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Topic : 07/19 Mind Your Business

Number of Replies: 273
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Created on : Friday, May 05, 2006, 07:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/11/06) They go through your wallet, they trace your phone calls, they even get in their car to follow your every move. They’re meddlesome, nosy people who love to snoop! Dr. Phil’s guests are fed up with loved ones who can't seem to stay out of their business. Carla, 31, says she's tired of her mother, Pamela, tracking her every move, day and night. Pamela says having a house right behind her daughter makes keeping an eye on her easy. She even cut down Carla's hedges so she could see better! Does this backyard buttinsky know best, or does she need to stay on her side of the fence? Then, Christie is so obsessed with snooping on her husband, Shannon, that she reads his e-mails, checks his phone messages and even smells his clothes just to make sure he's not cheating on her. Shannon says he has no privacy and is contemplating leaving his wife. What's behind Christie's constant snooping and interrogations? Plus, a mom who says as long as her children live under her roof, she has the right to eavesdrop on their phone calls, read their diaries, and even search through their clothes while they're sleeping! Is she crossing the line? Share your thoughts here.

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July 20, 2006, 4:34 pm CDT

Snooping

It is so obvious why Christie snoops on her husband:  he had an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR!!!!!  If he had not cheated on her this wouldn't be a problem.  Just look at their life before and after.  There were no mentioned problems until after the emotional affair, when her snooping started.  It's up to the husband to rebuild trust; he should accept the consequences of what his infidelity has brought upon their marriage, and STOP WHINING about no privacy, because it's his fault!!!!!!
 
July 20, 2006, 9:19 pm CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: mama2kylee

Yes, I am one of those girls who snoops.  I had no idea that there were other people out there that do the same thing.  And although I do not believe that it is ok to snoop, I am almost releived that I am not alone.  Sometimes I just want someone to talk to about my issues, but I feel like my friends and/or family just would not understand.  I was married to my daughters father and he gave me several reasons not to trust him, which was why I started snoping initially.  Eventually I found out that he had spent the night with his ex-girlfriend.  After months of trying to work things out, our marriage ended badly.  However, I moved on and 4 years later I found the true love of my life, my now husband.  We have been togehter for over 2 years now and the first 1 year was great and I trusted him completely.  Then for some reason (prior to our engagement) I started snooping little by little... I always feel like I have a sence about these things and of course I found that he had called his ex-girlfriend... on Thanksgiving Day at that.  I was so hurt and furious.  I confronted him and it was like de ja vu from my first marriage... he denied it at first, but then he admitted to it.  Only this time his story was different from my ex's.  He told me that he was planning a surprise for me & that is why he called her & I had to wait until Christmas to find out what the surprise was.  My emotions were up & down but I decided to trust him & wait. As it turned out, 4 weeks later, he proposed.  It was so romantic.  After I said yes, he told me that he had called his ex because shortly after he & I started dating she had called him & he told her he thought I was "the one" & she said to call him if he decided to pop the question because she had a jewelry connection.  (So the true reason he had called was for the jewelers information.)  I was on cloud nine, but at the same time still hurt that he hid his conversations with her from me.  So, from that point on... I am again a snooper.  We have since been married & I love him dearly.  In my heart, I truly believe that he would never cheat on me, but I still snoop, it's like I can't contol it.  I am extremely jealous of other women, models & actresses.  I check his phone, receipts & his truck.  He doesn't know the extent of my habit, so it hasn't really caused any issues in our marriage... but I hate what I do & I want to stop.  It makes me feel more insecure & totally guilty.  What can I do to stop?  Well, for whoever is reading this... thank you for letting me share my feelings.  It does help to get my feelings out.  I wish all of you peace & happiness.
we should start a snooping club...lol...aim one too and iam sorry but if men did the right thing we wouldn't snoop.........I was married before like u.......But  i don't understand is where ppl get the idea that  you can still have your own business once u are married there is supposed to be  no secrets in marriage....Any way he to Had a few affairs ....which i new about one while together and we worked through it..........And ppl use to say didn't you see the signs!!!!!!!!!!  Well HELLO I do now cause I look for them............And iam sorry but like u  I have carried this in to my new relation ship .....My new partner  for example  Had his mail going to his work..???????? Why I would ask?His reply because its my business!!!!! Your business i replied....oh u could have imagined the things that came out!!!!!......We have a child together iam 3 months pregnant with the second we are supposed to be getting married in 2 months........And u wont your own business..........SOMEBODY TELL ME PLEASE  IS THIS HOW PPL THINK THESE DAYS...............i CAN LIVE WITH U............HAVE CHILDREN WITH U.............BYE A HOUSE WITH U..............MARRIE U.......BUT I WILL STILL HAVE MY OWN BUSINESS????..............AND THEY WONDER WHY WE SNOOP............
 
July 21, 2006, 12:09 pm CDT

I had To Rid Myself of My MIL

Quote From: purplepain

That's the best attitude to have. Just cause you are related to someone it doesn't obligate you to put up with their bull. (Unless they are your minor children, then you signed up for a potential 18 years of bull...LOL)
I agree with you 100%.  If people are going to try to control you......And they won't listen to reason.....And they have never done anything wrong......Then the best thing to do is cut them off.  I have been three months now without speaking to or visiting my MIL.  It has helped me emotionally......BUT......I do regret the toll all of this has taken on my husband.  I wish that we could  be "normal"......
 
July 21, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

I Feel Your Pain

Quote From: momma2117

 My husband's step mother is very nosy, somehow she is always finding ways to know things about us. This all started about 2 years ago when we were dating. He's never gotten along with her, but her being nosy and rude has everything to do with it and tons of other stuff i wont get into. I am always quiet when i meet new people, because i am nervous and I am always nice to a person I do not know. All she could do is be rude. It just kept getting worse from there.  

  

We moved in together and I was still in high school. (Yes, I did start early.) That's when it all started. I had gotten along with his father but it was hard because he knew i didn't like his wife. She would make comments to his younger brother who is a year behind me, that if we ever break up he can't date me for a year.  Well, when i ended up pregnant (before we got married) it got worse. His dad would find out stuff like when we bounced a check and then he would harrass my husband and tell him he needs to learn how to handle his money, and his dad only did it because of her. To make her happy.    

  

For my wedding I had asked her to make my bridesmaids dresses and she agreed. I only did it so that she wouldn't feel left out.  Well her mother ended up in the hospital the week before my wedding. I didn't call her to ask about the dresses because i knew she was busy. But sheMy husbands father was his best man and when we made changes to the tuxes his dad got pissed. He waited until my husband left town with his grandmother to come to my house to cuss me out and tell me it was all my fault. I stood up for myself (because i've never done that my husband told me i needed to) and his father didn't appreciate it. He threw things in my face that he had no reason too.  Then around Christmas time (6 months later not to mention i was 8 months pregnant) he asked my husband to get me to apologize for everything then he would apologize back. I disagreed to that profusely, because I still think i deserve the apology first. But i've givin up on that one.   

  

Now my son is 6 months old and his grandfather has not seen him in 4 or 5 months and every time we go to wal mart his step grandma tries to act like hes her flesh and blood and like she's seen him constantly. It ticks me off so bad. I blow it off, but they have never and will never watch my son alone and I will not bring him over there. She is always asking his grandma if our house is clean. She also drives around our house snooping.  WEll I've already wrote a novel, but I can tell you that over 2 years this isn't even half of it. But I don't want to bore you. But just to tell you I have not had any contact with her or him, my husband is the only one but not even as much contact as he used to.  

I have gone through similar things with my MIL.  My son is two years old.  I refuse to let her keep him.....I have not see or spoken to her for three months now....It is just easier for me that way.  It makes things hard for my husband though. 

 
July 21, 2006, 5:08 pm CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: rndon94

Watching Dr. Phil today hit home so hard for me, it was unreal!  I am also a very snoopy wife! My reason is because my first husband had an affair and left me for the "other woman".  I check my current husbands cell phone for calls, text messages, his truck, wallet, emails...etc....I am very obsessed with the fact that, "I don't want to be the last to know and I don't want to be made a fool out of again".  My husband is to his breaking point also.  He has told me that if I don't change, he will leave.  He tells me that if he wanted to cheat, he would, he would not be married to me if he wanted to be with someone else.  I still feel the need to continue checking, just in case.  I have found numbers to females on his phone and a text message from one wanting to borrow money.  So far it has all been innocent, but what if I put my guard down and it happens again.  I don't want to lose him.  He is the BEST thing that's ever happened.  I want to stop questioning him all the time and worrying about, what if.........anyone that has any advice...feel free! 

Hi -did your new husband give you any reason to snoop?I understand you are weak to the issue because your ex husband cheated.Snooping does get real hard to stop it is like were addicted to find mistrust in our partners like we feel that we do not deserve to be happy or something like that?I have a good sence of being able to tell by my husbands actions what is going on in his life.If  your new husband has not given you any signs of cheating why push him away.If hes up to no good you will catch him or you will find out.you have that your not goona hurt me again  attitude like me.well     even if you do catch him, would you leave him?try to stop snooping for two weeks and see if you feel better.good luck I know it's hard but after I snoop, I feel terrible and then I start grilling my husband and we always get into an argument.I think all woman snoop some more than others.so if things are going good do not snoop to cause problems because we in the long run hurt ourselves for the wrong reasons just because other people in our past hurt us do not mean everyone does hurt us either.  

  

  

  

 
July 24, 2006, 7:29 am CDT

still snooping

Quote From: dr4feet

 After 17 yrs. of marriage I recently found out my wife had, and still may be having, an affair.  This first started approximately 11 yrs. ago with a co-worker.  I should have been nosy.  But, I was completely trusting and even socialized with this fellow and his wife and family and this was going on behind my back.  I was devastated when I found out because this is what had happened to my  wife in her first marriage and I never, ever expected her to do it to me.  I found a stash of love letters that were kept by my wife over the years which rivaled letters in Penthouse.  So, I feel you should be attentive (nosy?) to your surroundings because you never know.  My wife has always been very nosy and suspicious and has checked up on me and I should have been the one to worry!

WOW your situation is in some waysis the same but a little different. My question to you is, what are you going to do about it? I continue to tell my ex that all I need is time away from him but I am not sure that time can even heal the pain. After so long of a marriage dont you feel like its worth working out? I guess I just can't understand why anyone would want to hurt someone like that. I think that its the worst feeling in the world, my self-esteem is shattered, my independence no longer exsists, I am like a little lost puppy dog and I am not sure what direction is home. I have been walking around consuming my life with deciding on what to do about my situation and I have no clue. After two weeks you think this would get easier. 

 
July 24, 2006, 7:52 am CDT

Emotional Affair

I'm reading on this board about how the snoop wife is right because that no good hubby had an "emotional affair" on her.  If you watched the show, you were told that the affair is something she drove him to and she admitted it.  I understand there are many out there who watch because they've been cheated on and such, but not all men are bastards and you can't treat the next one like the first one or you'll find him cheating too
 
July 24, 2006, 11:43 am CDT

Thank you

Quote From: mamamlt

I have gone through similar things with my MIL.  My son is two years old.  I refuse to let her keep him.....I have not see or spoken to her for three months now....It is just easier for me that way.  It makes things hard for my husband though. 

Well, I can't say that it's hard my husband. WEll atleast from what he tells me. He says he agrees with me that his family is being stupid. He never did like his step mother in law anyways. I try to not even talk about them when hea around. and then when he goes to his dads i have to bite my lip. because i wonder why he would want to listen to whatever they say. i know he loves his dad and i would defiantely get along with his father if it weren't for her.   

 This past weekend we went over to my step sister in laws house. She told us all about the crap her mother did to her and sister and their dad. Thats why their dad left her. She also told us that she told my hubbys dad what she did and he said he'd still marry her.  he has put his daughter and sons through living hell with that woman.  Oh well i try my hardest to keep away from them.   

 
August 6, 2006, 2:57 am CDT

need more dr.phil info

Quote From: reynaflack

I'm no professional, but, thought I'd share my thoughts on your story.   

  

I think you won't ever forget what your boyfriend did, but , there is definitly a time when you will have to forgive him and move past it.  If your boyfriend is ok with you checking up on him, it seems like he knows what he did was wrong and wants to prove to you that you can trust him again. And try not to tell yourself that 'guys are just like that', because it's giving you justification for your snooping.  

  

Just like Christie, it might benifit you to go to counseling, and since your boyfriends actions played a part in your distrust, maybe he'd be interested in doing couples counseling. 

  

Good luck 

I have the same problem, I would just like to know exaclty how we develop these extreamly exhausting habits...why is it so hard to just let go? I wish that the dr.phil show would make a show about this and go deeper into this matter. It really is a temporary fix, and it opend my eyes when he asked Christie what would happen if her fears became facts and she said she would survive and its true for me.I would survive, but its the getting over someone part that i dont want to go though again...I know ln my mind what i do when i look through my boyfriend's things, but its that emotional urge that i cant seem to control. I mean  i know its wrong and what makes me less obsessed is that i get rid of everything I can that can make him cheat on me...like internet, his friend's phone numbers etc...Its not a control issue like a power trip thing, its deeper then that, its a personal thing. It's something that should be treated cuz it is like a drug and if you'r an addict and you dont get help, you'll always need that "fix"...
 
August 9, 2006, 4:22 am CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: feaselj

WOW your situation is in some waysis the same but a little different. My question to you is, what are you going to do about it? I continue to tell my ex that all I need is time away from him but I am not sure that time can even heal the pain. After so long of a marriage dont you feel like its worth working out? I guess I just can't understand why anyone would want to hurt someone like that. I think that its the worst feeling in the world, my self-esteem is shattered, my independence no longer exsists, I am like a little lost puppy dog and I am not sure what direction is home. I have been walking around consuming my life with deciding on what to do about my situation and I have no clue. After two weeks you think this would get easier. 

 After 5 mos. it still isn't easier.  I thought yesterday's show Cheaters was great and really hit on some of the things I'm feeling and some of the answers I'm looking for.  I feel I need answers before I can move forward.  I need to understand it before I can fix it.  I can't just say, "Oh well" and move on.  I want to know Why?  What were you thinking?  Why couldn't you talk to me?  What did I do that was so bad?  Weren't you thinking about the ramifications to our life, marriage, children?? And, most importantly,  why did it go on so long?  Why didn't you cut me loose 10 yrs. ago when I was that much younger instead of wasting 10 yrs of my life with you?  Now,  every photo, every memory I have is a lie.  She couldn't have been genuinely laughing,  enjoying,  or caring if she had another guy.  When I think about this too much I have to stop or it feels my head is going to burst.
 
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