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Topic : 06/12 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Number of Replies: 379
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Created on : Friday, January 12, 2007, 02:21:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 1/16/07) Rules, stipulations, conditions and ultimatums -- not exactly romantic pillow talk, but when it comes to marriage, what qualifies as a deal-breaker? Shane and Nikki got married four months ago. Nikki says that three days into their honeymoon, Shane told her that he wasn't sure he loved her enough to be married. He says he will give the marriage a six- to 12-month trial, and if it doesn't work, he's out. Nikki says there is no way she will stay in a trial marriage. Why did Shane marry Nikki in the first place? And, should Nikki wait for him to make a decision, or should she cut her losses and get out now? Then, Daniel and Debra are engaged and planning to get married in October, but Daniel says he's ready to call off the wedding if Debra doesn't stop asking him, "Do I look fat?" A recovering bulimic now weighing 100 pounds, Debra says she wants Daniel to support her recovery, and he is wrong to postpone the wedding. When Dr. Phil shows them a video of a previous anorexic guest, will Daniel and Debra change their outlook? Is there hope for this couple to make it down the aisle? Tell us!

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January 14, 2007, 2:17 pm CST

I Just Can't Believe this

How would anybody in her right mind want to go through this.  Even marriages that start with great love as a foundation do have serious crisis, talk less of one that is being started with some conditions attached.  These ladies should please wait for their true love - this is not it at all!!!!
January 14, 2007, 3:53 pm CST

sorry.... lol

Quote From: janiesmith

OK - I'll put it this way.  Love is simple for some not always simple for others!!!!

Oh I feel evil... LOL.

It's not love if it's not simple. People mistake a lot of feelings for love. Real love is easy, simple, pure, and lasts forever.

January 14, 2007, 4:06 pm CST

you need a new spine

Quote From: ozziemum4

i wished i knew what my husband was like before i married him. i have 4 wonderful kids who light up my life then i have a husband who lves by the rule of he smokes pot and i have to deal with it,broke and struggling each week. men let us see what they wont and then when they get us thats it...

Don't whine about it do something!

Kick him out.


Have a bonfire with is pot.

Get angry.

Fight for your life; no one else will.

There are no chains on you.   

You stay because you want to.

January 14, 2007, 6:16 pm CST

Nikki and Shane trial marriage

In as much as Shane isn't sure about this marriage,Nikki needs to obtain an annulment.

Nikki should not put any efforts into a relationship based on trial. She needs to put this marriage behind her,and go on with her life. Somewhere there is someone who will love her and make a commitment  to a permanent relationship.

Let Shane go so that he can find himself.



January 15, 2007, 6:51 am CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: bear_ta

Love is extremely simple. If it isn't it's not love.

I you find that loving someone is "simple", you're likely not doing enough. It takes work to get to know, respect & choose to honor someone while being there for them though the thick & thin, diapers & in-laws, layoffs & successes.


It shouldn't be so hard you doubt yourself or your spouse so much you want to leave but it's an unrealistic dream to think it's "simple" to truly love someone.

January 15, 2007, 6:56 am CST

Has it aired in some places already?

I'm looking forward to see this one when it airs.


I'm curious to hear Shane's reasons & explanations. I hope Nikki gets real with herself about this too. Or maybe he's just a good actor. It's a timely one for me, nonetheless.


As for the second couple, I think it's good that Daniel (apparently) recognizes that he may not be able to handle his fiances bulimia before-hand.


January 15, 2007, 6:58 am CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: bear_ta

Oh I feel evil... LOL.

It's not love if it's not simple. People mistake a lot of feelings for love. Real love is easy, simple, pure, and lasts forever.

"Real love is easy, simple, pure, and lasts forever. "


Again, not realistic. A sweet notion but certainly not a fact.

January 15, 2007, 7:34 am CST

What's the point?

My thing is, What's the point?  What's the point of getting married if you have no intention of taking it seriously.  This is someone you tie yourself to intentionally for the rest of your life, theyre like family.  I think she should separate from the guy and see what it's like being away from him.  She can have some control in this too.  If he misses her, and really loves her, he'll come back...if not, she has her answer.  Anyway, just a thought.
January 15, 2007, 7:42 am CST

My Sentiments Exactly

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, after reading that blurb twice ( and really still not beliving what I was reading, hard one to wrap the mind around for sure), he's gone through the expense and hassle to marry her, but he's not sure he loves her enough to stay married, so he will "HONOUR" her by giving her a six to twelve month period, and then HE will decide what happens in her life, I'm not sure if its more arrogance on his part, or (I can't really think of a nice word for it ) what it is on her part, but why should he have the control ?

Okay, you "LOVE" him ? Guess what, he's not really in love with you and one thing I've learned in this life, love does NOT conquer all, no matter how much we want it too.  Stop letting him dictate what happens in your life, give him his half the wedding bills ( assuming of course he helped pay for it), and send him on his merry way, is it too late for an annullment ?  If not get one, send back the gifts, and cut your losses, or if you choose to give him the year, and you would like to live a life of uncertanty not knowing when you'll make him storm out, well go for it I suppose, its her choice ultimately, though I would hate to see anyone waste time on a loser like that.

This is definitely tough to "wrap the mind around": They date, get engaged, go through all the wedding hoopla, just for her to be told days in that he's "not sure"?? WTF???


So, he's"willing" to give her a "trial period." Shane has confused marriage with a gym membership! He seems to think it's unilateral (his way, of course)...he's either naive or arrogant. Since the show has not aired yet, we can't really tell what Nikki does or does not think...and right now, she needs to think, rather than feel ("but I love him") her way out. Nikki, is this sort of uncertainty at the foundation what you want "until death do you part," or even for the next year? I concur with the above wholeheartedly; cut the losses now. I'd slap him with a good share of the bills regardless...he and his sure enjoyed the fancy party, I'd wager! I doubt there would be much trouble in securing an annulment, given what he has said.

January 15, 2007, 11:59 am CST

Love Simple?

Quote From: bear_ta

Love is extremely simple. If it isn't it's not love.

Love may be simple, but marriage centainly is not!  Whoever thinks so is fooling him or her self. I can see a LOT of breakups/divorces ahead for this person. LOL.

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