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Topic : 07/19 Mind Your Business

Number of Replies: 273
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Created on : Friday, May 05, 2006, 07:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/11/06) They go through your wallet, they trace your phone calls, they even get in their car to follow your every move. They’re meddlesome, nosy people who love to snoop! Dr. Phil’s guests are fed up with loved ones who can't seem to stay out of their business. Carla, 31, says she's tired of her mother, Pamela, tracking her every move, day and night. Pamela says having a house right behind her daughter makes keeping an eye on her easy. She even cut down Carla's hedges so she could see better! Does this backyard buttinsky know best, or does she need to stay on her side of the fence? Then, Christie is so obsessed with snooping on her husband, Shannon, that she reads his e-mails, checks his phone messages and even smells his clothes just to make sure he's not cheating on her. Shannon says he has no privacy and is contemplating leaving his wife. What's behind Christie's constant snooping and interrogations? Plus, a mom who says as long as her children live under her roof, she has the right to eavesdrop on their phone calls, read their diaries, and even search through their clothes while they're sleeping! Is she crossing the line? Share your thoughts here.

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July 19, 2006, 3:25 pm CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: exsnoop

I was waiting for Dr. Phil to ask Kristie & Shannon if there was a reason she didn't trust him.  Had Shannon broken that trust?  I went through something similar, but I was not obsessed with searching 24/7.   And the reason I did this was because my husband had had affairs, and I had found things even when I wasn't looking.  When you find vibrators, used bottles of massage oils, condoms, romantic cards, valentines for your "fiancee" (when you're already married), receipts for gifts from women's clothing stores (and I didn't receive those gifts), "private" cell phones, etc..........This causes you to start searching.  I just was wondering if there had been a breech of trust in the marriage already.  It seems to me on the show that all the blame was put on Kristie.
She said that her husband had an "emotional affair" the year before. I would assume that probably would keep her worried.
 
July 19, 2006, 3:30 pm CDT

Same boat

Quote From: feaselj

I need some advice here. I was dating a guy for almost 2 years and a year into it he cheated on me. The last year has been a year from hell, I snoop in everything, I check his phone, I check his email, I check his wallet and I question his every move. The problem is that I usually find something, but I can't say anyting because he doesn't know I check his stuff. I confronted him about something I found and of course it ended up in a HUGE argument, I left and I told him I needed to find me again and, I told him that I just couldn't do it anymore. It has been a week, and every day he calls and every day he wants to see me but I dont know what to do. I am NOT over him cheating on me, and I can't keep checking his every move, its not healthy for me or him. I dont want to be alone but I can't possibly stay be with him after what he has done. I just need some words of wisdom to help me get through it. Also, please tell me that the next guy I date that I wont be so skeptical and so worried about being cheated on?
My bf and I have been going out for a year and a half now'm in the same situation as you are - except my boyfriend didn't 100% cheat on me - he just made the arrangement/date that I happened to find out about before he had the chance to go! He supposedly needed "space" so I agreed to give him two-three days to chill with his friends.... Meanwhile, I was so on-edge that I, for some reason, remembered his email password out of thin air, and found an email from a girl (that I know and do not trust).  Not only did HE initiate the "friendship" but he was calling her "babe".  I was very upset, and seriously contemplated breaking up with him.  I never told him that I got into his email, so I'm trying to "digest" the situation by myself... because I know that if he found out I went thru it, he'd want to leave, no questions asked. So now I'm stuck with a dilemma, do I start to build up the trust again and hope that he was just being friendly? Or do I assume the worst, break up with him, in hopes that he is no longer pursuing this girl (he changed his password to his email a few days after our argument about trust... Any thoughts?
 
July 19, 2006, 3:34 pm CDT

Nosy Mother-In-Law

 My husband's step mother is very nosy, somehow she is always finding ways to know things about us. This all started about 2 years ago when we were dating. He's never gotten along with her, but her being nosy and rude has everything to do with it and tons of other stuff i wont get into. I am always quiet when i meet new people, because i am nervous and I am always nice to a person I do not know. All she could do is be rude. It just kept getting worse from there.  

  

We moved in together and I was still in high school. (Yes, I did start early.) That's when it all started. I had gotten along with his father but it was hard because he knew i didn't like his wife. She would make comments to his younger brother who is a year behind me, that if we ever break up he can't date me for a year.  Well, when i ended up pregnant (before we got married) it got worse. His dad would find out stuff like when we bounced a check and then he would harrass my husband and tell him he needs to learn how to handle his money, and his dad only did it because of her. To make her happy.    

  

For my wedding I had asked her to make my bridesmaids dresses and she agreed. I only did it so that she wouldn't feel left out.  Well her mother ended up in the hospital the week before my wedding. I didn't call her to ask about the dresses because i knew she was busy. But sheMy husbands father was his best man and when we made changes to the tuxes his dad got pissed. He waited until my husband left town with his grandmother to come to my house to cuss me out and tell me it was all my fault. I stood up for myself (because i've never done that my husband told me i needed to) and his father didn't appreciate it. He threw things in my face that he had no reason too.  Then around Christmas time (6 months later not to mention i was 8 months pregnant) he asked my husband to get me to apologize for everything then he would apologize back. I disagreed to that profusely, because I still think i deserve the apology first. But i've givin up on that one.   

  

Now my son is 6 months old and his grandfather has not seen him in 4 or 5 months and every time we go to wal mart his step grandma tries to act like hes her flesh and blood and like she's seen him constantly. It ticks me off so bad. I blow it off, but they have never and will never watch my son alone and I will not bring him over there. She is always asking his grandma if our house is clean. She also drives around our house snooping.  WEll I've already wrote a novel, but I can tell you that over 2 years this isn't even half of it. But I don't want to bore you. But just to tell you I have not had any contact with her or him, my husband is the only one but not even as much contact as he used to.  

 
July 19, 2006, 3:38 pm CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: grjaadzack

I don't blame Christie one bit for snooping on her husband, because he had an emotional affiar!!!  It is no wonder she doesn't trust him.  When men cheat, it is devastating beyond words for the women that they are unfaithful to.  Infidelity breeds insecurity, jealousy, anger, hurt, and fear.  When a man is unfaithful, he doesn't have the right to whine about no privacy or to threaten to leave because he destroyed the trust in that relationship, and he must be accountable for his actions.  Also, he must do whatever it takes to prove he's sorry and earn his wife's trust back, if he really loves her.   Then again, if a man really loves a women, he would not cheat, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, period.  

I completely agree. I just wish my guy would see it this way and understand that it was HIS ACTIONS that caused MY REACTION - My trust level doesn't just plummet because of no reason, it plummetted because he did something wrong!!! Gosh, if only he could understand, life would be much simpler!
 
July 19, 2006, 4:00 pm CDT

nosy but loving mother to her kids

I applaud the mother who searched through her kids things. I too was a nosy mother, because my daughter didn't tell me everything. When I did find something, I sat down and talked to her. I raised her to think and do for herself. Today, she is married with twins. I am extremely proud of her, and love her even more. Does she resent that I snooped? A little, but she knew that she was loved and cared for. I gave her space to come and go as she pleased. If she had her homework done, it was up to her. She graduated high school at the top of her class. I told her that she had to work for what she wanted, and work so that she could play. 
 I think dr. Phil was a little lax with the mother who peeked into her daughter's house. That woman needs to get a life! I would definitely move out of her range for a piece of mind.
 
July 19, 2006, 4:21 pm CDT

another spousal snoop

I really can relate to the spousal snoop.I was not as extreme, but close to it.I have anxiety and I control it.Dr phil was correct about the anxiety issue.I think because her husband did , if I understand had an affair in his head , that put into her mind that he is capable of cheating. I do understand that.I think that is why it trigged her anxiety, because she lost trust in him even though he did not commit the act of cheating.I had this similar reaction. when my husband had a woman co worker in his car and I found out by accident. I had a vibe about this woman. It turned out to be really nothing but that set me off. A few months later I checked his cell phone to find her leaving a message for him that  she got his message ,but did not under stand it. It was not an invitation to a motel or something it was more like to me (how dare you! )I got so mad I threw the phone at him and called him a liar. I had bad anxiety for over a week.I later layed the law down and told him think before you do something, like give a lady your phone number even if it's innocent, or try to keep in your mind when he is in a tempting situation what is the consequence of this and how would my wife feel if i give this girl a ride?  He told me it takes two.sometimes by expressing your likes and don't likes helps your partner understand your feeling better to try to accomidate you.sometimes as humans we do things that we do not realize can hurt another person, so expressing your way of thinking does help. It passed and that woman issue is done and it really was not a big deaI. I just did not like him associating himself with someone he can put himself in a position to cheat. I expressed that his actions such as offering rides etc meaning just an act of kindness,  can give a woman the wrong impression.Bottom line I use my anxiety to good by having a part time job and doing  work for my community.I am doing well at my job by putting my obsessive qualitys to good works away from the kids for a while. If there gonna cheat ,you will find out with out snooping ,but my horns still come out, but I realize that snooping is really gonna hurt me or cause me more anxiety then I need to deal with.The only differnce  between me and the lady is that my husband did leave me before not for another woman .I did survive like Dr phil says but it will all be ok.Pills do not work either. maybe for a month then it takes over and they up  the dose  and the anxiety comes back.The best medicine is self like for yourself.when we make a man our idol we destroy or relationships .50/50 is the key.I get moments that trigger me and believe me when the anxiety comes on I call a friend or go out to the dollar store so I do not blow up the credit card. I have an insecurity about a man cheating because my father cheated on my mother with an old friend of my mothers and had a child with my father ,when I was 13 yrs old. my father used me to break the news to my mother, and I will never forget the hurt and pain my mother felt at that time she passed out from the shock..so I have a real issue about cheating.The only difference is my husband knows ,I am insecure on woman issues and sometimes he plays on it, like stare at a woman in front of me and that really gets me angry but I know that it's his insecurity coming out on his part and I take a deep breath and I am  ok .I then get dressed up to kill just  to get my  nails done and then he is the one worrying good   luck!
 
July 19, 2006, 4:32 pm CDT

sometimes the woman vibe kicks in

Quote From: jessiebean

My bf and I have been going out for a year and a half now'm in the same situation as you are - except my boyfriend didn't 100% cheat on me - he just made the arrangement/date that I happened to find out about before he had the chance to go! He supposedly needed "space" so I agreed to give him two-three days to chill with his friends.... Meanwhile, I was so on-edge that I, for some reason, remembered his email password out of thin air, and found an email from a girl (that I know and do not trust).  Not only did HE initiate the "friendship" but he was calling her "babe".  I was very upset, and seriously contemplated breaking up with him.  I never told him that I got into his email, so I'm trying to "digest" the situation by myself... because I know that if he found out I went thru it, he'd want to leave, no questions asked. So now I'm stuck with a dilemma, do I start to build up the trust again and hope that he was just being friendly? Or do I assume the worst, break up with him, in hopes that he is no longer pursuing this girl (he changed his password to his email a few days after our argument about trust... Any thoughts?
hi you had every right to check because you had the woman vibe.Just because you stopped him the first time does not mean he will not do it again.I would tell him the truth and say if you are not happy with me solely then I am gonna start to date others call his bluff.make your self look real sharp let him worry and kick him to the curb because if he really loved you he would respect your relationship.I know its real hard but do you wanna be looking over your shoulder and become a snoop when that's not who you want to be I am sure.It is one thing to be a snoop you had reason but when you start to get obsessive it's a problem that will cause you anxiety and high blood pressure from stress.
 
July 19, 2006, 4:43 pm CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: tbm224

I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 10 months but I hve about had it. I actually have given her the nick name Snoopy because she cannot stop snooping. For example our first month together she had already broken into my voice mail on my cell phone and went through my messages. Since then she has tried raking into my Palm pilot and my emails. She has gone through my poictures and all of my brief cases my wallet and the contacts on my phone she even went as far as calling my office AFTER I resigned to access my voice mail to see who had been calling then fighting with me about a person who hads left me a messagae after I had quit.I can't have any privacy. I cannot go out unless she knows Who I'm going out with or if she has not met them then I am not going She will go through my things when I am in the shower. And the disrepect she displays is soooo bad that I have to go for a walk in order to calm down. Its even to a point where her daughter is picking up the habit. I have decided to move out but I am not sure if I want the relationship to continue..... HELP ME!!!!! William
hi did you do something to cause her to be snoopy.ladies have that vibe you know all it takes is one trigger.If you love her then you really must find out the core of why she does this? Does it come from her childhood such as trust issues?Ask her if she would like for you to snoop in her stuff?ask her what makes her feel uncomfortable such as the things you do?maybe trying  to be more open with her like leaving your cell phone out in the open, like including her in your meetings for a while so she can trust you.I from a ladies point of you think you may have given a trigger   and then even when your not doing anything wrong it's like the theory the boy who cried wolf. good luck
 
July 19, 2006, 4:59 pm CDT

No trust

I have been married for 2 yrs and my husband has no trust at all in me.  Not because of something I did to give him this impression, but because of what he has seen in his past.  I have tried to deal with this because I want my marriage to work, but I am getting fed up.  Just to give a few examples, he has looked in my medical record (at the time he worked in the medical records department), Everytime that he leaves the house and I'm at home, he comes right in and checks the redial to see if I've called anyone.   Everytime I am asked a question, he has to talk to someone else who may know something about it and if their version is any differant than mines, I am lieing.  I need help before I lose my mind.
 
July 19, 2006, 5:15 pm CDT

07/19 Mind Your Business

Quote From: tamoo6

I really can relate to the spousal snoop.I was not as extreme, but close to it.I have anxiety and I control it.Dr phil was correct about the anxiety issue.I think because her husband did , if I understand had an affair in his head , that put into her mind that he is capable of cheating. I do understand that.I think that is why it trigged her anxiety, because she lost trust in him even though he did not commit the act of cheating.I had this similar reaction. when my husband had a woman co worker in his car and I found out by accident. I had a vibe about this woman. It turned out to be really nothing but that set me off. A few months later I checked his cell phone to find her leaving a message for him that  she got his message ,but did not under stand it. It was not an invitation to a motel or something it was more like to me (how dare you! )I got so mad I threw the phone at him and called him a liar. I had bad anxiety for over a week.I later layed the law down and told him think before you do something, like give a lady your phone number even if it's innocent, or try to keep in your mind when he is in a tempting situation what is the consequence of this and how would my wife feel if i give this girl a ride?  He told me it takes two.sometimes by expressing your likes and don't likes helps your partner understand your feeling better to try to accomidate you.sometimes as humans we do things that we do not realize can hurt another person, so expressing your way of thinking does help. It passed and that woman issue is done and it really was not a big deaI. I just did not like him associating himself with someone he can put himself in a position to cheat. I expressed that his actions such as offering rides etc meaning just an act of kindness,  can give a woman the wrong impression.Bottom line I use my anxiety to good by having a part time job and doing  work for my community.I am doing well at my job by putting my obsessive qualitys to good works away from the kids for a while. If there gonna cheat ,you will find out with out snooping ,but my horns still come out, but I realize that snooping is really gonna hurt me or cause me more anxiety then I need to deal with.The only differnce  between me and the lady is that my husband did leave me before not for another woman .I did survive like Dr phil says but it will all be ok.Pills do not work either. maybe for a month then it takes over and they up  the dose  and the anxiety comes back.The best medicine is self like for yourself.when we make a man our idol we destroy or relationships .50/50 is the key.I get moments that trigger me and believe me when the anxiety comes on I call a friend or go out to the dollar store so I do not blow up the credit card. I have an insecurity about a man cheating because my father cheated on my mother with an old friend of my mothers and had a child with my father ,when I was 13 yrs old. my father used me to break the news to my mother, and I will never forget the hurt and pain my mother felt at that time she passed out from the shock..so I have a real issue about cheating.The only difference is my husband knows ,I am insecure on woman issues and sometimes he plays on it, like stare at a woman in front of me and that really gets me angry but I know that it's his insecurity coming out on his part and I take a deep breath and I am  ok .I then get dressed up to kill just  to get my  nails done and then he is the one worrying good   luck!
Watching Dr. Phil today hit home so hard for me, it was unreal!  I am also a very snoopy wife! My reason is because my first husband had an affair and left me for the "other woman".  I check my current husbands cell phone for calls, text messages, his truck, wallet, emails...etc....I am very obsessed with the fact that, "I don't want to be the last to know and I don't want to be made a fool out of again".  My husband is to his breaking point also.  He has told me that if I don't change, he will leave.  He tells me that if he wanted to cheat, he would, he would not be married to me if he wanted to be with someone else.  I still feel the need to continue checking, just in case.  I have found numbers to females on his phone and a text message from one wanting to borrow money.  So far it has all been innocent, but what if I put my guard down and it happens again.  I don't want to lose him.  He is the BEST thing that's ever happened.  I want to stop questioning him all the time and worrying about, what if.........anyone that has any advice...feel free! 
 
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