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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 831
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:43:59 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-teens and teens.

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November 29, 2005, 9:31 pm CST

nabgirl

Quote From: bendlady

my son is 12 and also responsible for getting himself up on time for school. If he is late to school because he over slept than i do not give him a note to make it an excussed tardy. He then has to serve a detintion at school to make up for the tardy. I don't punish at home for this, I let the school follow through with there policies.
did you get yourself up & off to school in elementary school ? Whoa when is your kid to be a kid - when they move out  ??     Lighten up .   Set your own alarm be a parent.  Set rules of the heart for their future where they are important.
 
November 29, 2005, 10:01 pm CST

Make a future for your child

Quote From: sweetkiss

Im Just turned 17 and am 3 Almost 3 Months Preg With My 21 year olds b/f's Baby..My family Knows and My b/f Is now liveing with me and My father..Im thinking about Giveing My child Up for adoptaion Even tho I don't want to and I know It would Hurt me..But My b/f dosent make enough money To suport me and a Baby and Most of my family is mad and Wont Help Us out and My b/f has no Family..My b/f Dosent want Me to Give it Up and he is really happy about the baby and is sticking around and i dont want to either Exept for the fact i want My child To have a Good life and a Better life I had and I want it to have all the things It Needs and wants...Im affraid when it grows up and relizes Whats going On with are money problem and are issuies with Maybe not Being able to afford It that It will hate us...Can anyone Give Me any advie On what I should do..My father aint helping us and Moved My b/f in with us to get on a feet he said But he is Now takeing almost My b/fs Whole check and we dont have money to get him a car or Us A place to Live since are place is way to small and overly crowded and filled with stuff so we cant even make room for the child...
There are organizations that will help with housing for low income there is WIC that will help with baby nutrition.  What do you have to offer your baby?. Do you have your G.E.D ?  Do you plan on doing anything except making babies and being fed like cattle.  Make a future IF you plan on keeping the baby. It's not something that will just happen. Your baby / child will not hate you because you don't have money. Don't become a terminal victium in a situation you created.  Make a plan for YOUR future. It's not easy and plan 1 may not work make plan 2 and so on until it does work. Educate yourself on the needs of your baby. The Department of Human Services has several avenues of education on needs for the baby.    All your baby needs is love and security - nutrition and shots. You need a plan to improve your living arrangements and FOR   Y O U R FUTURE.  You're a little young for parenting - but if it is what you decide don't leave everything up to your b/f.  What if he isn't in the picture in 6 mos.  or 6 years  will you be able to take care of your child.
 
November 29, 2005, 10:23 pm CST

HAPPY TRAILS

Quote From: apollo

I  have 3 kids,19-year old Ashley,14-haleigh,11-alex.Well,where to start? Ashley is very lazy,spoiled,mouthy,disrespectful.If Ashley doent get what she wants she will go into a fit,if she asks for money or something and I dont give it to her,she will start with her swearing and screaming and I mean this child is LOUD it's F this AND f YOU ,YOUR AN A--Hole and she will go on an on till I just can't stand it anymore,then my husband gets upset with me for giving in to her.My husband and Ashley do not  get along at all.He tries to disapline her and if she doesnt like what he says she will start with him she doesnt care what she says to him,she will call him a D--k,A--Hole,sut up ,I dont have to listen to you, she'll say get the F--k away from me, dont touch me,which he NEVER EVER has,he doesnt belive in spanking or hitting children,but she will say it anyway.Sometime my 14 year old will be right their and tell me Mom ashley started with dad first.Myhusband is not Ashley's real Dad,but he has been in her life since she has been 8months old.Haleigh(14) will come home from school and ask me if Ashley is home because she doesnt know because ashley sleeps till 3:00 in the afternoon.I'll tell her yes she's sleeping and haleigh will let out a sigh like she is upset because she is home and she knows what the rest of the will like. When Ashley starts with her yelling and swearing and fighting,my son gets scared and will either go to his room and shut the door or go outside so he doesnt have to hear her and she will swera with his friends her she doesnt care who hears her.One day she was with a couple of her friends and they come our because Ashley needed something and Ashley got mad at one of the people she was with and started with him,saying F--K YOU, DONT EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO,your an A--Hole,well it was a nice day out and my neighbors were out with their small  kids,well needless to say they heard her screaming at this kid and they took their kids inside till she left.Haleigh heard her ad said mom ashley  is screaming at her friends.My husband was outside and tried to get her to go in the house he took her arm and said go inside till you cool off,well then she started with him ,dont touch me get the F--k away from me,well she come inside and I said to her that is going on why are you so mad sut up leave me alone I dont want to talk about it.So I did.She finially calm down hours later and told me why she was so mad at this kid.It was because she had to seat in the back seat and she didnt like that.Ashley fights with my husband all the time.When they are in a room togeather my stess leavel is so high because Iknow something is going to happen,when they fight it's bad their is yelling like I've never heard.She swear  at him ,like she's a sailor she doesnt care what she says to him.She will come to me and say Mom get this A--Hole away from me,then he comes to me and sats Lori do something with her.So I'm caught in the middle of it  and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.I think one day I will have a heart attack because I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY ASHLEY" My little girl who we called are little polly pocket.Ashley has a boyfriend who has 2 jobs and that still doent motavate her .Well stats my story and I'm worried and confussed.I NEED HELP SOON.    LORI         
Next time ashley goes out  - pack up her stuff. Pile it neetly by the front door. Put $ 100.00 on top. When she comes back tell her that she cannot make the younger kids regret life with a horrid verbal beast that she chooses to be.  Get REAL MOM You've done your parenting time with her. The other 2 kids Need you too. She's 18 Happy Trails  - You are no longer MOMMY. Tell her if the 2 of you want  and it is a choice on both of your parts you can be a really good friend that has always loved her. YOU wouldn't take that kind of abuse from a friend. She's tooo old for mommy change the relationship game to friendship. 
 
November 30, 2005, 5:07 am CST

I4 YEAR OLD W/ MOM TROUBLES

Quote From: limachern

First off, I'm 14. I am an average student who's most recent report card, lowest mark, was 71%. Now to the point, my mom is, well, she's driving me nuts. She refuses to let me wash My hair or run my own bath. She has never kept a promise as I have alot of I O U's. And my bedtime is 9pm. A kid at my age only needs 7 hours of sleep I get up at 7. That's 10 hours. Not only am I "over- sleeping", but I'm also not a morning person. Could someone help me out here cause the "tick, tock" is getting louder everyday. 

Dear Big Baby Girl, 

HAVE YOU TRIED TELLING YOUR MOM YOU NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY CONFERENCE WITH HER - YOU HAVE ISSUES.   I disagree with you on the amount of sleep  -  everyone is different .  Is it important to her that you keep your promises ?  Does she promise things that just isn't within her ability to come through on ?  Have you told her how her broken promises make you feel ?  Can you tell her without getting flack to wake up & drink some coffee you know how to take care of your personal hygiene - bath & hair. Talk honestly about your concerns to her.  Good Luck. 

 
November 30, 2005, 5:21 am CST

WAKE UP

Quote From: mlaham

I am 16 years old and ever since the start of this week I have felt like smoking a cigarette, and I have no clue why. For no reason at all I suddenly got the immense desire to smoke a cigarette. I was studying in my room and I started thinking about smoking (and how bad it is for you) then I was like "I wonder what it would be like if I tried smoking?" Ever since Monday, I have probably lit 10 cigarettes, and once I light them I throw them away without ever putting them to my lips. What the hell is wrong with me? I get the desire to smoke, then when I light the cigarette I throw it away. All I felt like doing was take one or two puffs or maybe smoke just one whole cigarette. Now I know its bad for you, and my parents have told me this over and over again. I know deep down inside, and in the back of my brain that smoking is not good for me. I know it can ruin your health and I really don't want that. But because of one stupid afternoon I have been stuck to the feeling of smoking and I can't seem to let it go. It sucks. And, why is it that when I light a cigarette I suddenly freak out and throw it away? Is it because I'm scared or what? Or is it because I really don't want a cigarette? I have NEVER smoked, never drank, never taken any drugs, or anything. Suddenly I'm overcome by this disgusting feeling to smoke and I really don't want to, but I also have no idea how to make it go away. I don't want to talk to friends or family about it, because I'm scared they are going to get wild thoughts, but does anyone know why I'm starting to feel like this? And how the hell can I make this feeling go away? (without smoking of course). Thanks,Michael

16 YEAR OLD, 

You Put the thought of a cigarette in your head.  KID  Give your self the power to remove the  

S T U P I D thought.  WHOA HOW COOL IS IT TO SMOKE UP THE AMOUNT OF MONEY THAT COULD BE A CAR PAYMENT OR NEW CLOTHES EVERY MONTH ...     Everytime you have a stupid thought  - like smoking  make yourself do 25 jumping jacks & 25 push ups  or jog  DON"T just give in to a stupid thought.  If you have the power within yourself to know what you shouldn't do 

KID -   YOU have the power to do the right thing for yourself. At your age your body is your castle - guard it - your life depends on it. 

                                                                        Just a Mom 

 
November 30, 2005, 5:42 am CST

PLAY THE GAME

Quote From: tammym

Hi I'm having major problems with my step-son being so lazy. All he wants to do is watch TV and play computer games. Last year he almost flunked his grade, and so far this year he is not doing well. He always made honor roll. His problem is school is crap like he "forgot" or "didnt feel like" filling out his daily journal or his book reports. He is supposed to be getting the journal signed everyday by us but he just "forgets". It doesn't matter how much he reads a day, if you dont write down things about the book you fail. It's just plain up stupid. He is not doing well in any of his other subjects either, except for Art!!! So we have taken his privelages away from him --tv, and computer games. We also give him 3 simple things each day to do for chores-- feed the dog, clean room, and dump the trash. He never does it until we come home from work and TELL him to. So then we decided to give him an allowance for doing his chores each day WITHOUT being told. That didnt work either. It did for about 2 days. Then recently I offered him a job where I work at. I work for a newspaper company, and my boss was asking did someones kid want to come and help organize a room in our building (just a bunch of newspapers that needs sorting through). My boss is going to pay and very well I here. It would be a little something to do after school, nothing permanent. I would pick him up in the middle of my day and bring him over, ect. So I go home talk it over with his father, and then talk to him. Before I could even finish he was shaking his head no. I said you havent even heard me out yet. I mentioned the money, he says how much. I say well I dont know the exact amount but a co-workers son has done a lot of work for my boss before, even cuts his grass, and my co-worker says he pays good. Anyway then after I finished talking to him, he tells me NO, he is not interested. I said why? He says, HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!! I then said thats not it you are just plain up lazy. His dad was shocked, but I don't know why because I have been telling him this all along. Please help! Thanks!!!
Have you ever tried calling him to the dinner table - having it set for a usual dinner - and on every ones plate - have a vitamin.  When a comment is made  Reply  - well C R A P  I forgot  and what I didn't forget I didn't feel like it.   Shock sometimes can be fun.  My guys have never gone to bed hungry - but they have had many a late dinner.  Get Dad to enforce a no excuse policy on the school work. You can be a great help but you can't set the rule 'no excuse' .
 
November 30, 2005, 2:47 pm CST

PIERCINGS.

Im an average 17-year-old girl. Im a cheerleader, work at Hollister, and pretty much defined as "preppy." I listen to rock music. and i love the clothing style. but i dont dress like it really. ill occasionally accessorize with a studded belt or Vans/Converse shoes. i think lip piercings are cute. and i want one. i know how my mom feels about lip piercings/tattoos. but i brought it up to her anyway. and she just got really upset about it and said No. I told her how i felt about it and she asked why i was "leaning in that direction?" Its not a direction. im not changing my whole lifestyle. im not going to give up all my preppy clothes and become a hardcore punk rocker. Its not like that at all. in fact, i love my clothes the way they are and would never change them.  I dont think she understands that its common in my generation. its not "gross" or "weird" its just jewelery that happens to be on your face. she says the scar wont be good for the professional life in the future. but in fact, the scar isnt that noticeable. and i think i can live with it! i know i wont have it forever. i just want it now while im young and its common to have one. shouldnt i be able to make my own decisions about what i want done to my body? I'll never have another chance to have something that i want badly like this ever done for the rest of my life. How do i persuade her to let me get it done? any suggestions?
 
December 2, 2005, 8:28 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: julia4copa

Dear Big Baby Girl, 

HAVE YOU TRIED TELLING YOUR MOM YOU NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY CONFERENCE WITH HER - YOU HAVE ISSUES.   I disagree with you on the amount of sleep  -  everyone is different .  Is it important to her that you keep your promises ?  Does she promise things that just isn't within her ability to come through on ?  Have you told her how her broken promises make you feel ?  Can you tell her without getting flack to wake up & drink some coffee you know how to take care of your personal hygiene - bath & hair. Talk honestly about your concerns to her.  Good Luck. 

you need to tell your mom loud and clear to stop treating youlike a pet dog. Washing your hair you at 14, not your fault, is a flat out bad idea. Don't let her do it, be persistent, if she washes your hair throw out all the shampoo in the house. And breaking promises, that other person was right, your both breaking promises, not all your fault, but be the leader here and be the first start keeping them and your mom will hopefully feel obligated to keep hers aswell.
 
December 3, 2005, 10:39 am CST

Gas Mask Mama!!

I have 2 teenage sons 16 & 18. I have a real issue trying to get them to clean their rooms. The 16 does occasionally digs himself out from under the mess and does a pretty good job. However  18 yr old absolutely refuses, he has 3 hockey bags, referee, goalie and out player equipment all in his room. (can ya imagine the smell:-/)  There is  clothing that I'm sure he has not seen in sometime (months) dirty dishes (not suppose to have food in his room.) I found an empty pizza box up in his closet the other day that I'm sure has been up for at least 2 months. I've tried asking, telling, reasoning, screaming, embarrassing him, taking things away, refused to do favors, .I've even taken everything out except his bed and dresser. He just imports more junk.  Nothing seems to work. I absolutely refused to do it . He will not put a sheet on his bed or pillow cases on his pillows. His response is either yea in a minute, tomorrow, don't  have time  or don't worry about it .  

  

Any suggestion?  

  

 
December 3, 2005, 2:39 pm CST

Know your teens

Quote From: tray00

I would let them go for it.  Experience life!  Just make sure they know they can call if they break down! 
You as a parent know better anyone whether your son is responsible enough to take on a road trip. If you trust him them let him go.  The only other question is "is the friend he's going responsible. Try quizzing him on all the "what if's" then make your decision  Good Luck
 
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