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Topic : True Love

Number of Replies: 1117
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:04:36 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you believe in true love? How about love at first sight? Is it possible to cheat on someone you love? Can true love die? Tell us what you think!

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October 18, 2005, 5:24 pm CDT

True Love

Quote From: mgrant22

I met my true love when I was finishing college (I was 22 and he was 30)  We had a great relationship, we were so good together.  I tried to get him to settle down with me because I was tired of dating and wanted commitment, and when I found the right one, why drag it out?  He was not ready to settle down yet.   

  

I was introduced to my husband at this same time.  He was totally in love with me, I was not ( he was not my true love).  I dated my husband to try and get my true love to realize that I would move on, if he didn't commit to me (Immature, i know) Any way my husband convinced me to move to a different city to live with him and 3 months later he proposed and 6 months after that we were married (very rushed...  We were married just at a year from when we first met).  I thought that if I couldn't have my true love, then security was second best.  I didn't know about all the "family drama" he had on his side of the family (lots of problems)  I didn't know about all the debt he had accrued before meeting me (didn't find out till 2 years later) I didn't realize how affected he was by the troubled childhood he was raised in.  We have a son 2 years old.  I quit work when I had him, because that is what I wanted to do my whole life, stay home and take care of the kids.  We are in financial trouble.  I had no idea how bad until 2 years ago, after quitting my job to stay home.  He had told me we were in good shape and most everything should be paid off by the time I quit.  Well that was far from the truth.  My parents helped us out and we are still in bad shape.  He is in denial.  I took over the finances because he wasn't paying everything on time or every month.  He is also VERY perticular about how the house is kept.  He comes home from work complaining about how messy the house is (when it is not a mess).  He even makes jokes to his mom (who is also a neat freak) about how I don't keep up the house very well.  She even comes over and cleans the house when she is here!  So I don't have the security I wanted from my husband. 

  

I never have got my true love out of my mind.  I think about him alot, even dream about him (us being married, etc.) Right after I had our son, my true love wrote me a short note asking what had become of me...was I married, any kids, etc.  I didn't respond.  I didn't know what to say (I made a big mistake I am in love with you, but I am married with a new baby.)  Any way I continue to think about him and this week I got the nerve to contact him and see how he was doing, if he was married, any kids, and could we try to keep in touch with each other.  Expecting him to have moved on and hoping he would remember me from 5 years ago.  To my surprise he has never been married and no kids.  He said didn't know what he had till I left town.  He wanted to tell me not to leave, but he thought I was happy with my husband and didn't want to cause problems.  He told me he was being punnished from God for letting me go.  He said he can't find anyone that can even compare to the relationship we had together.  I am now very confused...  Do I stay in my marriage and be okay and raise our son or do I leave to find true love, and be excited about my life?  Please, any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks. 

first be aware that u have a child with a so-so husband cuz some women have actually abandoned or even killed their children to be with another man so hopefully youre not one of those women;  second if the "true love" can accept ur son and not be bitter bout ur choice u made to move on with ur life then maybe u should separate from ur hubby and see how that goes first that might be the best way to do it then u'll have ur independence and u know u can take care of urself so if ur "true love" doesnt work out it wont be a complete catastophy.  i just hope ur hubby wont be one of those psycho's that just thrive to make u suffer and pay for breaking up the marriage.   be careful with that and do a lot of thinking and planning and maybe u will be very happy or at least somewhat better than u r now cuz y live like that if u dont HAVE TO.
 
October 18, 2005, 6:43 pm CDT

he sounds like a keeper

Quote From: rebeccwi

I am getting married on Saturday.  It will be a 2nd marriage for him, but 3rd for me.   The problem I am experiencing is that he and his family keeps up with his ex-wife and it bothers me.  They do not have any children and don't talk directly with each other.  Occasional emails that completed the divorce agreements.  She initiated the divorce and moved across the country - that was 5 years ago.  However he has kept up with her and tells me about any 'new' news that is passed along by his family.  He has stated that because she was a part of this life for 10 years that he is interested in her and what she is doing with her life.  I don't understand this and it really hurts.  Several of his family members let him know that she is getting married this weekend and so are we and now it's a big discussion on how odd it is that they are getting married on the same weekend.  Am I wrong to want him to let it go.  He states that by me asking that - that I am asking him to forget his past, but I am asking for him to let go of her present and future.  I did have issues in the past hearing about them and their life together, but it was only because he said that if she came into town he would want to meet her for dinner - just to catch up and see what was going on with her.      I have children from my 1st marriage - and we both communicate with their father.  However, my second marriage is not a subject.  I do not have any communication with him.  My family does not ask about him nor do I seek any information.  Am I expecting too much?  Am I wrong to feel this way.  I just don't understand why he feels it is necessary for him to keep up with her.

If he is this nice to an ex- wife, imagine how wonderful he will be to a new and current wife.   

So many people play the blame game and hate their ex, this man is obviously not like this. 

Consider yourself lucky, but do tell him how you feel. 

Congratulations!!!! 

 
October 19, 2005, 7:51 am CDT

I understand...

Quote From: sunnkiss

first be aware that u have a child with a so-so husband cuz some women have actually abandoned or even killed their children to be with another man so hopefully youre not one of those women;  second if the "true love" can accept ur son and not be bitter bout ur choice u made to move on with ur life then maybe u should separate from ur hubby and see how that goes first that might be the best way to do it then u'll have ur independence and u know u can take care of urself so if ur "true love" doesnt work out it wont be a complete catastophy.  i just hope ur hubby wont be one of those psycho's that just thrive to make u suffer and pay for breaking up the marriage.   be careful with that and do a lot of thinking and planning and maybe u will be very happy or at least somewhat better than u r now cuz y live like that if u dont HAVE TO.

I want you to know that I love my son more than anything and any man would have to accept me with my son.  If not, then it wouldn't work out anyway.  Even if my "true love" ends up not working out, I just want to be happy and completely satisfied and secure with my life.  I don't have any of that right now.  I need to feel all of that, either with my husband or with someone else. 

  

I talked to my husband last night and told him I loved him, just not sure how much, and that I am not happy and why.  (didn't mention to him anything about "true love")  I was bawling and he wouldn't look at me and he didn't show any emotion whatsoever.  This morning he really didn't talk to me, and then he called me from work and said I needed to see my doctor again because he thinks my anti-depressants aren't working.  Then he said we need to find out what is going on with me and what's going to happen to our marriage.  There is no emotion with him at all.  It is all very matter-of-factly.  The only thing he told me was "I am shocked. Just shocked."  Nothing else.  

  

Divorce scares me, I know it is not an easy thing to go through, then I think of all the tough times our son is going to experience.  Then I think should I settle for okay and allow our son to have parents who are together with less stress on him?  It would be difficult to raise our son on my income and paying for daycare and needs.  At least I am able to be home with him right now. 

 
October 20, 2005, 9:47 am CDT

True Love

Quote From: mgrant22

I want you to know that I love my son more than anything and any man would have to accept me with my son.  If not, then it wouldn't work out anyway.  Even if my "true love" ends up not working out, I just want to be happy and completely satisfied and secure with my life.  I don't have any of that right now.  I need to feel all of that, either with my husband or with someone else. 

  

I talked to my husband last night and told him I loved him, just not sure how much, and that I am not happy and why.  (didn't mention to him anything about "true love")  I was bawling and he wouldn't look at me and he didn't show any emotion whatsoever.  This morning he really didn't talk to me, and then he called me from work and said I needed to see my doctor again because he thinks my anti-depressants aren't working.  Then he said we need to find out what is going on with me and what's going to happen to our marriage.  There is no emotion with him at all.  It is all very matter-of-factly.  The only thing he told me was "I am shocked. Just shocked."  Nothing else.  

  

Divorce scares me, I know it is not an easy thing to go through, then I think of all the tough times our son is going to experience.  Then I think should I settle for okay and allow our son to have parents who are together with less stress on him?  It would be difficult to raise our son on my income and paying for daycare and needs.  At least I am able to be home with him right now. 

well y do u say u want security in ur life with someone, but obviously its not ur husband cuz of his irresponsible way of dealing with finances?  and another thing; y wasnt ur husband willing to work things out with u together, instead its U that needs to see a doctor,  i'm frustrated with that just reading it cuz i can tell its not gonna get any better for u without some kind of help. 

do u really think ur son is gonna b happy in exchange for ur happiness??   i think ur son will know ur miserable at least subconciously and that will have an affect on him in  some way. 

i am in no way an expert but i am extremely aware of situations and strongly believe in the power of communication if nothing else thats all a person has without it ur gonna go nowhere. and i wish more husbands were skilled in that aspect of being a human being!! 

well i hope u figure out some solid way to get what u want and need out of life cuz its not much of a life to continue feeling how u do and i'm sure ur husband probably dont want u to feel as u do nor ur son. 

 
October 20, 2005, 2:20 pm CDT

fell in love with someone else after 25 yrs of marriage

Quote From: itsonlyme

I want you to know that I feel love is wonderful, but what about the man you stood in front of God with and promised fidelity?  Cheating is wrong, to put it in a nutshell.  Lets put it this way, what if you found out your husband was in the same situation with another woman?  I venture to say that you would be crushed.  You are a woman who has successfully raised beutiful children with the man you have promised an eternity.  And in my opinion, marriage is like an insurance policy.  You join when you are young and crazy, learn who you are and how to live as a couple through life, and the reward is living your retirement and growing old knowing someone will always be there. 

Do you think you are taking this man for granted?  He has been good enough for this long, doesn't he deserve the best?   

please be the best woman you can be, please don't cheat until you are seperated.  God may have put this new man in your life, but not as a gift, maybe as a test.  Ask God for his help on this one. 

I guess you would have had to have fallen into this situation yourself to know what has happened here.  Believe me I am the last person on this earth that I ever would have expected this to happen to.  IT JUST HAPPENED & I am very seriously needing some advice.  I need to go on with my life & be happy.  I have spent too many years not being happy & catering to other people.  It's time for ME-time for me to live my life.  Believe me I have talked to God every single day since this has happened.  I thought it was a test at 1st & we've been through alot of tests along the way & feel that God wants this to happen or he wouldn't let it go on.  This love only gets deeper & stronger every day.  As far as cheating, I tried not to consider it cheating as we were only talking on the phone.  After we kissed & hugged then I felt that I was cheating. Some people would have called this an emotional affair. No, we have never made love. As far as the kissing & hugging believe me I put it off for a long long time as well as the love making.  I knew I shouldnt be doing it. THE LOVE IS THERE between us & I know in my heart that I cant turn back on this & always wonder what might have been.  I can never love my husband again the way I use to. Not after the things has has said & done.  And I dont want to hurt him either or anyone else, this is why I am still here. But I believe the marriage is over & time to be happy with someone that I really am in love with & he with me.  I am doing nothing but following my HEART.
 
October 21, 2005, 12:45 pm CDT

When true love dies

Hi how do I start?  I am 41.  I married my highschool sweet heart.  We have been married for 20 years but been together for 26yrs.  He was my bestfriend, my lover and my soulmate.  I have done everything for him as you see He has a kidney disease which is currently on dialysis.  This is his second time around with dialysis - Had a transplant in 1994 which lasted for 8 1/2 years.  I have always supported him big time and will continue to do so.  But here is the problem.  For the past 8 mths (which I noticed) he has changed.  or is it me that has changed.  He is doing well on his treatments and I have begun to look after my self.  I lost some weight not alotas I would like too.  I have grew my hair out and really like who I am.  I have some new girlfriends which I have never had as my soul concern was my husband and my children (who are 19 and 17 now).  Lately he has become very very jealous (He said that all he wants is his wife back - where did I go???)  and thinks that every men is out to get me.   I love going out with my girls as they love the same thing I do - Dancing.  None of them are married which he thinks that is not right.  He is upset that I do not ask him to go out with us.  Ok say I do - this is what would be the problem - He doesn't like the way I dance (flirty) and there is guys in the bar (oh my god).  He basically thinks that I am his wife and he owns me and he is the boss.  I don't know and where he got that idea - this is the first time I am seeing this side of him.  Let me just explain what happened last night.  We had a social gathering with the co-workers (everyone is married so the spouse were invited).  We had supper and drinks.  My supervisor told me that other co-worker asked if I was going cause I should go and enjoy myself and he was going to buy my drinks and supper if he had too,  I deserved to have a good time.  (I usually just sit at my desk and don't have coffee breaks with them)  Will he did buy my drinks - nice guy.   My husband asked why he was buying my drinks and I said I don't know but Cindy (my supervisor) told me he was going too which I did not think he really was going too.  During the evening everyone was laughing and listening - my husband asked why he keeps looking over at me.  Man what a shock - I said what makes you think he is looking at me???  Of Course I can not believe this so instead of getting mad which I don't too often I laughed (mainly cause he always thinks the worse - a total joke) Well he got up and left - walked home.  I can not go to my sister's house because her bfs or husband will make a pass at me -  NOT.  When I go out alone I want and need him to trust me which he says he does - he just doesn't trust the guys out there) I am just tired of him thinking that everyguy wants me - And no I am not good looking just an average woman.  My concern is that he is pushing me away and I don't know how much more I can take it.  I have told him that if he doesn't stop thinking like this I could not be with him and I will walk away until he see a counsellor. He said you would really leave me. He seen him once and said he had a mental disorder.   I believe in thoses words "In sickness or Health until death due us part".  I would be there to suppose him thru his illness but can not be his wife......Yes my kids see when their dad is upset and I tell them - Yes I am going out with the girls or I did something wrong.   My family had seen how he is all ago but I did not unitl recently ( about a year now)  I was always protecting him from my family saying ohh he is sick just let him be.  Man what is wrong with this situation.   Why did I not seen this early - was love blind but let me tell you something now this can not be true love because I don't want any part of it if it is.  

  

Thanks Sandra  

 
October 24, 2005, 7:10 am CDT

To run or not to Run?

 Hey there,

I am very confused and I could do with some advice. I am 23 and I will graduate very soon from the uni. Two years ago I met a guy and fell in love with him. After a year, we moved in together. Some time ago he asked me to marry him and we were planning to ger married and have a baby in the next couple of years. For a very long time I was very happy, because I had a home, a "family" and a great future ahead of me.
Then for some reason I was depressed for quite some  time a while ago.  My boyfriend was very supportive, I have not one complain against him. He wants me to be happy and takes care of me and our relationship as I could only hope for. I try to do my best also, we do romantic things and things together and we also have our hobbies.
Some time ago at one party I noticed that I fell in love with one other guy. The thing is, suddenly I started feeling like I do not want to be engaged yet and I would probably like to live alone. Before I met my boyfriend I used to paint a lot, write poems and fiction, but it seems I cannot do it anymore. When I lived alone, I was very lonely at times, but also more creative and by far more in touch with my authentic self. It felt like this for weeks now. I started wondering what if really do not love him anymore.
The guy I fell in love with did not even notice me of course, because I really did not want to feel this way and left.  I wonderd what to do and decidec that honesty was the best policy. Yesterday I told my boyfriend how I feel, and he said, that he is afraid I do not love him any more. He was so sad, it made me cry... But he is much wiser guy than me, he said he wants me to be happy and it is good I told him about my thoughts. He said that if I want to take a couple of steps back, move out or be single again, it is fine with him, because he loves me and wants what is best for me.
Now I am really confused, what should I do. I know I have a great guy, who is very understanding and fair, but I wonder will we still be able to date if I move out. Moving out from our mutual home is a big thing also.
 I have never been in a long-term relationship before, so I was wondering if it is just stupid hesitation and my imagination because I panic about the marriage. Of course I want kids and my own family, but the thought that  my future will be planned until I join Six Feet Under is really terrifying. One part of me wants to be free, travel, do crazy things and suffer from loneliness. The other one says I am insane. Does this make sense?

Thank you so much for reading this far, I really appreciate it...

 
October 24, 2005, 1:04 pm CDT

Enjoy Your Single Life

Quote From: roofinsnow

 Hey there,

I am very confused and I could do with some advice. I am 23 and I will graduate very soon from the uni. Two years ago I met a guy and fell in love with him. After a year, we moved in together. Some time ago he asked me to marry him and we were planning to ger married and have a baby in the next couple of years. For a very long time I was very happy, because I had a home, a "family" and a great future ahead of me.
Then for some reason I was depressed for quite some  time a while ago.  My boyfriend was very supportive, I have not one complain against him. He wants me to be happy and takes care of me and our relationship as I could only hope for. I try to do my best also, we do romantic things and things together and we also have our hobbies.
Some time ago at one party I noticed that I fell in love with one other guy. The thing is, suddenly I started feeling like I do not want to be engaged yet and I would probably like to live alone. Before I met my boyfriend I used to paint a lot, write poems and fiction, but it seems I cannot do it anymore. When I lived alone, I was very lonely at times, but also more creative and by far more in touch with my authentic self. It felt like this for weeks now. I started wondering what if really do not love him anymore.
The guy I fell in love with did not even notice me of course, because I really did not want to feel this way and left.  I wonderd what to do and decidec that honesty was the best policy. Yesterday I told my boyfriend how I feel, and he said, that he is afraid I do not love him any more. He was so sad, it made me cry... But he is much wiser guy than me, he said he wants me to be happy and it is good I told him about my thoughts. He said that if I want to take a couple of steps back, move out or be single again, it is fine with him, because he loves me and wants what is best for me.
Now I am really confused, what should I do. I know I have a great guy, who is very understanding and fair, but I wonder will we still be able to date if I move out. Moving out from our mutual home is a big thing also.
 I have never been in a long-term relationship before, so I was wondering if it is just stupid hesitation and my imagination because I panic about the marriage. Of course I want kids and my own family, but the thought that  my future will be planned until I join Six Feet Under is really terrifying. One part of me wants to be free, travel, do crazy things and suffer from loneliness. The other one says I am insane. Does this make sense?

Thank you so much for reading this far, I really appreciate it...

I'm not saying breakup with your boyfriend.  However, I'm not saying continue to live with someone you're not married to either.  What I am saying is enjoy your single life.  Learn about you.  Enjoy you. Learn to be content so that loneliness doesn't push you into a relationship prematurely. 

  

Are you truly ready to share your life with someone else?  Are you truly ready to share your hopes and dreams?  Are you truly ready to be vulnerable and sometimes get your feelings hurt and be misunderstood?  Are you ready to have disagreements?  Are you ready to truly love?  Are you ready to accept someone they way they are for the rest of their lives?  Are you ready to stick with one person forever?  If not, right now you may be better off alone.  Because these are the things that real relationships deal with regularly.  Some issues are just a part of life.  Disagreements and misunderstandings can build a relationship and individual character if dealt with in a right way.  Temptations to look at someone else will come but you can choose whether you stray from the one you love or not.  If you truly love, you will choose the right way. 

  

Let's talk about love.  Love isn't some fleeting feeling or emotion that comes and goes.  Love is an action word that is demonstrated whether you feel like it or not.  Love is patient, kind, not selfish, forgives, isn't rude, bears with, endures, doesn't rejoice in wrong but rejoices in what is right (1 Cor 13).  That fleeting stuff is infactuation.  It's based on surface stuff.  You don't fall in and out of "real" love.  You "choose" to demonstrate real love.  This is the issue with many couples.  They are led by "feelings" which change like the wind and not "true agape love". 

  

I can't tell you what to do, but I hope you'll think about what I've written.  And please know that it wasn't written to tear you down or make you feel bad.  Best wishes in making the BEST decision for you AND this young man. 

 
October 24, 2005, 2:13 pm CDT

You Are A Wife

Quote From: sandradee

Hi how do I start?  I am 41.  I married my highschool sweet heart.  We have been married for 20 years but been together for 26yrs.  He was my bestfriend, my lover and my soulmate.  I have done everything for him as you see He has a kidney disease which is currently on dialysis.  This is his second time around with dialysis - Had a transplant in 1994 which lasted for 8 1/2 years.  I have always supported him big time and will continue to do so.  But here is the problem.  For the past 8 mths (which I noticed) he has changed.  or is it me that has changed.  He is doing well on his treatments and I have begun to look after my self.  I lost some weight not alotas I would like too.  I have grew my hair out and really like who I am.  I have some new girlfriends which I have never had as my soul concern was my husband and my children (who are 19 and 17 now).  Lately he has become very very jealous (He said that all he wants is his wife back - where did I go???)  and thinks that every men is out to get me.   I love going out with my girls as they love the same thing I do - Dancing.  None of them are married which he thinks that is not right.  He is upset that I do not ask him to go out with us.  Ok say I do - this is what would be the problem - He doesn't like the way I dance (flirty) and there is guys in the bar (oh my god).  He basically thinks that I am his wife and he owns me and he is the boss.  I don't know and where he got that idea - this is the first time I am seeing this side of him.  Let me just explain what happened last night.  We had a social gathering with the co-workers (everyone is married so the spouse were invited).  We had supper and drinks.  My supervisor told me that other co-worker asked if I was going cause I should go and enjoy myself and he was going to buy my drinks and supper if he had too,  I deserved to have a good time.  (I usually just sit at my desk and don't have coffee breaks with them)  Will he did buy my drinks - nice guy.   My husband asked why he was buying my drinks and I said I don't know but Cindy (my supervisor) told me he was going too which I did not think he really was going too.  During the evening everyone was laughing and listening - my husband asked why he keeps looking over at me.  Man what a shock - I said what makes you think he is looking at me???  Of Course I can not believe this so instead of getting mad which I don't too often I laughed (mainly cause he always thinks the worse - a total joke) Well he got up and left - walked home.  I can not go to my sister's house because her bfs or husband will make a pass at me -  NOT.  When I go out alone I want and need him to trust me which he says he does - he just doesn't trust the guys out there) I am just tired of him thinking that everyguy wants me - And no I am not good looking just an average woman.  My concern is that he is pushing me away and I don't know how much more I can take it.  I have told him that if he doesn't stop thinking like this I could not be with him and I will walk away until he see a counsellor. He said you would really leave me. He seen him once and said he had a mental disorder.   I believe in thoses words "In sickness or Health until death due us part".  I would be there to suppose him thru his illness but can not be his wife......Yes my kids see when their dad is upset and I tell them - Yes I am going out with the girls or I did something wrong.   My family had seen how he is all ago but I did not unitl recently ( about a year now)  I was always protecting him from my family saying ohh he is sick just let him be.  Man what is wrong with this situation.   Why did I not seen this early - was love blind but let me tell you something now this can not be true love because I don't want any part of it if it is.  

  

Thanks Sandra  

 "I believe in those words "In sickness or Health until death due us part".  I would be there to suppose him thru his illness but can not be his wife..." 

 

 

If you truly believe in those words, then you can be his wife.  Those vows weren't written for any old relationship.  Those are marriage vows.  "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death do us part".  That is "covenant" language.  The problem is too many people make those vows with a clause ... as long as things are going the way that satisfies "me".  Marriage isn't about "me" or "I", it's about "we". 

  

The truth is you are married and there is a danger to a married woman hanging out with a group of single women.  A married woman's 1st priority should be to her husband.  A single woman's priorities and mentality are totally different.  Am I saying never associate with single women?  Absolutely not.  But how you spend your time and who you spend your time with on a regular basis effect you and your decision making.  Single women talk and live single.  It sounds like you need some friendships with married women who truly love their husbands and understand the marriage vows. 

  

It behooves you as a wife to find out what is really going on with your husband.  Men deal with self-esteem issues.  Men deal with issues many of us women can't begin to understand because we aren't men.  Your husband may not necessarily need a counselor.  Perhaps he just needs one good WISE male friend that he can vent to so that the real issues will come out.  Perhaps this might enable him to share his heart with you ... if you're able to listen without judging him or getting emotional. 

  

Men don't like to be vulnerable.  They don't usually like to admit that they are afraid.  Your husband is seeing this gorgeous woman who is changing her lifestyle (in his mind and based on some of your actions) and he is scared.  He may see himself as sick and not able to compete with other men.  Perhaps because of his health he is not fulfilling his life's dream.  His fears may be totally unfounded but the point isn't to agree with how he feels, but hear your husband's heart and encourage him.  That is difficult for us women sometimes because we are so emotional.  We react to what is said to us before we actually hear what is truly being said.  But that is the joy of marriage and true friendship, you work at making the relationship better and throwing in the towel isn't an option.  Once quitting becomes an option, you've added a dynamic to your mindset that if dwelt on will make working on the problem and restoring the relationship is more difficult to do because you believe you have a way out.  That's is why the divorce rate is so high in both Christian and non-Christian marriages.  It's too easy to give up and too much work to hang in there and discover the beauty of one another's differences.  It's easier to take care of someone who is physically sick than to deal with someone who is emotionally or mentally sick.  But when those vows said "in sickness and in health", it wasn't just talking about the body.  That's what many people miss.  It's too hard.  It's too much trouble to dig deep and find out what is truly troubling the other person.  It's too much trouble to die to self.  We're too busy looking at sacrifices as a burden instead of a loving and kind act of service done whether appreciated or not because we love.  It's too much trouble to keep the vows. So why do people even bother making those vows? 

  

Who changed?  You said it yourself.  New body, new hair, new friends.  Are you acting different at home?  Are you reverting back into your single mentality because of your newfound self and friends?  I'm not judging you.  I can't answer these questions because I don't know you and your message is only a fraction of your situation.  But look deep within yourself and answer these questions to yourself. 

  

Married people have to guard our marriages.  We have to be careful that we don't let co-workers into our marriage business and that we don't let them talk us into things and activities that will bring division in your home.  We have to be careful that we aren't letting your single friends (or disgruntled married friends) give us advice about marriage if they aren't "helping" our marriage.  Stir clear of those who are still bitter about past relationships.  Stir clear of the liberated woman who says you can make it on your own.  Don't keep company with those who don't add to your marriage. 

  

If you're looking that good, get you some sexy lingerie, stay at home and entice your husband and not men in clubs.  Enticing men in clubs may not be your intention, but let's face it, it's just that kind of element where things happen whether you intend them to or not.  Furthermore, truly check your motives.  Are you going out to get male approval of your new self?  Only you can answer that.  I'm not accusing. 

  

Be a bombshell for the man you made vows to.  What interest do you and your husband share together?  What traditions do you have together?  What hobbies do you have that add to who you are?  (Going to clubs with your girls isn't a hobby that will add to you especially if they are single and you are married.)  

  

What are your husbands hopes and dreams?  What do you encourage him in?  What are his greatest fears? 

  

You know, I've known people who have been together for over 20 years and still didn't know vital things about their spouse.  Some people are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see that their spouse is suffering on the inside.  Because we are closest to our spouses, we catch the brunt of issues that sometimes have nothing to do with us. 

  

Perhaps you need a moment to re-evaluate yourself, your husband and your marriage ... not to encourage yourself to walk away, but to work at it and make it better ... to keep your "marriage vows" within marriage, the real relationship those vows were meant for. 

 
October 24, 2005, 11:29 pm CDT

thanks!

Quote From: lsterling

I'm not saying breakup with your boyfriend.  However, I'm not saying continue to live with someone you're not married to either.  What I am saying is enjoy your single life.  Learn about you.  Enjoy you. Learn to be content so that loneliness doesn't push you into a relationship prematurely. 

  

Are you truly ready to share your life with someone else?  Are you truly ready to share your hopes and dreams?  Are you truly ready to be vulnerable and sometimes get your feelings hurt and be misunderstood?  Are you ready to have disagreements?  Are you ready to truly love?  Are you ready to accept someone they way they are for the rest of their lives?  Are you ready to stick with one person forever?  If not, right now you may be better off alone.  Because these are the things that real relationships deal with regularly.  Some issues are just a part of life.  Disagreements and misunderstandings can build a relationship and individual character if dealt with in a right way.  Temptations to look at someone else will come but you can choose whether you stray from the one you love or not.  If you truly love, you will choose the right way. 

  

Let's talk about love.  Love isn't some fleeting feeling or emotion that comes and goes.  Love is an action word that is demonstrated whether you feel like it or not.  Love is patient, kind, not selfish, forgives, isn't rude, bears with, endures, doesn't rejoice in wrong but rejoices in what is right (1 Cor 13).  That fleeting stuff is infactuation.  It's based on surface stuff.  You don't fall in and out of "real" love.  You "choose" to demonstrate real love.  This is the issue with many couples.  They are led by "feelings" which change like the wind and not "true agape love". 

  

I can't tell you what to do, but I hope you'll think about what I've written.  And please know that it wasn't written to tear you down or make you feel bad.  Best wishes in making the BEST decision for you AND this young man. 

Thank you so much for answering!
I hope I will have the courage to look at things as they are and do the right thing.
 
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