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Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Number of Replies: 435
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Created on : Friday, November 17, 2006, 12:52:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Contemporary weddings have turned into five-star productions, with couples pulling out all the stops to shine on their special day. But what happens when the bride- or groom-to-be starts making diva-like demands? Mike and Jamie agreed to a small Vegas wedding, but that went out the window when Jamie switched her gown three times, rented a limo to drive her one block and upgraded her engagement ring. Mike says that Jamie also made him un-invite all of his friends and cancel his bachelor party! Are Jamie’s antics a hint of what’s to come in their marriage? Then, Nastassia complains that her husband-to-be, Richard, is cheap. She says he wants her to buy bridal flowers from the grocery store, have her mom sew her gown and even schedule the wedding before year's end so he can get a tax write-off! Will Richard’s tightwad ways force Nastassia to call off the wedding?  Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 21, 2006, 2:07 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: clarkinmews

This show was like looking back on my situation 42 years ago. Hindsight is so great  but when it came to marriage and supposedly being in love, back then I was so blind.  I didn't have anyone to warn me.  The only good thing I can say for me,  is that we learn from our mistakes.  I just hope Nastassia can read the message boards and know that this marriage is all wrong for her.  Richard is so controlling now - it only gets worse when the marriage licence is signed and then in his mind he thinks of her as a possession. What was worse, he hesitated when offered counselling.  Dr. Phil always gives everyone a chance and offers help - but this future marriage,  in my opinion, is doomed from the start.  All I can say is run Natassia, run.  If you don't , I can almost guarantee you will be in for a concentrated stripping of any self-esteem you have - emotional abuse on a daily basis and a loss for the love of life. (In the aftermath, it takes years of therapy and self-help regimes,  to build up that self-confidence again). I ask you  this - If you had children, would you want them to be raised by a father like this.  He won't change,  His hesitancy for help from Dr. Phil was enough to let you know he is not willing or able to change.  Don't blame him.  It's not his fault - it's just the way he was raised.

How dare you make such assumptions. He is a wonderful father and provider.
 
November 21, 2006, 2:08 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: clarkinmews

This show was like looking back on my situation 42 years ago. Hindsight is so great  but when it came to marriage and supposedly being in love, back then I was so blind.  I didn't have anyone to warn me.  The only good thing I can say for me,  is that we learn from our mistakes.  I just hope Nastassia can read the message boards and know that this marriage is all wrong for her.  Richard is so controlling now - it only gets worse when the marriage licence is signed and then in his mind he thinks of her as a possession. What was worse, he hesitated when offered counselling.  Dr. Phil always gives everyone a chance and offers help - but this future marriage,  in my opinion, is doomed from the start.  All I can say is run Natassia, run.  If you don't , I can almost guarantee you will be in for a concentrated stripping of any self-esteem you have - emotional abuse on a daily basis and a loss for the love of life. (In the aftermath, it takes years of therapy and self-help regimes,  to build up that self-confidence again). I ask you  this - If you had children, would you want them to be raised by a father like this.  He won't change,  His hesitancy for help from Dr. Phil was enough to let you know he is not willing or able to change.  Don't blame him.  It's not his fault - it's just the way he was raised.

 

I am so with you... especially the hesitancy to have a professional counselor!  Wow!  Run....Don't walk, don't slow down, don't look back .... or you will be on another different Dr. Phil after marriage.This is a very deadly form of ABUSE.... no one like to think about this as ABUSE but that is all it is.  It isn't about the money.  She looked miserable and sad that isn't anyway to start a marriage. 

 
November 21, 2006, 2:09 pm CST

she should be lucky

When I got married 27 yrs ago....my wedding was a disaster.....I put money down on a dress and never got the dress....Two weeks before the wedding I was told that dress was no longer being made....I had no more money to buy a dress...I didnt even get my money back for a dress I didnt get.......I wanted to have my wedding outside in a local park......was told it would be open...when I went to put deposit down...the place I wanted was booked solid.....I ended up having my wedding in a conference room at a Howard Johnsons.....didnt get to have a dance.....the dress I had to wear was something someone would have worn to the wedding...while my husband to be wore a tux.....I didnt even get to have a honeymoon....I dont regret the 27 yrs we have been married...but if I could do it all over again I would do it a lot different......

 

Jamie should not have denied her boyfriend his party...thats just wrong...she got her party.....and draining the account so she can look good...whats that all about....not letting him have friends there...thats cruel......or even his family.....come on.....

 

As far as Natassia is concerned....KICK  Richard to the curb.....the man is a tightwad and if thats the only reason he wants to get married before the end of the yr is to have you as a tax deduction......then thats the only reason he wants to get married...doesnt sound like he loves you for you at all.....get rid of him.....

 
November 21, 2006, 2:12 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: clarkinmews

This show was like looking back on my situation 42 years ago. Hindsight is so great  but when it came to marriage and supposedly being in love, back then I was so blind.  I didn't have anyone to warn me.  The only good thing I can say for me,  is that we learn from our mistakes.  I just hope Nastassia can read the message boards and know that this marriage is all wrong for her.  Richard is so controlling now - it only gets worse when the marriage licence is signed and then in his mind he thinks of her as a possession. What was worse, he hesitated when offered counselling.  Dr. Phil always gives everyone a chance and offers help - but this future marriage,  in my opinion, is doomed from the start.  All I can say is run Natassia, run.  If you don't , I can almost guarantee you will be in for a concentrated stripping of any self-esteem you have - emotional abuse on a daily basis and a loss for the love of life. (In the aftermath, it takes years of therapy and self-help regimes,  to build up that self-confidence again). I ask you  this - If you had children, would you want them to be raised by a father like this.  He won't change,  His hesitancy for help from Dr. Phil was enough to let you know he is not willing or able to change.  Don't blame him.  It's not his fault - it's just the way he was raised.

Well said!   I hope she is able to read these postings in privacy so she is able to have the peace and quiet she needs to assess her situation because if he stalks her in her own home by reading her emails, checking her every move, who's on the phone and what did they want kind of thing......it will eventually put you into the abyss.  I knew by looking at you that you are deeply unhappy.  He will not change because he can't.  Whatever damage was done to him as a child has written the slate for who he is today and it's not his fault one bit.  Get some counseling for you and learn to stand up for yourself because you matter too!  You come first and please learn to respect yourself enough to know this.  Run!
 
November 21, 2006, 2:13 pm CST

I'm a princess EVERYDAY

Quote From: creolebeth

 I am so tired of hearing about how women dream of their wedding from the time they are 5 years old and, therefore, they should be given whatever they want.  Instead we should demand that women move their focus from one big party to the marriage. 

While I am a woman, I did not spend my whole life dreaming about being princess for a day.  To me, the wedding is the one day when the bride and grooms families and friends mix.  In this day and age when people move all over the country, the wedding may be the only time this happens.  So it is an important day. 

But the point of the wedding is the marriage.  This means the day is about both of the parties equally (sorry brides, you have to share the day equally).  This also means the wedding event itself should have the stamp of both the bride and the groom (sorry grooms, you have to be equally involved).  It is a major test of how you will behave as a couple whether you look out for each other's wants, whether you will be a responsible manager of the family's budget and whether you have the same priorities.  It should be treated it as such.

And Dr. Phil and Robin, please stop acting like it is okay for brides to make this day all about themselves.  Admittedly, it has become acceptable, but it isnt right.  It is a shame, and we dont need to encourage it.  

 I must "third" this sentiment as well!

I am getting married next September, and have had it up to **here** [raises arm above head] with people telling me, "It's your [meaning me, the bride] day!"

Baloney! If it is all about the bride, then what is a groom needed for? Maybe brides today should just plunk their grooms in front of an XBox or Sony Playstation, in a little sideroom at the reception, where the kids usually go to play. Meanwhile, over dinner and dancing, everyone can oooo and ahhhh over the bride like she's Princess Di.

I refuse to be treated this way--and by implication, have my fiance treated (ignored) this way. I am having one matron of honor to help me out with preparations the day of--i.e., no gazillion bridesmaids; I see NOTHING wrong with getting flowers from the supermarket; though I have yet to shop for it, I really want to avoid paying even over $100 for a dress (how realistic that might be, I'm not sure). I am already a self-made princess (*wink and smile*) so why do I need a huge poofy dress that I'll wear for only one day to feel like one, and have people treat me like one?

Most importantly, my fiance, his family, mine, and I are collaborating on this party together, because teamwork is most appropriate for planning an event that's merging two lives and two familes together.

Anyway, sorry to get on my preachy soapbox, but this show has given me a perfect opportunity to vent. To comment on the show, I think the first couple's marriage--while off to a shakey start--has good potential and seems mostly stable. Unfortunately, it seems to me that the second couple--however attractive they are--doesn't seem to be off to a favorable start for a happy marriage.
 
November 21, 2006, 2:14 pm CST

marriage is not a solution

What you see is what you are going to get.  These people tend not going to change with out an epiphany.   I really wish them the best but recognize the reality.  If not the wedding then its the vacation; or the school the kids attend; or the retirement home they end up in; or its this or that.  In business and in personal situations the true person comes out when placed in a stressful situation with real consequences.  better to understand the dragon you live with and be scorched as opposed to marrying them and getting burnt.
 
November 21, 2006, 2:16 pm CST

Mike Run Mike Run, Run like the Wind!!!!

Jamie is spoiled and a BRATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!  Hum, wonder why only 8 people out of 30 showed up at her bridal shower???????  With that said, we all have room for improvement, Jamie needs to grow up, Jamie is in love with Jamie that became so obvious the first 5 mins. in the show, Jamie runs the show in her house and if Mike is willing to allow this in his household well then stay with her Mike, if not then RUN MIKE RUN GET A GOIN' NOW!!!!!!!!!  This girl is only going to get worse, and I know I am a female!!!!!  I think you should take a look at Jamie's Mom and Dad and that will tell a lot about Jamie.   I believe (and women readers please don't flip out cause I love ya'll and I am a strong woman) but my faith teaches me the man is the head of the home HOWEVER there ARE certian rules the man MUST follow in order to be the HEAD.......Mike DUDE, come on get a back bone and stand up and be the man, it seems like he is afraid of loosing her, if she really loves him and he really loves her they need to come together, the man take the mans position be the head of the house, but this girl has her values way in the wrong places and until those issues are dealt with nothing will be set right.
 
November 21, 2006, 2:19 pm CST

I Have Been There

Richard's, bride to be looked  SO SAD! If you did see her smile it was only a half timed smile with fear of his possible disapproval in her eyes.All you and to do was look at her body language.She could not say what she relay wanted to say for fear of later being confronted.

Mr. Richard is putting the blame off Him as a (why is everybody always picking on me) type guy,Boo ! Hoo ! Hoo ! He needs to get over him self..... Don't buy it. If that girl marries that guy she will have no life of her own and be put in a box to live a L-O-N-G unhappy unfulfilled life.That man is to not secure!

 

Karealex67

 
November 21, 2006, 2:23 pm CST

Israel Mom

 

Am I missing something?!  Are you a personal friend or family member to one of them? 

What I am seeing here is concern and compassion from a group of women.  We understand that we can't decide for them what they do in the future, what it is... women who see themselves in a very sad woman.  Hesitancy to seek counseling is a "red flag" for anyone.  Weddings are highly over-rated... but there needs to be compromise... you don't need the million dollar wedding but $30 is just as extreme on the other end... I would say that they need to back the truck up and re-evaluate... if it is meant to be it will be, after counseling.

 
November 21, 2006, 2:27 pm CST

Richard, Richard, Richard.....

Hello Richard:

First, know that I ONLY saw your segment. I missed the begining of the show, so I'm not dragging in to this comment anything that may have come from the previous guests. (Somehow by your reaction to the show I feel this info might be helpful.)

 

Second, while the show being presented as "item after item", "comment after comment" as it was, I feel that you should give yourself a break and relax just a little bit. I mean this in a very constructive way for your benifit, truly I do. Please do NOT worry so much about what we as the viewing audience might think after seeing the show.... that's NOT the important part. What we/they think isn't going to fix any problems that the two of you have. So Please Relax and Don't Worry About Preceptions.

 

Third, and most important, is the fact that you came on the show....Admitted to being controling and wishing she would stand up to you more. I GIVE YOU A LOT OF CREDIT FOR THAT! A LOT of Credit !! How many male guests does Dr. Phil have that come on ASKING for help for their 'Control Issues'? Give yourself Credit Too!!!

 

Here's some important things to remind yourself of:

 

You see the problem. You have a beautiful girlfriend. You've obviously done somethings right if you're not in debt. You potentially have a future with a wonderful women and you've already taken the first steps towards fixing the problem. That alone is far more than most guests on the show have going for them.

 

I don't think Dr. Phil meant to show you as the "Bad Guy". He made comments about you having a very Good attitude towards your future and marriage...did you hear them? Replay if you must, because he did compliment you too.

 

And finally.....Do The Work! Is she worth a few hours? Are You? Is your future together worth the time it will take to solve the few problems and hopefully save you both from others to come? I think the obvious answer would be Yes to all of that.

 

So don't worry so much about what we think or how it appeared. If it made you see things you needed to see, great. But in the end the important part is that the two of you stay together, work through this, get married, and have Dr. Phil invite you back as one of his Greatest Success Stories in the future. I get the impression you can do it and do it Proud!

 

Best Wishes from the bottom of my heart to Both of You!

 
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