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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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March 1, 2006, 4:19 pm CST

My husband met his birth mom!

My husband was adopted about 37 years ago and has tried searching for his birth mom but had no luck. We got a call the other day and this lady said she grew up with this lady that thinks she is my husband's mom. Turned out that she is. We went and met her yesterday and she is really nice. He is really happy to have that void in his life filled now. I don't really know what else to say except how happy he is to finally be able to get to know his real mom. 

 
March 2, 2006, 8:56 am CST

my 2 cents

Quote From: k82130

  Down the hall sleeps my fifteen month old son.  Across the hall sleeps my husband and my high school sweetheart... the love of my life.  About two miles away is our 10 year old daughter.  We have an "open adoption" and we last visited the first week of January.  Things changed, meaning the relationship between my husband and I and her parents changed last summer when we moved so close.  Now mind you, we only lived about 13 miles away prior to the move but that's just to clarify that this is RI and the state is small.   I guess I'm just posting because everyone here has a personal connection to adoption.  I miss my baby girl... and I love the little lady she is today.   I don't know if the times we spend together now are worth it to her in the long run or if the three of us should allow her to spend these years in her family/with her family and wait till she's a little older before we "force" her into uncomfortable situations.  Believe me, I've been through every situation in my mind.  I guess my ultimate point is what brings me back to the whole point of placing her for adoption... I want her to be happy, at peace, not confused or conflicted.  What vexes me most is my presence in her life may cause the opposite of everything I tried to give her and it's like "here I am again screwing up her life."   There are no easy answers and the whole situation will never be perfect.  I guess it just is what it is.  Good night.

Far be it from me to give you advice because every adoption situation is different, but your comment about  how vexed you are about how your presence in her life may be doing the exact opposite of what you wanted jumped out at me.  I just want to share with you my experience with the decision i made.   

  

I was 40 with 4 children and separated from my husband when i found out i was pregnant.  Without a doubt adoption was the answer for me.  My niece and her husband were willing to adopt my baby, but then emotional difficulties with their own first child caused them to back out...which was fine.  The second couple i was considering was a couple at my church.  I thought it would be good for me and the baby to still be able to have "some" contact.  As I thought about this and prayed about it though, i changed my mind.   

  

i felt that if i was going to put this baby up for adoption then he needed every opportunity and the adoptive parents needed every opportunity to form their relationship without any involvement from me.  They needed to be free to raise him without worrying about what i thought...and he needed to know his adoptive parents as his parents without being confused by having a "birth" mother.  Please, anyone else reading this, don't think Im saying this is how it should be done.  These are my own thoughts for my situation.   

  

There will come a day when they will tell him about me.  We will keep in touch so they will know how to contact me when that day comes.  It is a day I  eagerly await.  And I know, without a doubt, that God placed this couple in my life for this baby.  He was never intended for me, but for them.  I can sleep at night knowing he is exactly where he is supposed to be. 

  

Blessings to you all who have so selflessly given up your children so they can have a more abundant life and blessings to you all who have received them. 

 
March 6, 2006, 2:14 pm CST

TEEN Impulse Control

Hi, New to Dr. Phil site only! Been watching since Oprah days. 

I am coming off a wknd of very troubling behavior by my 12 yr old ddr. 

An incident occurred while at a family gathering where several kids (same age group) 

were physically hurt, emotionally upset, ad infinitum...due to my ddr 

pushing a group of them down the rubber slide to a jumpie. They dog-piled 

at the end & at the end of the slide were unable to pull themselves off one another. 

Hysteria in a blink! Parents LIVID 

Altho no visits to the emerg my granddaughter was extremely upset her friends had been hurt at  

her birthday because of my ddr. I removed her from the party, talked, she did cry saying "she felt so bad". I stopped talking ready to listen but not much offered up other than when asked "why" she had done this she only responded with "I don't know". I believe her, I know she has not a clue why she has no impulse control. Just a few days prior to the party she has shoved me going up our stairs telling me to "move". I told her then he ipod would be taken if the behaviors of dis-respect & physical reactions did not stop.  

Spoke to her Father, he advised both ipod an cell ph ~ridiculous these items are the consequences of today. Bought by her Father, this is what he had prayed about to do as her consequence. They are now put away. I feel somewhat relieved but there are still BIG red flags going off to help her with especially the impulse control being physical. 

I have a call into my Phys for a referral to get her a youth counselor. I know all too well "teens" struggle with counseling and only tell what they determine (quickly) the counselor wants to hear! 

I am under every rock to find a way to help her, IF perhaps anyone has additional ROCKS I would be so entirely grateful! 

  

 
March 7, 2006, 7:14 am CST

i am thinking of adoption

i am married and just had my 4 month old daughter. my husband and i are both drug addicts ones recovering ones not and we are homeless and have been for almost 1 year. we sleep on couch cushions in the floor, i know that we cannot take care of another child because he doesn`t work and i am trying 2 jobs and we still struggle just to buy diapers. now i am pregnant again i have thought about it and abortion is not a choice for me or my husband i am not against it but i wouldnt feel right about it.  i need some advice on whether to choose a closed or open adoption i dont want to lose my child forever but i also dont want to confuse him or her either and i dont want them to grow up knowing that their parents were drug addicts. its no secret in my community and i also dont want my family to know that i am pregnant again or about the adoption. what should i do
 
March 8, 2006, 11:06 am CST

adoption sounds like good idea

Quote From: anna1030

i am married and just had my 4 month old daughter. my husband and i are both drug addicts ones recovering ones not and we are homeless and have been for almost 1 year. we sleep on couch cushions in the floor, i know that we cannot take care of another child because he doesnt work and i am trying 2 jobs and we still struggle just to buy diapers. now i am pregnant again i have thought about it and abortion is not a choice for me or my husband i am not against it but i wouldnt feel right about it.  i need some advice on whether to choose a closed or open adoption i dont want to lose my child forever but i also dont want to confuse him or her either and i dont want them to grow up knowing that their parents were drug addicts. its no secret in my community and i also dont want my family to know that i am pregnant again or about the adoption. what should i do
So so sorry you are going through all this stress.  The first thing you need to do is get help for your drug addiction now.  Everytime you use drugs your hurting your baby.  Then you need to get in touch with a local church, and let them help you.  Believe me, they want to help you.  I too have given a child to adoptive parents, not for the reason you are, but because I had no where to live and could not provide her with a good home.  I chose open adoption.  I got to know her parents before she was even born and I love them and her so much.  I have a new family, a good christian family.  I get to see her as much as I want, I don't though because I don't want to confuse her.  I was 43 when I made the decision, I had already raised a son who was 24 at the time.  I know I made the right choice, she is happy and healthy.  Could I have raise her?  Yes, but would it have been the best possible choice for her? NO!  She would have had a hard life.  Yes I would have loved her, but I could not have provided for her.  She loves me for what I have done for her.  And I don't regret it.
 
March 9, 2006, 2:04 pm CST

i was adopted

Quote From: kwasmb

Far be it from me to give you advice because every adoption situation is different, but your comment about  how vexed you are about how your presence in her life may be doing the exact opposite of what you wanted jumped out at me.  I just want to share with you my experience with the decision i made.   

  

I was 40 with 4 children and separated from my husband when i found out i was pregnant.  Without a doubt adoption was the answer for me.  My niece and her husband were willing to adopt my baby, but then emotional difficulties with their own first child caused them to back out...which was fine.  The second couple i was considering was a couple at my church.  I thought it would be good for me and the baby to still be able to have "some" contact.  As I thought about this and prayed about it though, i changed my mind.   

  

i felt that if i was going to put this baby up for adoption then he needed every opportunity and the adoptive parents needed every opportunity to form their relationship without any involvement from me.  They needed to be free to raise him without worrying about what i thought...and he needed to know his adoptive parents as his parents without being confused by having a "birth" mother.  Please, anyone else reading this, don't think Im saying this is how it should be done.  These are my own thoughts for my situation.   

  

There will come a day when they will tell him about me.  We will keep in touch so they will know how to contact me when that day comes.  It is a day I  eagerly await.  And I know, without a doubt, that God placed this couple in my life for this baby.  He was never intended for me, but for them.  I can sleep at night knowing he is exactly where he is supposed to be. 

  

Blessings to you all who have so selflessly given up your children so they can have a more abundant life and blessings to you all who have received them. 

i was3 when i was adopted because my mom tried but could not swing it I grew up adopted by my grandparents eventually fing out who my birth mother was.  My adopted parents died when I was10 and my birth mother disappered aparently did not want me I hav enot seen or talked to her since but i would love to I cant find her I have some questions but I believe everyone should know there real mother and father
 
March 10, 2006, 2:43 pm CST

Abandoned at Birth

Hello everybody. Just wanted to share my story and see if anyone else out there is in this same situation. My story is not the typical adoption story, and because of that it has been hard to live a normal life.....you see, I WAS ABANDONED AT BIRTH. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since I was a little girl, I felt a different. I learned this truth as a young child and it made me feel special. However, as I grew, I realized it made me feel so extraordinary that I felt like an alien that dropped out of the sky. Everyone I knew never heard of such a story. It was an eerie feeling at best. By the end of my teenage years, I felt alone, lost, untrusting with no place in the world for me. I held onto this alienated feeling for many years. However, I conquered this when I had the great fortune of finding another abandoned person. That was such an amazing and empowering experience. After 27 years on this earth, I felt like I belonged. Perhaps this may seem like an exaggeration; however for “us” abandoned individuals, it validates our story and creates a connection. 

  

I have had the great strength within myself to surrender to my truth and would love to correspond with other abandoned individuals. I have gone through great lengths to stand at the very spot I was abandoned, to meet the man who found me, to search further and counsel other abandoned individuals. On top of that, I have had the great fortune of sharing my story with Canada with numerous newspaper publications, television and radio, and now share a bond with the adoptive community.  

 

And as well, if any parents have adopted any abandoned children, I welcome your responses too! 

 

 

Have a great day, 

 

Janet Keall 

  

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

 
March 16, 2006, 8:49 am CST

My Adoption Story

Quote From: jkeall

Hello everybody. Just wanted to share my story and see if anyone else out there is in this same situation. My story is not the typical adoption story, and because of that it has been hard to live a normal life.....you see, I WAS ABANDONED AT BIRTH. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since I was a little girl, I felt a different. I learned this truth as a young child and it made me feel special. However, as I grew, I realized it made me feel so extraordinary that I felt like an alien that dropped out of the sky. Everyone I knew never heard of such a story. It was an eerie feeling at best. By the end of my teenage years, I felt alone, lost, untrusting with no place in the world for me. I held onto this alienated feeling for many years. However, I conquered this when I had the great fortune of finding another abandoned person. That was such an amazing and empowering experience. After 27 years on this earth, I felt like I belonged. Perhaps this may seem like an exaggeration; however for “us” abandoned individuals, it validates our story and creates a connection. 

  

I have had the great strength within myself to surrender to my truth and would love to correspond with other abandoned individuals. I have gone through great lengths to stand at the very spot I was abandoned, to meet the man who found me, to search further and counsel other abandoned individuals. On top of that, I have had the great fortune of sharing my story with Canada with numerous newspaper publications, television and radio, and now share a bond with the adoptive community.  

 

And as well, if any parents have adopted any abandoned children, I welcome your responses too! 

 

 

Have a great day, 

 

Janet Keall 

  

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

 Janet,

To be abandoned is a horrible reality and I can only try to imagine what it must be like to return to the place where you were abandoned and recovered. Life as an adopted child, and adult, is not easy for so many. I am an adopted adult as well, and though my mother left me in the hospital, your comments echo many that I expressed over the years.  Not only did I feel like, "the alien dropped out of the sky", but I looked it as well. I am a Transracial adoptee, adopted outside of my race. I completely understand the notion of living an extraordinary life, and not necessarily the good kind.

To have found strength within yourself is the greatest defense against a life without trust, and acceptance. Your own personal wholeness will continue to empower you to overcome those feelings time and time again.  Continue to seek out those who share your story because it does validate the experience and solidifies the bonds you make with other adopted individuals.


SJackson
 
March 21, 2006, 1:39 pm CST

MY CHILDERN WERE ILLGAELY ADOPTED FROM ME

MY STORY MY TWO CHILDREN WERE ADOPTED WITH FORGED PAPERS. I HAVE PROVE OF THIS BY A HANDWRITING EXPERT HOW DE-TERMED THAT THE SIGNATURE WAS NOT MINE THEY WERE ORDER TO GIVE ONE CHILD BACK. THEY STILL HAVE ONE AND THEY BELIEVE SEICE THEY GAVE ME ONE THAT THEY DECEIVER THE OTHER WELL NO THEY DON'T THEY ARE BOTH MY BIRTH CHILDREN SOME HOW THEY GOT AWAY WITH THIS. THESE PEOPLE HAVE LOTS OF MONEY SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE. IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT MY HAVE HAD THIS HAPPEN OR CAN HELP ME PLEASE LET ME KNOW IVE TRIED SO HARD TO GET MY CHILD BACK AND I DON'T HAVE THE RESCUERS TO GET HER BACK. MY OLDEST THEY ONE THEY GAVE BACK IS IN PAIN EVERY DAY WONDERING HOW COME SHE CAME HOME AND NOT HER SISTER HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS? 

 
March 22, 2006, 11:11 am CST

My view on closed adoption

Quote From: radar3080

So so sorry you are going through all this stress.  The first thing you need to do is get help for your drug addiction now.  Everytime you use drugs your hurting your baby.  Then you need to get in touch with a local church, and let them help you.  Believe me, they want to help you.  I too have given a child to adoptive parents, not for the reason you are, but because I had no where to live and could not provide her with a good home.  I chose open adoption.  I got to know her parents before she was even born and I love them and her so much.  I have a new family, a good christian family.  I get to see her as much as I want, I don't though because I don't want to confuse her.  I was 43 when I made the decision, I had already raised a son who was 24 at the time.  I know I made the right choice, she is happy and healthy.  Could I have raise her?  Yes, but would it have been the best possible choice for her? NO!  She would have had a hard life.  Yes I would have loved her, but I could not have provided for her.  She loves me for what I have done for her.  And I don't regret it.

I was adopted when I was only 3 weeks old, i have a GREAT life.  

My one huge wish is to meet my biological parents, with a closed adoption ive wondered about that my whole life and have even had nightmares that maybe they died or are in jail. I wish I could atleast just know they are alive and well. Or that hey love me. It'd help a lot. I also wish I got to meet them at the age of 16 rather then 18, i think it should be up to the adoptive parents and biological parents to discuss when the child is ready, not b4 the adoption, but when the kid is older and they knwo if that child can handle this. Id go with an open adoption if i were you.  

good luck! 

sara 

p.s- im sixteen and hope to meet my biological parents when im 18. 

 
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