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Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 11:44:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you the outcast in your family, the one NO one wants to talk about or even acknowledge? What makes you different or unique, and how does it affect others in your family? Share your story here.

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December 3, 2007, 10:37 am CST

Black Sheep of the Family?

Quote From: baybgirl101

I so know how you feel, I have a family just like that...

Im 38, and still trying to have a relationship with my mother...I bend over backwards to try to make her see that I care and want this relationship with her...

 

She really wontdo anything for me or my daughter...when christmas comes around, she is such a pouter, she does not decorate, or have the christmas spirit...anyways, just to make this so u know i can relate to you, last christmas, we had dinner at my sisters, after diner it was time to open the gifts, well my sisters family all got something nice from mom, and my sister looked at me, Trina, where is your gift from mom, mom spoke up, I gave her something all year round...now, this is coming from a mother that could care less if i was there or not..there is 2 things that i have in my house that I can point out that my mother bought me since i was a little girl...a plant holder that says, My daughter, My friend....and a candle that says taurus, cus that is  my birth month.....so on that day, as it was my sons bday as well, he was 13, she did not even say happy bday to him, get him nothing, so we felt or I felt so bad...and mom sitting there with that smug look on her face....with her boyfriend(that raped me 2 times) that is another Dr,.Phil.)..and she is just waiting to leave...

I can relate to the black sheep in the family...I always was on, I was the child that got send to a foster home...asked mom why she sent me there...her response...I dont remember.....so i leave it at that...

 

Mom lives right down stairs from me, its been 2 years she did not come up the stairs....I invited her for thanksgiving, she never showed up....which i never expected her too....

 

I confronted her one night, not long ago....she was talking about how my sister is so good at what she does, and my brother is struggling all the time with his wife and kids,...i looked over and said, mom, how come you give the rest of the kids credit for what they do or have, and you never tell me that your proud of me, never....she said well Trina, im happy you got back on your feet and got a job....

Now she gives my brother credit for everything, and he is the one son she has, and he is spoiled....he been doing drugs for many years now...he does work though and makes a good living, regardless to say, mom is always there for him, he has racked up 2 of her credit cards paying his drug bills...its been 2 years since she maxed them to pay his debts, he made no effort to pay her anything...

I can recall last summer, me and a friend stopped in to see mom one night...we had a few drinks with us...and could not drink them inside moms house....but, that same weekend, my brother was cutting his cocaine in moms bedroom, and mom sat there and watched him.....I dont get it...

 

Can someone tell me what Im doing that is so wrong...Im not a alcoholic, not a druggie....I struggle with depression from time to time...and work here and there, as it is hard for me to work daily, as i have a panic disorder, and sometimes it stops me from even leaving my house......

 

please help!!!..how do i get to have a Mother in my life????????

I am going to be blunt but not rude.  And believe me I think you are the healthy one in the family that is why your mother is rejecting you.  She can't control someone who has her life together so she using emotional blackmail to gain control.  My parents have used this tool to keep me complaciant for  years.  But I am at a point where I don't care because no matter what I do it is not noticed and I will never get love from them that I deserve.  They are incapable of it.  And so is your mother.  She is so caught up in her own pathologies that she can empathize with your feelings.  She put you in foster care and can't even entertain the idea that as a child you felt abandoned by saying to you "I can't remember".  She unfortunately does not want to acknowledge the fact that she abondened you.  My father does the same thing.  I had asked him about his affair with my 4th grade teacher that was the scandel in our small town. I was in the middle of it because it was my teacher (my father was a music teacher).  My mother tried to commit suicide over it and when I brought it up years later in front of my stepmom he denied it and said I was crazy.  My husband even started to question the validity of what I was saying until my aunt told my husband my father was lying because  my father has told her that he was having an affair with her that is why my mother tried to commit suicide.  So my father would rather make his own child look crazy than to admit it and apologize.  He is a complete narcissist.   My father too used to torture me like when I would leave my toys out instead of using reasonable consequences he would burn my toys in front of me to teach me a lesson.  When I brought that up my stepmom told me I was too sensative and I needed to get over it.  This is severe abuse what does she know about it.  My father once punched me in the jaw because I was histarically crying.  He strangle my brother and I was pregnant and when I went to get him off of my brother he attacked me. And I was pregnant.  And I am the crazy one?  whatever.  My son tells me I have been a good mom to him.  I have made mistakes like other parents but I do admit it talk about it with my son and if he has issues he is allowed to talk about them without me telling him to get over it.  My son also told my father he hurt him too.  My father has not spoken to either one of us since.  So good luck to him and his life.  I think you don't deserve to carry around your mother's pathologies  in the form of depression and anxiety.  So I advise you to go see a therapist or pastor to learn to set boundaries with your mother.  I too would try to save some money to move away from your mother.  Then it would not be a constant reminder that she abandons you because she lives right below.  You mother is still controlling you emotional and you don't deserve it. 

I also write my feelings out a lot and that helps relieve anger and anxiety.  I too dealt with depressiona nd social anxiety for years. I went to therapy and it helped me greatly. So please see someone to at least support you in setting boundaries with your mother.  When you start to set boundaries and no longer ne her to validate your feelings then the depression with subside and you will gain control back.  Plus I am on so if you need support just email me. or someone else on this site.  thanks

 
December 3, 2007, 3:47 pm CST

I know how you feel....

Quote From: michiyamo

I am going to be blunt but not rude.  And believe me I think you are the healthy one in the family that is why your mother is rejecting you.  She can't control someone who has her life together so she using emotional blackmail to gain control.  My parents have used this tool to keep me complaciant for  years.  But I am at a point where I don't care because no matter what I do it is not noticed and I will never get love from them that I deserve.  They are incapable of it.  And so is your mother.  She is so caught up in her own pathologies that she can empathize with your feelings.  She put you in foster care and can't even entertain the idea that as a child you felt abandoned by saying to you "I can't remember".  She unfortunately does not want to acknowledge the fact that she abondened you.  My father does the same thing.  I had asked him about his affair with my 4th grade teacher that was the scandel in our small town. I was in the middle of it because it was my teacher (my father was a music teacher).  My mother tried to commit suicide over it and when I brought it up years later in front of my stepmom he denied it and said I was crazy.  My husband even started to question the validity of what I was saying until my aunt told my husband my father was lying because  my father has told her that he was having an affair with her that is why my mother tried to commit suicide.  So my father would rather make his own child look crazy than to admit it and apologize.  He is a complete narcissist.   My father too used to torture me like when I would leave my toys out instead of using reasonable consequences he would burn my toys in front of me to teach me a lesson.  When I brought that up my stepmom told me I was too sensative and I needed to get over it.  This is severe abuse what does she know about it.  My father once punched me in the jaw because I was histarically crying.  He strangle my brother and I was pregnant and when I went to get him off of my brother he attacked me. And I was pregnant.  And I am the crazy one?  whatever.  My son tells me I have been a good mom to him.  I have made mistakes like other parents but I do admit it talk about it with my son and if he has issues he is allowed to talk about them without me telling him to get over it.  My son also told my father he hurt him too.  My father has not spoken to either one of us since.  So good luck to him and his life.  I think you don't deserve to carry around your mother's pathologies  in the form of depression and anxiety.  So I advise you to go see a therapist or pastor to learn to set boundaries with your mother.  I too would try to save some money to move away from your mother.  Then it would not be a constant reminder that she abandons you because she lives right below.  You mother is still controlling you emotional and you don't deserve it. 

I also write my feelings out a lot and that helps relieve anger and anxiety.  I too dealt with depressiona nd social anxiety for years. I went to therapy and it helped me greatly. So please see someone to at least support you in setting boundaries with your mother.  When you start to set boundaries and no longer ne her to validate your feelings then the depression with subside and you will gain control back.  Plus I am on so if you need support just email me. or someone else on this site.  thanks

I know what your saying, I need to get away from mom, I once moved 4 hours away, she called me each day, crying to me, that she is lonely and sorry..and wants me and my daughter to come back  home..A week later, I packed up and came back here...for what.....the same treatment..I guess Im just a sucker for all this mother, daughter relationship....Maybe I want the fairytale ending..Im not sure, or maybe I am just looking for a mother?...I often question myself, Trina, what have or what are you doing to mom to make her hate me the way she does...the only answers I come up with are this....She truly does not love me, cus I am the one child that tried to put her boyfriend in JAIL..for what he did to me, but instead, I got called a out of control 10 years old girl......I can recall my mom coming to the hospital that night , seeing me full of blood, clothes all riped, and black eyes.....and all she did was say sorry,...but, to this day, if she was sorry, why does she still live with this man....I will never have the answers I am looking for from my mother, I know that....Alot of people who are in my life right now ask me, Trina, how can u even look at your mother in the face after she did this to you....I just smile and say, God forgives!!!!!...

 

I have been to help for my anxieties, last september, I spent 2 weeks in the hospital for depression...mom came to visit me 2 times in 15 days....she did call each day, to tell me she loved me...but the day I got relleased, is the day I never heard those words from her again.....no surprise to me!!..

 

I had 2 doctors, and a therapist, they all told me at different times...TRINA, GET AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER...she is not good for you....he is bringing you down more then you know...and you know, I could not see it all these years just until a few months ago...I blamed myself for everything...then I met someone so nice, sweet, and compassionate, caring....he is my best friend, and my fiancee....he helps me alot..he made me realize that I was a good person, and he loves me.....he shows me all this...I do thank God each day for Billy...as he not only loves me, but, shows me the path to happiness that I always longed for.....

 

Thanks for listening to me, and I really do feel for you.....

God Bless!!!

Not sure if i can put my email address on here...if not, go to my profile..im sure you will find it there...and you can get to me through there as well...

Trina

 
December 4, 2007, 4:47 pm CST

on your own time

Quote From: baybgirl101

I know what your saying, I need to get away from mom, I once moved 4 hours away, she called me each day, crying to me, that she is lonely and sorry..and wants me and my daughter to come back  home..A week later, I packed up and came back here...for what.....the same treatment..I guess Im just a sucker for all this mother, daughter relationship....Maybe I want the fairytale ending..Im not sure, or maybe I am just looking for a mother?...I often question myself, Trina, what have or what are you doing to mom to make her hate me the way she does...the only answers I come up with are this....She truly does not love me, cus I am the one child that tried to put her boyfriend in JAIL..for what he did to me, but instead, I got called a out of control 10 years old girl......I can recall my mom coming to the hospital that night , seeing me full of blood, clothes all riped, and black eyes.....and all she did was say sorry,...but, to this day, if she was sorry, why does she still live with this man....I will never have the answers I am looking for from my mother, I know that....Alot of people who are in my life right now ask me, Trina, how can u even look at your mother in the face after she did this to you....I just smile and say, God forgives!!!!!...

 

I have been to help for my anxieties, last september, I spent 2 weeks in the hospital for depression...mom came to visit me 2 times in 15 days....she did call each day, to tell me she loved me...but the day I got relleased, is the day I never heard those words from her again.....no surprise to me!!..

 

I had 2 doctors, and a therapist, they all told me at different times...TRINA, GET AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER...she is not good for you....he is bringing you down more then you know...and you know, I could not see it all these years just until a few months ago...I blamed myself for everything...then I met someone so nice, sweet, and compassionate, caring....he is my best friend, and my fiancee....he helps me alot..he made me realize that I was a good person, and he loves me.....he shows me all this...I do thank God each day for Billy...as he not only loves me, but, shows me the path to happiness that I always longed for.....

 

Thanks for listening to me, and I really do feel for you.....

God Bless!!!

Not sure if i can put my email address on here...if not, go to my profile..im sure you will find it there...and you can get to me through there as well...

Trina

I know everyone tells you to stop seeing her but until you learn to love yourself and realize that her need come before your needs and she will never be able to have the kind of love a normal mother gives a child, you will always look to her hoping she will love you the way you need an deserve.  She is incapable of it.  And the fact that she allowed a man to abuse you and put you into the hospital without ending with that man and protecting you from him shows that her need to be with a man is more important than protecting her children from an abuser.  She needs serious therapy and until she owns that she has character problems that have allowed you to be abused and abandoned then she will never be a mother that you need and deserve.  I would find a mother figure and make friends with that type of person so you can slowly detach yourself from your mother.   My real mother is schizophrenic and unfortunately I replaced my schizophrenic mother with my stepmother who is a pathological narcissist.  My stepmother has done more of a number on my psychological state than my schizophrenic mother good have ever done.  My stepmother plays mind games with me all of the time and her motto is don't get mad get even.  And she has gotten even.   My whole family feels sorry for her because she lies about me.  Her and my brother told my grandmother that I stole a picture of my grandfather from her and that was a total lie.  When I told my stepmom I was going to call my grandmother and tell her she said "don't do that I don't want her to be upset".  Yeah she did n't want to look like the liar.  She has also told my grandmother I take medication for mental illnes.  I called my grandmother and my grandmother asked me about medication and I told her I don't take medication.  she said  "what? Oh I thought you took medication for when you gut nuts"  I told my grandmother "I don't know what they are telling you but I can assure you it is a lie and I don't take medication".  I asked my grandmother why she was always taking their side by believing everything they tell her and I told her what the truth was and she said "oh they didn't tell me all of that".  Yeah that is because my stepmom's mo is she needs people to ally with her in order to feel she is right and I am wrong.  that is the problem she only sees things in black and white or good and bad.  She can't tolerate ambivalence or other peoples' feelings.  This is part of her pathology.  So when I talk to her about my feelings she becomes angry and goes into denial immediately and then hangs up the phone, gives me the silent treatment until a special event (her birthday, mother's day and then calls to get her gift) and then sets up a plan of action where she tells everyone in the family that I am evil and makes them believe I am crazy.  I used to feel badly about it and now I have realized that she and my father are the extremely pathological ones.  I know you probably think maybe I am crazy but I am not at all.  I had to go to therapy and to a psychiatrist who told me I am not crazy and I need to distance myself from my pathological family.  I too had spent years wondering what I did wrong.  I was in therapy when I told my therapist about my brother who at the time was 16 years old and told her I had suspected sexual abuse going on with my mother and brother because my brother was acting out sexually.  She finally told me because I had disclosed this information she and I had to report it.  I finally got up the courage and she reported it and I didn't speak to them for more than a year.  I decided to go back into denial and apologize for that but I knew my stepmother would not forget.  Instead she would get even with me.  And she has done so. I think I made ammends with them to try and keep an eye on my brother because he and I have a relationship.  I believe he knows that I am out to protect him.  He is so intertwined with my stepmom and her identity that he has never had a normal healthy loving relationship with a girl.  And he never will because she stole his identity from him.  He I believe has borderline personality disorder and He used to talk alot about killing himself and he used to burn his hands.  I remember when I was in graduate school we had to videotape our family at a dinner and present in class. Well I did that and my brother pulled a knife out on my mother because she was being herself.  When my colleages watched they were completely mortified.  My professor asked at that time if my stepmom was sexually abusing him so I know my intuition was correct.  But I did all I could to stop it and cps and the police did nothing.  My father is responsible because he did nothing too.  well I will stop.  sorry I am carrying on.
 
December 5, 2007, 3:52 am CST

I know...

Quote From: michiyamo

I know everyone tells you to stop seeing her but until you learn to love yourself and realize that her need come before your needs and she will never be able to have the kind of love a normal mother gives a child, you will always look to her hoping she will love you the way you need an deserve.  She is incapable of it.  And the fact that she allowed a man to abuse you and put you into the hospital without ending with that man and protecting you from him shows that her need to be with a man is more important than protecting her children from an abuser.  She needs serious therapy and until she owns that she has character problems that have allowed you to be abused and abandoned then she will never be a mother that you need and deserve.  I would find a mother figure and make friends with that type of person so you can slowly detach yourself from your mother.   My real mother is schizophrenic and unfortunately I replaced my schizophrenic mother with my stepmother who is a pathological narcissist.  My stepmother has done more of a number on my psychological state than my schizophrenic mother good have ever done.  My stepmother plays mind games with me all of the time and her motto is don't get mad get even.  And she has gotten even.   My whole family feels sorry for her because she lies about me.  Her and my brother told my grandmother that I stole a picture of my grandfather from her and that was a total lie.  When I told my stepmom I was going to call my grandmother and tell her she said "don't do that I don't want her to be upset".  Yeah she did n't want to look like the liar.  She has also told my grandmother I take medication for mental illnes.  I called my grandmother and my grandmother asked me about medication and I told her I don't take medication.  she said  "what? Oh I thought you took medication for when you gut nuts"  I told my grandmother "I don't know what they are telling you but I can assure you it is a lie and I don't take medication".  I asked my grandmother why she was always taking their side by believing everything they tell her and I told her what the truth was and she said "oh they didn't tell me all of that".  Yeah that is because my stepmom's mo is she needs people to ally with her in order to feel she is right and I am wrong.  that is the problem she only sees things in black and white or good and bad.  She can't tolerate ambivalence or other peoples' feelings.  This is part of her pathology.  So when I talk to her about my feelings she becomes angry and goes into denial immediately and then hangs up the phone, gives me the silent treatment until a special event (her birthday, mother's day and then calls to get her gift) and then sets up a plan of action where she tells everyone in the family that I am evil and makes them believe I am crazy.  I used to feel badly about it and now I have realized that she and my father are the extremely pathological ones.  I know you probably think maybe I am crazy but I am not at all.  I had to go to therapy and to a psychiatrist who told me I am not crazy and I need to distance myself from my pathological family.  I too had spent years wondering what I did wrong.  I was in therapy when I told my therapist about my brother who at the time was 16 years old and told her I had suspected sexual abuse going on with my mother and brother because my brother was acting out sexually.  She finally told me because I had disclosed this information she and I had to report it.  I finally got up the courage and she reported it and I didn't speak to them for more than a year.  I decided to go back into denial and apologize for that but I knew my stepmother would not forget.  Instead she would get even with me.  And she has done so. I think I made ammends with them to try and keep an eye on my brother because he and I have a relationship.  I believe he knows that I am out to protect him.  He is so intertwined with my stepmom and her identity that he has never had a normal healthy loving relationship with a girl.  And he never will because she stole his identity from him.  He I believe has borderline personality disorder and He used to talk alot about killing himself and he used to burn his hands.  I remember when I was in graduate school we had to videotape our family at a dinner and present in class. Well I did that and my brother pulled a knife out on my mother because she was being herself.  When my colleages watched they were completely mortified.  My professor asked at that time if my stepmom was sexually abusing him so I know my intuition was correct.  But I did all I could to stop it and cps and the police did nothing.  My father is responsible because he did nothing too.  well I will stop.  sorry I am carrying on.

I know I am getting closer to the point in my life where I am saying to hell with it all...I feel this way because I am not trying hard this year to put the family together for the holidays, Im just doing my own thing..I let them know to yesterday, that I would not be here for christmas day, as I am spending it in Maine with my fiancee and his family...no one muttered a word...they will be fine without me...

 

Im really sorry to see your family treat you like this, but the good in it all is that you finally realize that you as well as me, are the good person in all this...I read alot about situations in families, and I do talk alot to people about how to improve myself, for myself...I think I (and you) have came along way in our lives....Im grateful for the friends I do have, they are here for me...even when I want to just vent out, sometimes cry, and sometimes angry with myself, they help bring me back to reality....I know one day soon, Mom and the rest of the family will see that I was only trying to love and be loved by them all....Until then, I am off to walk the journey of life with my fiancee Billy and his family....I feel welcomed there, I feel loved and needed.....that is a family.....

Im happy you have ur husband, and he is a great supporter for you and your children....I know im not one to give advice to you, but, like an old chinese lady once told me in therapy...Keep your head up child, smile and walk  in pride, for you my child are your wold.......Im still trying to figure that out...

God Bless You And Your Family..

 
December 5, 2007, 3:54 am CST

p.s

Quote From: baybgirl101

I know I am getting closer to the point in my life where I am saying to hell with it all...I feel this way because I am not trying hard this year to put the family together for the holidays, Im just doing my own thing..I let them know to yesterday, that I would not be here for christmas day, as I am spending it in Maine with my fiancee and his family...no one muttered a word...they will be fine without me...

 

Im really sorry to see your family treat you like this, but the good in it all is that you finally realize that you as well as me, are the good person in all this...I read alot about situations in families, and I do talk alot to people about how to improve myself, for myself...I think I (and you) have came along way in our lives....Im grateful for the friends I do have, they are here for me...even when I want to just vent out, sometimes cry, and sometimes angry with myself, they help bring me back to reality....I know one day soon, Mom and the rest of the family will see that I was only trying to love and be loved by them all....Until then, I am off to walk the journey of life with my fiancee Billy and his family....I feel welcomed there, I feel loved and needed.....that is a family.....

Im happy you have ur husband, and he is a great supporter for you and your children....I know im not one to give advice to you, but, like an old chinese lady once told me in therapy...Keep your head up child, smile and walk  in pride, for you my child are your wold.......Im still trying to figure that out...

God Bless You And Your Family..

You have a beautiful child..
 
December 5, 2007, 11:08 am CST

Thanks

Quote From: baybgirl101

You have a beautiful child..

I think you just need to allow yourself to grieve for the loss of a mother you have never had and for all th abuse you endured.  she does not deserve children if I may be so blunt.  Being a mother does not mean giving birth.  A mother's role is to care and nurture their children until they can be independant enough to be on their own and develop their own family relationships.   I think your mother is incapable of doing those things and unfortunately you feel sad and lost because she can't be like normal mothers.  It is sad.

My stepmother can't love me because I am a stepdaughter and am a threat.  She is incapable of loving anything because she is a pathological narcissist.  In order for a mother to love their children they have to have the capacity for empathy and narcissistic people lack this just like a psychopath.  This is why when you tell them they hurt your feelings they become angry and through tantrums like little children and then project it on to a person saying "you are too sensitive" or "you are crazy".  Unfortunately these type of parents do a number on their children emotionally.  And most of the time the children end up in therapy thinking they are the problem like my brother and I have both been.  My therapist told me my stepmom was narcissistic.  I never realized it until she she this to me 10 years ago.  So I was studying psychology in my master's program and read all I could on the psychological makeup  of a narcissistic person.  Last night I was talking with my son and he blurted out that he was really hurt about my parents because he too told them how he felt and they promptly stopped talking to him.  I told him that they are emotionally blackmailing him because they can't empathize with him and his feelings.  So now he feels they don't love him.  But the truth is they can't love anything at all.  So he will have to grieve and learn to understand this and unfortunately I did not protect him from them.  But with my 6 month old he will not have to go through this at all because I am not subjecting him to this kind of pain.  If they wan't to see him they will have to come here.  But that won't happen. They barely came to see him after he was born because their vacation was more important.  And that is how they are.  So to bad they will miss out on his progress. But my husband and I are moving to Santa Rosa, I am going back to school to get my doctorate, He is working to make partnership at the company he works for and when we work on ourselves and not worry about them we will make our lives better and happier.  There are family friends we have that have similar parents. We can also make friends with older people who will sit it and become family to my children.  So family is what you make of it.  Family is a place where you can go and feel accepted and loved.  If it is with close friends or biological family that is was famiy is about.  It sounds like you are making  a life with your fiance's family and in time you won't need you mother's acceptance anymore. 

 
December 5, 2007, 11:32 am CST

Sad

Quote From: michiyamo

I think you just need to allow yourself to grieve for the loss of a mother you have never had and for all th abuse you endured.  she does not deserve children if I may be so blunt.  Being a mother does not mean giving birth.  A mother's role is to care and nurture their children until they can be independant enough to be on their own and develop their own family relationships.   I think your mother is incapable of doing those things and unfortunately you feel sad and lost because she can't be like normal mothers.  It is sad.

My stepmother can't love me because I am a stepdaughter and am a threat.  She is incapable of loving anything because she is a pathological narcissist.  In order for a mother to love their children they have to have the capacity for empathy and narcissistic people lack this just like a psychopath.  This is why when you tell them they hurt your feelings they become angry and through tantrums like little children and then project it on to a person saying "you are too sensitive" or "you are crazy".  Unfortunately these type of parents do a number on their children emotionally.  And most of the time the children end up in therapy thinking they are the problem like my brother and I have both been.  My therapist told me my stepmom was narcissistic.  I never realized it until she she this to me 10 years ago.  So I was studying psychology in my master's program and read all I could on the psychological makeup  of a narcissistic person.  Last night I was talking with my son and he blurted out that he was really hurt about my parents because he too told them how he felt and they promptly stopped talking to him.  I told him that they are emotionally blackmailing him because they can't empathize with him and his feelings.  So now he feels they don't love him.  But the truth is they can't love anything at all.  So he will have to grieve and learn to understand this and unfortunately I did not protect him from them.  But with my 6 month old he will not have to go through this at all because I am not subjecting him to this kind of pain.  If they wan't to see him they will have to come here.  But that won't happen. They barely came to see him after he was born because their vacation was more important.  And that is how they are.  So to bad they will miss out on his progress. But my husband and I are moving to Santa Rosa, I am going back to school to get my doctorate, He is working to make partnership at the company he works for and when we work on ourselves and not worry about them we will make our lives better and happier.  There are family friends we have that have similar parents. We can also make friends with older people who will sit it and become family to my children.  So family is what you make of it.  Family is a place where you can go and feel accepted and loved.  If it is with close friends or biological family that is was famiy is about.  It sounds like you are making  a life with your fiance's family and in time you won't need you mother's acceptance anymore. 

That is the worst thing...the kids do suffer from our parents being who they are, not taking the time to get to know the child, then as the children get older(as mine is 17), they dont want to have contact with their grandparents..Speaking of which, mom called me this morning to tell me that I had mail at her house...so I went down to get it, sat at the table for about 5 minutes, then she jumped at me, Trina, how come Cynthia(my daughter) dont come to see me, she goes to your house, and Im just downstairs, I said, Mom, I cannot and will not speak for my daugher actions, she is 17 and can make her own decisons, I said she dont go see anyone, moms reply was, well she goes to your house, I said, well of course she does she is my daughter, im her mother,...ma said, too damn bad trina, I am her grandmother, and she should come see me, ...I said look ma, Im gonna go, before I get to upset, and I walked out the door.....

How can she even begin to think Cynthia would go there...every time she went to see mom, she said mom, nanny is always talking aobut you and putting you down, so Im never going there again...and I dont blame her....

 

You have been a great help to me, for that I thank you!!!...I realize that I cannot change people, all i can do is make a difference in this life, for me, myself...and from now on Im looking out for me!!!
Im happy for you and your family...and that your son does open up to you...some kids dont!!!.....I know my daughter did..and I told her straight out what kind of man that nanny lives with, and if he ever says a word to her, or looks at her the wrong way to speak up to whomever is there....but, to stay away from him...she understood...

sorry im all over today, my mind is everywhere....too much going on.....

Have a good day

God Bless!!...

 

Stay strong...the world needs more people like you...

 
December 5, 2007, 11:37 pm CST

Thanks

Quote From: baybgirl101

You have a beautiful child..
Yes he is a very cute little guy.  He just turned 6 months old.  He is a great baby and every comments on how good and happy he is.   We are blessed with 2 great kids.  My other son is 16 and in college already. He is gifted and scored in upper division and graduate level work on his college placement tests.  His counselor told him that he was one of the few to score the highest level on his written and comprehension.    He scored at precalculus level but he has taught himself mathematics because I have homeschooled him and just gave him the math books and he taught himself.  My baby is already saying words at 6 months  just like my 16 year old son did.  Our pediatrician says she believes that Zach our baby might be intellectuallly gifted.  There are things he is doing that are 9-12 months old.  He points, He will do things on command, he says 5-6 words and he has been starting to say 2 to 3 word sentences.  My brother cam to visit us this last weekend and Zach said "I love you"  I was a bit muddled but you could hear the words my brother turned to me with surprise and said he said I love you.  He also says "hi Andrew"  to his brother.  He is a great joy!!! We love him and thanks for your compliments.
 
December 6, 2007, 11:58 am CST

formal invitation

Quote From: baybgirl101

That is the worst thing...the kids do suffer from our parents being who they are, not taking the time to get to know the child, then as the children get older(as mine is 17), they dont want to have contact with their grandparents..Speaking of which, mom called me this morning to tell me that I had mail at her house...so I went down to get it, sat at the table for about 5 minutes, then she jumped at me, Trina, how come Cynthia(my daughter) dont come to see me, she goes to your house, and Im just downstairs, I said, Mom, I cannot and will not speak for my daugher actions, she is 17 and can make her own decisons, I said she dont go see anyone, moms reply was, well she goes to your house, I said, well of course she does she is my daughter, im her mother,...ma said, too damn bad trina, I am her grandmother, and she should come see me, ...I said look ma, Im gonna go, before I get to upset, and I walked out the door.....

How can she even begin to think Cynthia would go there...every time she went to see mom, she said mom, nanny is always talking aobut you and putting you down, so Im never going there again...and I dont blame her....

 

You have been a great help to me, for that I thank you!!!...I realize that I cannot change people, all i can do is make a difference in this life, for me, myself...and from now on Im looking out for me!!!
Im happy for you and your family...and that your son does open up to you...some kids dont!!!.....I know my daughter did..and I told her straight out what kind of man that nanny lives with, and if he ever says a word to her, or looks at her the wrong way to speak up to whomever is there....but, to stay away from him...she understood...

sorry im all over today, my mind is everywhere....too much going on.....

Have a good day

God Bless!!...

 

Stay strong...the world needs more people like you...

I just received a formal invitation first one ever to join my family on thier yearly limo ride to look at christmas lights.  The never asked us to go until 1 year ago when my nephew spilled the beans and told me that the family would get together and go on this yearly tradition.  Me and my family were never invited. That reallyhurt my feelings.  I said something to me dad and he never apologized he just looked at me and said nothing then they started asking last year to come.  This year they are not even speaking to me and I get a formal invitation because they don't want to pick up the phone and ask me.  I emailed and told them that under the circumstances we are not coming for christmas.  I left it at that.  I am so tired of their stupid childish games.  they won't speak to me or me son but send a formal invitation.  Why would I go into a snake pit and get hurt.  Forget it.  They are just going to have to learn to grow up and if they don't we won't be there to be scapgoated.  I know it seems a formal invitation is nice but my parents have never been formal about anything until now.  It is because they don't want to pick up the phone and call me.  My brother emailed me and said I was hurting him because he wants to see me. But he can come here like he did last weekend.  anyway.  I wish they would just leave me alone.  They just want to keep fueling the fire.  They are the most manipulative people I have ever known.
 
December 6, 2007, 9:27 pm CST

Wow!!

Quote From: michiyamo

I just received a formal invitation first one ever to join my family on thier yearly limo ride to look at christmas lights.  The never asked us to go until 1 year ago when my nephew spilled the beans and told me that the family would get together and go on this yearly tradition.  Me and my family were never invited. That reallyhurt my feelings.  I said something to me dad and he never apologized he just looked at me and said nothing then they started asking last year to come.  This year they are not even speaking to me and I get a formal invitation because they don't want to pick up the phone and ask me.  I emailed and told them that under the circumstances we are not coming for christmas.  I left it at that.  I am so tired of their stupid childish games.  they won't speak to me or me son but send a formal invitation.  Why would I go into a snake pit and get hurt.  Forget it.  They are just going to have to learn to grow up and if they don't we won't be there to be scapgoated.  I know it seems a formal invitation is nice but my parents have never been formal about anything until now.  It is because they don't want to pick up the phone and call me.  My brother emailed me and said I was hurting him because he wants to see me. But he can come here like he did last weekend.  anyway.  I wish they would just leave me alone.  They just want to keep fueling the fire.  They are the most manipulative people I have ever known.

Wow, that is bizarre!! I would of responded the same way that you did...how dare they?..who do they think they are really...I really don't know what to say, I'm sure for your family and yourself you are making the right decision...they are just playing you Hun...dint give in..I know if it would of been my situation, I think that I'm so gullible, I would of went...maybe out of pity, maybe out of being hurt for so many years trying to make my family what i seen fit for a family...And that would of not been the right thing to do...As for your brother, he should be old enough to understand your response, and come see you just as he did over the past weekend...

Keep your head up, and smile...you know you are doing the right thing.

 

Have a good day!

 
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