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Topic : Communication

Number of Replies: 2186
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:47 pm
Author : dataimport
Good communication between partners can make or break a relationship. Share your tips and stories.

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November 7, 2005, 9:11 pm CST

Why won't he give me a chance????

I am a 22 yr old college student working my way by serving at a local resturant. Over the last 6 monthes I've really started to fall for my boss, I've worked around him for almost 2 yrs. Sometimes it seems like he is flirting with me however has made it clear that he doesn't date employee's. I have another year of college and enjoy my serving job, should I give up and move on or be patient and see if he comes around?  

-Tired of balancing a tray on my head for attention- 

November 9, 2005, 2:32 pm CST


Quote From: amylynn20

Well i have been dating a name named Shane for almost a year. He is the from a family of 5 boys. His youngest brother is married and has 3 kids. Ever since i have been dating Shane his brothers wife i have notice has an infachuation with Shane. Before we started going out she used to call him all the time and go over to his house. Crystal and her husband were going through a bad time and she needed someone to talk too. So Shane was the only person that would listen to her. Well when we started going out she really didnt call him alot well one night she call him in the middle of the night just to tell him that she loved him and that she was thinking about him. Well i was alittle mad by this message she left and i told him about it he said that is just the way she is. They were family. So he acted like nothing was going on, and that i shouldn't worry about it. well last weekend was halloween and crystal and her husband invited us to there halloween party with like 20 other people we decided not to go and i am glad we did. On sunday crystal call Shane and told him that she needed to talk to him in private so i left the room i ask him when he came back what that was all about he said the crystal found out that George had slept with her sister before they were married. Well in her defense she had told George that he slept with his brother and their youngest daughter might not be his. Well then she played it off like she was just joking and George believed her. Well last night i came home from work and Shane was in a really bad mood i go did you have a bad day he said yes, i asked him what was wrong he said there was alot of things on his mind i go like what. He said something that happened alone time ago with Crystal. i said oh really he said that when Crystal and George were having a bad time that she was always coming over to his house and calling him on the phone well i guess one night one thing led to another and they ended up having sex. Well after that she found out she was pregnant. She told Shane that neither one of them were supposed to tell anyone ever this was a go to your grave secret. Well she called Shane on monday and told him that she couldnt keep lying to George about this she had to tell him the truth. Well that is when Shane decided to tell me about this so that i wouldnt have to find out from someone else. Welll i didnt really bother me that they did anything because i had a feeling that they did, but it really bothered me that he wants me to be his best friend but yet he never told me about this tell everyone else know. I told him that i would be right here beside his no matter what happened. well i guess that George wants a patenaty test to find out who is the father. Shane told me that if it is his he wants to take care of it. Which i understand it will just be a really different situation. If it isnt his maybe Crystal willl finally get over that fact the Shane doesnt want anything to do with her and that she needs to concentrate more on her marriage then n e thing else. Crystal had told Shane when she first found out that she was pregnant that she hope that it was his because if it wasnt she would be mad. I just dont know what to do n e more.

I am sure you saw that one coming?  They didn't hide that very feel? 

At this point, there is not much you can do besides have Shane take the paternity test and then you can proceed with the next step.  IF the baby is his, then you all have a lot to think about and see what the best interest is for the child?  If the baby is not HIS, he needs to break all communication with this lady and make sure she knows she is not welcome on his life anymore.  Shane will have to make that very clear, no more Mr. nice guy. 


November 11, 2005, 2:39 pm CST


Quote From: latingirl

I am sure you saw that one coming?  They didn't hide that very feel? 

At this point, there is not much you can do besides have Shane take the paternity test and then you can proceed with the next step.  IF the baby is his, then you all have a lot to think about and see what the best interest is for the child?  If the baby is not HIS, he needs to break all communication with this lady and make sure she knows she is not welcome on his life anymore.  Shane will have to make that very clear, no more Mr. nice guy. 


well now he is saying that his brother George doesnt want a paternity test because he is after that Shane will want custidy of the baby. Shane says that he doesnt really want to get the test right now because he doesnt have a job and that if the baby is his then he wouldnt have n e way of paying for it. But if your are 99% sure that this baby isnt yours what do u have to worry about? I think he is afraid that if this baby is his then it will tear the family apart and he doesnt want to stir n e thing up. I am almost wondering if he really thinks this baby is his and he just doesnt really know what to do. I sometimes think i want to know more than he does? Do i keep pushing this issue or let it settle?
November 13, 2005, 3:18 pm CST


Quote From: slayereve

Here's the thing; I don't know if I mentioned anything about a guy in any of my other posts, but I have been under the impression that this guy was going to ask me out, cause he said that (not that guys don't lie!) he liked me and that he just got out of a bad marriage. He told me to "give it time." I have. Apparantly however, one of his buddies (and a co-worker) told me that he is seeing some hoochie in the alley. On top of that, apparently this hoochie (I will not say woman/lady/or any other related term, because anyone like that does not deserve to be called a woman or a lady), has full blown AIDS. I'm not 100% sure that the guy that told me that she has AIDS (I'm 95% sure she is---whoring--HELLO!), wasn't just saying it to get me to stay away from him no matter. But, that's not the point. I'm just pissed that I let myself be let on. I asked him a week ago if he liked me and he was like "yeah, yeah." And, at the same time I knew it. I mean he didn't pay attention to me at all when we were downstairs in the cafeteria for breakfast (I work at a food bank), and he'd avoid me during work. Also, I heard a statement toward him, regarding him in a car with a female. Now, the thing is we tend to joke around making lude remarks (I can take them, they know that when I say "that's borderline"--that means they've gone too far); however, I knew it. I was just lying to myself, hoping it was just my imagination, and that I was being too clingy (but how is 5min of hanging out clingy?). I mean he's intelligent (in a academic way), good looking, and I thought he was nice (lying to me by not telling me that he's not interested and leading me on. I mean we never went out or anything, so his decision to sleep with someone isn't cheating, obviously. What pisses me off is the lying and the leading me on. I hate myself that I'm not even worth a simple "Hey, I know I said I liked you, but I've decided to ask someone else out." I've had someone who actually had the dignity to say that, and I wasn't upset at all. Now granted I wasn't really interested in him as I was with this guy. I mean, do I really have a right to be angry, or am I just being too emotional? 

The guy did ask to "give you time."  I think that was his communication cue to you.  It's particularly important to listen to what guys say; they usually mean what they say.  Also, I'd be extremely cautious and concerned about this AIDs "connetion."  Is it  worth it?   Best wishes.    

November 13, 2005, 3:26 pm CST


Quote From: lcso298

I work in Law enforcement. I seen the Domestic Violence almost Daily . It the same problem over and over .No matter if it's a man or a woman who is in the abussive relationship they can't over come their fears. The Victim has to make their Own choices on what they want. Can people change? Sure . If The man really loves his wife and they have problems it left up to him to find the place in his heart to change his actions. DO you forgive? Thats tough. I don't think you will ever forget what has happen but you have to find a place to forgive  so that both of you can talk regain that trust . He has to earn  your trust back with his actions but at the same time you have to slowly give that person the encouragement that he may need to make  it seems that he he doing something right. Your actions will encourage his actions if both are positive. Relationship are built on , Friendships , Trust and Love. We all make mistakes the ones who learn from those mistakes and can apply those mistake and turn them into a positive are the ones worth keeping. 

Hope this helps you. I know it tough trusting after your heart has been broken but we all have to make a choice. Follow your heart and pay attention to the actions.  

Good Luck 

Have you read the book "Women Who Love Too Much?  I'm a counselor.  I think it's important to forgive yourself for the pain you've caused yourself by allowing such men in your life.  I understand how hard it is to let go (you say you two still talk to one another).  Also, I hope you can cut ties with him, especially not give him information about your current lifestyle.  He wants to contine controlling you by knowing what you're doing, in my opinion.   Is there something you are still wanting from him that you are not giving to yourself? Best wishes.
November 13, 2005, 10:45 pm CST

I want feedback from him

I've been dating a great guy for three months.  We are exclusively dating and sleeping together.  I trust him and believe he's trustworthy.  He seems to have healthy values, and I think he'd be a good partner for me.  He displays behaviors that shows his interest in me.  (We spend ample time together; he's been reliable and considerate).  He told me he's not good about saying positive things to people, including his children.  My problem is that he does not  provide positive verbal comments nor did he verbally respond when I told him how much I like him and enjoy being with him.  I asked him if he could work upon giving feedback.  His response to me was, "I don't kow."   During conversation with him, he said he does not know what romance nor love is.  (Like me, he's divorced, married only once and was married for a long time).  When asked, he also said he did not know if he loved his ex wife (when they were married).  Should I be running away fast from him???  I'm compelled to say I have herpes virus.  I communicated this to him, after our initial first contact without protection.  For several weeks we had sex without protection with his knowledge about my health condition.  Then when I had an outbreak and communicated such to him, since then we've been using protection, per his request.  I'm mentioning my health condition, because he said my having herpes isn't a "deal breaker" for him.   He also said, he'll wait awhile and have test to determine if he's been exposed to  herpes virus.  Anyway,  I hate when I barter with myself in this way.  I think I should be patient with him (and give this relationship a chance for at least 6-8 months).  Because he continued to stay with me despite my health condition.  And at this point, I really like him. But I don't know if I can suceed in a relationship with a man who doesn't tell me what he's thinking\feeling about being involved with me.  That could be a "deal-breaker" for me.  I'm afraid I'm attracking (again) a man who is emotionally unavailable and\or who truly will not commit to me\our relationship.  Now I'd like feedback from you out there.  Thanks.  


November 14, 2005, 6:56 am CST

friends and boyfriends

my boyfriend and I live about an hour away from each other and both of us have busy schedules that often keep us from spending time together.  Both of us work in the veterinary medicine field and I am still in college full time.  My biggest complaint is that he has several female friends, and not that I dont have my own set of male and female friends, but he is constantly going out with male and female friends to bars and so forth around the area that he lives in.  He works with mostly females given the profession, and just as I have done, I tend to be close to the people that I work with.  Because of this I know that he is friends with many of the women that he works with, especially since I have done the same thing.  But I guess I am just uneasy because they are female friends and I dont think its fair to tell him to give up his friends since I live so far away and we do make time for one another and spend time together but I guess I just get jeleous because I know that I can't come when they go out for drinks and what not.... am I being unreasonable?? Its certainly not that I dont trust him... I think I am more jeleous than anything... what should I do??
November 14, 2005, 7:28 pm CST

Communication between a man and a woman

I am a hispanic woman(51) and dating an American(56) man. We have been together for five months and he is a great friend and lover. My concern is that he is not very expressive with words. He sends me e-mails everyday wishing me a great day with smiley faces and he says to me " I love you" or "love you baby" every day.....but I feel like if he is doing that b/c he has learned through the years that he has to tell his mate "love you". He never says to me things like: you are beautiful(I don't think I am ugly), you have beautiful eyes, I like your body, etc. nor he says anything when we are making love about me or my body. This is making me feel insecure as a woman, which I have never been before because I think I look pretty good for my age. He only says in general are pretty.....when I dress up to go out, he either does not say anything or he says" you look nice". I am used to a lot of expression as a latin woman and I get a lot of compliments everyday from other people.....they always look so are gorgeous..etc.....even my students say so(yes I am a high school teacher). So, Is this a "gringo" thing" and I am wrong or pretending to receive too much? Besides this, he is really good with me and is always looking after me. I JUST NEED , AS A WOMAN, TO BE TOLD BEATIFULL THINGS.........AM I WRONG DR, PHIL? I HAVE TOLD HIM THIS VARIOUS TIMES............
November 15, 2005, 8:30 am CST

Help please!

Hi, I'm a 24 year old man from Washington, I've been dating my girlfriend Alicia for almost 8 months and we've known eachother since 1998.  At first in the relationship she would tell me if something was bothering her, whether it be the fact she's frustrated from the epilepsy medications she's on, or the fact that several other guys would be trying to be with her at the same time we were going out.  Then after she got placed on her new Medication Lamental, this all changed.  Ever since her personality has become increasingly gloomy, moody, and to some extent she shoves me and everyone around her away.  It hurts that even though we have spoken of marriage and spending our lives together that she will not open her heart to me to allow me into her world, and her only reason is "You cannot help, even if I told you."  I've been trying my best to be a good man to her, but it seems the more I try, it makes me look like an %!^hole.  Some advice would be great about now, as I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to get her to discuss her problems, since whenever she doesn't discuss them she'll end up cutting her arms and/or legs with razor blades to 'bleed the pain out'  She knows how much this act causes me stress, and I worry constantly about her well being and health.  What is it that I can do?   

November 15, 2005, 11:50 am CST

Dating a divorcee dad - give up or give time?

I started dating my boyfriend when he was in the middle of a divorce. He has a son, and at the time of his divorce, his son was 4 1/2 years old. I wasn't especially close to his son, but we got along and had fun times. After 6 months of dating he asked me to move in and I did so hesitantly (I had always told myself I wouldn't do that). We talked about getting married and even went so far as to discuss a date which was about a year after I had moved in. After 9 months of living together his ex-wife emails him and asks for another chance. He tells me that he feels extremely guilty for not trying to work things out with his ex and that he owed it to his son to try. I knew he was only doing it for his son – and I didn’t agree with him, but I didn’t fight it – I left quickly – and moved a few hours away. 9 months later he calls me and tells me that he loves me and misses me. I asked about his ex-wife and he said that no matter how much tries he can’t make himself love her, but he didn’t know what was going to happen. 5 days later his ex-wife said it was obviously not working between them and ended the relationship. 2 months later I moved back. I’ve bought a house. We are dating again. I told him that I would not live with him again unless it was as husband and wife. My heartache now is that I only see him during the week and on the weekends that he doesn’t have his son. This really hurts – it makes me feel like 1.) it speaks of the commitment he is making, or in this case, not making to me and 2.) he thinks my being in the picture will impact his son in a negative way. I am torn. I truly know, feel & believe that he loves me – I never doubted it when we broke up. I feel enough time has passed and he should talk to his son about me. He & his ex-wife have been broken up for 5-6 months now (they didn’t remarry, though she tried pushing him into marriage for a 2nd time). I’ve been back for 3-4 moths. Whenever I bring up him talking to his son, we end up fighting about it. I don’t know what to do. I love him with all my heart. On one hand I think I deserve more, but then I think I need to be patient, and I will get more. His son has been through a rollercoaster over the past 2+ years – his parents divorcing, then his dad dating me and moving me in, then me moving out and his mom & dad get back together, then break-up a second time. Do I continue to be patient or do I end the relationship? I love this man and he loves me.



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