Message Boards

Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Number of Replies: 299
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More May 2006 Show Boards.



As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 6, 2006, 9:19 am CDT

On and On

Quote From: princess1

Ladies, I was in your shoes 15 years ago.   My husband was both physically and emothionaly abusive.  When I did get a moment of bravery he would tear me down by telling me how fat and ugly I was; and how no man would ever want me because no other man would want a woman with a small child. (my son was 2 at the time)  The day I left there was not a spot on my body that was not black and blue.  As he was shouting his usual insults at me about how nobody but him would ever put up with me, something inside me snapped.  I realized I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than 1 more second with him.   I did have second thoughts a few weeks later when I realized my little boy and I were truly alone, and then my son chimbed up on my lap and started touching my face, telling me all the places were "daddy put boo boos on your face, mommy".  I never looked back, and 3 years ago I again prooved my ex wrong when I married a wonderful man who takes great care of both me and my son.  Please ladies get out now before you have to be carried out by the medical examiner.

   Things are not necesarily getting worse, but rather these situations are comming to light. It has always been not too good in the past.  But, more and more kids are being left to raise themselves as the mothers insist on working instead of caring for the kids for a few years. I told my wife 40 years ago that this new rage of belitteling motherhood and pushing the glory of working would lead to child problems of all kinds. You women libbers are responsible for the abandoment of these neglected children.  Especially boys who are not taught that real strength is related to the ability to care for all people of all genders, ages, and sizes. Yes this includes your relatives. 

    I recall to this day the children who would call me at work wanting their mother who was late for hours getting home. This occured more than once. 

    P.S.  You have to be WITH your children and not AT your children. 

 
May 6, 2006, 10:21 am CDT

thank you!

Quote From: mogirl227

For the life of me I just don't get how anybody who was living with an abuser can even THINK of allowing their child to have contact with the abuser.  I don't give a damn if he had years of therapy, medication, or devine intervention, you don't take that chance with your child. PERIOD.  That is NO father as far as I'm concerned. A child is better off with NO father than a creep who would hit, beat, or otherwise abuse his wife.  The woman who said 'he is a great dad' is sadly delusioned.  Of couse he APPEARS to be nice. That's how they operate.  You will never forgive yourself is something happens to your child or he grows into the type of person his father is and thinks it's OK to abuse women.  if that were me, I would have a restraining order PERMANENTLY, move out of town and get on with my life without that creep.  Only a pathetic, needy, can't-stand-on-her-own woman would expose a child to a creep like that.  I'm embarrassed and ashamed of my own gender.

I just skimmed through most of this thread and I agree.  I might not put it quite as strongly as you did (because I've had 2 good friends go through this, and I've seen the complexity of the emotions) but I'm bothered by the fact that so many women appear to be so cavalier about exposing their kids to violence.  The kids in the stories here are more likely as adults to be abusers/victims than other kids - is this not important?    

  

It's all well and good to offer support and praise for women who have escaped, but if these women exposed young kids to violence in the home, at that point they became part victim, part perpetrator.   

  

The most important choice a woman will ever make on behalf of her child is the person she selects to be that child's biological father.  I think education can help a bit in terms of what "signs" to look for, but the best education of all is creating kids who don't need the education in the first place!  And these are kids brought up in stable, non-violent, loving homes. 

  

So yah, I agree with you.  There's a bit too much "me, me, me" in all this.    

  

  

  

 
May 6, 2006, 12:00 pm CDT

Comments

Quote From: krtklthnkr

 Hi Groovy, I appreciate your response.  My problem with what's going on here is that we have to trust that or assume that - the therapists will be delving into "that".  When in all reality here why can't we just get right to it? I watched in horror not too many episodes ago when Dr. Phil talked to a family about this psychopathic daughter who had turned the family upside down and THEY got raked over the coals for things, not her.  I could tell the father and mother weren't buying it and I was actually very proud of them, especially the father because he wasn't having what Dr. Phil was selling.  And of course the daughter was smiling because she did exactly what the father said she would do - she manipulated things into her favor. Wasn't hard.

When people have "had enough", they have a right to - draw the line and be absolutely DONE. And noooo, it' doesn't make them bad. It makes them - smart.  They have a right to run out of patience, love, forgiveness, trust and energy.  And what I hear Dr. Phil saying these days is - get into counseling, it's not 100% your fault, there's some good in there somewhere and we will find it, etc., etc. Well maybe, there isn't any good in there, Dr. Phil. Maybe..........psychopaths are void of all that. And maybe you need to read up psychopathy and narcisissim. You can't change them, fixt them or help them. They are what they are. Pure and simple. About the only thing you can do is say goodbye to them. Get them out of your life, identify what they are and get the heck away from them and don't dance - anymroe, absolutely ever.

We've been sold a rotten bill of goods since time immortal about "there's some good in everyone". All i can say to that is - well..........for one you're a hypocrite because when one of these people hurt you or yours then - they are absolutely wicked all of a sudden and the boundaries go down in concrete. So why then...........is it...............that................the rest of us have to put up with these people and give them "one more chance" and go BACK into counseling or go to at least a counselor that's Dr. Phil approved? I don't get it.

Actually I do get it.  If we don't serve people like this, if the little people don't make themselves available to them to be "food" then the people in their ivory towers might have to come down and see what reality is. Some of thsee people on this show should never be courted into counseling at all because it's a waste of time, hope, energy and money. They can't be fixed. AND you've already had enough information to compute what they will do in the future based on what they have done - in the past.  So once again we are to be taken by - the con artist - one more time? Why?

It just amazes me to no end that we can talk about this and that disorder and yet - no one ever talks about psychopathy and how rampant it really is and how many successful people - that are actually very good at it - aren't in prison at all. They never get caught. They are very charming, extremely maniuplative, start studying you the minute they lay eyes on you and yet - we seem to be - so very ignorant about their existence. Why is that?

I'll tell you why. Because people like having ........someone do the dirty work for them. They need someone who will let them do something illicit now and then and supposedly provide the way for them to do it and supposedly keep it a secret. Of course, no such things are - free.

Then when you are bed with them, when they do whatever it is you want them to do because you happen to be burdened with a conscience, then you find out that - you're in bed iwth a snake and what once cost you a dollar how now tripled in price, plus alot of pain to go along with it.

That's why you see so many people turn their heads to abuse for example. They can't talk, they can't tell because they are in bed with a psychopath - somewhere along the way. So they just act like - they don't know and they don't see and "just now" we are learning about abuse.......... Pleaseeeee.  Spare me that one. It's nauseating.

We only turn away because basically mankind hates it's own ability to have a conscience. We don't like it at all. We rather detest it. It gets in the way of things. And if you want proof on that one, study history. Everyone who had one, became a hero and brilliant mind -  hundreds of years "later", but while they lived - they  were persecuted, tortured, died penniless, thrown out of society and often murdered.  Then we cloak ourselves in religion so that we can stand our own stink and talk about how holy it is to be a martyr. I mean HELLO People!!! God would want this?????.

Nothing worse than believing one's own lies, huh?  Rather pathetic actually. And yet, the very thing that separates us from the other mammals is that - we are aware of ourselves. But "are we"?

The fact of the matter is - IF we were so aware of ourselves, we wouldn't be talking about how we're "just now" finding out about abuse and what it is and how to deal with it. That's laughable really.  How long have we been on the planet and just "now" we get this one?

So why we don't get tough with the real predators in our midst is a tricky question. One that begs to be asked on many fronts. Hm,m,m..... I can't speak up because he did an illicit deal for me.  And I can't speak up because I might lose my house and all my lovely things, and I can't speak up because people might talk about me and I might look bad and on and on it goes......

We pass laws but then - molestors and rapists and murderers get out in how many years or months?  We house them in places like Big Bear, CA for example, where people come with their familiies and the prey is very plentiful. How many sexual predators are there per square foot? That happens by accident? We protect their rights and yet - we actually position them in front of their prey and make it easy for them. This is an accident or an oversight? I don't think so.

I think one of the things we instinctively know is that we need to give predators what they want. So we push our innocent children, our brightest and our best in front of them because we are cowards and we lie profusely to ourselves. We say - take them, not me......  But the predators always swing back around for them.............it's inevitable.  Psychopaths turn on each other as well. They can only group together in a gang - for so long.

But as long as we think that..........there are only a "few" psychopaths out there running around, people without any empathy at all and aren't able to critically think and identify what we see when we see it - then we just become food and fodder. We are the worker bees, the slaves and the drones.

I'll leave you with one hopeful thought. Psychopaths don't possess something that empathetic people DO.  They aren't intuitive. They can only study - what you "do". They don't have feelings that are apart from them feeling pain so they can't really read you like you think they can.  If you act like a victirm, well sure. Duh.  They can read that from a mile off. But if you learn to be wise, learn to back off and see what someone DOES rather than what they SAY and read - that and then act accordingly without giving them all your vulnerabilities, history, thoughts and feelings so they can BECOME whatever it is that will con you - then you "might" have a chance against them.

Of course, they count on you being nothing more than a programmable machine and so far from what I see lately - the food is plentiful.

Have faith, don't reason, don't ask questions, accept everything at face value, seek the group and the herd mentality, fear all authority and cling to those who have huge egos and little brains. That will ensure tthat you will be the feast on someone's table at some point. And i have to add - you not only deserve it - but you requested it.

I'd love to be gentle here but I look around me here and it's like - are we all being poisoned with our water or what?  I don't even care if I make people angry here. I hope I do. Sometimes it takes that, when your cage gets rattled and you have to challenge alot of things that you've just believed on faith or followed along after without ever really examining. Dare to Critically Think.


*Trusting the therapists Dr. Phil assigns:  When Dr. Phil sends someone to a nutritionist, personal trainer, doctor, treatment program etc. I trust he has good referrals who know what they're doing.  Any competant therapist is going to delve into Linda's childhood & father-situation to get at why she's hellbent of staying with her homicidal abuser.  Even if Dr. Phil had gotten into that, it's doubtful he would have made her understand the folly of her belief system in such a short period of time.  I think he went for the greatest impact with showing her Eddie's cold lies & pointing out to her that she was a victim of pre-meditated murder who just didn't die.  

   

* Sociopaths:  We're on the same page re. sociopaths.  The public absolutely needs to have a greater awareness of sociopaths.  Here's how I began my Amazon review of "The Sociopath Next Door":  

   

"I've written many five-star reviews, but never have I been so motivated to try to convince everyone to read the book. Here's why: one in twenty-five Americans is a sociopath, a figure psychologist Martha Stout obtained from three journal articles and a U.S. government source. Assuming this premise of The Sociopath Next Door is correct, or even if the figure is say one in 50, odds are you know at least one sociopath. He or she could be an abusive partner, the person in the next cubicle at work, your landlord, or the person your teenager is dating. Even if you can't think of sociopath you know, you have high odds of encountering one. Given the havoc even one sociopath can wreak in one's life, this book provides a sort of insurance that you'll be able to identify him or her and deal with that person so they don't harm you emotionally, financially, or in any other way. This is a well-written and well-researched book that I think will benefit the 96% of you who are not sociopaths."   

   

* Re. Dr. Phil sending sociopaths to treatment even though they are untreatable - Dr. Phil is not with his guests long enough to determine who's a sociopath & who is not.  Nor does he do the proper assessments, nor is his psychology license active.  It's better that he send all the potential sociopaths to licensed mental health professionals & let them make the assessment.
  

 
May 6, 2006, 3:46 pm CDT

from the board moderator:

Quote From: DrPhilBoard3

Some viewers have raised questions about the injury suffered by Linda, who appeared on the Dr. Phil episode “Violent Love Intervention.” They have noted a shot of Linda in which her injury appears to flip to the other side of her face.

  

 

  

 

As part of the effort to make a show that’s as visually interesting as possible, Dr. Phil producers will occasionally flip their video footage. The technique very simply creates a mirror image of the actual footage and is used often throughout the television industry.

  

 

thank you for clarifying this <most pressing> issue................... 

 
May 6, 2006, 4:33 pm CDT

Thanks for the info

Quote From: cocoamomma

websites           

www.youarenotcrazy.com           

www.dririene.com           

www.abnet.org           

www.womenslaw.org           

www.acadv.org           

www.leavingabuse.com           

www.ndvh.org           

www.actabuse.com           

www.verbalabuse.com           

www.lilaclane.com           

www.womanabuseprevention.com           

www.stopthehurt.com           

www.healthyplace.com           

www.drjoecarver.com           

www.endabuse.org           

www.domesticviolence.org           

www.joy2meu.com           

www.silcom.com/paladin/madv/           

also type in "power & control wheel" & "equality wheel" in your search engine.           

            

books           

"Co-dependant no more by Melody Beattie           

"why does he do that?  Inside the minds of angry & controlling men", "The batterer as a parent", & "When daddy hurts mommy" by Lundy Bancroft (also www.lundybancroft.com)           

"the emotionally abusive relationship" & "Breaking the cycle"  by Beverly Engel (also www.beverlyengel.com)           

"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward           

"The verbally abusive realationship" & "Controlling people"  by Patrice Evans           

"Dangerous realtionships" by Noelle Nelson, PhD           

"It's my life now:starting over after an abusive relationship" by Meg Kennedy Dugan & Roger Hock           

"No visible wounds" by Mary Susan Miller PhD           

            

The national domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).              

Domestic violence centers have many free programs and help available from support groups to legal advocates. Call them.   

Thanks cocoamomma for the DV info. I am a survivor, activist and working towards becoming an advocate. Some of the sites and books you've posted I have not seen or read. Thank you for posting.
 
May 6, 2006, 6:50 pm CDT

"You women libbers"

Quote From: traveler3

   Things are not necesarily getting worse, but rather these situations are comming to light. It has always been not too good in the past.  But, more and more kids are being left to raise themselves as the mothers insist on working instead of caring for the kids for a few years. I told my wife 40 years ago that this new rage of belitteling motherhood and pushing the glory of working would lead to child problems of all kinds. You women libbers are responsible for the abandoment of these neglected children.  Especially boys who are not taught that real strength is related to the ability to care for all people of all genders, ages, and sizes. Yes this includes your relatives. 

    I recall to this day the children who would call me at work wanting their mother who was late for hours getting home. This occured more than once. 

    P.S.  You have to be WITH your children and not AT your children. 

Your scapegoating of "women's libbers" for the ills of society is rather oversimplistic.  Not every working mother has the option of staying home with her kids.  Consider these factors:  

   

*The skyrocketing cost of housing & the cost of living in general.  Economic realities make it impossible for many families to make ends meet on just one income.  

* Deadbeat dads.  A phenomenom that's alive & well in the U.S.  

* An epidemic of layoffs making family financial situations less secure in general than they were before so many jobs were shipped off to China.  

*Other extenuating circumstances:  My greatgrandmother became a single working mother in the 19-teens when her husband died suddenly of a heart attack.  She had 5 children to support.  A friend's mother became a single working mother in the 1940s when her husband unexpectedly abandoned the family one day, never to return.  Both working mothers were not exactly "women's libbers."    

   

Many mothers don't work because of the "glory of working" but because if they don't work, their family will be thrown into poverty.  Also, many work part-time or from home.   

   

The situation is not as simplistic as you make it sound.  I am very wary of any diagnosis of the ills of society that scapegoats a particular group.  

   

>Especially boys who are not taught that real strength is related to the ability to care for all people of all genders, ages, and sizes. Yes this includes your relatives.  

   

The mother AND father should be teaching this to boys.   

   

P.S.  Speaking of women's libbers, my great great Aunt Mary marched in the streets of Detroit circa the 1920s so that women could get the right to vote.  I never met her, but I'm very proud of her.  :-)  

 
May 6, 2006, 11:16 pm CDT

18

Quote From: adrien

 Hi my name is Adrien and I'm only 18.  My boyfriend is one year younger than I am.  We have been in many arguements but we are definately in love.  He has shoved me, choked me, and slapped me but only one time.  I have hit him before too though.  So it goes both ways.  I know our relationship is obviouysly not healthy but we are trying new things everyday to make us work. I think I might even be bringing a new life into the world so I dont want us to not be together but I need help or advice on what I should do about the situation.  And not only do we fight physically but he calls me names all the time abd tries to bring me down 24/7.  I say mean things sometimes too that I know I shouldnt say but I never call him names. So what do I do?
                 Thanks---adrien

You are young and have not experienced enough in the world to know what you're setting your life up for.  You are worth so much more and if he's doing that abusive stuff now its only going to escalate.  You need to get some help and talk to someone that can really help you make some tough choices.  Having a baby is going to be so much more stressful which could lead to so many more issues.  Please go talk to a counselor, someone older you trust and try to really open your  mind and hear what they talk to you about.  Life is not about fighting, hitting, calling names and making the person you love feel bad.  Love and life are about laughing, working hard, having fun, planning your future, your vacations, your jobs, your goals..and none of that hurts...  sometimes its hard and disappointing but it doesnt hurt you physically.  I put my baby up for adoption when I was 23...because I couldnt afford to take care of her and the father wasnt responsible enough to help.  I can't imagine bringing a baby into your situation.  I see it as being selfish and immature.  Your baby deserves to be with two people that are nice to each other, not put in the middle of a battlefield.  Please talk to someone you trust...this is one of those life changing times and you NEED to make a choice and for the right reasons...not just cause you want a baby and think it will bring your love together.  I don't know you so I can't say you don't love your boyfriend but it doesn't make me think of love when you write about it.   Read what you wrote and then read what I write about the man I love.    

  

My husband and I are about to hit our 3 year anniversary.  We spent the day together today and just goofed off.  He bought me a necklace for mother's day, took me to dinner and we sat and talked.  He's so generous to me when it comes to jewelry and things I like. It's his way of showing me he cares and I think it makes him feel good he can afford occasionally to give me something nice.  He holds my hand when we walk in the mall, he tells his friends how great I am, he always kisses me when he comes or goes.  I am constantly told and treated like he loves me.  His friends tell me he tells them I'm the best thing that happened to him.   He became an awesome step dad to my son.  I never feel bad  because of the way he treats me.   I never cry because he's hit me or hurt me in some way. 

  

Adrien...I don't think your boyfriend makes you feel good 100% of the time...and he sure isnt' talking to you like he thinks it.  I know when you feel you love someone its hard to move on but you should want more for your life.  Happiness, feeling special and most of all being treated with respect and dignity. 

  

Please talk to someone you trust.. 

AJ 

 
May 6, 2006, 11:16 pm CDT

Ryan a bully and a coward says Dr. Phil

 

  

 

  

 

Dr.  Phil, “Do you love your wife Ryan?”,

  

 

  

 

Ryan, “I think so.  Only when she pisses me off or gets on my nerves.”

  

 

  

 

Dr.  Phil, “So, another words, if, no violence, no cursing, no physical abuse and verbal abuse towards Michelle, then, there simply is no love or go for you?”

  

 

  

 

Ryan, “Yeah, I guess so.”

  

 

  

 

Dr.  Phil, “Well, I’d say you got a clear case of darn right bullying and cowardice syndrome.” 

  

 

  

 

 

 
May 7, 2006, 1:42 am CDT

God's Love is one step to self-esteem.....

Quote From: gw151873

Iam married to a abusive guy mostly physical and mental abuse, yesterday I mowed the grass, and of course it was wrong, then he had me clean the wood stove i didn't do that write either, then he brought me some dirt to put in our garden he says i don't know how to spread it out write, if i paint it is sloppy he says if i clean or make supper i don't do a good enough job, if i discipline or don't discipline our children i don't do that write, I helped him one day reinsulate the outdooor stove he got mad because he didn't think i was doing it write, he threw a carpet knife at me and attempted to hit me with a shovel, i ran in the house he ran after me and then threw me on the floor, my whole side ached for days he told me he didn't feel that i was helping write, we have a pet rabbit and he has a litter box well one day he bathroomed on the floor by accident because he got startled over some noise the tv made he also chews on things in the house my husband told me that i don't get after the rabbit enough and that i didn't care if the house got wrecked which is not true because iam always trying to improve the house by painting and cleaning and buying things to make it look nice, he got angry at me and flipped the rabbit cage in the air and the rabbit came running out but was not hurt he then ran after me and got in my face and told me that he would like nothing more than to just kill me. i told him then just let me leave he wouldn't he once kicked me out and told me i couldn't take the car and told me to start walking so i did and then he stopped me and wouldn't let me leave he everytime i have attempted to leave he ripped the wires out of the phone, jumped on my car so i couldn't leave took my car keys, i don't understand it he says he loves me and our children then why does he treat me this way and if they truly love you why do they kick you out but then don't really want you to leave, i have put him in jail many times for choking me, punching me, throwing things at me you name it and everytime it turned out to be my fault his family would all gang up on me to make it look like i was really bad news, my husband is an alcoholic and has been for years and everyday he calls me names like b---, wh---, sl---, bad mother, lover , fat ugly you name it, everyone tells me to leave but i have no self-esteem i have never felt like anyone else would want me how do i raise my self-esteem and leave him?

  

Dear gw151873, 

 

Herein is a quote that may answer your question as to how one raises his or her self-esteem: 

 

Quotes are elicited from "A Book of Bible Help" by Ruth Connell as follows: 

 

  1. "The Lord is compassionate and gracious slow to anger, abounding in love...he does not  treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the  heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him", (Psalm 103: 8,10-11);
  2. "This is how God showed his love among us:  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love:  not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins...God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.", (1 John 4:0-10,16);
  3. "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.", (Hebrews 11:1,6);

Self-esteem means confidence in your own worth or abilities.   

 

The fact that you made the decision to share your situation with everyone on the message board, says to me that you took, your first lesson to raising your own self-esteem.   

 

When you shared your story with us all, this was your testimony to us all, that something is wrong with your relationship and how you are treated by your abusive husband is unacceptable and you wish to make changes to preserve what self-esteem you still have before it is completely sabotaged. 

 

There are many resources as per books and websites that many of our colleagues have posted in the message board for you to take steps in raising your self-esteem. 

 

SELF-ESTEEM CAN BE RAISED EVEN MORE IF YOU LET GOD'S LOVE EMBRACE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE COURAGE TO GET EMPOWERMENT AND HELP.   

 

FEAR GOD MORE THAN YOUR HUSBAND AND YOU WILL HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOU.   

 

YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF, WHETHER YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND OR YOURSELF AND GOD.  IF YOU STILL WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOUR HUSBAND, THEN, ITS A QUESTION OF WHETHER HE WANTS TO CHANGE OR THAT YOUR BOTH SEEK COUNSELLING.  

  

SOMETIMES, ITS BEST TO LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND TO SORT HIMSELF OUT WHILST YOU TOOK SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF TO GET HELP AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.   

 

SINCE YOUR HUSBAND SEEMS ADAMANT HE KNOWS EVERYTHING AND HOW THINGS SHOULD BE DONE PERFECTLY ACCORDING TO HIS MIND, WHY, BOTHER WITH HIS CONTINUOUS WHINGEING AND PERSISTENT ABUSE ANYMORE.  IF HE TRULY WANTED TO TAKE YOUR LIFE, HE COULDN'T DONE IT A LONG TIME.  DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND TENDER TO HIS EVERY NEEDS.   

 

IF HE IS PHYSICALLY STRONG AND ABLE THEN, HE DOESN'T NEED YOU AND HE CAN LOOK AFTER HIMSELF WITHOUT YOUR HELP.  HE CAN CALL HIS FAMILY TO COME AND TENDER TO HIS NEEDS AND DUTIES IF HE GETS LONELY AND SCARED OF BEING BY HIMSELF. 

 

IT WAS HIGHTIME YOUR MR KNOW IT ALL HUSBAND GOT HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.  IT IS JUST LUCKY THAT HE IS NOT MARRIED TO AN ABUSIVE WIFE WHO PUT HIM IN PLACE AND PHYSICALLY BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHT OUT OF HIM EVERYDAY TO GET A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE. 

 

IN THE ANCIENT TIMES, MEN WHO PHYSICALLY ABUSED THEIR WIFES, WERE SENT TO A BOOTCAMP WHERE THEY WOULD FACE THEMSELVES TO FIGHT IT OUT WITH OTHER BULLIES TO SEE WHO WAS A REAL MAN OR A PURELY A SISSY IN THE MAKING. 

 

THERE ARE OTHER CULTURES, WHERE IS A MAN BEATS UP HIS WIFE, THE WIFE'S BROTHERS OR MEN OF THE TOWN WOULD COME AND BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHT OUT OF HIM.  SINCE HE HAS BEEN IN PRISON IN AND OUT.  IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE UP CALL FOR YOU TO GET PHYSICALLY FIT AND GO LEARN KARATE, SELF-DEFENCE OR SOME FORM OF PHYSICAL TRAINING.  THIS KIND OF MAN WILL NEAR GET IT UNTIL A WIFE BEATS THE LIVING DAYLIGHT OUT OF HIM. 

 

THESE ARE ONLY EXAMPLES.  THEY SOUND DRASTIC AND SERIOUS.  IT SHOULD NOT BE IDEAS THAT YOU SHOULD APPLY AT ALL.  BECAUSE IT WOULD MAKE YOU THE SAME AS YOUR HUSBAND. 

 

MEN ARE SUPPOSE TO PROTECT THEIR WIFES AND CHILDREN, NOT BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHT OUT OF THEM.  MEN ARE ONLY MEANT TO USE FORCE AND PHYSICAL APPLICATION IN SITUATIONS OF DANGER AND THREAT. 

 

EVERYONE WHO ARE HAVING MARITAL PROBLEMS OR ARE IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD DO A COURSE CALLED "THE LANDMARK FORUM".   

 

I have had a relative who did this course and it has changed his or her life.  She or he swears by the "Landmark Forum" course as a miracle, because it has saved many marriages on the brink of divorce or separation.  All those who were in abusive relationships finally made peace with themselves and lived more fulfilling relationships with spouses, parents and children. 

 

 

This is all I have to add to your question, my sister. 

 

Peace Out, 

 

ET 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
May 7, 2006, 3:41 am CDT

Abuse has many triggers

Quote From: lyninsocal

Your Demerol explanation is nothing less than an excuse.   

  

Yes, we can all lose our temper.  The difference is what we 'choose' to do when that happens. 

  

How do you explain the multitude of abusers on earth prior to the discovery of Demerol?   

  

Blame the doctors.  Blame the women.  Blame the drugs.  Blame society.  Blame whatever you want.  Until abusers take responsibility for their actions, and people stop giving them excuses, this tragedy will continue. 

Rage and frustration is one way for people to express many triggers. This is all I was trying to say.  People can only act from a limited menu of  emotions even though the causes are many. One of these causes is demerol at birth.  

  

There are however subtle differences in the abusive acts. Ryan's girlfriend says he looks like a maniac when he gets going but when he calms down he is very sweet.  In normal times, he also expresses himself in a particular way which is a dead giveaway to demerol damage. He is very literal and frank. He sees things very "clearly." 

  

You speak of people "choosing" to be abusive. I agree with you that this happens often and I think this comes from the idea that men are superior to women. This trigger comes from the justification put out by religious ideas. There is so much abuse that comes from the idea that women have to be kept in line by their husbands. That God says so.  

  

There are other notions such as the one that says, men own their wives. Others include, pornography which shows women "liking" to be abused. Movies show women trying hard to be beautiful which in turn says, "I hate myself." The abuse that comes from these triggers can be talked about and sorted out. This behaviour can be changed on the part of the man, and woman if necessary.  

  

Brain injury however, is a physiological reason. One of the signs of brain injury is that people will fly into rages. They can't help it. They do not specifically choose it. I believe Ryan can't help what he does. His father can, however for the reasons I mention above. This is why Dr Phil said Ryan wasn't a bad person 

  

Ryan is susceptible to stress. The thing he needs to do is recognize that a doctor harmed him at some point and then adjust to his injury. Things are so much better when one knows why they are a certain way. He can then stay away from stressful conditions. And people will be less prone to blaming him for something he can't help.  

  

In general, women in the "civilized" world should be very careful to avoid birthing drugs. These harmful toxins are said to contribute to the huge increase in ADHD and autism. They also pave the way for MS and other brain illnesses. It is better not to bring a human into the world who will suffer. Better to think very carefully before you get pregnant.  

 
First | Prev | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | Next | Last