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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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March 23, 2006, 7:55 am CST

for I was adopted

Quote From: loganm5

i was3 when i was adopted because my mom tried but could not swing it I grew up adopted by my grandparents eventually fing out who my birth mother was.  My adopted parents died when I was10 and my birth mother disappered aparently did not want me I hav enot seen or talked to her since but i would love to I cant find her I have some questions but I believe everyone should know there real mother and father

I'm sorry for what you have experienced and I hope that you will be able to find your birth mother. 

  

I neglected to say in my story that I eagerly await the day when I'm able to meet the son I gave up.  It is something I will whole heartedly welcome.  And hopefully it is something that my son will want, but he may not.  That will be his choice...and I will have to accept it. 

  

But I agree, I think it would be wonderful for adopted children to know their birth parents if it is at all possible and can be a positive thing for them to experience. 

  

Good luck. 

  

 
March 23, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

My Story

My name is Sarah. I was adopted on my third birthday with my biological brother who was 2. We are from Korea and were adopted into a white, catholic, upper middle class family. They had two biological children of their own, a boy who was 7 and a daughter who was 6. We were supposed to be a happy family. We were on the outside, but I was being molested at age 9 by my new "brother". He was also very abusive to my little brother. He would cover his mouth and nose with his hands so he would cry. He would always have bruises on his body and did my parents do anything? They never believed it and were in complete denial. Because of the abuse I acted out and got into trouble. I was in and out of treatments and no one knew what was wrong with me. I never told anyone because if my own mother wouldn't believe me, who would? My dad thought he could help me, his help was giving me lingerie and telling me how beautiful I was. I was very angry, because my dad and brother were sick it caused me a lifetime of pain. I am now 21 and still my family won't acknowledge anything that happened. I have 2 children of my own, my oldest is 3 and my youngest is 2 months. I am not writing this because I disagree with adoption or want to prosecute anybody; I just hope that if someone reads this and this is happening to them they don't feel so alone. I think adoption is a wonderful thing and given the right resources can bring great happiness for all sides in the situation.
 
March 28, 2006, 7:09 pm CST

Birthmother story

I am a person with a long psychiatric history, begining from when I was 13 and taken away from home and made a ward of the state under a Care and Protection order. I spent literally years in and out of psych wards in my 20's and have had so many different diagnoses I've lost count. 

  

Recovery for me, started when I stopped drinking and went to AA. It saved my life. I was sober for more than four years when I busted. Within a year, I was pregnant. It's funny, because I KNEW I was pregnant the morning after conception. I even knew it was going to be a boy. I stopped drinking right away and stayed sober for the pregnancy, for the sake of the baby. 

  

I wanted this baby more than I can say. I clearly remember lying in bed that first night, and welcoming him, telling him he was loved. I felt so blessed. Being pregnant was something that felt almost sacred to me. I was privelaged to have life happening inside me. 

  

The father of the baby reacted rather badly, unfortunately. In the end I had to go into hiding from him to keep myself and the baby safe. At around six months pregnant I started to think about adoption. At first it was because I was afraid of the father, and wanted to make sure my son would be safe from him, but after a while it became about me and my ability to be the kind of mother my child deserved.  

  

I had people around me telling me that someone "like me" shouldn't be allowed to have children. That I had no right. That I was selfish. I had no friends, and my family were not really supportive, making comments such as that. I was alone, scared, and feeling like I could not possibly do this on my own.  

  

I begged for help. I begged people to talk to me about options, but nobody wanted to talk about it with me out of fear of influencing me. Heck, the decision was mine, I just wanted to work through it with someone. 

  

I thought about what I had to offer, and it truly wasn't very much. I had to look honestly at my limitations. Financially, things would be very hard. I wouldn't be able to provide him with experiences and opportunities that every child should have. Practically, I couldn't even cook. I thought I could learn to do all the things I would need to do. It would be overwhelming, but I could do it for his sake. Then I thought about the social factors. All children need social interaction, and the truth is that I am scared of people. I am antisocial. Even talking on the phone can exhaust me. I knew that providing him with the social interactions with other adults and children would be a major difficulty for me. Then, there was the fact that I am an alcoholic and can't guarrantee that I remain sober. That was a big one. I was alone without family or community support, in hiding from a father who had made some truly frightening threats against me and the child. To live in fear is not a good thing. 

  

Lastly, there was the issue of depression. This was something I had struggled with all my life. In fact, I was suicidal at the time I got pregnant. If I had not become pregnant, I would likely have topped myself. He gave me a reason to live. I realised that I had no right to put such a burden on a child. I also knew that the depression was out of my control sometimes, and no child should have to live with a mentally ill mother who is unable to care for herself sometimes. I didn't want any of that for him. 

  

Basically, I knew I wasn't good enough to be a mother. The only thing I had to offer was this incredible deep and abiding love for him. I have never felt anything like it. I probably never will. But love isn't enough. Love is essential, and without it nothing else matters - but it's not enough to raise a healthy human being capable of surviving out in the world. 

  

So I decided on adoption as the best option for my child to have everything he deserved. It would have been selfish for me to keep him. He wasn't "mine", he was passing through my life. I had the privelage and responsibility to ensure his safety into the world. 

  

I live in Queensland, Australia, and here there are no open adoptions. Imagine handing your newborn to a stranger for ten minutes, let alone a lifetime. I don't know his adoptive parents, having never met them, but they agreed to be a part of a "mailbox program" where we can exchange letters and photos (with no identifying information) through the Department of Families. The department reads and censors the letters to ensure that no identifying info that might lead to either party discovering who and where the other is. 

  

From these letters and such, I know beyond doubt, that my son is the most fortunate little boy in the world. His parents waited ten years for him. They adore him. He has every possible opportunity. I've never even heard of better parents. To me, they are the most amazing and wonderful people. I cannot say enough about them. My son is beautiful, happy, healthy, into everything. He has a full and happy, stimulating life. My decision was the right one for him. 

  

When people talk about adoption, they talk about the adoptive parents, and the adoptees. Very little is said about the birthmothers. 

  

Do you think about us on Mother's Day? I buy myself a card on that day, and grieve for what could never be. 

  

Spare a thought for us. We do not surrender our children lightly, for the most part. I didn't. Only love could have given me the strength to let him go. A love that goes beyond words, overcoming even grief. It's a perfect love, I think. I'll never do anything more unselfish or loving in my life. It is the greatest thing I've ever done or will ever do. And yet, to the world, to society at large, I am nothing. I barely exist. And I feel worthless most of the time. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I don't fit anywhere. There is no place for me. 

  

My grief is not valid because I *chose* adoption. I did not lose my child to death, so it's like I have no right to grieve. There was no post adoption councelling, nothing. I was treated like an incubator. Once the child was born and I'd signed the papers I was dumped, forgotten. Loss is loss though. I think birthmothers have a unique kind of grief. 

  

I have a lot of bitterness towards a society that would allow what happened to me. I cried out for help and searched for help for months, and found none. It's hard to want to stay in a world like that. I prefer to isolate myself now. My main contact with the world is through the internet. It's better that way. 

  

Anyway, that's just part of my story. I've a lot to work through. I can't believe my experiences and feelings are unique though. 

  

I exist. 

  

Para. 

 
March 28, 2006, 8:57 pm CST

Dear Para

Quote From: paradoxis

I am a person with a long psychiatric history, begining from when I was 13 and taken away from home and made a ward of the state under a Care and Protection order. I spent literally years in and out of psych wards in my 20's and have had so many different diagnoses I've lost count. 

  

Recovery for me, started when I stopped drinking and went to AA. It saved my life. I was sober for more than four years when I busted. Within a year, I was pregnant. It's funny, because I KNEW I was pregnant the morning after conception. I even knew it was going to be a boy. I stopped drinking right away and stayed sober for the pregnancy, for the sake of the baby. 

  

I wanted this baby more than I can say. I clearly remember lying in bed that first night, and welcoming him, telling him he was loved. I felt so blessed. Being pregnant was something that felt almost sacred to me. I was privelaged to have life happening inside me. 

  

The father of the baby reacted rather badly, unfortunately. In the end I had to go into hiding from him to keep myself and the baby safe. At around six months pregnant I started to think about adoption. At first it was because I was afraid of the father, and wanted to make sure my son would be safe from him, but after a while it became about me and my ability to be the kind of mother my child deserved.  

  

I had people around me telling me that someone "like me" shouldn't be allowed to have children. That I had no right. That I was selfish. I had no friends, and my family were not really supportive, making comments such as that. I was alone, scared, and feeling like I could not possibly do this on my own.  

  

I begged for help. I begged people to talk to me about options, but nobody wanted to talk about it with me out of fear of influencing me. Heck, the decision was mine, I just wanted to work through it with someone. 

  

I thought about what I had to offer, and it truly wasn't very much. I had to look honestly at my limitations. Financially, things would be very hard. I wouldn't be able to provide him with experiences and opportunities that every child should have. Practically, I couldn't even cook. I thought I could learn to do all the things I would need to do. It would be overwhelming, but I could do it for his sake. Then I thought about the social factors. All children need social interaction, and the truth is that I am scared of people. I am antisocial. Even talking on the phone can exhaust me. I knew that providing him with the social interactions with other adults and children would be a major difficulty for me. Then, there was the fact that I am an alcoholic and can't guarrantee that I remain sober. That was a big one. I was alone without family or community support, in hiding from a father who had made some truly frightening threats against me and the child. To live in fear is not a good thing. 

  

Lastly, there was the issue of depression. This was something I had struggled with all my life. In fact, I was suicidal at the time I got pregnant. If I had not become pregnant, I would likely have topped myself. He gave me a reason to live. I realised that I had no right to put such a burden on a child. I also knew that the depression was out of my control sometimes, and no child should have to live with a mentally ill mother who is unable to care for herself sometimes. I didn't want any of that for him. 

  

Basically, I knew I wasn't good enough to be a mother. The only thing I had to offer was this incredible deep and abiding love for him. I have never felt anything like it. I probably never will. But love isn't enough. Love is essential, and without it nothing else matters - but it's not enough to raise a healthy human being capable of surviving out in the world. 

  

So I decided on adoption as the best option for my child to have everything he deserved. It would have been selfish for me to keep him. He wasn't "mine", he was passing through my life. I had the privelage and responsibility to ensure his safety into the world. 

  

I live in Queensland, Australia, and here there are no open adoptions. Imagine handing your newborn to a stranger for ten minutes, let alone a lifetime. I don't know his adoptive parents, having never met them, but they agreed to be a part of a "mailbox program" where we can exchange letters and photos (with no identifying information) through the Department of Families. The department reads and censors the letters to ensure that no identifying info that might lead to either party discovering who and where the other is. 

  

From these letters and such, I know beyond doubt, that my son is the most fortunate little boy in the world. His parents waited ten years for him. They adore him. He has every possible opportunity. I've never even heard of better parents. To me, they are the most amazing and wonderful people. I cannot say enough about them. My son is beautiful, happy, healthy, into everything. He has a full and happy, stimulating life. My decision was the right one for him. 

  

When people talk about adoption, they talk about the adoptive parents, and the adoptees. Very little is said about the birthmothers. 

  

Do you think about us on Mother's Day? I buy myself a card on that day, and grieve for what could never be. 

  

Spare a thought for us. We do not surrender our children lightly, for the most part. I didn't. Only love could have given me the strength to let him go. A love that goes beyond words, overcoming even grief. It's a perfect love, I think. I'll never do anything more unselfish or loving in my life. It is the greatest thing I've ever done or will ever do. And yet, to the world, to society at large, I am nothing. I barely exist. And I feel worthless most of the time. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I don't fit anywhere. There is no place for me. 

  

My grief is not valid because I *chose* adoption. I did not lose my child to death, so it's like I have no right to grieve. There was no post adoption councelling, nothing. I was treated like an incubator. Once the child was born and I'd signed the papers I was dumped, forgotten. Loss is loss though. I think birthmothers have a unique kind of grief. 

  

I have a lot of bitterness towards a society that would allow what happened to me. I cried out for help and searched for help for months, and found none. It's hard to want to stay in a world like that. I prefer to isolate myself now. My main contact with the world is through the internet. It's better that way. 

  

Anyway, that's just part of my story. I've a lot to work through. I can't believe my experiences and feelings are unique though. 

  

I exist. 

  

Para. 

Your story brought tears to my eyes. You did the right thing by giving up your son for adoption, and although it had to be one of the most difficult decisions of your life, you will forever know that it was the right thing to do. The right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do! 

I with you the very best in life. You deserve to be happy and to heal. Its wrong that you had no post-adoption counceling, it would have been so helpful for you. However, its wonderfult hat you recieve pictures, etc., so you know your baby boy is well cared for. When he is 18, will you register on the website for your state? 

 
March 28, 2006, 11:34 pm CST

thankyou for seeing me :)

Quote From: jenoc99

Your story brought tears to my eyes. You did the right thing by giving up your son for adoption, and although it had to be one of the most difficult decisions of your life, you will forever know that it was the right thing to do. The right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do! 

I with you the very best in life. You deserve to be happy and to heal. Its wrong that you had no post-adoption counceling, it would have been so helpful for you. However, its wonderfult hat you recieve pictures, etc., so you know your baby boy is well cared for. When he is 18, will you register on the website for your state? 

He will be able to contact me, and I, him, when he is 18. I keep the Department up to date with my details of where I live, my phone number, all that stuff. 

  

I absolutely know that he will want to meet me one day. I KNOW it. He will have questions. He will need to see me and interact with me himself. I need that too, even though I have no right to ask for it. 

  

Part of the adoption process was that once I signed the papers, they give you 30 days to change your mind. In that time, I was allowed to see him. The foster mother who took him from the hospital would bring him in for me to visit him at the Dept. Families. Part of the process was that I was asked to fill out a kind of worksheet of questions that are relevant to adopted children. This was about family history, genetic problems, so many things, including what I look like.  

  

I took this very friggin' seriously. I approached this document from the perspective that this might be the ONLY contact he ever has with me. I could be dead in 18 years, you know? So I had to make sure it was done fully, completely, and honestly. I wanted to anticipate every question he might have. And above all, I wanted him to understand my reasons for giving him up. I NEED him to know he was wanted, and loved more than he could ever know. I wanted him to be absolutely secure in the fact that he was not abandoned, or unwanted. 

  

I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and know that I've left as much of myself as I possibly can. I hope I do survive long enough to meet him and his parents face to face though. That would be such an honour! But it's not something I expect, you know? 

  

I guess that long story short, while I live and breathe, my son will have no problem finding me and meeting with me. :) 

  

Sorry to go on with so much unnecessary detail. I'm not really sure why this is so much in my thoughts lately. This is proving a good place to talk about it though. Thankyou so much for your reply. :-) 

  

Para. 

 
April 2, 2006, 2:58 pm CDT

NO OUT THERE TO HELP? I SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote From: gizmowomen

MY STORY MY TWO CHILDREN WERE ADOPTED WITH FORGED PAPERS. I HAVE PROVE OF THIS BY A HANDWRITING EXPERT HOW DE-TERMED THAT THE SIGNATURE WAS NOT MINE THEY WERE ORDER TO GIVE ONE CHILD BACK. THEY STILL HAVE ONE AND THEY BELIEVE SEICE THEY GAVE ME ONE THAT THEY DECEIVER THE OTHER WELL NO THEY DON'T THEY ARE BOTH MY BIRTH CHILDREN SOME HOW THEY GOT AWAY WITH THIS. THESE PEOPLE HAVE LOTS OF MONEY SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE. IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT MY HAVE HAD THIS HAPPEN OR CAN HELP ME PLEASE LET ME KNOW IVE TRIED SO HARD TO GET MY CHILD BACK AND I DON'T HAVE THE RESCUERS TO GET HER BACK. MY OLDEST THEY ONE THEY GAVE BACK IS IN PAIN EVERY DAY WONDERING HOW COME SHE CAME HOME AND NOT HER SISTER HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS? 

THIS IS MY OWN QUOTE. YOU KNOW YOU WOUNDER WHY MY CHILD IS GO KNOW TO TELL OR KNOW ONE TO LISTEN I PUT THIS ON HERE THE DR. PHIL SHOW BELIEVING THAT SOME WOULD HAVE SOME KIND OF ADVICE BUT I GUESS NOT. SO I DOING THIS TO MAYBE GET SOMEONE TO SEE THAT ILLEGALLY ADOPTION DOES HAPPEN AND NO ONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT THEY ALL JUST CLOSED THERE EYES AND LET IT HAPPEN. SO PLEASE IF SOMEONE CAN HELP PLEASE DO SO! HELP IN ANY WAY CAN HELP AT THIS POINT. 

 
April 2, 2006, 7:48 pm CDT

stolen children

Quote From: gizmowomen

THIS IS MY OWN QUOTE. YOU KNOW YOU WOUNDER WHY MY CHILD IS GO KNOW TO TELL OR KNOW ONE TO LISTEN I PUT THIS ON HERE THE DR. PHIL SHOW BELIEVING THAT SOME WOULD HAVE SOME KIND OF ADVICE BUT I GUESS NOT. SO I DOING THIS TO MAYBE GET SOMEONE TO SEE THAT ILLEGALLY ADOPTION DOES HAPPEN AND NO ONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT THEY ALL JUST CLOSED THERE EYES AND LET IT HAPPEN. SO PLEASE IF SOMEONE CAN HELP PLEASE DO SO! HELP IN ANY WAY CAN HELP AT THIS POINT. 

Are you angry that nobody responded? I'm not sure what any of us can do or say. Have you been to the authorities about this? How can we help? 

  

Para. 

 
April 4, 2006, 10:32 am CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: paradoxis

Are you angry that nobody responded? I'm not sure what any of us can do or say. Have you been to the authorities about this? How can we help? 

  

Para. 

YES IVE BEEN TO THE AUTHORITIES. AND THE COUNTY I LIVE IN WAS GOING TO GIVE ME A REBA'S CORPSE PAPERS TO JUST GO AND GET  THEM HOW EVER THEY NOW LIVE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTY SO I HAD TO GO THERE AND ITS A SMALL COMMUNITY AND THE JUDGE OVER THEY SAID I HAD TO GET AN LAWYER I DID TOOK ALL THE MONEY I HAD ONLY GOT ONE CHILD BACK THAT IN ITSELF SAYS SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE I GET ONE NOT THE OTHER THE LAWYER QUITE ON ME BECAUSE THERE'S NO MORE MONEY SO YES I'M TRYING TO GET HELP OUT THERE AND I GUESS THERE IS NO HOPE SHE JUST GETS AWAY WITH STILLING MY CHILD. SO I WAS JUST HOPING MAYBE SOME OUT THERE WHO KNOW WHAT I COULD DO OR MY BE DR PHIL WILL READ THIS AND KNOW WHAT TO DO. SO YES I'M VERY UPSET. IVE BENN TRYING TO FIGHT AND GET MY CHILD BACK FOR ALMOST SIX YEARS AND NOW IT MAY BE TO LATE BECAUSE SHE PROBABLY DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME ANYMORE. 

 
April 4, 2006, 7:09 pm CDT

encouraging

 Well,I was so surprised when I checkied my email last Wednesday & saw I had an email from my son,whom I hadn't heard from in 3 years.
I had to do a double take at who it was from.When I opened it ,it had 3 pictures of him in it.No message,just the 3 pictures.
I hope this a preview of things to come.I'm not going to push him.Just let him go at his own pace.
I emailed him back thanking him for the pictures.I can't stop looking at them.
I've been emailing him about once a month,over the past 3 yrs,to let him know how we've been doing.
I'm not keeping my fingers crossed,but I hope I'll hear from him again.
Just wanted to share.
Debbie
 
April 4, 2006, 9:08 pm CDT

My heart goes out to you

Quote From: gizmowomen

YES IVE BEEN TO THE AUTHORITIES. AND THE COUNTY I LIVE IN WAS GOING TO GIVE ME A REBA'S CORPSE PAPERS TO JUST GO AND GET  THEM HOW EVER THEY NOW LIVE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTY SO I HAD TO GO THERE AND ITS A SMALL COMMUNITY AND THE JUDGE OVER THEY SAID I HAD TO GET AN LAWYER I DID TOOK ALL THE MONEY I HAD ONLY GOT ONE CHILD BACK THAT IN ITSELF SAYS SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE I GET ONE NOT THE OTHER THE LAWYER QUITE ON ME BECAUSE THERE'S NO MORE MONEY SO YES I'M TRYING TO GET HELP OUT THERE AND I GUESS THERE IS NO HOPE SHE JUST GETS AWAY WITH STILLING MY CHILD. SO I WAS JUST HOPING MAYBE SOME OUT THERE WHO KNOW WHAT I COULD DO OR MY BE DR PHIL WILL READ THIS AND KNOW WHAT TO DO. SO YES I'M VERY UPSET. IVE BENN TRYING TO FIGHT AND GET MY CHILD BACK FOR ALMOST SIX YEARS AND NOW IT MAY BE TO LATE BECAUSE SHE PROBABLY DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME ANYMORE. 

I can understand your anger and frustration. I hope Dr. Phil does read this. Have you written to him in the "send Dr Phil a message" section? All emails get read, apparently, so maybe you'll have a better chance of reaching him that way. I'm not sure if he reads the messageboards, or even if any of the staff do unless something is reported to them. 

  

In any case, I know how outraged you must feel, and how ignored, invalidated, and hopeless you probably feel. I wish you all the very best. 

  

Para. 

 
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