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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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November 21, 2006, 8:13 am CST

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: deecorky

No one knows for sure anymore!!  Because it happened to you dosen't mean everyone else is guilty.  However I agree that just because you are an upstanding member in the community dosen't make you automatically innocent either.  There are always facts to consider, past and present.  Sometimes there is a child trying to get back at the family because things are not the way they think it should be or it is a "caring" member of the family who thinks they can tell these stories because if it works out that the state will pay them and all they have to do is sit at home taking care of the innocent children.  All the while convincing the kids something horrible happened to them. The same "caring" family member that sues employers for bogus injuries and lies to draw social security.  You cannot trust anyone.  NOt your family and not the justice system.  I know the state employees and judicial personnel are people and are going to make mistakes.  Then everyone becomes a victim.  But somewhere alnog the line, the people who are suppose to prtect and serve need to quit thinking about the cases as work and numbers but as REAL people and REAL lives.  Every situation is diffrent and they all need to be treated differently instaead of the basic rule of thumb that every district court uses (and even those are diffrent from other districts).
No where in any of my statesments did I emply everyone is guilty. I said that just because they are an upstanding citizen doesn't mean they are not guilty.
July 12, 2007, 6:53 pm CDT


My step-daughter lives with her 5 year old daughter and her boyfriend. My son-in-law committed suicide when my granddaughter was 10 months old. The current boyfriend moved in with them about three years ago and my granddaughter calls him "daddy".


All of the danger signs exist in their household. Mom not available, desperate for help raising her daughter, men in and out of the house when mom isn't home and "daddy" taking care of the child. This freaks me out! "daddy" is unemployed, at home all of the time and has 100% access to my granddaughter.  And 0% interest in getting work and seemingly total lack of ambition.


I have no proof that anything has gone awry. What alarms me is some of my granddaughter's behavior. She will sit and play with herself in any given setting. This includes paying with her nipples and describing how much "her boobies" have grown. She has produced some alarming paintings of her "nightmares". One shows a monster with a penis that reaches around his head and - interestingly has a beard just like "daddy's" and has a bunny costume on like he wore on Easter (that's the time period in which she had the dream).


This all makes my husband and I crazy. With no evidence and "mommy" in denial we feel helpless.

August 13, 2007, 1:23 pm CDT

I wish I had done something.

Quote From: whoisshe

I'm not sure I fit in here but I'll tell you the story anyway because I need it out of my head tonight.


I was married for 12 years. My husband was as many say, respected and well liked, outgoing, fun and a good provider but also an alcoholic.

Behind closed doors, he was controling, verbally abusive at times and had at least one affair that I know of during our marriage. Most of this behavior was cyclic. He wasn't always like this but I'd say at least 50% of the time and was also very bossy and bullied me a lot about things. I loved him and he was, ashamed as I am to say it now, the love of my life.


About a month ago, he went out with the guys early in the afternoon to a bar and that was that. I took my son and my niece to the grocery store with me and left my 17 year old daughter at home with my Mom who is a disabled senior.


3 days later, after my daughter had abruptly requested spending some time at a relatives house, the relative brought her home and took me outside and told me that my husband had come home totally drunk the saturday before and went in my daughter's bedroom and began groping her and asking to see her breasts. Not only that, I ended up finding out that he basically kept her in her room for nearly 15 minutes, teasing her and badgering her into letting him see her body.


In our entire marriage, he had never touched her. Suddenly, with little warning, he had dome this. However, she did tell me that he had been making lude comments to her for a couple weeks prior to this and when I asked her why she didn't tell me right away, she said she thought he was just teasing her and didn't think it a big deal. She is obviously not a child lthough she is 17 and not of legal age. She faught him. She smacked him, punched him and kicked him. She said all the while he just laughed and acted as if he were just being playful.


NOT IN MY HOUSE AND NOT WITH MY DAUGHTER. Do I think he's a pedaphile or a predator NO I don't but what was I supposed to do....wait to find out if it would happen again?


The second I confronted her...which was about 30 second after this family member told me what had happened, I threw his A$$ OUT of my home! 12 years or not. I didn't care about bills, love or if the world blew up. You do NOT touch MY CHILDREN!!!!


She did not want this out in public. She did not want him in jail as she felt he was drunk and probably thought he was just being funny but sorry...not funny at all. She just wanted him out of her life. Unfortunately, he claims he barely remembers being in her room, let alone groping her and bullying her for 15 minutes. I don't believ it. I think he plotted this. I think he had been thinking about for weeks, ever since he first started making inappropriate comments to her. Any love I had for him seemed to immediately leave my body and my protective instinct took over.


I have a protective order against him. I have filed for divorce and he is only allowed to see his son, as long as he stays sober and attneds counseling for whatever demons caused him to do this. If he comes near the house or my daughter, he goes to jail. It's as simple as that.


The worst thing of all? My daughter's father died when she was 4. This father died now when she really needs a Daddy.


Father's do not (step fathers or biological) touch thier children's bodies inappropriately...and c'mon now, we all KNOW what that means. My soon to be EX will NEVER have an opportunity to be in the same house as my daughter ever again, let alone live here.


I just thank GOD that he didn't hurt her worse or go beyond his groping and bullying. She is doing very well already because of she says. She said she felt empowered by MY STANDING UP AND THROWING HIM OUT THE DOOR, THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT THIS HAD HAPPENED AND FOR REPORTING HIM TO DSS AND GETTING THE PROTECTIVE ORDER and most of all, FOR BELIEVING HER AND NOT HIM.


People please wake up. If your child tells you or a family member that something like this happened to them...Believe the child! Forget the bills, the love you think you have and see this person for the crime they have committed! Do NOT let your children be victims in their own homes! You're number one priority as a parent is the safety and security of your children.


God Bless.

I just found out after some years had past that my oldest son molested two of my children. They were his half brother and sister. I was totally in shock. My daughter was around 6 when it happened to her and I don't know how old my son was. It took my son going to conseling for me to hear it. Why did he tell his girlfriend and not me? She knew about it for several years. But not once did she come to me and tell me.

If I had known I would of gotten him some help or I would have put his Ass in jail. Like you said NO ONE TOUCHES MY CHILDREN. To this day I have not spoken to him and I will have my say if I ever see him again. His father knew about him touching his half-sister by his second wife and did nothing. If he would have done something then maybe my children would have been spared.

I have to deal with this everyday and so do my children. Put there will come a day when I will make him wish I wasn't his mother. I will not harm him, but my words will.

We have to stand up for our children and make these sicko's pay.  This is something I will not forgive and I know my children will not forget.

He has destroyed their lives along with mine.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

GoD Bless

October 20, 2007, 11:35 am CDT


Marilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman who is now deceased. Her father was on numerous boards and committees, was honored with buildings named for him, and was president of "all the college fraternities in America." Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations.


Marilyn's earliest memories of her father are of him entering her bed after dark. What came next was repressed for decades until Marilyn realized that her father had committed incest from the time she was five until eighteen, an estimated six hundred times.  All the while, her mother knew. Marilyn tells about her split between the "night child" victim in contrast to the "day child" over-achiever.  Anyone reading her story might experience envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly.



Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur


Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood


How to Journal for Therapy:



Marilyn's mother would often state that she had the "perfect marriage" and Marilyn was told that she was "blessed by being born into a perfect family." Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958. 


Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, anxiety, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? To find the answers she had to search her mind and spirit.  The physical symptoms she had endured were a manifestation of the connection between child sexual abuse and adult ailments. 



Hope it helps!


October 20, 2007, 11:37 am CDT


Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest, is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 


If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations (a torn or jagged wounds), ecchymoses (skin discoloration caused by the escape of blood into the tissues from ruptured blood vessels) or petechiae (pinpoint size flat round red dots under the skin surface caused from hemorrage - bleeding into the skin), is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum (the membrane that attaches the tongue to the floor of the mouth) for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 


Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.


Medical problems include anogential (anal) trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria (painful or difficult urination), frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis (repeated passing of feces into places other than the toilet), enuresis (repeated passing of urine into places other than the toilet), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma


Children may present with somatic (muscles and nerves) complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.


Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration
  • Genital contact with no intrusion
  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
  • Indecent exposure
  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  


The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  


Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.  In fifty percent of reported child sexual abuse within families the perpetrator was an older sibling.


Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child: 

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting
  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting
  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite
  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
  • Runs away
  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver: 

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
  • Is secretive and isolated
  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 





Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims. 



Hope it helps!


February 13, 2008, 4:16 pm CST

This show helped me realize...

This show really impacted me today.  I've been told by my mother-in-law that her father-in-law molested her sister-in-law until she was 13.  The family makes fun at the woman who was molested (now 55 years old) because they say she is "weird".  Well, it is no wonder why!  My husbands grandfather was never charged and his wife stayed with him.  They are still married to this day.  After watching this show I have a little more understanding as to why this woman is the way she is, and I feel really sorry that the rest of the family hasn't stood up for her and they continue to treat her poorly. 


I just had my son last year and I have never felt such a strength to stand up for anything more than him.  It is unfortunate that since my sons birth my husband and I don't really have a relationship with his family. (Alcohol abuse is another problem) and sometimes is has caused problems in my marriage because I won't accept that kind of behavior...I guess my point is I felt like Dr.Phil was speaking to me personally when he said at the end of the show that as a parent it is my responsibility to protect my child.  Weather that be to protect him from being around abusive drunks or anyone else who I feel needs to change their ways before I allow them to be near my child.  I feel validated that I have made the right choices in protecting my child.  Thank you.

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