Message Boards

Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 20, 2006, 6:40 am CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: anna1030

i am married and just had my 4 month old daughter. my husband and i are both drug addicts ones recovering ones not and we are homeless and have been for almost 1 year. we sleep on couch cushions in the floor, i know that we cannot take care of another child because he doesnt work and i am trying 2 jobs and we still struggle just to buy diapers. now i am pregnant again i have thought about it and abortion is not a choice for me or my husband i am not against it but i wouldnt feel right about it.  i need some advice on whether to choose a closed or open adoption i dont want to lose my child forever but i also dont want to confuse him or her either and i dont want them to grow up knowing that their parents were drug addicts. its no secret in my community and i also dont want my family to know that i am pregnant again or about the adoption. what should i do

Isn't there anyone that can help?  Any agency??  It sounds like you are the one that is recovering - continue to get yourself help!!  And know that you have to do it for your children.  You have access to the computer - go to anyone.  

   

As for your decision, if you really are going to go through with it you might want to choose an open adoption.  They will send you pictures if you want, you can meet them and see what they are like.  You can meet them MORE THAN ONCE so you make sure that they are real and not putting on a show for your benefit.  I chose an open adoption for my daughter when I gave her up and it helped put my mind and heart at ease knowing where she was going to be going and who would be raising her.  That sounds like it might be something that would help you, to be a part of the process and not just the one giving birth.   

   

Goodluck with your decision!!  

 
April 20, 2006, 3:02 pm CDT

my story

I am 22 yrs old now and when i was 17 i found out i was pregnant.  I didn't know what to do so i just hid it from everyone but my boyfriend.  We were both in denial about the whole thing.   I finally told my mother when i was about 5 months along.  Looking back i was scared to tell my mother but she surprised me and took it better than i thought she would.  She was excellent with the whole thing.  I realized she just wanted the best for me and to make sure my baby and I  were okay.  She approached me about an adoption agency that she had found and gave me a whole lot of info on it.   It turns out they were absolutly wonderful.  My mom and i went to their support group for weeks and then i made the decision to place my baby for adoption.  My boyfriend was always there for me and he also thought that it would be for the best.  I got to look through the "life books" of many many families.  I narrowed it downed to 2 families.  I met with the first family and they were great but i didn't exactly connect with them.  Then i met with the 2nd family.  Before we even sat down i knew that this was the family that was meant for my baby.  It turns out that the lady was the first person to speak (and make me feel welcome and comfortable)to me and my mom at the supprt group on the first night  we were there.  The meeting went great and I the next day i calle dthe agency and told them that this was the family for us.  I had also chosen to do an open adoption with the family and they were absolutly wonderful about it.  Well the next few months was great, the adoptive parents and I really bonded.  I even stayed the night at their house a couple times.  Then I had the most beautiful baby boy in the whole world on Sept. 8. 2001.  He was the most handsome thing i had ever seen in my life.  It was very emotional for me and my boyfriend (who was by my side the entire time),  For the few months afterwards, I was very emotional.  I struggled with my feelings of emptiness, and a void in my heart.  With time, love and a great family i eventually came to terms with my feelings.  I also owe alot of that to the GREAT adoptive family that we chose.  They have been so wonderful.  We get to see him whenever we would like.  I have so many pics of him and their family.  Its like we have adopted their whole family and vice versa.  My mom is like a grandmother to all of their children (which they now have 4 who all but 1 is adopted).  I couldn't have asked for a better situation.  And i owe alot to my mom for being there for me the whole time, She never judged me not once.  I resented her then but now as i am growing older, i have realized i couldn't have done any of this without her.  My boyfriend and i are still together,  we celebrated 7 yrs in march.  He is wonderful also.  My baby will be 5 yrs old this year.  It doesn't seem like its been that long.  He is the greatest accomplishment i have ever done.  He is the best.  

 
April 20, 2006, 3:43 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: ahinkson

When I was in my early 20's I was looking for something - ANYTHING and ANYONE to hold onto.  Long story short I ended up getting pregnant twice - I gave them both up for adoption and they are together with WONDERFUL people.  I have to say that they are wonderful because I picked them out for my daughter.  It was an open adoption.  She was there for me when my boyfriend and my own mother wasn't.  They are getting older and she would like for me to write them a letter tell them a little about myself and their father.  I am unable to provide a medical history because that is information that I don't have for my side of the family.  I don't talk to their father anymore, he is out of the picture - The thing is that when I sit down and try to write this letter at the end I always sound angry.  Who am I angry at?  I can't be angry at them, the children, they are just in the situation that I put them in.  Am I angry at their parents?  How can I be angry at them, they are raising them - this is what I wanted, because at the time I wasn't ready to do this on my own.  Like I said my story is a long one, but I really want to be able to write this letter.  ANY AND ALL ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED!!

  I was in my early 20's when I made the decision to place my beautiful daughter for adoption too.  It was the hardest thing in my life.  I understand every single emotion you are feeling.  I think your just angry at the "situation" not your children...not there adoptive parents.  I too was angry, even though it was 100% my choice.  I was committed to my decision and would alwasy remind myself that "I MADE the choice"  No one forced me or urged me.  It didnt seem to help much.  as time went on I then started making bad decision for myself.  Even though I was receiving letters from the family who I chose and also adored!  That didnt seem to help.  To skip ahead 15 years later I contact the agency to just get an update from the family to see how "she" was doing.  The next thing I know I receive a letter from her!!!!!  Yes you read that right...from her....I was shocked, happy, sad, pissed, angry, scarred....every emotion you can think of I felt it.  I sat down several times to write her back.  I just couldnt find the words.  I too would sound angry at different parts of my letter.  Finally, I just placed it in "God's" hands.  I finally got a letter out to her 5 months later, which she received the day before her 15th birthday.  All she wanted was to her from me.  I didnt need to impress her or tell her about my success or failures....she just wanted to know that I loved her.  (which I do very much)  We now talk on the internet and phone.  I have made it very clear that her parents come first and the most I can be is like a long lost big sister.  It has all worked it's self out.   

>>>>Just as you knew they were the right couple for your children<<<< You will find the right words for your letter.  It may take you a couple of months to write the letter your happy with... but you can do it..  Have faith, just as you did the day you let your baby go from your arms into its New mommy's arms.  It was hard to let go and this is opening the old wound that you may have thought was no longer an open wound.  Its forcing you to , unfortunently, remember those who didnt support you during what was, one of the hardest times in your life.  Go ahead and write your letter angry and all....then read it...read between the lines...you may find out what your angry about or who your angry with..either way...it will help you to be able to sit down and write the letter you want your child to read.   

 
April 25, 2006, 10:28 am CDT

when to tell them

i have a 5 yr old girl, her bio father left when she was 6 wks. i know he lives in ohio, but dont know where and likely to say he hasnt seen her since she was 6 mths old. she knows her dad( my husband) who has been with us since she was 5 mths old, wasnt there when she was born,. but is confused whether or not he helped make her, so when is the "right" time to tell her? we will never lie to her and always answer her questions as honestly as we can. i fear the day when she learns the truth, i just want her to have a happy, normal life. any advice is welcome
 
April 27, 2006, 7:04 am CDT

My big mistake.

  When I was 16 I also had a baby. A beautiful little girl. My mother wasn't happy about it and when it was time for the baby to come she took me to the hospital and left me there-Alone. The following morning the social workers were in my room pressuring me to give up my baby. The baby and I went home to my parents house and my mother proceeded to make my life a living hell. She threatened to have the baby taken away if I didn't let her adopt her.Eventually I was worn down and had zero self esteem left and I gave in to her. This was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. Shortly after that I moved out and got married. I needed to get away from what I had done. My mother would sometimes let me take my daughter for the day when it suited her needs. When 

 my daughter was about 6 years old I told her that I was her real mother. Needless to say this caused an even bigger war between my mother and I. From then on I was no longer able to see my daughter. I was never able to have any more children, my marriage ended and I moved to another state. My mother and I have not seen or spoken to each other in about 20 years. Not a word. Also it would appear that my daughter wants nothing to do with me either. I know she has been told some awful stories. I don't bother to fight back because I know I can't win. I know I have a beautiful grandaughter that I have never even seen and probably never will. I don't know how to fix this situation or even if it can be fixed. I know this was my mistake and I will pay for it forever. I am now almost 50 , my daughter is 32, and I think my grandaughter is 10 or 11. I don't want sympathy, some advise would be welcomed. I do know heartache, I live with it every day. 

  

                                                                                                  Thanks for listening to my story. 

  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

 
May 10, 2006, 9:35 am CDT

"But for her, Daddy was another word for Love.."

When I was 18 years old, I got involved with the wrong guy. The relationship was short, but by the end of it I was worn down, tired, beaten, and had what seemed like the impossible task of raising our infant daughter-alone. I did the best I could, struggling through long days at work and sleepless nights- often washing her few clothes out in my kitchen sink to dry on the heater because I didn't have the quarters to go to the laundromat- it was difficult, but we were making it. When she was just a few months old, I met the man that is now my husband. We quickly formed a friendship and I spent a lot of time with him and his family, sometimes babysitting his developmentally disabled little sister so his mother could run errands. I soon realized he wanted more than just a friendship and so did I, but I was cautious-- afraid to be hurt and abandoned again. Finally, I decided to give it a chance and we soon were married and had a second baby girl of our own. My daughter has always called him Daddy- she doesn't even know her birth father. A few months ago, we received one of our few and far between phone calls from him-only this time he was asking my husband to adopt her. He finally realized his lack of responsibility due to drugs and alcohol had prevented him from being the kind of father he wanted to be for her- and now, facing prison time for an unrelated case, had realized she deserved better. We told him to think on it and let us know in a few weeks his decision- he called us back in a few weeks- his request was the same. In two weeks my daughter will officially be "OUR" daughter and I couldn't be happier about it- She has truly been blessed not only with a man willing to walk in the shoes her "first father" could not fill, but also a man willing to accept and admit he wasn't able to fill them. 

 
May 10, 2006, 6:32 pm CDT

searching for sister-in law

Quote From: jthunder

I was adopted in 1969 and was placed with a family that was told they couldn't have anymore children. My adoptive parents had 1 son, four years older than myself. He was a wonderful 'brother' to me. Very caring and happy to have me around. Then came my sister 1 year after.  For the family, she was a gift. But not to me. When I was 6, my youngest sister was born.  

At the young age of 6, I was told about myself. I think that was too young, because now that I am 36 years old, I still find myself with issues over the adoption. For one, my first sister was very obnoxious, and even at the young age of 5 enjoyed making fun of me. Constantly telling me I don't belong, wasn't wanted, and various other hateful comments. Still to this day we do not get along.  

This mental abuse continued until I was 14 and had fully realized I would never be treated like the other siblings. I was beaten by my mom, and ignored by my dad. At 14 I was placed in a home for children, ran away so many times that they would not keep me any longer, and just feel like I have made a complete failure of this life.  

I have been searching fo years just to find my bio parents, but like so many others out there it is very difficult when the adoption was closed. Basically meaning they want no contact. I also feel if they wanted to do so, they could have searched as well. I don't think I would want to go through the courts just to have them contact my bio family to have them state they want nothing more than to have me disappear and never meet them. I want nothing more than to see and talk to them.  

There is so much more to this type of thing, I could go on for ever it feels like. Thanks for letting me vent. 

I am so sorry for the pain you had to go through. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. You could be the person we have been looking for.  My mother-in-law gave her baby girl up in 1969. She was born on February 2, 1969 because her parents made her. her name was joyce bailey and she was 20 and her husband was franchot bailey. The child was born in hawaii and given up  through the adoption agency St.Clair County, Michigan, United states. She would be 37 now. Joyce maiden name was endicott. If anyone know how i can find her daughter born Linell Uiulana Bailey email me at unique@nc.rr.com   

 
May 13, 2006, 7:27 am CDT

The Gift Of Lift

I am one four who have been adoped, and I thank GOD every day for the best MOTHER and FATHER. My mother who rasied me knew my brith mother and has told me that she was a really great person and asked if I would like to go and find her. I say a few not so nice words, and say that GOD gave me the BEST  and I do not need to go and look for anybody else. I am one of seven my mother has three boys by brith and GOD gave me the best brothers, then comes ME, then two sisters, and a little brother we lost at the age of 3, he was hit by a car. That took a toll on my mother. Many years later I had a neice who was having trouble keeping her tripleblets and GOD TOOK THEM HOME to be with him. So she adoped a little boy from another country,  and he is so cute, but my daughter was having a child and at the time could not care for the baby and by the GRACE of GOD he is now living with my neice and is happy and will want for nothing.  So you see how the gift of lift is so POWERFUL. My brith mother made my mother who raisd me happy, my daughter made my neice very happy.
 
May 16, 2006, 6:56 am CDT

Be yourself and be kind.

Quote From: ahinkson

When I was in my early 20's I was looking for something - ANYTHING and ANYONE to hold onto.  Long story short I ended up getting pregnant twice - I gave them both up for adoption and they are together with WONDERFUL people.  I have to say that they are wonderful because I picked them out for my daughter.  It was an open adoption.  She was there for me when my boyfriend and my own mother wasn't.  They are getting older and she would like for me to write them a letter tell them a little about myself and their father.  I am unable to provide a medical history because that is information that I don't have for my side of the family.  I don't talk to their father anymore, he is out of the picture - The thing is that when I sit down and try to write this letter at the end I always sound angry.  Who am I angry at?  I can't be angry at them, the children, they are just in the situation that I put them in.  Am I angry at their parents?  How can I be angry at them, they are raising them - this is what I wanted, because at the time I wasn't ready to do this on my own.  Like I said my story is a long one, but I really want to be able to write this letter.  ANY AND ALL ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED!!

  Hi! I hope what I have to say will be of some help to you. You should sit down with a clear head and an open heart and write the letter to your daughters. They deserve to hear from you and they are most likely longing to do so. Speak from your heart, let them know that they were very much loved. So much so that the best way for you to show them at the time was to let someone raise them who was much  more capable of doing that at the time than you were. As for their father, try to say only the good things. There must have been something or you wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place, right? Let them know the good things. As they are getting older they will realize that not everything in life works out the way we would have liked it to. But I'm one of those people that believes that everything happens for a reason. Share your good memories with them and leave the bad ones behind. Explain to them that things with their father just did not work out. This could be the start of a wonderful relationship for the three of you. I'll say a little prayer.   

   

                                                    Babs0650   

   

 
May 16, 2006, 1:43 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: amanda252

i have a 5 yr old girl, her bio father left when she was 6 wks. i know he lives in ohio, but dont know where and likely to say he hasnt seen her since she was 6 mths old. she knows her dad( my husband) who has been with us since she was 5 mths old, wasnt there when she was born,. but is confused whether or not he helped make her, so when is the "right" time to tell her? we will never lie to her and always answer her questions as honestly as we can. i fear the day when she learns the truth, i just want her to have a happy, normal life. any advice is welcome

Hi, 

  

Trust me on this, please, as I know well: 

  

-Tell her her "bioligical" father lives in another state, as things didn't work out 

with you both at such a young age. Her age, however,  depends on individual personality and maturity.  It is "shocking" to find out such info. at any age. Maybe your husband could explain, first.  He could say he really wanted to take care of both of you. It was meant for him to be your "Dad." 

  

_ Please make clear a "Dad" is the one who takes care of her.   

  

- Once you both tell her, please drop the issue.  Don't ever treat her differently (better or worse than normal).  Forget about it... 

  

- If she has a happy home, I don't think she will need to open any cans of worms, and find  

anybody.  It's just not necessary. 

  

Hope this helps - Good Luck 

     

  

 
First | Prev | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Next | Last