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Topic : 12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands

Number of Replies: 245
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Created on : Friday, December 01, 2006, 03:25:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
A marriage vow says, “’Til death do us part.” But what if your husband’s behavior is so outrageous, you fear he’ll end up in an early grave? Dr. Phil’s first guest, Danny Bonaduce, was a child star on the ’70s hit show The Partridge Family, but now he’s infamous for his bad behavior. Danny has been arrested for drug possession, has been in rehab three times and has cheated on his wife, Gretchen. The couple showcases their struggle with his addictions on the VH1 show Breaking Bonaduce. Danny says he’s finally sober, but Gretchen says she can’t stop being suspicious of his every move. Is it too soon for her to trust him? Then, Maggie says she can’t deal with her fiancé, Michael’s, chaotic behavior. Michael admits that he’s verbally abusive to his wife-to-be, even in front of their young daughter, but says he wants to stop. Maggie moved halfway across the country and took their child without telling him. Can Michael get his family back, or has he lashed out one time too many?  Share your thoughts here.

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December 20, 2006, 9:45 am CST

Arent we just a little off course here?

Quote From: losinend

Okay, with that provocative thought and the information about  the "brainwashing" theory that you speak of, the victim is not in their "right" mind. Is that "legal" right mind? Does that defend the victim in court, lets say for example, when the victim reaches the point when she ends up killing the abuser because the victim was not in their "right mind".  Will the victim get off? Is that a legal defense? In that example, the victim did indeed make a final choice and that was to kill the abuser. But than again, the victim could have chosen to stay and take the beating or take the kids and run. Either way, a choice was made.


I'm not the one who needs an education. I'm not totally hip on your "brainwashing" theory.



Theres a little something called " battered womens syndrome."  Look it up. My mother was abused. It got to the point where she actually believed she couldnt leave him. I saw this with my own eyes. Its horenndouse. Its heartbreaking. There was a story a few years back about a women who suffered from this. Her husband wielded so much controll over her that when the oppertunity for help arrived she wouldnt take it out of fear. It took two weeks for a police officer to convince her to leave her house after the husband was taken to jail. As for your comment, how did you stray so far off course?  We are not talking about wives killing their husbands. We are talking about wives trapped in abbusive relationships that are in so much fear their choice is being made for them. Sorry to have bruised your ego so.
December 24, 2006, 10:32 pm CST

Bonaduce equates sex with love

 I watched quite a few of the 'Breaking Bonaduce' episodes. I am approx. the same age as he is and I am a former spoiled brat--only child--sucked.  But, in a small way it's the same--when you aren't 'cute' anymore, you lose people you were close to at a young age---you become alone and inside yourself.  There is no longer a constant, you are no longer special,  everyone you socialized with before is doing something else--they are busy.  Everyone else seems to know what they want and, being socially retarded I didn't have a clue. ANYWAY--
What stood out too me the most was:  everytime he did something 'right' he expected her to be hot and ready.  I don't think he has a clue how a woman wants to be wooed without there having to be the big pay off in the end.  He absolutely needs to 'date', romance and woo her--he never did that due to the getting married before that part.  Makes it so much better when it does happen!!!!!
Hopefully, by now he has those skills--I really believe he has the desire to understand--but, then he gets in his own way.  You must chill Danny---too much drama and intensity---it's tiresome. I am proud of you for finally facing yourself and I believe Gretchen deserves a medal.
Best of luck to you both--no 2 people deserve it more.  If you haven't already go to Miraval!!!  I have a wonderful 20 year marriage and I would love to go there with my husband -- always good to renew and refresh the relationship.  Too expensive for us--perfect for you two.
January 13, 2007, 7:50 pm CST

Breaking Bonaduce

 Hi there, i was a great fan of the partridge family, so my age grp would be about 50, I am glad that danny recognises the importance of getting sober, that is a step towards  greatness, as well as many steps, for more challenges that i am sure he will conquer, it is a process , just like anything else, like gaining weight, its takes a while for it to creep up on u, then alot of time to eat properly and excercise to lose it and keep it off, so its all a process, I believe that getting sober is a great start, for Danny, also having grp therpy, with other sober aa members does help, then as things progress, seeing a good counsellor to go back to his childhood and finding the situarions that causes his outrages and lack of self esteem, the upbringing has alot to do with the makeup he now has and wears today as an adult trying to accomamadate everyones needs, his own , his wifes, his childrens, and the role he is portraying, in order to feel he is doing a good job, this will underline , the problems he is facing, and it can take lots of work to peel away the layers of the onion, to open the darkmess , he has been suppressing for many years, we can all assume alot, and make comments on stories here that are printed , but we cannot know exactly what the causes are, re the behaviours he subjects people too, it is frightening for many people to understand unless u have been there or done it, or experienced it, but no less, its a job, he has decided to work towards eliminating these factors that are keeping him from experiencing a better life, i also feel thats its a whole family thing, i feel Gretchen needs to attend Al A Non, in order to undo the resentments, the wondering whats going to happen next, the wanting to trust him again, the 2 steps forward, to the 7 steps backwards, that will often happen at the start of and days become weeks, months and years....its all a process, i feel with support from Aa, family, wife, and evey1 concerned, there is a road back to bliss, lots of love, huggging, and determination that we are going to all get better, it not only effects the alcoholic, it effects the partner, and the kids, as they live sometimes on eggshells, at home, not knowing when the egg will crack and start another round of abuse, so dont hide yourself away, even thou we all feel rotten for what we do wrong, its a learning curve, we tell ourselves we wont do it again, sometimes we do, for lack of control, and other times we bite down as hard as we can, to resist the temptation. its hard life we create for ourselves, and we do create it, we rush in where fools tread, but there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, so i think if all of the family start by doing the couselling, it will become better for Gretchen  will see where things fall in a heap, and where she can eliminate those things sometimes from happening, and also th kids have some good guidance as well


Bless u all, and allways wear a smile!!!!

June 27, 2007, 6:16 am CDT

12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands

I have been married for 9yrs and my husband is a controlling, jealous person.  We used to fight alot (abusive) and I left a few times and came back.  We have got along great since then except he has a real problem if I talk to any of my sisters or mother (which they do not like him) but I cant stand always being asked every time him and I talk if I have talked to them today.  Sometimes even if I have talked to them I tell him no, because I dont want to deal with the fight or repeating my entire conversation to him.  Also, I have just been promoted to a Manager of my

department, and now I he questions when I am away from my desk, if I have meetings - whose in the meetings and what was said.  There is this one employee that I have that is married and has been for 20+ years and he has picked him out of the group and asked me everyday if I had to talk to him or if he said anything to me.  I have never given any sign that I was intrested in this person what so ever but for some reason my husband has this thing for him.  I am very tired of this and told him that if it does not stop he is going to make me so miserable in my position that I will quit and he will have to support me on his own.  This is not the first time he has done this either.  In a previous job, when I was a receptionist he harrassed me so much one particular person that worked there that one day it got so bad on the phone while I was at work that I walked right over to my boss and said I am sorry but I have to quit and I walked out.  He was shocked but I could not deal with it anymore. 


I love him very much and when its just us we have a great time together.  I let him go and do whatever he wants to do and not even question golf. hunting trips, business trips, etc.  But he just does not stop with me.  Truely the only thing I can do is go hang out with him or by

myself.  He throws the biggest fit if I make plans with my sister and her 2 children. 



Lonely and Depressed Wife

October 29, 2007, 10:14 am CDT

Drugs and Alcohol do destroy marriages beyond repair

Through time and councelling it becomes possible to forgive the addict/alcoholic for the destruction caused by substance abuse but I am convinced that it is the inability to forget and trust that causes the destructionof the marriage. Self preservation becomes paramount especially when there are children involved. I am a better person for all of the struggles and chaos. I think my leaving my husband when I did saved his ability to salvage relationships with the kids because they were spared seeing him at his worst. I encourage his relationship with the kids and am trying to help him become a more giving father and am trying to be patient while he learns to put his kids before himself. Addiction makes people narcissistic or maybe they succumb to the disease because they were narcissistic in the first place. I know I don't want to be married to him but I also want my children to have a healthy relationship with him. They can learn from his imperfections (and mine too) and become more empathetic human beings. They have learned first hand that parents aren't perfect but this doesn't have to define them. He has been clean for over a year but I find I am always waiting for the axe to fall. God willing it never will.

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