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Topic : 09/11 Biggest Love Mistakes

Number of Replies: 155
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:42:51 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Is your friend or loved one making a serious error in judgment? Is he or she falling for or about to marry the wrong person? Christa thinks her husband, Matt, is having an emotional affair with their adopted 18-year-old daughter, Nadia. She says he even gave Nadia a private cell phone so just the two of them could talk. Matt feels that Christa is overreacting and has always been jealous. Is Matt just a doting father, or is he acting inappropriately with Nadia? Then, Jaime feels guilty for being in love with the man who killed her brother 12 years ago. The man is still in prison, but Jaime believes he's rehabilitated. Her family friend, Sue, says the affair needs to stop right now. Is Jaime's heart in the right place, or is she being conned? Share yur thoughts, join the discussion.

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October 16, 2006, 9:39 am CDT

thanks for the message

Quote From: billiegray

My guess is that this person's suspicions are well-founded, and that she knows it, and has known it for a long time.


As a longtime family law attorney, I am shocked, disgusted and sad, about the frequency with which I hear this scenario, and action-oriented in my recommendations about dealing with it.  It is best - without judgment, accusation, or threat - to ask one's daughter if her father is relating with her in a way that makes her feel guilty, uncomfortable, pressured or "special".  The problem is that this man - bolstered by the fact that this is not his biological daughter, and that that fact makes his behavior less wrong - has very likely been courting this girl for years. Little by little he has coaxed or disciplined her away from social interaction with peers; dates are out, his word is law, and,, worst of all, he has systematically disrupted the relationship between the mother and the child.  These men tell the child that the mother would not understand, would be jealous, doesn't really have the child's best interests at heart, in fact, doesn't know or understand her as he does.


If nothing can be determined quickly about the truth or falsity of the mother's suspicions, it is literally life and death for her to err on the side of caution and protection of her child. Have the man leave or be removed from the home. Permit communication only when mother is in earshot or on the extension. Because 18 year old girls always know better than their mother - intensified when a father is actively undermining - if not destroying - the relationship between the girl and her mother, outside help may be required.  If the 18 year old balks, find a way to work professional help into the picture. The father cannot return until all suspicion has been laid aside.


Sometimes the mother's response is affected by her own history of sexual abuse, and a part of her considers the abuse of her child inevitable. Often there are serious problems in the marriage. In a very recent case, the husband is impotent, and the couple have not been intimate for years. As the older of her two daughter said: "dad is trying to make us into someone he'd want for a girlfriend or wife." This lovely woman could not see how her husband's excessive attention to the girls did not make him a "wonderful father," but a sexual abuser.

The message from this "longtime  family law attorney" empowered me to stand up to my husband who the whole day that this story aired was emotionally beating me down to have the foster daughter he had a special "father-daughter" relationship with back into our home. I was about to cave until I read the transcripts and this message.  Thanks for being a voice of logic at this time for me.  It was also the day I said my final good-byes to my Dearest Grandmother (her funeral) my husband stuck to his agenda and did not offer any sympathy to me that day.  It has been a month and he still hasn't dropped it.  I wish I knew what to do next for my  2 children (I know "our" 2 children but you wouldn't know they exist the way we carries on).  When is enough, enough.
December 4, 2006, 8:07 am CST

jaime's turn

I can imagine that all the people who watched and responded have perfect lives and have made perfect decisions...... I have read all of the comments and I appreciate some of them.... I made a bad decision and I paid for it after the fact. I was 16 years old when my brother, my only sibling was ripped away from me. When I made the choice 12 years later to meet the man responsible I didn't know how to feel. It is easy to say you would feel a certain way, but unless you have been there you have no clue.....  I for the first time in 12 years realized my brother was gone.... The man responsible was a child when it happened. I do forgive him. I had more emotion going through my body, and head I became crazy..... I am not currently involved with this man at all. I still forgive him but I have not forgotten. I was confused, I acted on implulse not thinking of the simplae fact that is He killed my brother, ruined my life and that will never change. I am not prerfect and I do not claim to be. .......-Jaime  

September 10, 2007, 1:50 pm CDT

Chelsea and phone texting

Why is everyone missing the point?  This girl is not responsible enough to be trusted to drive an automobile! Let her have her phone but pull her driver's license!
September 11, 2007, 2:56 am CDT

Phone Texting

Quote From: chaplain271

Why is everyone missing the point?  This girl is not responsible enough to be trusted to drive an automobile! Let her have her phone but pull her driver's license!
  AGREED!! What is so difficult to figure out?  This girl shouldn't be driving if such unimportant things are MORE important than her driving. She came off as a snot nosed, spoiled brat.....lets not be concerned for a human life...lets worry about "cow tipping," which in itself sounds like a mean thing to do. Maybe SHE has a death wish......bit I don't, so KEEP HER OFF THE ROAD!!  Let her keep her stupid phone and text her fingers as NUMB as her brain seems to be.....but let her do it some place OTHER  than behind the wheel of a car. Her mother came off as wimpy too.......a few good parenting classes might have helped her to raise this girl to be interested in someone OTHER than herself.
June 25, 2008, 4:22 pm CDT

Why blame prison?

Quote From: stormygail

A friend of mine was visiting her brother in prison when she met "the love of her life". He was in for life for murder. She married him while he was in prison. He had become a Christian, worked with the chaplain and counceled other inmates. He became educated in prison. He adopted her child. She had people write letters to the parole board on his behalf. After 8 years of hard work on her part, he was released(he served 16 years). They had 4 babies in 3 years, and then he abandoned her and the 5 kids.  He's only seen them a few times since. He doesn't even know he has a grandchild. His education and "Christianity" were left behind in prison. He fooled a lot of people.


PLEASE listen to Dr. Phil. This guy is not as he appears.

I know lots of marriages that lasted less than three years, ended in divorce, and in which the husband abandoned the family.  Lots of people fool lots of people.  I feel the pain in your message, and am so sorry that your friend suffered.  Probably being locked into a cage for years didn't help this guy.  I guess I just don't think that it's fair to cite his crime and imprisonment as the reason that he is a bad person.  Just because A plus B equals C, doesn't mean that C plus B equals A. 


I am not trying to upset you, and hope that I have not.  Thanks for your willingness to listen to my opinion.

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