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Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Number of Replies: 435
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, November 17, 2006, 12:52:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Contemporary weddings have turned into five-star productions, with couples pulling out all the stops to shine on their special day. But what happens when the bride- or groom-to-be starts making diva-like demands? Mike and Jamie agreed to a small Vegas wedding, but that went out the window when Jamie switched her gown three times, rented a limo to drive her one block and upgraded her engagement ring. Mike says that Jamie also made him un-invite all of his friends and cancel his bachelor party! Are Jamie’s antics a hint of what’s to come in their marriage? Then, Nastassia complains that her husband-to-be, Richard, is cheap. She says he wants her to buy bridal flowers from the grocery store, have her mom sew her gown and even schedule the wedding before year's end so he can get a tax write-off! Will Richard’s tightwad ways force Nastassia to call off the wedding?  Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 21, 2006, 1:29 pm CST

I disagree.

Quote From: canadiankira

People need to realize that "reality" television is not always real. It seems to me that these couples would have problems bigger than even Dr. Phil could fix if they actually acted the way they did in real life. Let's try to remember that all television is scripted....
I see your point, but I disagree. Sure, we know that a lot of T.V. is scripted, and sometimes they do certain things to make a person say something shocking. But you have to take into consideration that many people when seeing a normal therapist, etc. don't really tell the whole story there either.  The tools that Dr. Phil gives people (or any other therapist) is the way they get their realationship, or anything else, where they want it to be. Exercises, techniques, and learning to understand each other is what Dr. Phil, I believe, is trying to accomplish here.  In conclusion,  I believe that many of theses problems can be fixed: it just takes work from both sides.
 
November 21, 2006, 1:32 pm CST

Nastassia & Richard

Run DON'T walk, & DON'T LOOK BACK! He'll NEVER change. He's trying to bull dog his way & that'll NEVER change. He checks your e-mail...but he's an open book...I don't think so. In my experience people seem to judge you by their own values. What I mean is if you're honest, you think the other person is honest. If you think the other person is cheating it's BECAUSE you're cheating...I married someone who was VERY jealous of me, at first I thought that was ok, because I'd PROVE to him I could be trusted. I felt like he had me on a pedestal. He wouldn't let me have friends; I couldn't be around my family. He tried to separate me from my son. He ruined my credit. (So a wedding budget is the only thing I sort of agree with Richard on, but he's sooo extreme, to the point of being ridiculous!) My X accused me of having affairs, when I just went to town to buy dinner, & was gone for 40 minutes. (I had drive 20 miles & go to two different fast food restaurants) He ran off with a stripper! My point is it just got worse & worse...The other thing is it's Richard's way or the highway...Why can't you have the wedding you want & save for it next year in July? That's when you wanted it anyway. A tax deduction isn't really that much money when you get to the bottom line it's what approximately $390.  Big deal... You're so beautiful; you DON'T HAVE TO SETTLE...You're NOT asking for the sun & the moon. You're willing to come to a compromise, & he thinks he's the smart one...NO amount of talking is going to change him. Even if he gives in & lets you have the wedding of you're dreams, that's only the 1st day of you're lives together. He's CRAZY!  PLEASE RUN, I WISH I'D HAVE LISTENED TO MY FRIENDS...BUT HE GAVE ME AN ALTAMATUM...Debby

 
November 21, 2006, 1:41 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: israelmom

No you aren't sheltered...you just don't equate love with money.....GOOD FOR YOU.  Thank you for your understanding.

It's more than just "not equating love with money".  I didn't get the impression she was trying to bleed him dry--she said she was going to have it paid off in December, anyway.  They're not talking about years of debt.  The point is that he's making all the demands, not listening to her (HER parents are paying for it, notice he doesn't seem to mind spending their money rather than negotiate with her).  "Affordable" is one thing but he ought to be willing to spring for more than$30!  I wouldn't want a big wedding, either, but there's no way I'd put up with a guy who didn't treat me respectfully and expected me to do it all his way or shut up, even if my own wishes were to get married in a potato sack and bare feet.  She's not asking for twelve bridesmaids and a $5,000 dress.

 
November 21, 2006, 1:45 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: jaimie1974

This is good advice, I hope that she gets to read this.

I agree with everything that you said, and want to pay particular attention to the following: He should always respect you, he should not say or hint in any way that he may be smarter than you I realize that Richard felt attacked on todays show, and his reaction was to be defensive; who can blame him? I bet that I would react the same way if I felt attacked, so we, as an audience, cant judge Richards true personality based on todays show.

You can't BE more right about the last two sentences.  He had things pointed out to him before the taping of the show and he realized he needed to make some changes.  His remorse was genuine but he still felt the need to guard himself.  He usually oozes sarcasm as well as charm...so to see him squirm in the hot seat for Stassi showed me the depth of his loyalty to her.  I don't worry anyone here will say anything to split these two. 
 
November 21, 2006, 1:51 pm CST

Run - Nastassia - Run

This show was like looking back on my situation 42 years ago. Hindsight is so great  but when it came to marriage and supposedly being in love, back then I was so blind.  I didn't have anyone to warn me.  The only good thing I can say for me,  is that we learn from our mistakes.  I just hope Nastassia can read the message boards and know that this marriage is all wrong for her.  Richard is so controlling now - it only gets worse when the marriage licence is signed and then in his mind he thinks of her as a possession. What was worse, he hesitated when offered counselling.  Dr. Phil always gives everyone a chance and offers help - but this future marriage,  in my opinion, is doomed from the start.  All I can say is run Natassia, run.  If you don't , I can almost guarantee you will be in for a concentrated stripping of any self-esteem you have - emotional abuse on a daily basis and a loss for the love of life. (In the aftermath, it takes years of therapy and self-help regimes,  to build up that self-confidence again). I ask you  this - If you had children, would you want them to be raised by a father like this.  He won't change,  His hesitancy for help from Dr. Phil was enough to let you know he is not willing or able to change.  Don't blame him.  It's not his fault - it's just the way he was raised.

 
November 21, 2006, 1:52 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: debby11754

Run DON'T walk, & DON'T LOOK BACK! He'll NEVER change. He's trying to bull dog his way & that'll NEVER change. He checks your e-mail...but he's an open book...I don't think so. In my experience people seem to judge you by their own values. What I mean is if you're honest, you think the other person is honest. If you think the other person is cheating it's BECAUSE you're cheating...I married someone who was VERY jealous of me, at first I thought that was ok, because I'd PROVE to him I could be trusted. I felt like he had me on a pedestal. He wouldn't let me have friends; I couldn't be around my family. He tried to separate me from my son. He ruined my credit. (So a wedding budget is the only thing I sort of agree with Richard on, but he's sooo extreme, to the point of being ridiculous!) My X accused me of having affairs, when I just went to town to buy dinner, & was gone for 40 minutes. (I had drive 20 miles & go to two different fast food restaurants) He ran off with a stripper! My point is it just got worse & worse...The other thing is it's Richard's way or the highway...Why can't you have the wedding you want & save for it next year in July? That's when you wanted it anyway. A tax deduction isn't really that much money when you get to the bottom line it's what approximately $390.  Big deal... You're so beautiful; you DON'T HAVE TO SETTLE...You're NOT asking for the sun & the moon. You're willing to come to a compromise, & he thinks he's the smart one...NO amount of talking is going to change him. Even if he gives in & lets you have the wedding of you're dreams, that's only the 1st day of you're lives together. He's CRAZY!  PLEASE RUN, I WISH I'D HAVE LISTENED TO MY FRIENDS...BUT HE GAVE ME AN ALTAMATUM...Debby

Wow .... you got all that from one hour? or are you just paranoid as a rule of thumb.  You don't know her, how is it you are a friend she should heed?  But you do sound hurt and I am sorry about that.  Get better soon.
 
November 21, 2006, 1:59 pm CST

Problems Can Only Be Worked When

Quote From: jedigoat

I see your point, but I disagree. Sure, we know that a lot of T.V. is scripted, and sometimes they do certain things to make a person say something shocking. But you have to take into consideration that many people when seeing a normal therapist, etc. don't really tell the whole story there either.  The tools that Dr. Phil gives people (or any other therapist) is the way they get their realationship, or anything else, where they want it to be. Exercises, techniques, and learning to understand each other is what Dr. Phil, I believe, is trying to accomplish here.  In conclusion,  I believe that many of theses problems can be fixed: it just takes work from both sides.
pointed out and understood by all parties.
 
November 21, 2006, 2:01 pm CST

Run Nastassia - Run!

Quote From: jaimie1974

This is good advice, I hope that she gets to read this.

I agree with everything that you said, and want to pay particular attention to the following: He should always respect you, he should not say or hint in any way that he may be smarter than you I realize that Richard felt attacked on todays show, and his reaction was to be defensive; who can blame him? I bet that I would react the same way if I felt attacked, so we, as an audience, cant judge Richards true personality based on todays show.

If it talks like a duck and acts like a duck?
 
November 21, 2006, 2:03 pm CST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: kleesun

It's more than just "not equating love with money".  I didn't get the impression she was trying to bleed him dry--she said she was going to have it paid off in December, anyway.  They're not talking about years of debt.  The point is that he's making all the demands, not listening to her (HER parents are paying for it, notice he doesn't seem to mind spending their money rather than negotiate with her).  "Affordable" is one thing but he ought to be willing to spring for more than$30!  I wouldn't want a big wedding, either, but there's no way I'd put up with a guy who didn't treat me respectfully and expected me to do it all his way or shut up, even if my own wishes were to get married in a potato sack and bare feet.  She's not asking for twelve bridesmaids and a $5,000 dress.

And he understands just that now.  I know him and he will concede to a point, but if its unaffordable......what then?  My understanding is they are paying for the wedding themselves.  Stassi's mom is very talented and I can see why he wants her to do alot of things. They will work it out.

 
November 21, 2006, 2:06 pm CST

nightmare grooms?

hey richard, as dr. phil would say, " don't let the door hit you on the way out"

he wants to go to marriage counseling like he wants to have root canal.

he doesn't want her to take birth control 'cause it will make her fat.

hey, girl, make sure you run, do not walk out of this relationship.

dr. phil asks him if he would accept help and he skirts around the answer.

i was yelling at the screen, girl, don't believe him for a minute. 

good luck.

 
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