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Topic : Love Being Single

Number of Replies: 393
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you single and loving it? Share your story with other happy singles!

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August 10, 2006, 10:38 pm CDT

you are not alone

Quote From: joanna22

Hello, I have an odd question. I'm twenty years of age and so far I haven't had a relationship. Meaning I have never had a steady boyfriend. I often hear that I'm pretty or cute, so I don't think it's my looks, I think I often reject men. All my friends (or most of them) have boyfriends, I feel a bit left out but at the same time I think that I know what I'm doing. I feel like I am not ready for a relationship yet (I don't mean sex) because I don't want to get attached to anyone, I want to do a lot of things like traveling and finish my degree before I get stuck on somebody.

  

 

 I am already 20 years old. I feel very different from other people in my age group. I feel like I know what I'm doing but sometimes I wonder if this desire to be single is normal. I feel like I want to control my heart and start dating at the age of 23/24, but isn’t that a little late? I think I am abnormally immature when it comes to emotional things…  

 I have had some problems in my childhood and my teenage hood. Should I worry and seek professional help? Or am I just an independent woman?

  

 

 Thank you in advance!  

  

 

Hi,

My cousin was in his forties when he met and married the nicest woman...and before that never had a real girlfriend if he ever had a date. And my own sons were over 19 when they started dating, due to financial hardships of a single mom. But the youngest is now about to turn 24 and has yet had  a girlfriend. Age does not matter, i wish i had waited till i was 30 and had lived out my dreams frist. I say get on with your life, live your dreams, and if someone comes along, you will change things to accomodate them...but never give up who you are for them...ever...and enjoy living....nothint worse than seeing a gal sell herself out for a roof over her head..and taking what she is getting.....

 

more to live than that for sure!!!

 

 

you hang in there.....my other son that is in iraq, pretty much married the two girls he ever really dated..quickly and those ended in divorce...he is not looking to get hitched to anyone now..for a spell....and certainly has said he did not want children, to get a girl to even respect that wish seems hard to find.

 

 

 
August 11, 2006, 3:38 am CDT

Well-You found one!!

Quote From: armymom35150

Hi,

My cousin was in his forties when he met and married the nicest woman...and before that never had a real girlfriend if he ever had a date. And my own sons were over 19 when they started dating, due to financial hardships of a single mom. But the youngest is now about to turn 24 and has yet had  a girlfriend. Age does not matter, i wish i had waited till i was 30 and had lived out my dreams frist. I say get on with your life, live your dreams, and if someone comes along, you will change things to accomodate them...but never give up who you are for them...ever...and enjoy living....nothint worse than seeing a gal sell herself out for a roof over her head..and taking what she is getting.....

 

more to live than that for sure!!!

 

 

you hang in there.....my other son that is in iraq, pretty much married the two girls he ever really dated..quickly and those ended in divorce...he is not looking to get hitched to anyone now..for a spell....and certainly has said he did not want children, to get a girl to even respect that wish seems hard to find.

 

 

I am going to be 42 this year and I never had a boyfriend-  I ABSOLTELY RESPECT THE FACT YOUR SON DOES NOT WANT  CHILDREN--  because I don't either!!!  

As far as meeting a wonderful soul mate-  without going into depressing details of what I have been thru-  I AM trying to hang in there-But it is NOT easy-   I have -in the past- settled for less-and I paid the price-

I saw your posting and I just wanted to say this to you-Thank you for writing-And say ' HI" to your son for me-  

Maybe we can chat some time!!   

 
August 11, 2006, 11:28 pm CDT

Love Being Single

Quote From: joanna22

Hello, I have an odd question. I'm twenty years of age and so far I haven't had a relationship. Meaning I have never had a steady boyfriend. I often hear that I'm pretty or cute, so I don't think it's my looks, I think I often reject men. All my friends (or most of them) have boyfriends, I feel a bit left out but at the same time I think that I know what I'm doing. I feel like I am not ready for a relationship yet (I don't mean sex) because I don't want to get attached to anyone, I want to do a lot of things like traveling and finish my degree before I get stuck on somebody.

  

 

 I am already 20 years old. I feel very different from other people in my age group. I feel like I know what I'm doing but sometimes I wonder if this desire to be single is normal. I feel like I want to control my heart and start dating at the age of 23/24, but isn’t that a little late? I think I am abnormally immature when it comes to emotional things…  

 I have had some problems in my childhood and my teenage hood. Should I worry and seek professional help? Or am I just an independent woman?

  

 

 Thank you in advance!  

  

 

Everyone has had problems when they were younger and will continue as you get older.  I don't think there is nothing wrong with having a plan for youself. Alot of people plan out there lives or how they would like for them to go. But, sometimes your heart will out weigh all of that.  And i believe that when it comes to love, there is no plan, yu just go wherever your heart takes you.  As far as you seeking professional help, i don't think so, just stop comparing yourself with everyone else and just enjoy everyday you can. Who know's you might even meet someone when you're not even looking for someone. But your heart will let you know.
 
August 19, 2006, 11:16 am CDT

new to the boards

Quote From: mscoffee

I haven't been in a relationship in a good long time and I just see alot of women I work with have boyfriends, fiances and husbands and they don't seem to be happier than me.   Think about it people we are forced by society to basically pair off or become lepers of society.  I know there is a widespread mindset if you can't get a man something is wrong - usually the mindset is that you are  a lesbian (very far from the truth)..  I'm 40, still attractive, and can get any guy if I wanted if I didn't have standards!   Also, I think when women get away from being in relationships, like me, I actually fear getting into one because I'm so mentally content without one.  Another factor with me is that I love being by myself and I have most of my nuclear and extended family in the area and when I want people to chat with and shoot the bull there are several dozen to go to so I have no need to cling romanically to a man who may be verbally abusive, controlling, etc.
I read your quote and have been one the married side for yrs and yrs. I agree with you totally. Be who you are! Be happy!
 
August 21, 2006, 9:23 pm CDT

I Reserve The Right To Be Whishy-Washy

Being single is all I know so of course that is most comfortable to me.  One minute I’m tired of being single the next I’m glad.  But yeah not being able to sleep at night is ugly.  The reason I reserve the title rights is how people are quick to hurl at me- I THOUGHT YOU SAID…  why people do that to me I don’t know.  As a fiction writer with a billion people in me I might say any darn thing.  It will take an extra special person to understand the many me’s.  Since most folks are argumentative self-serving idiots I’d rather be alone.  I’ve had sex once in the last six years. Maybe that’s why I’m so cranky. Is that normal?  Oh sorry wrong section.

 
August 22, 2006, 5:38 pm CDT

Today I'm Hopeful...

Greetings Everyone,

 

I say enjoy your single status and tune into the things you enjoy doing most.  This is how I've met some pretty nice guys and dispite other things I've said when I'm frustrated with my life, starting on a friendship basis is less pressure and provide the companionship we might crave.  We must be friends first and want him to respect and encourage the things I have an interest in.  I must have a relationship where we're working together on a common goal.  we must be striving for better and want the same things.  otherwise I can do bad by myself.

 
August 22, 2006, 5:59 pm CDT

Bored or Blank?

The young single people around me are always complaining about being bored.  Oh I'm so bored.  Aren't you bored?  No I'm not.  I don't have time to be bored.  I'm too busy working hard  to get out of the hood to a better life or back to my old one.  Away from boring people. 

 

Three grown adults (20-year-olds)  no one working just sitting around all day trying to figure out how to get money out of someone else.  People like this are a ball and chain to my ankle trying to drag me down with them.  we know what come next.  a baby they can't afford.  this world consist of getting high, drunk and pregnant because their bored.  because they can't think of anything better to do. 

 

Being alone is out of the question and the reason they buzz around me when they can't find anyone to hang out with.  If i had had children I'd like to think they wouldn't end up this blank headed.  I hate to say it but people who should've never been born in the first place yet they breed like cattle only to sit around and take up space. 

 

I want to like these kind of people but they make it hard when you have to watch your back with them all the time.  I'm too old for this level of stress on a daily basis and yes will gladly be alone the rest of my life.  I'm not bored at all!

 

 
August 22, 2006, 6:07 pm CDT

Love Being Single - For A Bad Reason

This is my first message here at the Dr. Phil messageboards!

 

My name is Jordan and I am 17 years old.  I am a very good student, a good daughter, and have had a steady job since I was 14.  All of those areas of my life seem to be right on track.  My relationship life however has really ceased to ever begin.  I know I am only 17 years old, so I feel some people might not think I have a serious issue or anything to worry about, but I do.

 

My mom has had a bad relationship life for as long as I have been alive.  I love my mom more than life itself, but it is true.  She has had abusive relationships, drug dependent relationships, and just unhealthy ones.  She has now however been clean for 6 years, which I am so proud of her for. 

 

I mentioned that little part about my mom because I think it might have something to do with my problem.  I cannot, for whatever reason, get into a real relationship.  Here is how the pattern goes:

 

I like someone - - They like me back - - We start to go further in a relationship (not sexually at all) - - And then right on cue, I freak out, and try and find the nearest exit.  Every single time.

 

I wish I understood exactly why this little trigger goes off in my head and I want to run far far away.  I think that if I could control that ONE THING, I might be able to fix this, but I don't know what it is.  These boys are not bad people.  They are not druggies or mean or abusive or cocky..they are exactly what I think I am looking for..but that really never seems to factor into it.  And each time I do this, I tell myself next time, I am just going to have to SUCK IT UP and move past it.  Easier said than done.

 

Once again, I know I am only 17.  I have plenty of time in my life to be with someone.  I don't need to be married now or even be in a long term relationship if I don't want to be.  I am just tired of being so scared of even the idea.  I am a very independent woman, I know that.  I do for myself a lot and am proud of it.  I am just scared that I am never going to be with anyone for real.  If I can't figure out what my deal is now, why should I think that I will figure it out when I am 20 or 22. 

 

Does anyone have any thoughts?

 
August 22, 2006, 9:28 pm CDT

Time Is On Your Side

Quote From: jordananne

This is my first message here at the Dr. Phil messageboards!

 

My name is Jordan and I am 17 years old.  I am a very good student, a good daughter, and have had a steady job since I was 14.  All of those areas of my life seem to be right on track.  My relationship life however has really ceased to ever begin.  I know I am only 17 years old, so I feel some people might not think I have a serious issue or anything to worry about, but I do.

 

My mom has had a bad relationship life for as long as I have been alive.  I love my mom more than life itself, but it is true.  She has had abusive relationships, drug dependent relationships, and just unhealthy ones.  She has now however been clean for 6 years, which I am so proud of her for. 

 

I mentioned that little part about my mom because I think it might have something to do with my problem.  I cannot, for whatever reason, get into a real relationship.  Here is how the pattern goes:

 

I like someone - - They like me back - - We start to go further in a relationship (not sexually at all) - - And then right on cue, I freak out, and try and find the nearest exit.  Every single time.

 

I wish I understood exactly why this little trigger goes off in my head and I want to run far far away.  I think that if I could control that ONE THING, I might be able to fix this, but I don't know what it is.  These boys are not bad people.  They are not druggies or mean or abusive or cocky..they are exactly what I think I am looking for..but that really never seems to factor into it.  And each time I do this, I tell myself next time, I am just going to have to SUCK IT UP and move past it.  Easier said than done.

 

Once again, I know I am only 17.  I have plenty of time in my life to be with someone.  I don't need to be married now or even be in a long term relationship if I don't want to be.  I am just tired of being so scared of even the idea.  I am a very independent woman, I know that.  I do for myself a lot and am proud of it.  I am just scared that I am never going to be with anyone for real.  If I can't figure out what my deal is now, why should I think that I will figure it out when I am 20 or 22. 

 

Does anyone have any thoughts?

By the time you are 20 or 22 you will feel differently about a lot of things.  I think the example of relationships you've seen so far is still too fresh in your mind.  The longer you go away from anything like that the better.  Bad situations have a way of eating at us from the inside until it consumes our every thought and control our actions. 

 

Women do not realize how much control, how much power they really have over men.  Convincing yourself that you don't ever have to be in a relationship if you don't want to is the foundation of this power.

 

Develope some really good friendships if you can and just say I'm into my career right now but we can be friends.  Anyone who would pressure you for more is not a friend.  Think about it, wouldn't you rather look back and see what you've accomplished with your life apposed to all the knucklehead men you allowed in your space?

 

Get books on relationships, what men think...etc.  Learn what your own flaws are so you will be better at choosing the right person and knowing what it take to make a relationship work.  Make sure he know it to.  If you talk about all the right things in the begining, you'll hit less walls in the long run.

 

Good Luck!

 
August 22, 2006, 11:49 pm CDT

Love Being Single

Quote From: section8

By the time you are 20 or 22 you will feel differently about a lot of things.  I think the example of relationships you've seen so far is still too fresh in your mind.  The longer you go away from anything like that the better.  Bad situations have a way of eating at us from the inside until it consumes our every thought and control our actions. 

 

Women do not realize how much control, how much power they really have over men.  Convincing yourself that you don't ever have to be in a relationship if you don't want to is the foundation of this power.

 

Develope some really good friendships if you can and just say I'm into my career right now but we can be friends.  Anyone who would pressure you for more is not a friend.  Think about it, wouldn't you rather look back and see what you've accomplished with your life apposed to all the knucklehead men you allowed in your space?

 

Get books on relationships, what men think...etc.  Learn what your own flaws are so you will be better at choosing the right person and knowing what it take to make a relationship work.  Make sure he know it to.  If you talk about all the right things in the begining, you'll hit less walls in the long run.

 

Good Luck!

I really apperciate you taking the time to comment me back, and taking my post seriously.

I agree with you when you say "Women do not realize how much control, how much power they really have over men"  I know that if I don't want to do something, or be something to a guy, I just say no, and that is really the end of it.

I know, that if I put my mind to it, I could completely convince myself that I don't even need to be with a man.  At 17, I am already independent and feel lucky to have twice the confidence in myself that most of my other girlfriends have, well, in all areas of life except relationships.

On your note about developing some good friendships, I wrote on the message board because I recently met a new guy. 

He is just one year older than me, goes to college in my town, is hot (not that that is the only thing that matters, but it helps :-) ), and is just a good person.  We have hung out twice, and he has been nothing but a gentelmen.  The comments he made to me were that I was a really cool person and he loved how comfortable and at ease we were around each other - - none of that really new person anixiety.  The first time we hung out, I didn't have those nervous scared, where is the nearest exit feelings.  The 2nd time, I did get a little antsy.  That was yesterday.  Today, I talked to him (through IM) and just told him up front about what I was feeling.  I tried to explain to him what my patterns are, how I kind of freak, but that he had nothing to do with it.  He was so understanding, and said he was fine giving me my space, and we would just stay friends until I felt better or I decided different.

I guess I wouldn't mind so much being single now if I didn't have thoughts of never marrying and having kids.  I really want to have kids some day.  Not even so much the married part (but I think if I got over my fear of relationships that might change).  I am still a virgin and I am not ashamed of that, but if I can't ever stay with a guy, will I ever not be..I guess I am going into to many what ifs.

I can't predict the future.  I can just do my best to continue in schooling, finish college, get my degree, and do what is best for me.

I think I'll stick around here..you guys make me feel much better.  That I am not the only weirdo in the world!  LOL
 
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