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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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May 18, 2006, 1:04 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: mt_mamma

we usually have "quiet time" but most days she falls asleep.  we do this because her 6 1/2 year old brother is in the same room.  so we turn on a movie for them and she falls asleep.  we all get up in the morning around 7:30 so the older two go to bed at 9.  i don't think they would sleep till 7:30 if i put them to bed earlier, guess it might be worth a try.  i know she needs more sleep then her older brother but how do i get her to bed before him?  she just wouldn't go for it, she'd sit in there playing till he came in. 

You're going to have to start separating the bedtimes sooner or later .  What I've done in the past was to have alone time with my younger kids first to get them to bed, starting with the ones that needed to go to bed first.  At that age, my middle child was sharing with her younger sister, after having to switch from sharing with her older brother.  This would mean making sure they all had their pj's on ahead of time, teeth brushed, etc. so there's no further disruption.  Then I would have the first shift go to their beds (my girls went to bed at the same time at that time) and I would read to them.  When reading time was done, then I would give them their last chance to get a drink of water and then tuck them in for the night. 

Of course, she challenged it for awhile, but when she knew I meant business and kept placing her back into her bed, she stopped.  You then can have your alone time with your son after she goes to bed, where he can quietly go to bed at his set time.  If he becomes noisy and purposely tries to wake her up, warn him that next time, he'll share the same bedtime as her.  She most likely will notice her injustice at some point, but you can explain to her that when she gets to be his age, then she can stay up until that time too, but until then, this is her set bedtime.  Brace yourself for conflict, but as long as you are consistent, she'll evenually create the pattern without much fuss. 

As they got older, I increased their bedtimes in increments of 1/2 hour when I knew they could handle it.  When they each reached first grade where they were in school full-time, initially they were so exhausted they were asking to go to bed!  Good luck!
 
May 19, 2006, 8:52 am CDT

Help for guardian of 13 year lying problem

 A year and a half ago my husband and I obtained custody of my brother's child during his divorce.  He is a crystal meth user and his wife was irresponsible in the care of the child.  We petitioned the court and intervened in the divorce for custody.  She has done extremely well.  You can tell she enjoys the stability of our home.  We have and 18 YO and a 16YO.   Her grades have come up, she seems to love the structure in her life.  She sees and talks to her mom one weekend a month (by her mother's failure to communicate with her as we  would allow more phone contact or visits to our home if she desired).  One year ago my brother "disappeared" and has lost contact with her.  Her mother is destroying herself.  She has gotten two DUIs in a 3 1/2 month period.  My neice does well until the week before she goes to her mom's and is in "outer space".  She won't talk to anyone.  We tried counseling and she wouldn't open up.  Just last weekend she finally opened up to me after an eventful weekend with her mom (which I caught happening and removed her from with the help of the police).  I am now purusing her visitation rights to be restricted or revoked.  The child knows and says she understands that this has to happen to "help" her mom get her head on straight and the child's safety).  Our biggest problem right now (which is what this whole post is about now) is perpetual lying and trying to manipulate both sides.  She admitted to me she "works" both sides and tells everyone what they want to hear.  She knows our rules and has more than once broken them at her mother's house (just because her mom will let her b/c she knows it will make us mad) and she thinks she won't get caught.  Her mom lives a totally different life than we do.  She is into the trashy, drinking, back stabbing wild life that addicts live and the child has grown up in that and seems to enjoy the negative excitement.  So when she is with mom that's what they do.  I want to know how to punish her for her lying and deceptiveness.  We have caught her in lies and taken away the phone.  At this point that is her only interest. All summer she will sit here doing nothing unless I make her get "busy" with activities.  She has a X box she don't play with, won't ask friends over, would watch TV all day if I would let her and just sit around.  I have to make her go out and find a friend to hang out with in the neighborhood or ride her bike.  We have tried to do things like take away the phone (which was already in force at this time) but it seems like she constantly has that taken away so I think itis losing its effectiveness.  How do you discipline a kid like this who doesn't have any interests?  My discipline plan when my children were this age was restriction as they are very socially active with friends and church activities.  It's like I want to restrict her for punishment but she really needs more activities to teach her how to be a child so to me this is a very fine line.  I have considered her having to do a "report" on lying and its effects and reading what the Bible says.  She is a new Christian and doesn't really know these things yet.  I hate to "force" her to read the Bible with the fear she will go the other way.  I just don't want to do anything stupid as far as punishment but I know I have to get her attention and am at my wits end.  She keeps this household in turmoil with her "spaciness" etc and it is causing other family problems.  Any help would be appreciated. 
 
June 5, 2006, 2:47 pm CDT

2 year old won't stop biting!

I need help!  My two year old will not stop biting.  I have tried everything from timeouts, taking toys away, and even biting back.  What can I do??   

He has now been kicked out of 3 day cares.  My husband and I work full time and are unable to stay at home with  him. We live in a small community and I am running out of options for child care providers.  I know a lot of kids bite, but nothing will stop my son.  I also have a 5 year old that is constantly having to fight off the 2 year old.  What can I do??    

Looking for help!!!   

 
June 6, 2006, 6:08 pm CDT

Bite This!

I need help!  My two year old will not stop biting.  I have tried everything from timeouts, taking toys away, and even biting back.  What can I do??   >>>

----------------------------------

Punish him until he stops!  That's how people learn, especially the small ones.

This is not rocket surgery...or even brain science.  This is a no-brainer.

If he doesn't stop at the first punishment, raise the ante--and make sure he knows what the ante is, so he knows what he is risking.  If you fail to follow through with the punishment then you are teaching him to bite (and that you're a liar).  If he fails to be pursuaded by the punishment, then it is not severe enough (that part's pretty clear isn't it?).  Either the timeouts are too short or he doesn't care.  Either the wrong toy is taken away or he doesn't care--enough, that is.  Either you're not biting him-her hard enough or he doesn't care--probably not biting hard enough, but you knew that wasn't gonna work in the first place, didn't you?!


As for punishment, that's your call.  You know what he wants / doesn't want (or do you?).  Every kid has a breaking point.  Find it and do not waver until the problem is solved.

Are you strong enough to follow through?  If not, he will make your life hell.


 
June 7, 2006, 8:55 pm CDT

just dont know where to start

Hi, we have three boys 20, 18 and 11, they have never given us much trouble so we have never really had to inforce a huge punishment, our 18 year old who will be a senior next fall is very involved in sports namely weight room and football (football is a year round sport here). We had told him he needed to get at least a part time job because of the expense of gas and the expense of his g/f lol, well he got a job at a major factory for the summer where his dad works, six hour shift, good money 11.40 an hour and only 3-4 shifts a week, he has told us he flat out doesnt want to work til he is out of high school, instead of going for his drug screen and orientation today he called the woman and told her he didnt want the job, he left home like he was going but didnt, we are just so upset about this we dont even know where to begin with punishment, he has a fairly new truck that we bought him for his 18th birthday, so grounding him from driving anywhere but to weight room and football practice is the only thing we have come up with, is this enough?? any input would be helpful, we are not so much upset that he doesnt want THAT job but how he handled it, thanks
 
June 8, 2006, 9:55 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: mominiowa3

Hi, we have three boys 20, 18 and 11, they have never given us much trouble so we have never really had to inforce a huge punishment, our 18 year old who will be a senior next fall is very involved in sports namely weight room and football (football is a year round sport here). We had told him he needed to get at least a part time job because of the expense of gas and the expense of his g/f lol, well he got a job at a major factory for the summer where his dad works, six hour shift, good money 11.40 an hour and only 3-4 shifts a week, he has told us he flat out doesnt want to work til he is out of high school, instead of going for his drug screen and orientation today he called the woman and told her he didnt want the job, he left home like he was going but didnt, we are just so upset about this we dont even know where to begin with punishment, he has a fairly new truck that we bought him for his 18th birthday, so grounding him from driving anywhere but to weight room and football practice is the only thing we have come up with, is this enough?? any input would be helpful, we are not so much upset that he doesnt want THAT job but how he handled it, thanks
Well, you told him that he needed to get a job to help with the expense of gas and for the expense of his girl friend. That isn't too much to ask of an 18 year old, especially for the summer, so I would just remind him that the purpose of him getting a job is to help with HIS gas money and HIS girlfriend and that you are no longer able to help with those luxaries and yes, that is what they are, luxaries. and you not give in to the pressure of givnig him the money for those particular things, he can either hitch a ride when he runs out of gas, or not participate in the sports or he can get a job and help and if he wants a girlfriend, well, why would he want some one else's money to treat her? ANy way, this is the way, I think I would handle it. You are the parent and you need to stick to your guns with what ever the rulkes are and becuase you asked him to get a job to help with those simple things, don't give him the money...................
 
June 9, 2006, 7:42 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: mominiowa3

Hi, we have three boys 20, 18 and 11, they have never given us much trouble so we have never really had to inforce a huge punishment, our 18 year old who will be a senior next fall is very involved in sports namely weight room and football (football is a year round sport here). We had told him he needed to get at least a part time job because of the expense of gas and the expense of his g/f lol, well he got a job at a major factory for the summer where his dad works, six hour shift, good money 11.40 an hour and only 3-4 shifts a week, he has told us he flat out doesnt want to work til he is out of high school, instead of going for his drug screen and orientation today he called the woman and told her he didnt want the job, he left home like he was going but didnt, we are just so upset about this we dont even know where to begin with punishment, he has a fairly new truck that we bought him for his 18th birthday, so grounding him from driving anywhere but to weight room and football practice is the only thing we have come up with, is this enough?? any input would be helpful, we are not so much upset that he doesnt want THAT job but how he handled it, thanks
I agree with the other post, but I personally would go a step further and include the car insurance and any other priveledges that you are paying for.  Make it extremely obvious as to all of the expenses that you're dishing out for his entertainment, including the costs of his year round football , the extra clothes, hanging out with friends, all extracurricular activities.  If he doesn't get the message now, you'll be handing out money on his whim when he's on his own and become your ultimate moocher nightmare!   If he's old enough to drive the truck that was given to him and have a girlfriend, he's old enough to earn his own money regardless of if he wantes to wait until he's done with high school... that, too, is a luxury!  Have him figure out how he's going to make it to his practices when he doesn't have insurance for his vehicle.  That alone should be a huge wakeup call.
 
June 10, 2006, 1:01 pm CDT

Punishment

Quote From: mominiowa3

Hi, we have three boys 20, 18 and 11, they have never given us much trouble so we have never really had to inforce a huge punishment, our 18 year old who will be a senior next fall is very involved in sports namely weight room and football (football is a year round sport here). We had told him he needed to get at least a part time job because of the expense of gas and the expense of his g/f lol, well he got a job at a major factory for the summer where his dad works, six hour shift, good money 11.40 an hour and only 3-4 shifts a week, he has told us he flat out doesnt want to work til he is out of high school, instead of going for his drug screen and orientation today he called the woman and told her he didnt want the job, he left home like he was going but didnt, we are just so upset about this we dont even know where to begin with punishment, he has a fairly new truck that we bought him for his 18th birthday, so grounding him from driving anywhere but to weight room and football practice is the only thing we have come up with, is this enough?? any input would be helpful, we are not so much upset that he doesnt want THAT job but how he handled it, thanks
Oh my goodness! What your son did was so disrespectful and irresponsible, I would say that no, the punishment you came up with is not enough!! You and your husband need to talk alone first and come to an agreement as to what you will do about this. Your son shouldn’t think that his parents are his personal ATM machine!! Who is paying for the gas for his truck, and the insurance, etc.? It is great that your kids haven’t given you troubles before, but let me tell you- unless you lay down the law in a serious way over this issue, your kids will see you as ‘pushovers’ and they will do whatever they want. My advice is to restrict where he goes with his truck, but also tell him that unless or until he gets a part time job, he doesn’t have a truck. He lives under your roof, these are your rules. You want to raise a respectful, responsible citizen, so giving a harsh punishment for this stunt is the best way to get your message through to him. Best wishes!
 
June 18, 2006, 12:06 pm CDT

I don't know what to do!!Please Help

 Hello I am a 34 year old mother of 3 and I have a realy big problem. My 16 year old son got his girlfriend pregnent and I told him that He wasn't going to move in with her or on his own and now he says  it is our fault that he can't see his baby 24 hours a day. We told him not to mess around and if he did get her in trouble that that would not change what we had already told him. He thinks we are being unfair. So can some one please tell me what you would do? He is only 16 and I know he wants to be with his child but he don't drive have a job and we won't let him get married.
 
June 18, 2006, 1:57 pm CDT

Teen pregnancy

Quote From: lilsmile

 Hello I am a 34 year old mother of 3 and I have a realy big problem. My 16 year old son got his girlfriend pregnent and I told him that He wasn't going to move in with her or on his own and now he says  it is our fault that he can't see his baby 24 hours a day. We told him not to mess around and if he did get her in trouble that that would not change what we had already told him. He thinks we are being unfair. So can some one please tell me what you would do? He is only 16 and I know he wants to be with his child but he don't drive have a job and we won't let him get married.
It looks like you also became pregnant when you were a teenager. What do you wish your parents did to help you, or what could the parents of the father of your child have done to help you? I urge you to think about that and think about how you can help these young people be the kind of parents that baby deserves. It sounds like you are reacting in anger instead of compassion to this event; again, these kids need guidance, not judgement. If you continue to push your son away, you could succeed in pushing him so far away that you never get him back. Don't play the blame game back and forth with him- he says its your fault he can't be with the baby 24/7, and you say you told him not to get her in 'trouble'... where do these conversations get you? They get you nowhere, with no resolution, just hurt feelings. Someone has to be the bigger person and find a resolution, why not you?
 
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