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Topic : Sex

Number of Replies: 1104
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:03:20 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you getting enough? Maintaining the sizzle? Or just too tired to even think about it?

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February 2, 2008, 11:23 am CST

sexless marriage 18 years

  we have not had sex for 17 years  , i  am heartbroken , now we   hardly talk   we  fight , i  am so unhappy ,  but i  cant  leave  i have no money  , and the children  grown up now   think we are so happy,   can anyone please  tell me what i can do  to  bring our marriage back to  the way it was thanks

 

 
February 26, 2008, 6:30 pm CST

almost same situation i'm in

Quote From: pollee

  we have not had sex for 17 years  , i  am heartbroken , now we   hardly talk   we  fight , i  am so unhappy ,  but i  cant  leave  i have no money  , and the children  grown up now   think we are so happy,   can anyone please  tell me what i can do  to  bring our marriage back to  the way it was thanks

 

if love is truly there, it will last,

but no matter the age of the child, BE YOURSELF... if unhappy, don't let everyone else think otherwise...

you should ALWAYS be yourself, and have people love you  for the person you are.

if you two are not happy together, or even one of you are not happy, then so be it, DONT be together..

life is way to short to be miserable.......there is alot more fish out in the sea, who knows maybe the single life is better... or maybe once you realize what you let go is what you really wanted....

like they say, you never know what you got til it's gone... so give it a rest, and maybe either another solution could be a factor or maybe......once a little break is taken then yall will find ways to resolve your problems and get back together.

 

also... talk & trust ..... major issue's in a relationship... sex isn't everything, but does play a little bit of a factor.

BUT DONT EVER STAY B>C OF MONEY.....

there is help, family, friends, jobs, organizations, wellfare, Social security benefits, medicaid, food stamps..

NEVER EVER DEPEND ON ANYONE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!

(in love or not, one day that person shall pass, and what would you do?)

 
February 26, 2008, 6:35 pm CST

sorry to tell it bluntly

Quote From: sweetpea513

     My husband and I haven't had sex in almost 2 years, and only once to prior year.  So I have had sex once in the past 3 years.   He had an affair which ended just over 3 years ago.  At first  the lack of sex didn't bother me bacause I was so hurt over the cheating.  I have asked him about it a couple of times and he just said "it's not you".  So what can it be? 

i've always been taught...

 

EVERY ONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE,

 

however,

 

I believe that if someone who cheat on your once, there is always a possibiity that they would have the temptations of doing it again......

 

not sure why the sex has decreased, but i know with me in your shoes, there is more fish out in the sea that are bigger, and lots better!!

 
February 27, 2008, 4:17 am CST

I know if....

Quote From: kymmysue334

i've always been taught...

 

EVERY ONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE,

 

however,

 

I believe that if someone who cheat on your once, there is always a possibiity that they would have the temptations of doing it again......

 

not sure why the sex has decreased, but i know with me in your shoes, there is more fish out in the sea that are bigger, and lots better!!

 

    you don't have sex in your marriage it won't last. It is a type of communication between you and your husband. He needs to respect your feelings since he put you threw the cheating game. You never know it may start a healing process for the both of you if he will give a little.

 
March 14, 2008, 3:02 am CDT

Sexless marriage Ugh!!!!

Hi, this is my first time posting. I'm at my wits end and am sooooo tired. I've been married to my wife for  23 years. We haven't had sex in over 5 years and only twice since 2001. We spent a year in counseling spending over $3,000.00 to be told by the counselor that basically my wife had no desire to change and directed us elsewhere. The straw that broke the camels back was after I found out that I had Parkinson's disease my wife told me that she never really loved me nor ever found me sexually attractive. I asked her why she married me and her comment was that I looked like I would make a good father. She informed me that getting sick was not what she bargained for. We didn't start counseling until a year later because a friend of hers at church said that it wouldn't be good for her to go at the time. I finally told her that she and I needed to go to counseling or we were getting a divorce. My wife is very involved in the church so her image would be ruined if she got divorce; especially since she was married once before so we started counseling.

 

In counseling several issues were brought up that I just lived with over the last 23 years. the major items were: 1) A week after we got engaged she made a comment in front of all of her friends that she thought she was pregnant with her old boy friends baby. she ended up not being pregnant after all, but covered her tracks after all by having sex with me prior to or wedding.  My wife's comment in counseling was, "If you say it was true I guess it must have been." 2) Two months after being married I asked her if she was still in love with her old boy friend. She said, "Yes I am and alway will be and there's nothing you can do about it. I feel that he was the one God really wanted me to marry." 3) A few years later in flight school I was stuck in the barracks going through a phase of training. Where my wife worked she won 2 free tickets to a concert. She told me that her and a girl that she worked with was going to go, but after the concert was over my wife informed me that her girl friend couldn't go so her friends boy friend went with her instead. Later on after he was stationed overseas my wife got a letter from him telling her that he missed her and all of the times they spent together. My wife freaked out when she caught me reading the letter and made a big seen about me reading her mail. She never explained what was meant in the letter. In counseling she told me that they smoked a pack of cigarettes together at the concert and that was it. and 4) She informed the counselor that she never had any desires to have sex with me period.

 

A short time later tensions rose and words were said so I found myself seeking advise from our prepaid legal lawyer. They refered me to another law office stating there was a conflict of interest and they refused to explain why. That made tensions even worse and more word were said. I called back the legal office and asked them why they had a conflict of interest and they finally informed me that it was because my wife had established our account with them. That sounded strange but I lived with the explanation. Shortly after that our pastor had a talk with us and we decided to try and make it work. This infuriated my wife because sense the pastor talked to us what would the rest of the church think of her. Of course nothing was ever said to any body.

 

A week later my wife and a new girl friend of hers who went through something similar to ours sat me down and talked to me. My wife's friend told me her story; then they both had an epiphany about what was wrong. They determined that my wife married me as a rebound from a bad relationship (Of course her friend doesn't know about the pregnancy story.) She also felt pressured to marry me because her parents "love" me more that her old boy friend. She informed me that she never liked me as a friend or any thing else, but she "loved me" in churchy sense of love.  She wanted to work on the marriage so we had to start dating again. I was ok with this. They then went on to add the rest of the stipulations/rules. I am not allowed to hold her hand nor touch her, kiss her, tell her I love her, or set next to her until she first does it to me or gives me permission too. I'm not allowed to ask her how things are going or tell her how I feel toward her. She is the one who will inform me. However, I'm suppose to be the spiritual leader in the house hold. It's been 5 month's sense the rules have been put in place and I am clueless as to wear I stand. She is happy as a bug out of water sense all intimacy has been stopped. Any feeling for her I had has all faded away and to me she is just a roommate. We have 2 children 15 and 18 and I hug and kiss them everyday making sure they know how much I love them.

 

Sorry it is so long and I know it sounds pathetic as a man to bring this up but I could use some support or suggestions Thank you. 

 

 
March 18, 2008, 5:11 pm CDT

Sex

Quote From: tailspin

Hi, this is my first time posting. I'm at my wits end and am sooooo tired. I've been married to my wife for  23 years. We haven't had sex in over 5 years and only twice since 2001. We spent a year in counseling spending over $3,000.00 to be told by the counselor that basically my wife had no desire to change and directed us elsewhere. The straw that broke the camels back was after I found out that I had Parkinson's disease my wife told me that she never really loved me nor ever found me sexually attractive. I asked her why she married me and her comment was that I looked like I would make a good father. She informed me that getting sick was not what she bargained for. We didn't start counseling until a year later because a friend of hers at church said that it wouldn't be good for her to go at the time. I finally told her that she and I needed to go to counseling or we were getting a divorce. My wife is very involved in the church so her image would be ruined if she got divorce; especially since she was married once before so we started counseling.

 

In counseling several issues were brought up that I just lived with over the last 23 years. the major items were: 1) A week after we got engaged she made a comment in front of all of her friends that she thought she was pregnant with her old boy friends baby. she ended up not being pregnant after all, but covered her tracks after all by having sex with me prior to or wedding.  My wife's comment in counseling was, "If you say it was true I guess it must have been." 2) Two months after being married I asked her if she was still in love with her old boy friend. She said, "Yes I am and alway will be and there's nothing you can do about it. I feel that he was the one God really wanted me to marry." 3) A few years later in flight school I was stuck in the barracks going through a phase of training. Where my wife worked she won 2 free tickets to a concert. She told me that her and a girl that she worked with was going to go, but after the concert was over my wife informed me that her girl friend couldn't go so her friends boy friend went with her instead. Later on after he was stationed overseas my wife got a letter from him telling her that he missed her and all of the times they spent together. My wife freaked out when she caught me reading the letter and made a big seen about me reading her mail. She never explained what was meant in the letter. In counseling she told me that they smoked a pack of cigarettes together at the concert and that was it. and 4) She informed the counselor that she never had any desires to have sex with me period.

 

A short time later tensions rose and words were said so I found myself seeking advise from our prepaid legal lawyer. They refered me to another law office stating there was a conflict of interest and they refused to explain why. That made tensions even worse and more word were said. I called back the legal office and asked them why they had a conflict of interest and they finally informed me that it was because my wife had established our account with them. That sounded strange but I lived with the explanation. Shortly after that our pastor had a talk with us and we decided to try and make it work. This infuriated my wife because sense the pastor talked to us what would the rest of the church think of her. Of course nothing was ever said to any body.

 

A week later my wife and a new girl friend of hers who went through something similar to ours sat me down and talked to me. My wife's friend told me her story; then they both had an epiphany about what was wrong. They determined that my wife married me as a rebound from a bad relationship (Of course her friend doesn't know about the pregnancy story.) She also felt pressured to marry me because her parents "love" me more that her old boy friend. She informed me that she never liked me as a friend or any thing else, but she "loved me" in churchy sense of love.  She wanted to work on the marriage so we had to start dating again. I was ok with this. They then went on to add the rest of the stipulations/rules. I am not allowed to hold her hand nor touch her, kiss her, tell her I love her, or set next to her until she first does it to me or gives me permission too. I'm not allowed to ask her how things are going or tell her how I feel toward her. She is the one who will inform me. However, I'm suppose to be the spiritual leader in the house hold. It's been 5 month's sense the rules have been put in place and I am clueless as to wear I stand. She is happy as a bug out of water sense all intimacy has been stopped. Any feeling for her I had has all faded away and to me she is just a roommate. We have 2 children 15 and 18 and I hug and kiss them everyday making sure they know how much I love them.

 

Sorry it is so long and I know it sounds pathetic as a man to bring this up but I could use some support or suggestions Thank you. 

 

What I am going to say isn't really helpful...but your wife is a jerk and you should divorce her and have some semblance of happiness for the remainder of the rest of your life. LET her be humiliated...that would be GOOD for her.

 
 
March 18, 2008, 8:50 pm CDT

Sex

Quote From: rainpainrain

What I am going to say isn't really helpful...but your wife is a jerk and you should divorce her and have some semblance of happiness for the remainder of the rest of your life. LET her be humiliated...that would be GOOD for her.

 
"...for the remainder of the rest of your life."

Sorry for the redundancy.
 
March 19, 2008, 10:21 pm CDT

Frustrating

Hello. So my name is Kendra, I'm 19 and my husband is 22 we have three beautiful daughters together 4 months, 2 and 3. I have a huge issue with things between us. First off, I can't stand my mother in law, I also can't stand the fact that when she is rude to me or our children he does absolutely nothing to stand up for his family or wife. I think that is SO wrong! Also he is very lazy when it comes to helping out with our children and around our house. He was raised with the mentality that when a husband works and a wife stays at home that all of the responsibilities of a family are on the wife. I also strongly disagree with him on that subject. I  have tried many many many times to talk to him about all of these things that are bugging me but he NEVER  has anything to say. I never get any reaction out of him. We've tried counseling...that didn't help at all. I've even gone as far as packing up the car and leaving...still nothing he didn't even get his butt up off the couch to try to stop me from walking out.. Then there's the issue of porn...ugh! I didn't know before we were married that he even was interested in that.  It probably wouldn't be such a huge issue if I had known before we got married that he liked it. I've tried to watch porn with him to see if maybe I'd be more comfortable with it...No. and now just within the past few weeks I have found out more things that I am not so happy about. I also found e-mails between him and his ex girlfriend and her family saying that although he doesn't miss her he does miss her family. Very weird that he tells them that and than says to me that he can't stand them. All of these issues have negatively affect our sex life. I just can't seem to get turned on by him...Not even when he tries to turn me on, not very often. Also, every time we do have sex he always talks about wanting anal sex...I'm not into it. Very embarrassing to admit but I tried it for him and I HATED it. I tell him this every time he brings up the topic of anal sex but he just doesn't seem to even care that it actually hurts me and I don't like it  I just feel like we have so many issues and we've only been married for six months....what's it going to be like five years from now...still me unhappy and him getting everything he wants because eventually I give into sex? I can't live like this. Sorry for venting like this.
 
March 20, 2008, 12:17 am CDT

Sex

Quote From: kendrax3

Hello. So my name is Kendra, I'm 19 and my husband is 22 we have three beautiful daughters together 4 months, 2 and 3. I have a huge issue with things between us. First off, I can't stand my mother in law, I also can't stand the fact that when she is rude to me or our children he does absolutely nothing to stand up for his family or wife. I think that is SO wrong! Also he is very lazy when it comes to helping out with our children and around our house. He was raised with the mentality that when a husband works and a wife stays at home that all of the responsibilities of a family are on the wife. I also strongly disagree with him on that subject. I  have tried many many many times to talk to him about all of these things that are bugging me but he NEVER  has anything to say. I never get any reaction out of him. We've tried counseling...that didn't help at all. I've even gone as far as packing up the car and leaving...still nothing he didn't even get his butt up off the couch to try to stop me from walking out.. Then there's the issue of porn...ugh! I didn't know before we were married that he even was interested in that.  It probably wouldn't be such a huge issue if I had known before we got married that he liked it. I've tried to watch porn with him to see if maybe I'd be more comfortable with it...No. and now just within the past few weeks I have found out more things that I am not so happy about. I also found e-mails between him and his ex girlfriend and her family saying that although he doesn't miss her he does miss her family. Very weird that he tells them that and than says to me that he can't stand them. All of these issues have negatively affect our sex life. I just can't seem to get turned on by him...Not even when he tries to turn me on, not very often. Also, every time we do have sex he always talks about wanting anal sex...I'm not into it. Very embarrassing to admit but I tried it for him and I HATED it. I tell him this every time he brings up the topic of anal sex but he just doesn't seem to even care that it actually hurts me and I don't like it  I just feel like we have so many issues and we've only been married for six months....what's it going to be like five years from now...still me unhappy and him getting everything he wants because eventually I give into sex? I can't live like this. Sorry for venting like this.
You are only 19 and have more on your plate than most people who are much older. I have a SIL who is older than you...I couldn't imagine her dealing with all of this.

Sex is the least of your problems. You husband and you sound like you simply do not belong together. It's not surprising, people don't always make their best choices as teenagers. You made a mistake in choosing a husband. Cut your losses.

  • This guy let's his family treat you badly.
  • He does no house work.
  • No child care.
  • He works a JOB (is it much of a job? I doubt it.)
  • He is sexist.
  • He doesn't listen, won't listen.
  • Therapy has failed, probably because he won't listen to anyone but himself.
  • He doesn't care if you leave.
  • He uses porn behind your back, knowing it bothers you.
  • He lies to you about an ex-girlfriend.
  • He pesters you about sex acts you dislike.

Cut you losses, move back in with your mother if you can, and focus on THOSE LITTLE GIRLS. Give them what they NEED. Stability, happiness, security. I hate to say this, but your life isn't about you anymore. And that sucks cause you are still young.

This guy will not change...he won't. You need to move apart from being his wife and become a co-parent with him.

Don't your little girls deserve a mother who is an example of strength? Not a push over who will do anything to keep from being alone? Is this the kind of marriage you want THEM to have? Is this the kind of marriage they would want YOU to have?

Your problem isn't sex. Your ONLY problem is that you married someone you shouldn't have. Sounds to me like you have tried therapy and it didn't work. Leave, and don't do it just to get his attention. Forget him. He is clearly using you as a daycare worker, maid and prostitute. He does not value you as a person, partner or friend. Why do you want to be with someone like that?
 
March 20, 2008, 12:18 am CDT

Sex

Quote From: kendrax3

Hello. So my name is Kendra, I'm 19 and my husband is 22 we have three beautiful daughters together 4 months, 2 and 3. I have a huge issue with things between us. First off, I can't stand my mother in law, I also can't stand the fact that when she is rude to me or our children he does absolutely nothing to stand up for his family or wife. I think that is SO wrong! Also he is very lazy when it comes to helping out with our children and around our house. He was raised with the mentality that when a husband works and a wife stays at home that all of the responsibilities of a family are on the wife. I also strongly disagree with him on that subject. I  have tried many many many times to talk to him about all of these things that are bugging me but he NEVER  has anything to say. I never get any reaction out of him. We've tried counseling...that didn't help at all. I've even gone as far as packing up the car and leaving...still nothing he didn't even get his butt up off the couch to try to stop me from walking out.. Then there's the issue of porn...ugh! I didn't know before we were married that he even was interested in that.  It probably wouldn't be such a huge issue if I had known before we got married that he liked it. I've tried to watch porn with him to see if maybe I'd be more comfortable with it...No. and now just within the past few weeks I have found out more things that I am not so happy about. I also found e-mails between him and his ex girlfriend and her family saying that although he doesn't miss her he does miss her family. Very weird that he tells them that and than says to me that he can't stand them. All of these issues have negatively affect our sex life. I just can't seem to get turned on by him...Not even when he tries to turn me on, not very often. Also, every time we do have sex he always talks about wanting anal sex...I'm not into it. Very embarrassing to admit but I tried it for him and I HATED it. I tell him this every time he brings up the topic of anal sex but he just doesn't seem to even care that it actually hurts me and I don't like it  I just feel like we have so many issues and we've only been married for six months....what's it going to be like five years from now...still me unhappy and him getting everything he wants because eventually I give into sex? I can't live like this. Sorry for venting like this.
Your profile says you are "happily married"....is that really true?
 
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