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Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

Number of Replies: 448
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:37:55 pm
Author : dataimport
It's time to reflect on what makes us stay at an unhealthy weight. Share your story and get support from others who understand.

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May 28, 2007, 9:54 pm CDT

My payoff

    My payoff would have to be.. lower expectations. If I am thin and I am in control of my life and body then everything that doesnt go right would be my fault.  I have been thin before and enjoyed the attention.  If I am heavy people don't expect as much from me and I don't expect as much for myself. I am going to take better care of myself because no one else will do it for me.
May 31, 2007, 9:09 am CDT

The latest payoff

 I've been through this before, lost weight and gained some of it back again. So here I am putting into words my acknowledgment of where I am now, how I got here, and why I stay here.
I'm currently about 40lbs overweight, not sure exactly because I just moved and the scale is still in a box somewhere. I lost weight before to just over my personal healthy range. At that point my husband began pushing food, making comments, and generally making me feel selfish in my efforts. He is operating out of his fears and I let him derail my efforts because it was easier than standing up to him.
I wasn't happy however. I have now gained some weight back due to stress and saying goodbye to my kids and friends back home. I realized long ago I eat when I stress, but it looks like I need some further work on stress reduction. My derailment didn't help a thing. It didn't help me to attain my goals, it didn't help my husband to get over his fears. It only accomplished one thing, and that was to make my husband that much more controlling. I know my mistake and I will apply the lesson.
This time I'm determined to get where I want to go. I know what it takes, I know I'm capable of success, I have the information I need, I have the right attitude.
It's time to light the fuse.
May 31, 2007, 11:47 am CDT

My Payoff

This is my first post ... I'm 26 and about 75 pounds overweight. I'd have to say that I am the way I am because, simply, I eat way too much junk food and sit on my expanding behind a bit more then I should. I think about dieting and changing my diet, but then i drive past McDonalds and think about how it's been like two weeks since that last burger. I know ... it's sad. I'd exercise, but I am so out of shape that it's actually funny now. Did I mention that I'm a smoker? No? Well I am. Quitting's on my to do list. It's right up there with diet and exercise. I'd say that i don't care about my weight, but I kinda do. I don't want to look the way I do or have to shop in the "Plus Size" section anymore, but when I think about all the work I'd have to do it's like ... Oh well. I'll be the first to admit to being lazy and the queen of procrastination. It's always going to happen ... someday.

June 7, 2007, 7:16 pm CDT

Feeding the addiction to failure

I wish  I could figure out why I love failing so much.
I fail myself professionally, financially, health-wise. I cheat my husband out of the cheerful and dynamic fun-loving gal I used to be. I go through success then fail.
I have a fiery demanding personnality I don't quite control.
Not being able to figure this out is strange and disheartening.
The payoff - comfort, I suppose.
Thanks for "listening".

June 13, 2007, 9:37 am CDT

Try this:

Quote From: catoue

I wish  I could figure out why I love failing so much.
I fail myself professionally, financially, health-wise. I cheat my husband out of the cheerful and dynamic fun-loving gal I used to be. I go through success then fail.
I have a fiery demanding personnality I don't quite control.
Not being able to figure this out is strange and disheartening.
The payoff - comfort, I suppose.
Thanks for "listening".

 Your first line is a clue. You "love" failing.
Examine the last time you failed at something and had that feeling of satisfaction. What exactly gave you the feeling of "OK" when you failed? Was it attention in the form or sympathy or pity from others or a certain other? Did you manage to get someone else to do something you didn't want to do? Was it relief that you now don't have to "prove" yourself anymore? Was it to spite someone who wants something of you that you don't want to do?

Track down the feeling, then hold it to the light of day to figure out what your pay off is for seemingly destructive behavior. There is ALWAYS a compelling reason- to you personally- for keeping it up.
June 13, 2007, 2:32 pm CDT

My Payoff

My payoff is not my payoff it is my boyfriends. We met in high school.  We have been together for 10 years now and my weight just keeps going up. When we met I was 140 lbs. I was happy with the way I looked and I was OK with who I was. We had our first child at 15. I was sick and was given medication that made me put on weight and put it on fast. Before I realized it I was 220 lbs. When I had her we were not living together so he was not always around. I worked day and night to lose the weight. It was hard for him to except. I lost 80 lbs in 4 months. It was very hard and he knew that. Shortly after I got pregnant again. This time he pushed food at me. Telling me along the way that I wanted it and that it would make me feel better even though it didn't. By the time I had him I was back at 220 lbs. I hated myself. To make things worse I had an emergency C-section. The doctors took him early. His lungs were underdeveloped. He is now 5 with asthma since birth. Depression has been a large problem for me. Before my son's first birthday I found out that I was pregnant again. So I hadn't lost the weight yet. With both of my son's I had taken birth control and it didn't work. With my second son I got up to 230 lbs. I looked like I was having 3 kids. I exercised throughout my pregnancy, like crazy. They day they took my second son, C-section again, I weighted 260 lbs. I had gained 30 lbs. in just 24 hours. They doctors told me that it was water weight and it would go away. Here my youngest is now 3 and I just got down to 221 lbs. My boyfriend is overweight because he LOVES food. I think that when he sees me losing weight he pushes food at me or stops taking me to work out because he doesn't want me to lose it. He is afraid that I will leave him if I do. I am not the same person anymore. I hate to look at myself and I don't like other people looking at me. I stay depressed all the time. I exercise every day and I love to eat healthy. My daughter has diabetes so cooking good and healthy meals is normal for me. It doesn't take much for me to be full. I wish that my payoff was me loving me again, but it always turns out that the payoff is for him, me putting it all back on.   
July 2, 2007, 4:05 pm CDT

To be honest

I did a search on Brenda Morgan and Dr. Phil's web popped up.

My name is Dawn Gapinski, and I am looking for a Brenda Morgan that used to live in Indian River Michigan. I am really sorry to bother you if this is not her.

But, if this is Brenda Morgan from Indian River, I have been looking for you for a long time and would love to get in touch with you.  Oh, my maiden name is Fairchild.

Again, I am sorry to have bothered you with this if it's not who I am looking for. But if you are who I am looking for, please email me at this address

July 13, 2007, 7:17 am CDT

I wish I knew

 I wish I knew what my reason for keeping all this weight on.. I have been over weigt all my life.  I was the largest in my  kintergarden class.  I weight almost three hundrerd pounds when I graduated high school and I am still t hree hundred pounds twenty years later.  I lost weight with both my  pregnacies.  I gained it back very quickly after they where born.  I am now at the end of my rope.  I have to do something now.  I am scared of failing.  I have people  who love me .  three great kids and a good life.  why or what am I afraid of.  If any one has any suggestions.  Please reply. 
August 8, 2007, 8:53 pm CDT

wish I knew too!

It makes total sense that there would be some kind of payoff for keeping myself in this sorry state.  But for the life of me I don't know what it is.  I really wish I knew so that maybe I could fix it.


Maybe I'm too lazy when it comes to diet and exercise.  I'm not a lazy person by nature, I rarely sit and watch tv, I am always  working on a project of some sort, charity or work related.


Do I like being fat?  No, it is embarassing and I don't think people take me seriously as a creative professional.  I think if I looked sleek and polished people would take me more seriously - so that isn't it.


(I'm deep in tought here....)


Do I want to be healthy and have medical attention?  NOPE!  I despise medical attention and hate being sick, so I'm not looking for diabetes or anything else related to illness/problems caused by obesity.


Does my husband like me this way?  No, there's absolutely no romance in our lives and 3 years ago when I brought it up a few times nothing happened.  I've just let it go.  So I don't think that's it either.


Do I like the look?  Eww no, I dont even look like myself.  I am amazed each time I see a photo or video of myself.  I'm embarassed to meet people I used to know 60lbs ago


Do I feel better? No.


Is it an avoidence thing?  Maybe but I don't know what.

Avoiding looking better or feeling better - no I would really like both of those things.


I don't know what my problem is, my eating causes IBS and I STILL will eat bad.  You'd think the possibility of having to use the washroom all the time which has basically increased drastically  with my weight and lack of excercise - you would think that would motivate me.  Yet it doesn't.

What kind of mental case wants that???  It's not logical! 


The whole thing is totally illogical, yet I don't understand why.


It's making me grouchy, fat, embarassed, frustrated, and I look terrible.  Even if I try to look good I just don't anymore, I look slobby even in nice clothes. 


Ok - anyone have any enlightenment on how they figured out what the deal was with what's the payoff?  I'm at a loss but don't want to give up.


ohhhhhhhhhh ok, here's a thought, I'm afraid of failing.  I've always failed at diets, really I dn't have confidence that I can do it but each time, every few months i try again.  I sabotage it at some point and always mean to go back to the healthy ways but never do until the next time I'm totally grossed out with myself and try again.

So how do I manage that?

August 18, 2007, 8:30 am CDT


Hi there all of you!

I've just been reading all your posts and it is great for me to know that I am not alone struggling with my weight, because it is hard. I hope to find some friends here and of course some support! Well, I discovered a week or two ago that since I was a little girl, people have always called me fat. My dad used to call me fatso and whenever I fell he'd go like "wow! earthquake". Even in school I was constantly teased about my size. But when I looked at the pictures from when I was younger, I wasn't even fat!! I know when I was born I was a big baby: I weighed 9 pounds at birth, but it wasn't a big deal. I guess I was keeping myself fat because people told me that I was, so I had to meet up to those expectations I guess.. I haven't lost any weight yet, but I'm not giving up!!

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