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Topic : I Want to Adopt

Number of Replies: 474
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:23:45 pm
Author : dataimport
Has infertility struggling left you ready to bring a child into your home through adoption? Are you finished having kids but feel the need to share your home with one more child? Share your reasons for wanting to adopt and love for children with us.

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March 26, 2008, 7:50 pm CDT

Thinking about putting my unborn baby up for adoption

Iam 20 years old, with a 4 1/2 old son. I am my son birth mother. I am 19 weeks pregnant.  I am considering adoption, but I am wanting an open adoption. One of my closest friends was going to adopted the baby I am carrying, but I am not sure if it is going to be good for our friendship. Would that be good for a friendship? Honestly, I would perfer to do adoption than have an abortion. (Even though you can have an abortion in the state I live in until you are 24weeks or 6months.)

 

 I am not sure how my family is going to react to my choice or how to tell them my decision. The biggest problem I am going have is with the father of the baby Iam having. I am not sure if he would sign over his rights even though it is in our best interest.  And I really don't want to go through the long process of the whole adoption thing.

 

I need someone advice on how to tell my family I decide to put the baby up for adoption!!! Can someone please help me out on how to tell them?

 
April 1, 2008, 11:21 am CDT

Have one biological child, one to adopt our second child

Hey all, I'm MoJo and my husband and I have a perfect (biological) baby daughter. We want to extend our happy little family by adopting a second child. We want to do it this way, because there are so many children in the world who need loving and devoted parents, as I'm sure my husband and myself are. We're looking into a so-called 'do-it-yourself' adoption, where you yourself make contact with biological mothers/ couples who want to give their unborn child up for adoption. It's a bit scary, because I've seen the show about the woman who deceived 5 women by telling them she was pregnant and wanted to give them their baby, while it turned out it was all a scam. But this is what we want to pursue, because we know there's a little baby out there who needs us, and who longs for us just as much as we long for him/her. Kind regards, MoJo.
 
April 2, 2008, 5:40 pm CDT

I want to adopt

Quote From: shelton302

you basically complied what I said, only tried to be 'neat and tidy' about it....lol

 

I'm sorry if I was not 'tact' whatever that implies, but I feel very angry about this issue, I refuse to be

"nice and tidy" about the point of what these potential adoptive parents do and act, I will not be politically correct about it, because I think it's the purest form of B.S I ever knew.  Just look at this board, at the posts of these people, they post like a 'want ad' for somebody's BABY, it is a human being, the person carrying the baby...is a human being....yet these people post and advertise like they are buying a car, or on that 'Craig's list'...my God......its the saddest thing I ever saw.

 

I am a firm believer in, if someone should feel shame and does not, I like to point out when they should.  And I cannot see how one does not feel shame in trying and persuading to take someone else's baby.  There are so many kids that need a home and need parents to love them, yet these possible parents would rather solicit, talk someone 'in-to', WAIT on a LIST..lol,(sorry that's funny) and take a baby within days of birth....like standing there just waiting for baby to pop in their arms.....it sickens me.

 

Once again babies grow up, they become kids/teenagers, getting them from birth does not change or stop this progression.  When you need to adopt (and yes fertile parents adopt as well and non-fertile) ...and a baby is not easy to get for you, nor in the near future, ask yourself what's the difference in the age of the child, you do want a child/family?

 

hehe...@tact,

 

Gina

 

I've been reading the "I want to adopt" thread for a couple hours this evening, and finally decided to register and post a reply of my own.

 

To Gina, I know what you mean, how our posts sound like "want ads".  But, how would you suggest we get the information out there?

 

Our challenge:  I want to adopt, and so does my husband, but our approaches are different.  I want to go through an agency, and perhaps adopt internationally, but my husband wants to "do it ourselves" by going through an adoption attorney and advertising our desire to adopt.

 

Also, we do not want to adopt a newborn/infant.  We want to adopt a 2-3 year old little boy, because he has a 9 year old son from a previous marriage, and we don't want a large age difference between them.  Most adoption agencies focus on newborn adoptions, matching birthmothers to adoptive parents.

 

So, here is our "want ad":  Are you a SWF struggling with motherhood?  Do you wish you had placed your child for adoption?  It's not too late.  Loving Caucasian Married Couple want to adopt your 2-3 year old little boy.  My name is Kimberlee, age 39, and my husband is Marshall, age 42 and live in Maryland.  Please reply if you would like to discuss adoption for your little boy.

 
April 4, 2008, 9:35 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: dannastaff

Iam 20 years old, with a 4 1/2 old son. I am my son birth mother. I am 19 weeks pregnant.  I am considering adoption, but I am wanting an open adoption. One of my closest friends was going to adopted the baby I am carrying, but I am not sure if it is going to be good for our friendship. Would that be good for a friendship? Honestly, I would perfer to do adoption than have an abortion. (Even though you can have an abortion in the state I live in until you are 24weeks or 6months.)

 

 I am not sure how my family is going to react to my choice or how to tell them my decision. The biggest problem I am going have is with the father of the baby Iam having. I am not sure if he would sign over his rights even though it is in our best interest.  And I really don't want to go through the long process of the whole adoption thing.

 

I need someone advice on how to tell my family I decide to put the baby up for adoption!!! Can someone please help me out on how to tell them? 

My dear.  You appear to be at a difficult stage in life.  Your post requested advice on how to tell family about your decision to adopt?  May I give you my suggestion?  You are concerned the father may object to adoption.  It would be in your best interest to gain his support.  Some states do not require paternal consent for adoption placement.  However, he does deserve to be a part of the decision and may provide valuble support during this time.  

 

On informing your family....Your post suggests you are 20 with one child.  How would you tell them that you plan to keep the child?  What do you suppose would be the first questions?  Money?  Living arrangement?  Education?  Future stability?  The questions you believe the family would pose if you keep the baby could be used to decide (and later explain) if you decide on placement.  For example:  Family-I'm sure you are all concerned about the future for the baby I am carrying.  I assure you that his/her future is all that I've thought about for several months.  After much thought, I have decided to place the baby for these reasons....... then cover the questions mentioned above.......  Ask the family for support explaining that this is a very difficult decision that you must make.  Their support will be precious during the time and greatly appreciated.  The converse is also appropriate should you decide to parent the child.  You would want to explain your decision to the above questions. 

 

If appropriate for your situation explain you are seeking an open adoption.  This would allow you and BF to be active participants in the selection process and also maintain contact with the baby and family.  If agreed to before placement, you and grandparents, etc. could maintain contact with the child through phone, letters, and visits. 

 

This is certainly a difficult discussion that must take place regardless of decision.  My heart goes to you and BF.  Be confident in your decision.  May you find the peace and clarity necessary to make such a difficult decision.  Peace be with you. 

 
April 10, 2008, 6:59 pm CDT

I am located in Florida.

Quote From: quinnipoo13

where r u located??
 I am 30 now. I am unsure why so many agenciy's want to take advantage of people now.  I Found one real good center here in Jacksonville that will let me be a surogate for a couple who can't have a child. I can work out a deal with everyone legally and how ever needed and wanted to ease everything along.
 
April 10, 2008, 7:16 pm CDT

Tell a third party.

Quote From: untbunny

My dear.  You appear to be at a difficult stage in life.  Your post requested advice on how to tell family about your decision to adopt?  May I give you my suggestion?  You are concerned the father may object to adoption.  It would be in your best interest to gain his support.  Some states do not require paternal consent for adoption placement.  However, he does deserve to be a part of the decision and may provide valuble support during this time.  

 

On informing your family....Your post suggests you are 20 with one child.  How would you tell them that you plan to keep the child?  What do you suppose would be the first questions?  Money?  Living arrangement?  Education?  Future stability?  The questions you believe the family would pose if you keep the baby could be used to decide (and later explain) if you decide on placement.  For example:  Family-I'm sure you are all concerned about the future for the baby I am carrying.  I assure you that his/her future is all that I've thought about for several months.  After much thought, I have decided to place the baby for these reasons....... then cover the questions mentioned above.......  Ask the family for support explaining that this is a very difficult decision that you must make.  Their support will be precious during the time and greatly appreciated.  The converse is also appropriate should you decide to parent the child.  You would want to explain your decision to the above questions. 

 

If appropriate for your situation explain you are seeking an open adoption.  This would allow you and BF to be active participants in the selection process and also maintain contact with the baby and family.  If agreed to before placement, you and grandparents, etc. could maintain contact with the child through phone, letters, and visits. 

 

This is certainly a difficult discussion that must take place regardless of decision.  My heart goes to you and BF.  Be confident in your decision.  May you find the peace and clarity necessary to make such a difficult decision.  Peace be with you. 

that may sound strange but tell someone who frankly will have little to no effect on the decision of what ever happens.  It can be the guidance counclor at school your 3rd grade teacher or a old school friend parent you still see but don't really keep in touch with.  fill them in and ask them to come with you to tell your parent. They will help. One they will help keep your parents from blowing up. And then they might be able to say things a person from the ouside can say seeing only by looking looking on the out side. If you include only people who will be 2 feet from the decision then how can the big picture be seen?
Be ready for the hard questions. And tell then if you don't know the answers that you don't know but tell then you will find out and give a dead line on when you will know the answer. Tell your child's father with your parents together or at least face to face. He may not have rights now but he will later. He will have just as many as you if he wants them. 
Right now you are the one with all the power (like it or not) and  you have alot of decisions to make for yourself and this baby. Ask lots of questions. Remeber the power of 3 (If you hear it from 3 or more people it is most likely true) and trust your gut. good luck and god bless.
 
April 18, 2008, 8:36 am CDT

I hope i can help

Quote From: joygerry

 My 34 year old son and his wife have been trying for 7 years to get pregnant.  Last year they tried invitro.  She became pregnant and they were so excited.  But at aroun 10 weeks she miscarried.  She tried invitro 5 times and became pregnant 3 times, but all pregnancies just didn't continue.  They would make the best parents and want to adopt.  But, after spending $125,000 for 5 invitro's giving $30,000 to an adoption agency just  seems to iffy.  How can they find a pregnant young woman like in the movie "Juno" who would want a wonderful couple to raise her child?  Is there really such a thing?  I know how much fulfillment my children brought to me and want my son and his wife to have the same experience.  I am unable to be a surrogate for them and I can't adopt a child for them, but I want to help them become parents.  Any suggestions?
 I'm 23 black young single parent of 2 pregnant with baby 3 and its a girl i dont know if they a interstead with adopting a black  baby girl but if they are you can email me at  onealashley841811@yahoo.com
 
April 22, 2008, 6:13 am CDT

busting the myths

hi all..

 

this will probably grate on some of you but i felt it was time to bust a few myths surrounding adoption...

 

I am a 45 year old male adoptee and have studied adoption for over 25 years now and would like to say this, a lot of you here state that you are christians , how can that be when you are realy breaking a fundemental SIN..THOU SHALL NOT STEAL...yes folks adoption is theft, its theft of identity for the adopted child, its theft to the mother that has relinquished her child and is theft  of a life...

 

Most mothers (and they are mothers, not birth mothers, do normal kids call there mothers birth???, and they are not biological,thats a program on a washing machine) they are MOTHERS , most mothers are young scared and vunerable when they go into labour and a lot are DRUGGED before they give birth and when they wake there child is gone and they are told "we thought your child would be better off with other people"...<<<< WHO HAS ANY RIGHT TO THAT DECISION...Social wreckers lie to the mothers stating there child will be in an open adoption , then suddenly the mother looses contact once the adoptive couple decide to move and close the adoption,leaving that child and mother permanantly seperated.

 

Most mothers are coersed into giving there child up and then years later they are told they have NO RIGHTS to find that said child whe there situation has changed.

 

Not all mothers are crack house whores that didnt care for there babies, thats a myth that social wreckers tell so its easier for that agency can sell that baby...

 

What price would any of you place on your own childs head ...

 

why do you think its ok to BUY a child...children are not a possession after all, they are gift to the MOTHER not a bunch of infertile people. Infertility is gods own way of saying its not your turn, why then does it give you the right to permanantly abuse the mother and child by seperation.

 

FACT..a child sufferes PTSD the second it is seperated from there mothers, this might not show itself for years to come but most if not all will suffer trauma in later life...

 

FACT..The adopted child has to lead a manifested life, a life designed by strangers.

 

FACT...the adopted child looses his/hers identity when names are changed and are made to live a certain way that is not the way the child should live.

 

Fact.. the mothers of these babies are looked down apon and are basicaly treated like low lifes, all for the greed of others...

 

Fact there are on adverage over 60thousand black market babies stolen from hospitals and are sold on the black market yearly, all for the sake of greed of the adoptive couples.

 

FACT , why are severly diabled children left in care homes and not adopted, healthy white children syndrome !!!

 

And lastly this ,

 

FACT ...the child knows he or she is adopted and feels outcast,strange around others, and sufferes anxiety and mental health issuse consisting of segreagtion fears, rejection fears (which stems from birth) and commitment fears ,health problems later in life because the medical records of the parents are kept from the adoptive couples..I was born with a congenital heart problem (Cardio-Myopathy) and this was left out of my records in case i wasnt good enough to be adopted...

 

Ive read most of the posts here and there are hardl any sentances that talks about the well being of the relinquished child, its all about what YOU WANT , what you are and what you can give...

 

take a step back, put yourself into the adopted childs shoes and try to understand what he/she goes through on a daily basis rather than than your selfish attitude towards adoption, children are human beings not possessions or fashion items to make your family look good...

 

Adoption is THEFT ....

 

please go to http://groups.msn.com.Adoptese and read the horror storys from mothers,adopted people.

 

www.adoptioncrossroads.com read the true statements from mothers and children screwed up by adoption..

 

my words are bound to cause upset but its about time some of you looked at the bear facts of what you are doing to innocent mothers and children....

 

Graham...Lost in 1964, still lost in 2008 caused by adoption...

 

 
April 23, 2008, 8:20 am CDT

What to do -

Quote From: germanyj

 Dear Dr. Phil and Friends:

I'm a 32 year old female desparate to be a mom but can't have a baby.  All my life all I've ever wanted is to have a family and be a mom.  I wanted six kids, like my grandmother.  We couldn't walk by a stroller without me stopping to take a peak.  My husband and I have been together since I was 19 and started attempting to get pregnant right after college.  It wasn't until about three years ago that I started seeing an infertility specialist.  I had surgery two years ago and learned that I had severe endometriosis.  My right fallopian tube was completely mangled, and the left doesn't look too much better.  My uterus was attached to my bladder and I had a tremendous amount of scar tissue.  My doctor told me we could attempt IVF but he wasn't sure that we'd have too much success. He said we may have to do the procedures five or six times before ruling it out as a viable option.  Unfortunately I am not one of those women who can spend that kind of money on IVF treatments.  My husband and I don't have that type of money and insurance doesn't pay for the procedures.  I know Dr. Phil must receive a million requests from women wanting to have children who cannot conceive on their own.  But I honestly don't know where else to turn.  I am so desparate and feel that time is just slipping by.  My maternal instinct is so strong and I feel as if I'm a mother without a baby.  My husband and I are very option to adoption.  This is where our second hurdle comes in.  My husband got into trouble when he was 18 and is now a convicted felon. He got several DUI's including one after being declared a habitual offender which is a felony.  He was also caught with drugs and was charged with the intent to distribute, also a felony.  We are unable to adopt.  We can't even become foster parents.  My husband is now 35, has since graduated from college with a degree is psychology, and we now run our own business.  Yet he is still being punished for the foolish things he did when he was younger in life and preventing us from having the family we so desparately want and long for. 
I have a 21 year old brother who has all of these female friends getting pregnant and treating their babies as if they were some throw away dolls.  Most of them are being rasied by grandparents and other have had abortions.  It makes me so angry that all of these girls take for granted what God has given them and they don't appreciate the miracles they have.  Then you have others like me who would do anything to have what they have and can do nothing about it. 
I too have seen the show where Dr. Phil has brought pregnant teenage mothers to women unable to have children of their own. I saw how Dr. Phil helped other people have the family they so much wanted.  I hope Dr. Phil can help me as well.  Or maybe some pregnant teenager is out there reading this and would be willing to let me be the mom I know I am.  I feel as if I'm out of options here and this is my last resort.  Thanks for listening.
Hi, I understand exactly what you are dealing with- I myself am unable to have children and am struggling, searching for ways to adopt a child. I do have an answer for you that may help in your quest for children. Have your husband contact the court where he was convicted and find out about having his record sealed. I myself was in lots of trouble when I was younger and as soon as my time was served and the 5 year clock met I applied to the courts to have my record sealed and it was- I didn't need a lawyer and only had to pay the court fees. This will in essence make your husbands record disappear. Today I am no longer considered a felon without rights- Look into this it will help ease your mind a great deal. As for the adoption aspect we have found a great place that works with childern already freed for adoption Christian Family Centers. They are located all over the country and have different programs to work with couples with different needs. You should check them out.
 
April 23, 2008, 2:57 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: srsommer

Hi, I understand exactly what you are dealing with- I myself am unable to have children and am struggling, searching for ways to adopt a child. I do have an answer for you that may help in your quest for children. Have your husband contact the court where he was convicted and find out about having his record sealed. I myself was in lots of trouble when I was younger and as soon as my time was served and the 5 year clock met I applied to the courts to have my record sealed and it was- I didn't need a lawyer and only had to pay the court fees. This will in essence make your husbands record disappear. Today I am no longer considered a felon without rights- Look into this it will help ease your mind a great deal. As for the adoption aspect we have found a great place that works with childern already freed for adoption Christian Family Centers. They are located all over the country and have different programs to work with couples with different needs. You should check them out.

welcome to the meat market conveyer belt again...

 

children already freed???

 

those children are not free, not until they seek therapy and help for the traumatic seperation of mother and child ...I think its totaly sick the way you talk about kids like they are toys to be handed out .

 
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