. So, knowing that history as well as the troubles my young niece was having with formula (throwing up constantly and severe constipation), I knew that formula for my child would not be an option. And we got through it.
January 19, 2007, 11:19 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: gwarrior6

Every child is different, what they respond to is different.  Their temperments are different.  Yes, breast milk is best, but if she's in the 1% that CANNOT breastfeed, what is she supposed to do?  Children don't always cry for physical needs-they also do it for attention.  Studies show that if a child is not picked up and held everytime they demand it, they learn not to depend on people for everything they need.  Not to say you would let your child "sit in poop", but if nothing's wrong and the child is crying to be held, not picking him up is not going to permanently warp him.  And this is from someone with a 4 year degree (BSN), and a license.
Wow, I'd be interested to read that study because it's contrary to every real-life example and study that was presented to me in our state's course on expanding/improving infant and toddler care for early childhood educators, which was put together based on input from a broad spectrum of of early childhood experts, including those who work hands-on  with young children and those who research in the field. I trust what the information that's been presented to me by those experts because when I put it into practice with my own children, or children in my care, I get positive results, plain and simple. These are people who are parents themselves--searching for answers to help stimulate and develop the minds of young children.

 The brains of young children, ESPECIALLY infants, are stimulated and grow by having their needs responded to in a timely fashion, and they in turn become more independent and confident children. And frankly...children do need attention. They're learning, soaking up experiences, and they need attention and guidance. I don't think that a child needing attention is a bad thing, or a bad trait, inconvenience, or anything like's a great opportunity to teach them things, and help them learn and grow.  When a child is routinely ignored, it is frustrating, and does adversely affect their growth and development, and they learn to be unsure of themselves and mistrustful of others.

Obviously, if you have more than one child of your own and/or in your care, sometimes it's not always possible to respond to children as quickly as you'd like...but keeping calm, trying to reassure the child by voice or eye contact, and other positive interactions work wonders--much moreso than hollering at them to be quiet and stop whining.
January 19, 2007, 12:17 pm CST

For "jettin"

You said that your baby is 4 months old, and you are feeding her rice cereal?????  Usually, doctors recommend waiting until a baby is 6 months old to start solid foods.  A baby's digestive system is not ready for food other than breast milk or formula until then.


You did not mention the consistency of your baby's stools...hard, normal, or runny?  If they are hard, the rice could be the cause, as rice can cause constipation.   If it is runny, consider changing to soy formula...your baby may be lactose intolerant (as were my babies...I breast-fed all three).  Lactose intolerance causes painful gas, fussiness, and loose stools.


My recommendation would be to stop the rice cereal unless the doctor told you to feed it to your baby.  I wouldn't recommend prune juice at her young age...have you ever tried it yourself??  When I tried it, the prune juice caused bad cramping.


As far as noisy or quiet goes...if she needs some noise to sleep, keep using the stereo or humidifier...she probably gets startled by house noises that are not constant, and the little bit of noise in her room helps drown out other noises.



January 19, 2007, 12:32 pm CST

In the same boat

I just wanted to tell the first mom how much she is not alone! I have a three yr old I nicknamed Damien who is a very difficult child. I went through the same emotions and was close to divorcing my husband because of the emotional day-to-day- roller coaster we're on.He would head-butt me in the face out of the blue, and once fractured the bone surrounding my eye socket. I finally sought help through a local counselor, and finally received help for my son as well as my self. Ryan has been diagnosed as being EXTREMELY intellegent, as well as other issues, and we are taking it day to day. I want to tell her there is light at the end of the tunnel, and things do get better! I love my blessed child, and will jump through fire for him. Take comfort in those days where your child's smile fills you with love, and remember those days when you are having a blue day.God bless
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