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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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May 16, 2006, 7:10 pm CDT

Adoption Horror

Long story short, I adopted a little boy from Guatemala, I received a picture, and a brief medical which included HIV status for both the child and the birthmother, along with some other brief information on the child.  Both tested negative for HIV.  Well after waiting for my son for 10 months, he finally came home to us on April 11 2006.  He was very sick ever since we brought him back home so we took him numerous times to our pediatrian and low and behold we found out only after 3 weeks with him that HE TESTED POSITIVE FOR HIV.............What a shock.   Especially since I already have a daughter who is almost 3yrs old and I am 5 1/2 months pregnant.   I would like to inform people who are adopting or know someone who is adopting to please have their child RE-TESTED FOR HIV AT 3-6 months after birth apparently there is a "WINDOW"  WHERE IF THE BIRTH MOTHER GOT INFECTED RIGHT BEFORE SHE GAVE BIRTH THEY COULD BOTH TEST NEGATIVE FOR ABOUT 6 WEEKS.  WE DID HAVE THE BIRTH MOTHER RE-TESTED AND SHE DID TURN OUR POSITIVE THIS TIME. 
 
May 19, 2006, 12:41 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: amanda252

i have a 5 yr old girl, her bio father left when she was 6 wks. i know he lives in ohio, but dont know where and likely to say he hasnt seen her since she was 6 mths old. she knows her dad( my husband) who has been with us since she was 5 mths old, wasnt there when she was born,. but is confused whether or not he helped make her, so when is the "right" time to tell her? we will never lie to her and always answer her questions as honestly as we can. i fear the day when she learns the truth, i just want her to have a happy, normal life. any advice is welcome  

Hi,  

   

Trust me on this, please, as I know well:  

   

-Tell her her "bioligical" father lives in another state, as things didn't work out  

with you both at such a young age. Her age, however,  depends on individual personality and maturity.  It is "shocking" to find out such info. at any age. Maybe your husband could explain, first.  He could say he really wanted to take care of both of you. It was meant for him to be your "Dad."  

   

_ Please make clear a "Dad" is the one who takes care of her.    

   

- Once you both tell her, please drop the issue.  Don't ever treat her differently (better or worse than normal).  Forget about it...  

   

- If she has a happy home, I don't think she will need to open any cans of worms, and find   

anybody.  It's just not necessary.  

   

Hope this helps - Good Luck  

 
May 20, 2006, 1:37 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: lind24

Hi, 

  

Trust me on this, please, as I know well: 

  

-Tell her her "bioligical" father lives in another state, as things didn't work out 

with you both at such a young age. Her age, however,  depends on individual personality and maturity.  It is "shocking" to find out such info. at any age. Maybe your husband could explain, first.  He could say he really wanted to take care of both of you. It was meant for him to be your "Dad." 

  

_ Please make clear a "Dad" is the one who takes care of her.   

  

- Once you both tell her, please drop the issue.  Don't ever treat her differently (better or worse than normal).  Forget about it... 

  

- If she has a happy home, I don't think she will need to open any cans of worms, and find  

anybody.  It's just not necessary. 

  

Hope this helps - Good Luck 

     

  

thank for ur imput. yes she is from a loving home and is never treated difrent. and i hope she is so happy here she dont need to find the the bio.  i know it is a strech but maybe.. lol. but if she does want to meet him then ill help her find him.  i just hope i works out.......
 
May 22, 2006, 9:52 pm CDT

I am a abused adoptee too

Quote From: dolly1

I was adopted at the age of five by distant relatives following the deaths of my parents. The woman who adopted me was a viscious, controlling bully who couldn't stand my birth father. All I heard from her growing up was that I was a useless no-good bum just like my father. She was also physically abusive, and I would be hit with a yard stick for something like my bed had wrinkles in it. I am in my 50s now and have been estranged from her for years. She doesn't understand why I don't want to have anything to do with her. I feel resentful that I was placed in her home -- there are lots more issues -- and that she made my childhood and adolescence a living hell. Of course I grew up with self esteem issues, married men who used me, became an alcoholic and all the rest of it. I feel the damage she did lasted a life time and the worst part of it is I shouldn't have been in her home in the first place. I was baptized a Catholic and she's a Baptist. It breaks my heart when I think of the child I was living with all that fear, pain and distress.

I understand how u feel, I was adopted when I was 6 and was psyicialy abused and emotionaly abused by both aparent. I was molested by a female cousen and by my babysitter. The pain that it causes is real, not only do we have to deal with just being adopted we have to deal with the abuse too. I want you to know you are not alone, there are alot of us abused adoptees out there, you are in my thoughts... 

lori 

 
May 23, 2006, 10:17 pm CDT

Adoption Can Hurt For Life

I was siezed at birth and addopted out at three months old. 

My new mother was beat many times over the years and sometimes beyond recognition. 

At one point one of our family pets was allowed to lick the blood off her face as she lay on the floor bleeding in front me and screaming because my stepfather was beating her. 

I was 8 years old and no where to turn to for help. 

My stepfather was brutal, and couldnt stand my mother having any say in matters, and if she did something he didnt like she would be bed ridden at times for days with swollen eyes from beatings. 

In 1981 he layed a beating on her and I knew at that time I wanted to kill him. 

He was continuously hurting the only friend,love,comfort I knew. 

It was at the last minute as I was searching the gun cabinet for bullets to the 24 gauge shotgun that I remembered moms teachings about God and Jesus and everything good. 

I knew then my plan should never come to pass and three weeks later I left home for a life on the streets with no knowledge of the outside world whatsoever. 

Now over twenty years later I still try to find forgiveness but its not there. 

He lives re-united with his former family and my dear adopted mother died in January 2000 from Multiple Sclerosis before she could even enjoy life. 

Thats why I say: Adoption Can Hurt For Life 

  

  

 
May 24, 2006, 8:04 am CDT

Good Luck in your search

Quote From: creative69

I am so sorry for the pain you had to go through. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. You could be the person we have been looking for.  My mother-in-law gave her baby girl up in 1969. She was born on February 2, 1969 because her parents made her. her name was joyce bailey and she was 20 and her husband was franchot bailey. The child was born in hawaii and given up  through the adoption agency St.Clair County, Michigan, United states. She would be 37 now. Joyce maiden name was endicott. If anyone know how i can find her daughter born Linell Uiulana Bailey email me at unique@nc.rr.com   

I'm sorry to say that no, I am not the person you would be looking for. I was born June 17 1969 in St. Louis City Hospital in Mo. with the birth name of Cassandra. But same type of scenario. Grandparents made my bio mom give me up, and closed the files. No communication. Pretty sad people can go through their whole life and never get the answers to questions they need to feel whole. I also wish that I could have had my own children, but to no avail. I feel sometimes that I am being punished for their behavior. I see all the terrible things going on that people are doing to their children and it infuriates me to no end knowing I would make a very good mom, and will never get the chance. 

Good luck in your search and thank you for writing 

 
May 24, 2006, 8:29 am CDT

Not only adoption...

Quote From: fastmoving

I was siezed at birth and addopted out at three months old. 

My new mother was beat many times over the years and sometimes beyond recognition. 

At one point one of our family pets was allowed to lick the blood off her face as she lay on the floor bleeding in front me and screaming because my stepfather was beating her. 

I was 8 years old and no where to turn to for help. 

My stepfather was brutal, and couldnt stand my mother having any say in matters, and if she did something he didnt like she would be bed ridden at times for days with swollen eyes from beatings. 

In 1981 he layed a beating on her and I knew at that time I wanted to kill him. 

He was continuously hurting the only friend,love,comfort I knew. 

It was at the last minute as I was searching the gun cabinet for bullets to the 24 gauge shotgun that I remembered moms teachings about God and Jesus and everything good. 

I knew then my plan should never come to pass and three weeks later I left home for a life on the streets with no knowledge of the outside world whatsoever. 

Now over twenty years later I still try to find forgiveness but its not there. 

He lives re-united with his former family and my dear adopted mother died in January 2000 from Multiple Sclerosis before she could even enjoy life. 

Thats why I say: Adoption Can Hurt For Life 

  

  

Just as you were adopted into an abusive home, children are born into them. MOST adoptions are pre-screened by professionals to make sure things like this don't happen, but occassionally some "slip through the cracks." Children are BORN every day into abusive households-- every day mothers, trying to fulfill their own pathetic needs to have a man in their life, marry men that mistreat their children. You were seized at birth for a reason.. if you would have stayed with your birth family who's to say your situation would have been any better? I am sorry for the things that happened to you, but you cannot blame adoption. 

 
May 24, 2006, 9:22 am CDT

trying to find my brother Dale,,

    I realy need help,, i  have been trying to find my brother, he was but up for adoption when he was little, and the only time i seen him was in 1998,, but just for a little time,, i have not seen him scene, or talked to him and it is driving me crazy,, his name is Dan A Bowers, but his birth name was Dale A Britain, he was born in Phoenix AZ..in June 1962,, to Joyce M Plyman,(Brittain) and Larry D Britain, i don’t know why he stopped talking to us ,and he is the one that  found us,, there are some things i want to tell him and cant because i cant find him, I have tried looking on the internet, and having family out there look,,  but just cant seem to get in touch with him,, Dr. Phil if you can please PLEASE help me find my brother,, i realy would like it, I to was almost but up adoption,, and if there is any other kind of info you might need he designs buildings, makes the blue prints for them,, i do have a photo of him,, i know you are a very busy man,, but i have tryed every thing to find him,, and was hoping that you could help,,  

 
May 24, 2006, 1:45 pm CDT

adoption that hurt the birth familys

 My name is Donna and I gave up my son for adoption three years ago. I told the father about the baby, but he didn't want anything to do with the baby. He has never wanted anything to do with him. The adoptioed family promised me many things, but when he was born and the papers signed those promises went out the door. I get pictures but little resoponse from them and the agency treats me like dirt. I would like to see more compashen for those that have given a pice of there hearts away. I love my son and wish to get him back every day. 

  

lost in heartach 

 
May 24, 2006, 1:56 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: fastmoving

I was siezed at birth and addopted out at three months old. 

My new mother was beat many times over the years and sometimes beyond recognition. 

At one point one of our family pets was allowed to lick the blood off her face as she lay on the floor bleeding in front me and screaming because my stepfather was beating her. 

I was 8 years old and no where to turn to for help. 

My stepfather was brutal, and couldnt stand my mother having any say in matters, and if she did something he didnt like she would be bed ridden at times for days with swollen eyes from beatings. 

In 1981 he layed a beating on her and I knew at that time I wanted to kill him. 

He was continuously hurting the only friend,love,comfort I knew. 

It was at the last minute as I was searching the gun cabinet for bullets to the 24 gauge shotgun that I remembered moms teachings about God and Jesus and everything good. 

I knew then my plan should never come to pass and three weeks later I left home for a life on the streets with no knowledge of the outside world whatsoever. 

Now over twenty years later I still try to find forgiveness but its not there. 

He lives re-united with his former family and my dear adopted mother died in January 2000 from Multiple Sclerosis before she could even enjoy life. 

Thats why I say: Adoption Can Hurt For Life 

  

  

I would like to say that your story broke my heart. I am a birth mother and that is my worst feer that my son adoptive family would abuse him or that he would go through the hell that you went through as a child. I would just like to say that my heart and prayer go out to you. I would also like to say that it was not an easy thing for your birth mother to give you up for adoption. 

  

Donna 

 
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