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Topic : 09/14 More Brats

Number of Replies: 224
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:46:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have you ever been at the mall or in a restaurant, and all eyes are on you because your child is throwing a fit? Dr. Phil has advice on dealing with outrageous temper tantrums. Madeline says her daughter, Isabella, takes the terrible twos to a whole new level. She kicks, screams and even bangs her head against concrete walls when she doesn’t get her way. Isabella’s antics have gotten so bad that her daycare center began videotaping her. What’s behind this toddler’s fury? Then, Mary says her 14-year-old daughter, Brittany, is totally out of control. She bites, stomps, throws things and even told a police officer that her father, Rich, punched her in the face! Four months have passed since Rich and Mary sent Brittany to live with her grandmother. Now, they face off on Dr. Phil’s stage. Will they all be able to live under the same roof again? Can this family heal their pain and move on? Join the discussion.

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October 4, 2006, 8:54 pm CDT

More Brats



I was very concerned about Brittany. That poor kid! Have you ever noticed than when parents label a child as "spoiled," they don't take any responsibility for their actions in molding this child into what they now don't want.  Mom is glib -- "She's so spoiled..."  Well, la-de-da Stupid Mother!!! Apparently she is the only child, & the parents haven't quite had a Plan between as to how to raise the child. She has no boundaries. But, when they ask her to do chores (how long, exactly, did she NOT have to do chores?), she gets upset.  Why? Because she schedules things to do over the course of a day just to keep herself grounded in some way. She's basically raising herself! Her parents gave her an E-Z pass through much of her life, & NOW they want her to chage & pitch in, etc.???!!!!!!  Are they nuts. They "created" this child whom they now view as "Frankenstein!" She won't do what they want her to do. Duh? If they gave this child direction, what-to-do & what-not-to-do guidelines from the gitgo, she wouldn't be this way. If her planned day is interrupted, she's in a downward spiral! The parents allowed & encouraged her to be this way through her entire life, & NOW they're complaining?!  Hello! Look at your creation! Take responsibility! The kid is lonely, probably without strong values, no discipline, doesn't know how to act, lashes out in anger because she is so lonely & frustrated & confused!  She did not have any "training" for her shiftless life. She's trying to be her own bandaid, & that's very sad. What that pretty girl need is love, affection, many many hugs, many more compliments, some definitive guidelines on how to behave in various situations, a "mother" who will show her how to go on, & pass down cute secrets, & who will brush her hair instead of "brushing her off!", & for the man who is her father/guardian right now, for him to tell her they're not related?!!!  Let him hang by his toes from a tree & maybe the rush of blood to his head will clarify a few things! What a cruel thing to say to this already Very Lonely Young Lady!  Now she has more reason to just want to escape her prison. Not all prisons have bars on the windows, or lack of money in the bank to provide necessities & perhaps much more -- but the parents seem clueless. A kid cannot be spoiled unless older people in charge are doing the spoiling! Then, they complain. The nerve! A child comes out of a womb, it has to defy gravity for the first time in it's existence, & it must be difficult. Previously, a warm, closed soft atmosphere where hopefully you are regularly fed, you can drift around, you grow inside said womb, & then---  WHAM!  We're all introduced into a liquid-free environment, which means we have to use arms, legs, etc. (& I wonder if it's been painful to all of us in the first few weeks of our being on this planet? Think about it! We go from wet to dry. Do WE have a say in anything?!  Of course not! Maybe that's why so many of us cry for no reason. We can't analyze our feelings, so we just cry.  At least it's Some type of expression & venting.)

Back to Brittany. That gal needs someone to trust/hug/confide in without fear/who will teach her basic skills to allow her to face her world.  The parent just aren't the right people. I don't know what they are thinking! "Let's blame the kid!"  No, YOU created the kid & shaped her psyche according to your own desires. Did she have a voice in all this? Of course not!

Maybe getting some relative who is capable of partially repairing this child in her misery, & the parents stay far away in this case, & maybe find a nice rather quiet but fun all-girls boarding school for her to go to would be very good for her. Similar ages, make friends (hopefully), study what she needs to learn, & some etiquette lessons might really reassure her of her worth & gave her a hope to exist in this world. She's in great pain. She attacks her parents -- & they just back off & observe her & offer no help for her pain. They don't know why it's happening. 

The PARENTS need therapy.  Brittany needs to be taken out of that desolate environment. Let the parents live with themselves & their problems all alone now. And they can learn some spine-stiffining lessons, for starters. They won't have the kid to blame.  This might be interesting, if it can be accomplished.  Brittany needs friends, peers, helpful concerned warm people about her at all times for this fragile time of life that she is experiencing. She will probably blossom into an amazing girl & smile all the time with the right conditions & understanding. Her parents don't know how to do it.  The house seemed to me to be so isolated! Where's the nearest McD's? Or anyplace. Brittany is trapped.b I know the feeling. Been there, & all that. I hope she gets to settle in somewhere for X amount of time (as long as it takes) so she can feel more confident about herself, develop some backbone (the parents don't have it -- where is she to learn?!) & be able to take some baby steps to a new, improved life.


God bless you, Brittany!  I hope you find a real home.



October 7, 2006, 11:40 am CDT

Stephen Fry Documentary

Quote From: mustbecrazy

I checked out the website, and unfortunately, BBC Two is only available in the UK, according to the site.  I would love to get hold of a transcript, or a copy of the show...anybody know how to get it?
 Can I suggest that you Google the phrase:-
 Stephen Fry: The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive and this should get you the BBC Page with lots of info. It does say however that it isn't available on DVD or Video.
It was an excellent programme (in my humble opinion) and made me more aware and I hope sympathetic. There were interviews with Carrie Fisher, Richard Dryfus (of Close Encounters of the third Kind, and Jaws) as well as well known British celbs.such as Robbie Williams and reference to John Cleese. Also I had been unaware that Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemmingway and Van Gough sufferred from it. Winston Churchill called the depression his Black Dog.
Whilst filming Stephen Fry had an episode when he became ill and allowed filming to continue for a short while. He says these episodes are getting more frequent and he knows he should get medication but doesn't want to dull his personality (and I must say his genius).
As I say a fascinating programme which has lead to lots of discussion at home and work. We all would hate to have the dilemma of having to chose mediaction to make you feel better when you are down but know whilst on the mediaction you won't have the wonderful manic time when creative juices can flow.
Hope you can trace the web pages, best of luck with everything

November 11, 2006, 10:36 pm CST


Quote From: bubbles566

I think that for the most part, by and large, parents create the behaviour in their children because they're afraid to discipline children when they need to start.  You have to start disciplining the children BEFORE the age of five.  Long before.  My children NEVER acted up in public.  Ever.  They got their hand slapped if needed, a swat on the behind if necessary, and consistent discipline.  They are now 13 and 18 and really have not given me any trouble whatsoever. 

I see alot of parents of toddlers talking to them like they're little babies woman at the zoo.....OMG, I thought to myself "Is this the way that she talks?"  Then I realized it was how she was talking to her son in a stroller.  Why are parents talking to their children who are old enough to understand and she's talking to him like he's a brand new baby?!!!!  I had to get away from it.  It was so condescending and appeasing and ANNOYING!  If kids are listening to their parents talk to them like this, I'd be a brat, too!

Kids learn that if their parents are such mushes around them at that age, they will manipulate you in a heartbeat if they know that they can get what they want AND get away with it.  The kid having to go outside because he was acting up in the restaurant?  Hello.... that is what he wanted because he didn't want to be at that restaurant.  I think McDonald's screwed up by making the play area because kids think that they can do that wherever they are.  Parents are afraid of their kids, and the kids know it.  Parents are afraid to discipline their children in front of public eyes, the kids know this, so there is this unspoken thing between.....and hence, we have The Nanny (who teaches consistent discipline and MANNERS, by the way) for solving a nation full of parents without backbones. 

I have made mistakes as a parent, too, but I think that the more that we move away from consistency and manners being instilled in our children, we're going to see more of this behaviour and it's going to go on and on and on.  Parents should never be afraid of their children's behaviour, or a reaction to "no".  The parents are the adults - it's time to act like it.  Stop babying your children and lay down the law.  Yes, some of it could be a physical issue but for the most part, even children with disabilities need consistency and they can learn.  Just at a different pace and more slowly.
So you don't think that there was medical and mental conditions that make kids act that way? There are medical and mental conditions that make kids act like brats whether you think there is or isn't.
February 13, 2007, 11:27 am CST

Of course

Quote From: alisha82

So you don't think that there was medical and mental conditions that make kids act that way? There are medical and mental conditions that make kids act like brats whether you think there is or isn't.
I was speaking in general, not specifics.  I have a stepchild that has PDD/NOS  and I just choose not to take him in public where I know that he cannot control his erratic and strange behaviours that don't fit the norm. I have training in developmental disabilities and very active in advocacy.  I'm just tired of people not saying something to kids who are brats for being brats and alot of it is the parents fault.  Dr. Phil has done repeated shows on woosy (spelling?) parenting, who's the parent here??  Those are the children and parents that I was talking about.  No DD or other medically challenged individuals. 
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