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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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April 9, 2006, 11:35 pm CDT

Never could I image what some people will do.

I am an adoptee that has been looking for my birth mom now for almost 20 years. I was able to get my adoption records open and allowed to write down all information I wanted to, so I had pages after page of information. I was able to get the name and DOB of my birth mom, the address she lived when I was born and the name of the witness on my adoption records is possibly her mother. After getting this information the first thing I did was go the adress she lived when I was born a man came up to me and called me by my birth moms name, WOW!!! WEAK IN THE KNEES I WAS!! I said no I am not her but I am looking for her, he said oh you must be that baby they made her give away. No other information was given to me at this time, he just forgot and couldn't remember anything else. A few months later I was able to find the owner of the rent house my birth mom and her family lived in so I talked to the owner who told me to go talk to a woman named Paula, I did this 2 weeks after I talked to Paula, Paula called me and told me it was time I knew the truth, she was my birth mom, I can't tell you the excitment I felt. I opened my home and heart up to this woman and her family, I took them in gave them a place to stay and food in the belly ( NO WE WERE NOT WEALTHY). I thought everything was great but I was so wrong. Paula decided to go back to where she moved from and my husband decided to go on with his life without me or the children, but not until he took all the information I had written down from my adoption records and destroy them. In 1993 I found out through Paula's death that she was not my birth mother but lived in the same rent house that my birth mother lived in when I was born. I have no words to describe what I felt then and still do now. But I refused to give up so I started looking for my birth mom again just in a different way. I have got a copy of my OBC ( but it hasn't helped much), I have in the last 2 months hired 3 more companies and spent more money than I will say because of shame but I still have gotten no information. I have registered every where I know to. I don't know what else to do or where else to go. If anyone can lead me please help. Your help will be so greatly appreciated. Thank you and I wish you all luck with your search. Pam 

 
April 12, 2006, 9:49 am CDT

I adopted my sister's baby.....

I am a married mother of 4 beautiful children.  My husband and I adopted our oldest daughter "Lilly."  She is now 2 years old and has been with us since she was 9 days old.  I am 28 years old and I gave birth to my other 3 children (2 boys and 1 girl).  "Lilly" was adopted from my older sister because she has a severe drug addiction.  The circumstances of our adoption may be unconventional,  but "Lilly" couldn't be more loved in any other family in the world!  I knew when my sister was pregnant that I was destined to be this child's mother.....even though the adoption was not planned.  "Lilly"  is a happy well adjusted child and our family wouldn't be complete without her!   Which brings me to my point......when you find out that someone has an adopted child, it is very impolite to ask for details.  I hate answering questions like  "How did you get a baby?  I thought you had to wait years to adopt an infant!"  Or  "Does your sister ever see her?"  It is almost like the general feeling is sympathy for my sister.  We feel no remorse for adopting "Lilly."  She has a good life where she is and she would not have had the opportunities that she does if my sister had raised her.   The bottom line is....my sister is now "Lilly's" aunt, NOT her mother.   I am her mother and she is happy in a family with 2 parents, and siblings that love her.  Please keep your comments polite and respectful when you are talking to people with adopted children.  You can make the adoptive parents feel very uncomfortable and insignificant if you don't watch your tongue and keep the conversation appropriate.  Thank you!
 
April 12, 2006, 10:16 am CDT

Pam....There is still hope! An inspiring story.....

Quote From: usaflm130w

I am an adoptee that has been looking for my birth mom now for almost 20 years. I was able to get my adoption records open and allowed to write down all information I wanted to, so I had pages after page of information. I was able to get the name and DOB of my birth mom, the address she lived when I was born and the name of the witness on my adoption records is possibly her mother. After getting this information the first thing I did was go the adress she lived when I was born a man came up to me and called me by my birth moms name, WOW!!! WEAK IN THE KNEES I WAS!! I said no I am not her but I am looking for her, he said oh you must be that baby they made her give away. No other information was given to me at this time, he just forgot and couldn't remember anything else. A few months later I was able to find the owner of the rent house my birth mom and her family lived in so I talked to the owner who told me to go talk to a woman named Paula, I did this 2 weeks after I talked to Paula, Paula called me and told me it was time I knew the truth, she was my birth mom, I can't tell you the excitment I felt. I opened my home and heart up to this woman and her family, I took them in gave them a place to stay and food in the belly ( NO WE WERE NOT WEALTHY). I thought everything was great but I was so wrong. Paula decided to go back to where she moved from and my husband decided to go on with his life without me or the children, but not until he took all the information I had written down from my adoption records and destroy them. In 1993 I found out through Paula's death that she was not my birth mother but lived in the same rent house that my birth mother lived in when I was born. I have no words to describe what I felt then and still do now. But I refused to give up so I started looking for my birth mom again just in a different way. I have got a copy of my OBC ( but it hasn't helped much), I have in the last 2 months hired 3 more companies and spent more money than I will say because of shame but I still have gotten no information. I have registered every where I know to. I don't know what else to do or where else to go. If anyone can lead me please help. Your help will be so greatly appreciated. Thank you and I wish you all luck with your search. Pam 

My mother and her twin sister were adopted when they were 6 years old.  (They had lived in foster care since they were 18 months old)  When they were in their late 30's, they decided to search for their birth family.  They got some information and began sending out mass mailings in order to get more details from anyone who would help them.  When it had seemed that they hit a brick wall with little response, they packed away their papers and gave up the search.  A few months later, my mother got a phone call from an anonymous stranger.  The man told her that he had information regarding her adoption, but he could not give her his name or location.  He also told her that he had access to information that few people could give her and that he could get into trouble for telling her these things.  The man proceeded to give her names, addresses, phone numbers and social security numbers of all six of her siblings along with their birth mother.  It turned out that the other six children had been taken away by the courts in Florida and raised together in a foster home.  One of the siblings remembered "the twins" and would not allow the foster parents to adopt them in case "the twins" ever came looking for heir birth  family.  Apparently their father was an abusive alcoholic who beat their mother and  sexually assaulted their sisters.  They were very fortunate to be taken away from such a monster..  Their birth mother was very uneducated and she didn't leave him until all of the children were taken away.   Their birth mother passed away before they got to meet her in person , but they all got to speak to her on the phone before she died. Our story didn't have a happy "birth parent" reunion, but it did have a sibling reunion that would bring a tear to any eye!   Have hope!!!!  When there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, maybe an angel will come to your rescue!  Good luck with your search!!! 

P.S.  My father was also adopted....He has no desire to find  his birth family. 

P.P.S  One of my children was also adopted! 

 
April 14, 2006, 8:48 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: lostwoowoo

My mother and her twin sister were adopted when they were 6 years old.  (They had lived in foster care since they were 18 months old)  When they were in their late 30's, they decided to search for their birth family.  They got some information and began sending out mass mailings in order to get more details from anyone who would help them.  When it had seemed that they hit a brick wall with little response, they packed away their papers and gave up the search.  A few months later, my mother got a phone call from an anonymous stranger.  The man told her that he had information regarding her adoption, but he could not give her his name or location.  He also told her that he had access to information that few people could give her and that he could get into trouble for telling her these things.  The man proceeded to give her names, addresses, phone numbers and social security numbers of all six of her siblings along with their birth mother.  It turned out that the other six children had been taken away by the courts in Florida and raised together in a foster home.  One of the siblings remembered "the twins" and would not allow the foster parents to adopt them in case "the twins" ever came looking for heir birth  family.  Apparently their father was an abusive alcoholic who beat their mother and  sexually assaulted their sisters.  They were very fortunate to be taken away from such a monster..  Their birth mother was very uneducated and she didn't leave him until all of the children were taken away.   Their birth mother passed away before they got to meet her in person , but they all got to speak to her on the phone before she died. Our story didn't have a happy "birth parent" reunion, but it did have a sibling reunion that would bring a tear to any eye!   Have hope!!!!  When there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, maybe an angel will come to your rescue!  Good luck with your search!!! 

P.S.  My father was also adopted....He has no desire to find  his birth family. 

P.P.S  One of my children was also adopted! 

Thank you for inspiring letter to me. I guess what is upsetting right now is that I am finding other peoples family but I can't find my own.  I really appreciate all your support and kind words, I feel one day it will happen I just have to keep going forward one step at a time. I am so happy that you had a happy ending to your search with your siblings. God bless. Pam
 
April 15, 2006, 9:04 am CDT

my adoption story

my name is teresa and i have a birth sister.i recently learned from an extended family member that i  have a birth sister that i never knew about.i am 37 years old and have been married for nearly 16 years,we have 2 children.when my mother was 16 she got pregnant out of wedlock,and placed the baby girl up for adoption.the only information i have about my sister is her first name,and the state that she lives in which is california,shes married with children of her own,and she has a college degree,and her date of birth.this information was given to me by my stepfather which when my mother found out she was livid with him.i have tried reaching out and trying to obtain information  about my birth sister but my mother refuses to be cooperative.this situation has created a huge strain on our relationship and to be honest i choose not to have one with my mother anymore.she is not willing to tell my sister about me nor will she call her and give her my contact information.this really hurts to know that we have already missed out on 42 years together,and now thanks to my mother we will continue to miss out on what could be a great relationship together.our children are the same age how cool is that?i lost my best friend last may to cancer we were friends for over 21 years - i realize this life brings no gurantees and you never know what tomorrow may bring treasure life,enjoy your loved ones.i am not giving up i wrote a letter to dr phil,in hopes that maybe just maybe he could perform a miracle and find her i pray.to all of you looking for birth parents or siblings,i wish you all the best and may god be with you all and bless your searches,dont give up.sincerely,teresa
 
April 15, 2006, 2:42 pm CDT

there are great home for some children in the system and then there are horrible homes

 dear dr phil  the homes i was passed to and finlly adopted into was nt the place were any child to be raised in if it wasnt for a strong will to survive and some true understanding from baker hall i wouldnt be here today now i have my own children in my heart of hearts both me and my husband who is a war vet want to adopt a little girl we have three sons and we want to wait till we have money to move south but we dont think we would beable because we are both disabled our disablitys dosnt meen we dont have the love and understanding that these children need we are raising three wild boys but i love them and they are in good health  and never go without food heres away i can repay the state that helps us with housing and food and some cash by giving a insent child a loving and understanding home but thats how i look at it how do u look at it our disibilitys are sezures and my husband has a trach and mrsa he fought in desert storm desert sheild he tryed to get his disability money from the army but he could he was told to prove it he showed his forms they turned him down we still have the love and understanding for a presois little girl please help our dream to come true
 
April 19, 2006, 3:39 pm CDT

what a wonderful human

Quote From: radar3080

So so sorry you are going through all this stress.  The first thing you need to do is get help for your drug addiction now.  Everytime you use drugs your hurting your baby.  Then you need to get in touch with a local church, and let them help you.  Believe me, they want to help you.  I too have given a child to adoptive parents, not for the reason you are, but because I had no where to live and could not provide her with a good home.  I chose open adoption.  I got to know her parents before she was even born and I love them and her so much.  I have a new family, a good christian family.  I get to see her as much as I want, I don't though because I don't want to confuse her.  I was 43 when I made the decision, I had already raised a son who was 24 at the time.  I know I made the right choice, she is happy and healthy.  Could I have raise her?  Yes, but would it have been the best possible choice for her? NO!  She would have had a hard life.  Yes I would have loved her, but I could not have provided for her.  She loves me for what I have done for her.  And I don't regret it.
As the mother of 4 children, 2 from adoption, you need to know how remarkable you are for seeing your situation with clear vision.  It is with this strength and dignity that you see that adoption is a viable choice.  It is not an easy answer or road but I think you are doing something that will not only free you from the huge responsibility of raising another person but answer someone elses prayer.  I know because I have been there.  Need to talk or ask some questions?  I would welcome you. 
 
April 19, 2006, 3:45 pm CDT

my heart goes out to you

Quote From: anna1030

i am married and just had my 4 month old daughter. my husband and i are both drug addicts ones recovering ones not and we are homeless and have been for almost 1 year. we sleep on couch cushions in the floor, i know that we cannot take care of another child because he doesnt work and i am trying 2 jobs and we still struggle just to buy diapers. now i am pregnant again i have thought about it and abortion is not a choice for me or my husband i am not against it but i wouldnt feel right about it.  i need some advice on whether to choose a closed or open adoption i dont want to lose my child forever but i also dont want to confuse him or her either and i dont want them to grow up knowing that their parents were drug addicts. its no secret in my community and i also dont want my family to know that i am pregnant again or about the adoption. what should i do
Adoption isn't easy but having adopted two beautiful little girls, I know the pure joy of having the opportunity.  You are considering something that not only will free you from the huge responsibility of raising a child but provides a miracle for someone else.  I know because I have been there.  It takes strength and dignity and a clear vision of what you cannot provide to make this selfless decision and I wish I could just give you that hug that I have longed to give my childrens birthmothers.  Need to chat or ask questions.  I would welcome  you.
 
April 20, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

LOOKING FOR SOME ADVICE

When I was in my early 20's I was looking for something - ANYTHING and ANYONE to hold onto.  Long story short I ended up getting pregnant twice - I gave them both up for adoption and they are together with WONDERFUL people.  I have to say that they are wonderful because I picked them out for my daughter.  It was an open adoption.  She was there for me when my boyfriend and my own mother wasn't.  They are getting older and she would like for me to write them a letter tell them a little about myself and their father.  I am unable to provide a medical history because that is information that I don't have for my side of the family.  I don't talk to their father anymore, he is out of the picture - The thing is that when I sit down and try to write this letter at the end I always sound angry.  Who am I angry at?  I can't be angry at them, the children, they are just in the situation that I put them in.  Am I angry at their parents?  How can I be angry at them, they are raising them - this is what I wanted, because at the time I wasn't ready to do this on my own.  Like I said my story is a long one, but I really want to be able to write this letter.  ANY AND ALL ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED!!
 
April 20, 2006, 6:37 am CDT

A DIFFICULT DECISION

Quote From: kuchmom

Adoption isn't easy but having adopted two beautiful little girls, I know the pure joy of having the opportunity.  You are considering something that not only will free you from the huge responsibility of raising a child but provides a miracle for someone else.  I know because I have been there.  It takes strength and dignity and a clear vision of what you cannot provide to make this selfless decision and I wish I could just give you that hug that I have longed to give my childrens birthmothers.  Need to chat or ask questions.  I would welcome  you.

Isn't there anyone that can help?  Any agency??  It sounds like you are the one that is recovering - continue to get yourself help!!  And know that you have to do it for your children.  You have access to the computer - go to anyone. 

  

As for your decision, if you really are going to go through with it you might want to choose an open adoption.  They will send you pictures if you want, you can meet them and see what they are like.  You can meet them MORE THAN ONCE so you make sure that they are real and not putting on a show for your benefit.  I chose an open adoption for my daughter when I gave her up and it helped put my mind and heart at ease knowing where she was going to be going and who would be raising her.  That sounds like it might be something that would help you, to be a part of the process and not just the one giving birth.  

  

Goodluck with your decision!! 

 
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