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Topic : True Love

Number of Replies: 1117
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:36 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you believe in true love? How about love at first sight? Is it possible to cheat on someone you love? Can true love die? Tell us what you think!

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November 4, 2005, 1:46 pm CST

Hope I Can Help

Quote From: tcanalizo

Hi Dr Phil: 

  

I recently married my true love, after five years of relationship, and I´m very happy by his side, he is a medical resident, he´s at his second year of pediatrics, and when I married him I had to leave my home town (Torreon- a small city) to move to Mexico City during his residency, although the time I share with him is great, is not as much as we would like... his schedule is very demanding and when he comes home he's really tired... so... I feel lonely, I miss my family, and some times is very hard to be in a completly different environment... alone...how can I feel better? I want my marriage to be successfull...  

Hi there! 

  

I'm not Dr. Phil and definitely no expert.  I also can't relate to not being near family in a new town.  But one thing for sure, every individual has a purpose.  When you're a wife, part of your purpose is to be a "helpmeet" to your husband.  You have an advantage.  You love your husband and enjoy your marriage.  So, now you have to be creative in how you spend time with your husband.  I'm not going to tell you what to do but I'll give you an example through my own marriage. 

  

My husband is retired military.  He and I started dating the year he retired (2002).  Praise God because I wasn't willing to be a military wife.  I'm much to selfish. Smile!  He was a single father with 2 daughters in his full custody.  He was ALWAYS tired.  Unlike most, when he retired, God blessed him with another job immediately.  You're talking 8-hour job, two daughters, school programs, cooking, laundry, etc.  Our honeymoon was his first vacation in 20 years ... no exaggeration.   

  

Anyway, since we've been married, he's been living like a king.  He's given me the freedom to train his girls to do things for themselves that he always did for them.  What do I do for him?  Most of the time I make sure that he doesn't have to worry about dinner and household chores.  (We do share, but I make sure he has much more rest time.)  I also pretty much keep the girls out of his path when he comes home  from work so that he can have recoup time before they bombard him with their "needs".  You  know how us girls are.  We start asking young.  hahahahaha! 

  

What do I do for him?  When he comes home tired, no matter what my day was like, I put him first.  God gave Adam a helpmeet.  A helpmeet helps.  I give him the space he needs to relax.  When he showers I lotion him down and give him a massage.  I let him sleep when he needs to.  If all he wants to do is lay on the couch and watch TV because he is tired, I'll lay on the couch and be a bum with him.  I have to admit that was very hard for me at first because I am not a big TV watcher.  It seems so unproductive.  I had to learn that if I wanted to spend quality time with my husband when he is tired, I had to fit into his groove.  I also found that when I make efforts to fit into his groove, he takes notice, appreciates my efforts and I get rewards.   

  

Another thing that helps is that though my husband and I are one, I also have interest of my own.  I like doing graphics on the computer.  I tremendously enjoy reading books.  Find what you are good at and do it.   

  

Continue to be understanding.  Your husband is a doctor.  Midnight calls, extended time away, ruined plans, etc. come with the territory.  Once you can truly accept that, you've crossed a major hurdle.  I reiterate, now you must learn to be creative with the time you do have with your husband while always taking into consideration how he feels.  I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but Phillipians 2:4 says "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."  This is not a scripture that tells us to "neglect" ourselves, but to determine what is really important ... what we "want" or what the other person "needs".  We live in a selfish world so it's so easy to complain about what we're not getting.  That is by no means a strike against you.   

  

I bring my husband no complaints when he comes home.  I don't try to have any serious conversations with him.  His home is his castle and his safe haven where he comes to rest.  There is a time for those conversations.  It isn't easy especially when I feel that what I need to say is important.  But I see the benefit of waiting.  The more patient I learn to be, the more sensitive I become to those times that are good to speak.  If I allow him to rest, then he becomes relaxed.  When he is relaxed, I can pour my heart out.  I have to also be mindful of my approach.  I prep him sometimes by telling him how much I love him and appreciate him.  Rather than say "honey you don't spend enough time with me", I would say "honey, I miss spending time with you".  As women, as wives, we have to learn how to talk to our husbands.  One of the greatest women who knew how to approach her husband was Esther in the Bible.  Before she ever made her request known to the King she always started by saying, "if it pleases the King".  She was graceful and wise with her words.   

  

If you're a reader, read books that will enhance your marriage.  I could name a few.  "Power of a Praying Wife" and "The Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian, "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs, "The Five Love Needs of Men and Women" and "Divorce Proof Your Marriage" by Gary Rosberg and "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman.  These are just a few that have blessed me and my marriage. 

  

Perhaps you can get a calling card that will give you decent minutes to call a family member once or twice a week.  Do you have any friends where you are?  Proverbs 18:24 says "A man who has friends must himself be friendly ..."  That applies to women as well.  I don't know if you are a shy person or not, but sometimes we have to step out and meet people.  You may find someone with like interest.  Whoever you connect with, make sure it is a wise woman who is an advocate for marriage.    The last thing you need is male friendship while you're lonely.  And, you don't need to hang around women who are miserable in their marriages and speak poorly about their husbands. 

  

Shower your husband with love by perhaps putting love notes in his suitcase.  I call my husband throughout the day to either tell him I love him or remind him of things I think are wonderful about him.  Since your husband is a doctor, you may not be able to call that often.  Find out what really pleases your husband.  When you find out what pleases him, if he is a good man, he'll turn around and meet your needs. 

  

In the meantime, stay away from complaining and grumbling even within your heart and be very encouraging and understanding toward him.  Also, when he comes home, even if he isn't in the mood to make love, look good for him.  If nothing else, you can leave an image in his head.  If he is too tired to play, don't take it as personal rejection especially since you know the hours he works.  One of the greatest mistakes that people make is that they get married to get "their needs met".  The truth is, when you get married, it's about serving the other person.  That is a hard concept for the world but it is a Biblical truth.  When put into practice, marriage is excellent and survives challenges that most marriages face. 

  

I just want to encourage you to hang in there!  If you've got a good man and a good marriage, work to keep it that way.  He's in a critical stage of his career.  You can be an advocate or a hinderance.  It's up to you.  I believe you can be a great advocate.  But, understand that being an advocate comes with sacrifices.  Remind yourself that it is to "help" your husband.  When you help your husband be his best, you are helping yourself because the "two become one". 

  

Best wishes! 

 
November 6, 2005, 4:00 pm CST

I found my true love again.

So I've been married for four years.  We are pretty happy.  He works a lot so he's not home very often.  We have small children and I stay home and raise them.  I've been struggling with being happy for a long time.  I have temporarily moved because he has been gone for work .  I moved back to my home town and the love of my life is here.  He is my true love.  I've always loved him but he wasn't ready for a relationship in high school and I left for college.  It is ten years later and he's here.  I told myself not to have regrets so i wanted closure on us.  Now He has professed how he's always loved me.  He didn't have a relationship until five years after we broke up.  He is single and has become the man I knew he could become.  I am struggling because I love my husband but the love I have for the other has always been there and I don't know how to deal with it.  I have the opportunity to spend time with my true love  but I'm not sure what to do.  I feel I'll always regret not spending time with him if I don't now.  Is it possible to have a happy successful marriage if you truely love someone else to a degree you'll never meet with your spouse?  There is no way to explain how he make sme feel.  He sees me really sees me and loves all of who I am.  So should I spend time with him or let it go?
 
November 7, 2005, 12:33 am CST

True Love Lost

Quote From: portofino

So I've been married for four years.  We are pretty happy.  He works a lot so he's not home very often.  We have small children and I stay home and raise them.  I've been struggling with being happy for a long time.  I have temporarily moved because he has been gone for work .  I moved back to my home town and the love of my life is here.  He is my true love.  I've always loved him but he wasn't ready for a relationship in high school and I left for college.  It is ten years later and he's here.  I told myself not to have regrets so i wanted closure on us.  Now He has professed how he's always loved me.  He didn't have a relationship until five years after we broke up.  He is single and has become the man I knew he could become.  I am struggling because I love my husband but the love I have for the other has always been there and I don't know how to deal with it.  I have the opportunity to spend time with my true love  but I'm not sure what to do.  I feel I'll always regret not spending time with him if I don't now.  Is it possible to have a happy successful marriage if you truely love someone else to a degree you'll never meet with your spouse?  There is no way to explain how he make sme feel.  He sees me really sees me and loves all of who I am.  So should I spend time with him or let it go?

I didn't just lose my true love, I let him go. Trouble is I didn't know he was my true love until he was gone. We were together for 5 years. After I broke his heart I asked him to marry me but too much damage had been done - he refused. We are now both married to other people and have one child each. I have an unhappy marriage and not a day goes by that I do not think about what a terrible mistake I made. I can not forgive myself for hurting him and pushing him away. I feel like my unhappiness now is punishment for hurting him. The thought of spending the rest of my life without him devestates me. I wish I could turn back time. I am sure he doesn't feel this way and is happily married. If I had a chance to spend some time with him again .. if only I could.    

 
November 7, 2005, 6:20 am CST

True Love?

I guess. As long as I don't have to live with him and be around him too much....... The relationship I'm in now seems like true love for us both. 

  

But...... I think it's only because this is a "forbidden love" (you figure it out)  and I think if we both were  together for any great lenght of time - we find that neither of us are what we pretend  to be. 

  

Which is fine with me.   I'll take this "true love" for what it's worth .  

  

  

  

  

 
November 7, 2005, 9:24 am CST

True Love

      I definitely believe in true love; I just haven't found it yet. I don't like what the dating scene has become: an endless succession of singles' bars, electronic dating services, singles' text messaging services, "don't take your eyes off of your drink for a second, or someone could lace it with a date-rape drug." Dating should be like Halloween used to be: fun, without all the dangers. Am I being unrealistic? (By the way: I don't date; I haven't the energy!)
 
November 7, 2005, 9:38 am CST

True Love

Quote From: golden1

      I definitely believe in true love; I just haven't found it yet. I don't like what the dating scene has become: an endless succession of singles' bars, electronic dating services, singles' text messaging services, "don't take your eyes off of your drink for a second, or someone could lace it with a date-rape drug." Dating should be like Halloween used to be: fun, without all the dangers. Am I being unrealistic? (By the way: I don't date; I haven't the energy!)
There are actually good people out there and good places to find those people. Those who go to bars and have to worry about something happening to deceive them are just clueless and don't have the right resources. I met my now husband in a little inner city church and he is definetly my true love and always will be. We have fun and believe in each other. never settle for less then what you desire in a mate, compromising is a good thing as long as it doesn't interfere with your character and dreams to succeed.
 
November 7, 2005, 12:35 pm CST

true love

i belive in true love i knew my bf now for 5 years through the internet and we started talkin and we hooked up so yes i am very happy with him 7 months later
 
November 7, 2005, 1:47 pm CST

Find you love

Quote From: annbibler

 I need a little advice...19 years ago, I met a guy who was "perfect" in my eyes. We started dating a year later and everything was great, then 8 months later, him and his family moved out of state. Still being a teenager, it affected me a little but I moved on. Although I thought about him often, he was my first love.  Well about 4 years ago, we crossed paths again and it was like we had been together the whole time. ( although we had both been married and divorced by that time.) I was more in love with him now than ever. And again he moved out of state, (this time it was because of a job transfer) he called me several times for the first year and wanted me to move with him. Well not being one to act on the spur of the moment, I never moved. We have since lost contact and I am engaged to be married in May. My problem is that I can't get my first love out of my mind. I do love my fiance with all of my heart and I do want to spend my life with him. What should I do? Is this normal?
I am in a situation that I can't do anything about being able to be with my true love while married to another.  Before you get married try with all your might to see if it's still there.  Trust me if you still think about  your true love you always will.  You have a chance and to be fair to your fiance you should do it.  Your True love may not be who you think they really are.  Alot of times seperation allows us to forget the things we don't like about someone and build up the good things.  I think it may ease your mind.  If you don't find your true love maybe there is a reason.  From this ste it seems it is normal to be in love with your ture love yet love another.  I think there are many people in this world we can love and be happy with.  I also feel like there is true love and it shouldn't be passed up.  WE should be as happy aws possible.  Your fiance deserves to be totally loved and if it means you finding your true love and seeing if it is still there isn't it worth it?  You are taking a vow to love and cherish your spouse for ever until death do you part.  If you truely believe that's what you want you owe it to everyone to check it out.  I hope this helps.  Good Luck.
 
November 7, 2005, 2:22 pm CST

Humbug...

I don't believe in "True Love" ... not the kind that many are talking about. 

  

I believe in honest infatuation - you meet someone and kind of 'click'. 

I believe in Lust At First Sight - you want what you see. 

I believe in Love that Lasts - people willing to dig in and work at it, because the relationship's worth it. 

  

I don't believe in That One True Love.  In the words of Dr. Leo Buscalia: "... there's a hundred schmoes out there you can fall in love with!" 

  

The biggest mistake that many of us make is in thinking that there's our One True Soul Mate who God is going to drop into your lap one day and the world will suddenly become Romantically Perfect.  If that happened for you, that's just skippy!  I mean that sincerely.  But for the rest of us, love is something that we have to commit ourselves to and not do stupid things that sabotage a perfectly good relationship because we're going through a moment of selfishness, or because there's supposedly something better lying over the rainbow. 

  

I've *seen* the end of the rainbow; there ain't no gold - just a colorful illusion. 

 
November 7, 2005, 3:15 pm CST

True Love

Quote From: quietgoth

I don't believe in "True Love" ... not the kind that many are talking about. 

  

I believe in honest infatuation - you meet someone and kind of 'click'. 

I believe in Lust At First Sight - you want what you see. 

I believe in Love that Lasts - people willing to dig in and work at it, because the relationship's worth it. 

  

I don't believe in That One True Love.  In the words of Dr. Leo Buscalia: "... there's a hundred schmoes out there you can fall in love with!" 

  

The biggest mistake that many of us make is in thinking that there's our One True Soul Mate who God is going to drop into your lap one day and the world will suddenly become Romantically Perfect.  If that happened for you, that's just skippy!  I mean that sincerely.  But for the rest of us, love is something that we have to commit ourselves to and not do stupid things that sabotage a perfectly good relationship because we're going through a moment of selfishness, or because there's supposedly something better lying over the rainbow. 

  

I've *seen* the end of the rainbow; there ain't no gold - just a colorful illusion. 

i agree there isn't any rainbows. for love to be successful BOTH of you must work on the relationship together. Love is a two way street and if your partner isn't will to go the extra mile then you'll get ran over by a speeding mack truck. and trust me it hurts.
 
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