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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 831
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:43:59 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-teens and teens.

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November 12, 2005, 6:51 am CST

14 & working...

Quote From: utahinbc

Hi, 

  

I'm not a parent myself, but I have a question for those of you that are.  Do you think 14 is too young to be working at McDonald's?  In Canada it's legal.  I remember having babysitting jobs at that age, but I'm wondering if a 14 yo is old enough to handle the real day to day of working.  It's my friend's daughter.  Any opinions or am I just old fashioned? 

Honestly, both my 15 & 16 year olds began to work at 14. They are honor roll students and all around good children. When they began to work at McDonalds at 14 they were only given a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. It really opened their eyes up to focusing on their future and it also showed them what the reality of life is and can be. Sometimes its good if they experience things for themselves without just taken my word for it. I believe that this was good for my children, because it helped them to develop; however, I do not feel it is fair for children of 14 to be working because they have no other choice. That is wrong; working at 14 should be a learning experience only. My children have learned how to budget a check book and are proud to have money in their own bank accounts.  
 
November 12, 2005, 11:26 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: kkandy74

Honestly, both my 15 & 16 year olds began to work at 14. They are honor roll students and all around good children. When they began to work at McDonalds at 14 they were only given a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. It really opened their eyes up to focusing on their future and it also showed them what the reality of life is and can be. Sometimes its good if they experience things for themselves without just taken my word for it. I believe that this was good for my children, because it helped them to develop; however, I do not feel it is fair for children of 14 to be working because they have no other choice. That is wrong; working at 14 should be a learning experience only. My children have learned how to budget a check book and are proud to have money in their own bank accounts.  
I'm glad for your kids.  This girl has no concept of money, so hopefully she'll learn some skills.  Her mom went out and turned in the application for her and went to the interview with her.  I don't think I agree with that.  Some things you have to learn to do on your own.  I was terrified at my first interviews, but I learned from them.  I think the mom is trying to boost her daughter's self confidence.  But this McDonald's has these kids working 20 or so hours a week until 11 at night.  I don't think that's conducive with school
 
November 15, 2005, 6:20 am CST

Feeling lost

I was wondering if anyone out there can tell me how to cope when your kids move out. I know that this is normal but I feel so lost. I want to be the great parent and give her space but I feel so lonely when she forgets to call and does not include me in on things like she did when she lived at home. I worry all the time and this takes time away from the ones that are here.  I have tried so hard. I hope someone out there can help me with this.  I have always lived life for my kids and now they are gone what do you do?  

 

Mrs406 

 
November 15, 2005, 7:41 am CST

Peeking Pre Teens

My sons 11 & 13 were at the neighbor's house down the street.  I locked the doors and proceded to make love with my beau.  After the fact, evidence showed that my sons had been in the house while I had been "busy" in my bedroom with the door OPEN. 

My older som had climbed in a window, opened the back door and let his brother in, then, together, they peeked into my bedroom where they witnessed two adults in the act of making love. 

The older boy just "doesn't want to talk about it".  My younger son ranted and raved and cried.  I spent at least an hour explaining and comforting him.  After two days, he is still feeling "weird".  He says he can't get it out of his thoughts.  Now what?  

 
November 15, 2005, 1:19 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: tharing

My 17 year old son, a senior in high school, wants to drive, along with his buddy, from Harrisburg PA to Virginia Tech University to visit his cousin.  This is a 325 mile trip one way.  They plan on staying in the dorm with the cousin.  His dad and I both told him it is too long of a trip at his age.  Not to mention the price of gas these days, which he plans to pay for, and the fact that the cousin will be home for Thanksgiving Break soon.  I told him we would go pick the cousin up when it is thanksgiving break, but that did not fly.  I feel he wants to be independent, but he just does not seem to understand the horrible things that can happen on a read trip like that.  Anybody have any opinions on this? 

  

tharing 

I would let them go for it.  Experience life!  Just make sure they know they can call if they break down! 
 
November 15, 2005, 7:17 pm CST

Mom Is Driving Me Nuts!

First off, I'm 14. I am an average student who's most recent report card, lowest mark, was 71%. Now to the point, my mom is, well, she's driving me nuts. She refuses to let me wash My hair or run my own bath. She has never kept a promise as I have alot of I O U's. And my bedtime is 9pm. A kid at my age only needs 7 hours of sleep I get up at 7. That's 10 hours. Not only am I "over- sleeping", but I'm also not a morning person. Could someone help me out here cause the "tick, tock" is getting louder everyday. 

 
November 16, 2005, 6:49 am CST

Advice about daughter

HI, I am new to the board and after reading some of the questions and answers I thought maybe I could get some advice from all of you too.  My daughter will be 14 next month, she has always been a really good kid, good grades, good friends etc.  About 4 months ago she really started to change.  Some of it is because her dad and I are divorced and for the first time since our divorce he is finally being a dad to her, and she loves that (so do I, it is good he is being a good father finally).  However he made this change because he got married again, and they bought a new house and just have this "perfect" little life now.  She sees her dad with all money he wants and all the things that money can buy.  To top it off, her step dad and I are really struggling.  My husband last year in Nov became so sick he had to stop working, he has a very rare disease and it has really taken on a life for all of us.  Because of this, my role has changed from working-mom, working to help with things to provider, and this changed our lives.  I felt in order to really make things easier and have a better life I would need to go back to school so I go to work full-time and school full-time this all happened in the last month(the school part), so up to this point I did work full-time but I was home every night with the family.  Before I started school I asked each of our children if they were okay with it etc...anyway back to the basics of what I needed.  She wants to move to her dads now, she said it is so much better there, but there are boys involved as well.  She is so hung up on one boy it consumes her.  Up to this point she has liked boys but this one is different.  Her dad and I decided she could not move in the middle of a school year and her dad didn't want to pay the money it would have cost to get the papers drawn up, so we decided to have her go live with him this summer, however that is still 8 months away and it is all I hear about.  It really hurts me, I am not dealing with it well and I don't know how to address it to her without making her feel bad because that is the last thing I want to.  I know she wants to move, but it is for the wrong reasons, a boy, and because she feels like she will get all this "stuff" from her dad...but I know her dad and she won't.  He left because he had a 17 year old girlfriend she was our babysitter and he and her lived together a year after our divorce before he finally grew up some and realized he had made a huge mistake, during that year he maybe saw our kids 5x...I have been there since the day she has was born and I have never walked out on her, and now I fear losing her to the person that did...I don't know what to do, do I let her move and pray she will come back, or do I refuse to let her move and have her resent me.  Sorry if this makes no sense I am just emtional and stressed, I don't know what to do..I am lost.
 
November 17, 2005, 8:25 am CST

joint physical custody

any thoughts??????
 
November 17, 2005, 9:48 am CST

Been there, done that...Got the T-shirt!

Quote From: jfunnygirl

HI, I am new to the board and after reading some of the questions and answers I thought maybe I could get some advice from all of you too.  My daughter will be 14 next month, she has always been a really good kid, good grades, good friends etc.  About 4 months ago she really started to change.  Some of it is because her dad and I are divorced and for the first time since our divorce he is finally being a dad to her, and she loves that (so do I, it is good he is being a good father finally).  However he made this change because he got married again, and they bought a new house and just have this "perfect" little life now.  She sees her dad with all money he wants and all the things that money can buy.  To top it off, her step dad and I are really struggling.  My husband last year in Nov became so sick he had to stop working, he has a very rare disease and it has really taken on a life for all of us.  Because of this, my role has changed from working-mom, working to help with things to provider, and this changed our lives.  I felt in order to really make things easier and have a better life I would need to go back to school so I go to work full-time and school full-time this all happened in the last month(the school part), so up to this point I did work full-time but I was home every night with the family.  Before I started school I asked each of our children if they were okay with it etc...anyway back to the basics of what I needed.  She wants to move to her dads now, she said it is so much better there, but there are boys involved as well.  She is so hung up on one boy it consumes her.  Up to this point she has liked boys but this one is different.  Her dad and I decided she could not move in the middle of a school year and her dad didn't want to pay the money it would have cost to get the papers drawn up, so we decided to have her go live with him this summer, however that is still 8 months away and it is all I hear about.  It really hurts me, I am not dealing with it well and I don't know how to address it to her without making her feel bad because that is the last thing I want to.  I know she wants to move, but it is for the wrong reasons, a boy, and because she feels like she will get all this "stuff" from her dad...but I know her dad and she won't.  He left because he had a 17 year old girlfriend she was our babysitter and he and her lived together a year after our divorce before he finally grew up some and realized he had made a huge mistake, during that year he maybe saw our kids 5x...I have been there since the day she has was born and I have never walked out on her, and now I fear losing her to the person that did...I don't know what to do, do I let her move and pray she will come back, or do I refuse to let her move and have her resent me.  Sorry if this makes no sense I am just emtional and stressed, I don't know what to do..I am lost.

   First of all, it sounds like you've bitten off a really big bite.  Now, you're having trouble chewing it. 

Having a sick spouse is difficult to begin with, but when you combine that with a divorce, several children, and a completely new schedule...YIKES! 

   As the breadwinner in your family, it may seem like it's important to look at the big picture.  Yes, you should.  The big thing though, is that your children don't have a concept of the big picture.  They live at the end of their noses and it might be okay for you to go back to school, on the day you asked them, but, maybe not a week later, when the reality of the changes in their lives is right in front of their noses. 

   Also, your boy-crazy daughter is simply doing what young girls do.  The thing that compounds it for you is that she knows that your own personal life is a sore spot and she knows that she can use that against you.  She may not even realize that she's doing it. 

   I am divorced and have 3 kids.  Each one of them got to a point in their development where I had to give them the "Your Dad and I will never get back together" speech.   

   All divorced children have a secret desire for their parents to be together and everything will be okay.  Most kids don't even realize that they feel that way.  Mine didn't, until I put it into words.  Be as honest with them as you can.  Don't "dis" Daddy, but tell the truth.  They'll handle it. 

   Talk to your daughter.  Level with her in a pleasant situation.  Appeal to her as another (almost) woman.  She will appreciate you more if you ask for her advice and if you are open to listen to her concerns.   

   Talk to your ex.  It may be difficult, but, the only way you can raise these kids together, separately, is if you both know what the other parent's parenting ideas are.  If they are totally different, speak to your kids.  Let them know that even if things are different with Dad, when they come back, nothing will have changed. 

   Even if your daughter is being silly "in love" with this kid, don't freak out.  Remember your own experience with your first real boyfriend.  Try to relate to her at that level.  She won't rebel against you if you are on her side.  Ask the silly girl questions:  Is he cute?  What is his best feature? etc. 

   You might consider making a plan with your husband so that you can actually manage work and school.  You may need to wait on the education for a short time.  Making a rift in your family to achieve a degree is never worth the extra couple of bucks your sheepskin may bring you. 

   Kids are people too, and they feel like you do.  They just don't have the communication skills to express it in a way that you might better understand. 

   Take three deep breaths and decide to live peacefully within yourself.  I'll be thinking of you. 

Rdollbaby 

  

 
November 28, 2005, 1:37 pm CST

Advice Please

Im Just turned 17 and am 3 Almost 3 Months Preg With My 21 year olds b/f's Baby..My family Knows and My b/f Is now liveing with me and My father..Im thinking about Giveing My child Up for adoptaion Even tho I don't want to and I know It would Hurt me..But My b/f dosent make enough money To suport me and a Baby and Most of my family is mad and Wont Help Us out and My b/f has no Family..My b/f Dosent want Me to Give it Up and he is really happy about the baby and is sticking around and i dont want to either Exept for the fact i want My child To have a Good life and a Better life I had and I want it to have all the things It Needs and wants...Im affraid when it grows up and relizes Whats going On with are money problem and are issuies with Maybe not Being able to afford It that It will hate us...Can anyone Give Me any advie On what I should do..My father aint helping us and Moved My b/f in with us to get on a feet he said But he is Now takeing almost My b/fs Whole check and we dont have money to get him a car or Us A place to Live since are place is way to small and overly crowded and filled with stuff so we cant even make room for the child...
 
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