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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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May 3, 2006, 2:16 pm CDT

I really need some help

This is my son he 7 he has delay disorders (atisum) he has the mentality of a 3 yr old in some things. but he wont listen. he does alot of lieing, story telling, he keeps coloring on the walls and just the other day he went to a friends house and he colored on the wall and on a 40 dollar toy. which i have to pay for it now. He gets mouthy. I dont know what to do time outs dont work and grounding him dont work. we did spank him for a while but that didnt work. I told him that if he stop doing things like that then we can do some fun stuff but that dont work.  Help. It dont seem like any counsalors we have can help us. They just tell us about things we already have done or we know.
 
May 4, 2006, 5:43 pm CDT

HELP ME, I AM LOSING THE BATTLE!!!

I HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL AND I AM LOSING MY MIND. SHE HAS NO RULES THAT SHE WILL FOLLOW! SHE WILL LITERALLY LOOK AT ME AND EITHER SAY NO OR JUST WALK AWAY AND NOT DO WHAT I TELL HER. MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK AND SAYS HE IS ALWAYS HEARING THE BICKERING BECAUSE I WILL KEEP HOUNDING HER TO DO AS I SAY. IT HAS COME SO FAR THAT NOW SHE WILL NOT CLEAN HER ROOM NO MATTER WHAT I SAY. SHE WILL SAY " I PROMISE I WILL DO IT TOMORROW" AND I WILL KEEP ON HER AND OF COURSE IT DOES NOT GET DONE. I PUNISH HER TO HER ROOM AND SHE WILL JUST GO TO SLEEP OR SIT AND NOT MOVE! SHE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO AND I SWEAR SHE TALKS TO ME LIKE SHE IS THE ADULT AND HAS NO FEAR OF MY TONE IN HER. I DO NOT WANT HER TO FEAR ME, I MEAN THAT WHEN MY PARENTS WOULD TELL ME TO DO SOMETHING I KNEW I BETTER DO IT, AND MARISSA DOESN`T HAVE THAT IN HER. WE LIVE ON A LOT OF LAND AND SHE HAS NO CONTACT WITH NEIGHBOR KIDS BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE! I STAYED HOME THE FIRST 2 YEARS OF HER LIFE AND TAUGHT HER GOOD MANNERS AND SHE LISTENED TO THINGS THAT I SAID, EVEN WOULD LISTEN IF I JUST GAVE HER THE "LOOK"! NOW NOTHING! I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY DAUGHTER AND I AM SO LOST I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WE ARE NOT SPANKERS AND WE TRY TO TEACH HER TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY THAT SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED. SHE HAS EVEN STARTED THE DISRESPECT IN SCHOOL!!! PLEASE HELP ME! I NEED HELP BADLY, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE AT OUR LAST ROPE AND I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF! WHAT DO I DO?
 
May 4, 2006, 6:45 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: melissa726

I HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL AND I AM LOSING MY MIND. SHE HAS NO RULES THAT SHE WILL FOLLOW! SHE WILL LITERALLY LOOK AT ME AND EITHER SAY NO OR JUST WALK AWAY AND NOT DO WHAT I TELL HER. MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK AND SAYS HE IS ALWAYS HEARING THE BICKERING BECAUSE I WILL KEEP HOUNDING HER TO DO AS I SAY. IT HAS COME SO FAR THAT NOW SHE WILL NOT CLEAN HER ROOM NO MATTER WHAT I SAY. SHE WILL SAY " I PROMISE I WILL DO IT TOMORROW" AND I WILL KEEP ON HER AND OF COURSE IT DOES NOT GET DONE. I PUNISH HER TO HER ROOM AND SHE WILL JUST GO TO SLEEP OR SIT AND NOT MOVE! SHE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO AND I SWEAR SHE TALKS TO ME LIKE SHE IS THE ADULT AND HAS NO FEAR OF MY TONE IN HER. I DO NOT WANT HER TO FEAR ME, I MEAN THAT WHEN MY PARENTS WOULD TELL ME TO DO SOMETHING I KNEW I BETTER DO IT, AND MARISSA DOESNT HAVE THAT IN HER. WE LIVE ON A LOT OF LAND AND SHE HAS NO CONTACT WITH NEIGHBOR KIDS BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE! I STAYED HOME THE FIRST 2 YEARS OF HER LIFE AND TAUGHT HER GOOD MANNERS AND SHE LISTENED TO THINGS THAT I SAID, EVEN WOULD LISTEN IF I JUST GAVE HER THE "LOOK"! NOW NOTHING! I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY DAUGHTER AND I AM SO LOST I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WE ARE NOT SPANKERS AND WE TRY TO TEACH HER TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY THAT SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED. SHE HAS EVEN STARTED THE DISRESPECT IN SCHOOL!!! PLEASE HELP ME! I NEED HELP BADLY, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE AT OUR LAST ROPE AND I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF! WHAT DO I DO?
This child is 6 years old and she is ruling the home basically? The next time you tell her to clean the room, set the timer for a certain a mount of time and tell her that when the timer goes off and what ever is not put away, you are going to pack it up in a trash bag, a box, whatever and then leave it at that. When the timer goes off, get your bag and start bagging it up! do not make compromises and do not give in, when you go in, remind her that you are the parent and she is the child and she is to abide by the rules and when she starts listening and doing as sheis suppose to then she can earn things back. Be consistent and do this on a daily basis and see what happens by the end of a week or so, she will test you are first but with consistency and following through, she may just get it. You need to sit her bottom down and discuss the rules with her as well as consequences, she may only be 6 but she can learn these things if you as the parents stick with it and you and your husband has to be on the same page and not allow her to play you against each other............................Remember, we teach people how to treat us and your child is learningt hat she is aloud to disrespect you and she will get worse if you do not kick it in the bud now.................You can also tell her no when she asks for something, make sure her needs are met and all but when she has a want, tell her no,a nd remind her that since she tells you no and will not listen to you, yuo are no longer going to give her anything that she wants, eventually she will catch on, I have done this with my 5 year old and she very rarely tells me no becasue she knows that I will not hesitate to do the same thing to her..............As far as the school goes, you need to be in good communication with them and tell them to document everything and when you get your daughter home, explian to her that those behaviours are unacceptable and because she doesn't feel that she has to listen to the rules, she gets a privelege taken away and then do it and do the same thing with the rules at home, my children ages 3 and 5 lost their play time with their friend next door last week because they didn't want to help with their chores, when the little girl came over to play, I sent her home and told her that the girls were not listening therfore they were not aloud to play, yep, they cried and fussed and they got their job done but too late, they didn't lost this battle but this week has been a whiz for especially my 5 year old remembers that day and she has reminded her little sister of the rule, it wirks of you are consistent and stick with it, you ar ethe parent and you cannot give in.
 
May 5, 2006, 9:18 am CDT

Amy bad news

Quote From: leolibra69

Yes, both of my children are currently on Medication and my 7 year old says she does not want to be on them any more.  We have been going to a fmaily thrapist and  I Know we need to find a new one but where I live it is very limited to psycholgists let alone any good ones.  BUt I will do what ever it takes to get the help my family needs and must have. I will keep in contact with you Amy and thank yuou again. 

Sincerly  

Jennifer 

This in regards to my son being molested. The D.A. here in Lake County has dropped my son's case due to lack of evidence and the time when my son told me about the incident. I even went as far as going to California's Congressman Mike Thompson. There is nothing they could do I even went to the local newspaper and they would not do anything about informing the community of the sexual pedophile. They said it was because of a liability. What can I do now to get closure? Please help  

Thank again for you help you have given me so far. 

Jennifer 

 
May 7, 2006, 5:12 pm CDT

whiners?

Quote From: proudmomy

My three year old daughter whines over everything.  I dont give into her we never have. I would like some advice on how to prevent her from being set off. I do have another baby on the way in a month and know that is effecting all my children. any advice would be helpful. thanks 

  

Whining..yes, yes. we all hate that. I have siblings younger than me and it is soo annoying. Have you thought about threating to take toys away? or something she enjoys? and if she goes so far without whining give it back to her? 

 
May 7, 2006, 8:46 pm CDT

THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!

Quote From: melissa726

I HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL AND I AM LOSING MY MIND. SHE HAS NO RULES THAT SHE WILL FOLLOW! SHE WILL LITERALLY LOOK AT ME AND EITHER SAY NO OR JUST WALK AWAY AND NOT DO WHAT I TELL HER. MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK AND SAYS HE IS ALWAYS HEARING THE BICKERING BECAUSE I WILL KEEP HOUNDING HER TO DO AS I SAY. IT HAS COME SO FAR THAT NOW SHE WILL NOT CLEAN HER ROOM NO MATTER WHAT I SAY. SHE WILL SAY " I PROMISE I WILL DO IT TOMORROW" AND I WILL KEEP ON HER AND OF COURSE IT DOES NOT GET DONE. I PUNISH HER TO HER ROOM AND SHE WILL JUST GO TO SLEEP OR SIT AND NOT MOVE! SHE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO AND I SWEAR SHE TALKS TO ME LIKE SHE IS THE ADULT AND HAS NO FEAR OF MY TONE IN HER. I DO NOT WANT HER TO FEAR ME, I MEAN THAT WHEN MY PARENTS WOULD TELL ME TO DO SOMETHING I KNEW I BETTER DO IT, AND MARISSA DOESNT HAVE THAT IN HER. WE LIVE ON A LOT OF LAND AND SHE HAS NO CONTACT WITH NEIGHBOR KIDS BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE! I STAYED HOME THE FIRST 2 YEARS OF HER LIFE AND TAUGHT HER GOOD MANNERS AND SHE LISTENED TO THINGS THAT I SAID, EVEN WOULD LISTEN IF I JUST GAVE HER THE "LOOK"! NOW NOTHING! I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY DAUGHTER AND I AM SO LOST I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WE ARE NOT SPANKERS AND WE TRY TO TEACH HER TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY THAT SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED. SHE HAS EVEN STARTED THE DISRESPECT IN SCHOOL!!! PLEASE HELP ME! I NEED HELP BADLY, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE AT OUR LAST ROPE AND I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF! WHAT DO I DO?
THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSE TO MY PROBLEM! I WILL TRY ALL THE TIPS YOU GAVE ME AND REPORT BACK. DO YOU THINK THAT I SOMEWHERE WENT WRONG WITH MY DAUGHTER? I AM SO WORRIED THAT I FAILED AS A MOM! SINCE SHE IS OUR ONLY , SO FAR, I DO NOT KNOW IF THIS IS A NORMAL STAGE IN HER LIFE. I ONLY WANT TO GIVE HER THE BEST MANNERS AND TEACH HER THE BEST WAY TO RESPECT PEOPLE, I HOPE THAT I HAVEN`T MESSED UP. I DON`T KNOW HOW THINGS CHANGED SO FAST BEFORE MY EYES. I WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT BEING A GOOD MOTHER. THIS WEEKEND WE DID SIT HER DOWN AND EXPLAINED THAT THERE ARE GOING TO BE NEW RULES AND NEW PUNISHMENTS IF THESE RULES ARE NOT FOLLOWED. SHE ACTUALLY WENT IN HER ROOM AND CLEANED UP!!! THAT`S PROGRESS BIG TIME FOR US! I WILL DEFINITELY DO THE BAG SUGGESTION AND WILL STICK WITH IT . MY HUSBAND REALLY WANTS THINGS TO CHANGE SO WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE NOW. WE WANT THE BEST FOR MARISSA IN ALL WAYS POSSIBLE! THANKS AGAIN AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE. BY THE WAY, I HEARD HER SAY TO HER FRIEND THAT CAME OVER, "MY MOM IS GOING TO GET MAD IF WE DO NOT CLEAN OUR MESS UP!" I THINK I SEE A LIGHT IN MY TUNNEL! THANKS AGAIN!
 
May 8, 2006, 9:31 am CDT

Jennifer

Quote From: leolibra69

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers God knows I need all the prayers I can get. Things are going to be very difficult for a while Well it has been who am I kidding. It has been ever since I found out this had happened to him. I am sure my family will be there for him as I hope we will always be. I have been there for him in every aspect. He comes to me when he needs a hug or just to talk. I have tried not to bring it up. My step-mother said something to me that meant a lot to me. She said that if I keep thinking about it the Person that invaded my son still has the power over us. and until we put int the back of our mind he will always have that power. So I have decided to move forward to healing my family and try our best. I know there will be alot of trial and errors. But such as life. Thank you for everything. 

  

Jennifer 

I haven't read too much here lately but I do understand what you are going through to a certain extent as it was me who was the abused child thankfully not my children. It is true that the more you dwell on this and let it get to you, the abuser wins. But taking the steps to healing your son as well as your self is very imporant, it might be a hard road to travel but the good thing is that your son has you and that you can help him through this all. I didn't get help unti I was in my 20's and talk about hard, it certainly was a rough path but I can say and confirm the fact that my abuser (s) have absolutely nothing on me, I live a very happy and fullfilling life and those people who hurt me, well, they are miserable beings today, sad for them but the thing of it is, they have chosen their path in life as well as I have, and though I believe in praying for people as well as forgiveness as I have done these things which was hard at first, but it is a great feeling to know that life is good and no matter what others do to try to ruin our lives, they cannot achieve it unless we allow them to. keep a good positive attitude and continue to be there with your son and know that in the end, you and your son will be the one to come out on top. :)
 
May 17, 2006, 4:49 pm CDT

My little monster.

I have a little girl who will be 3 in June, and she is just more then we can handle.  She goes nonstop and won't listen to a word we say.  I should say that she is the middle child, but has been like this since she could walk.  We have tried time out and she sits there singing to herself untill we come let her up.  We have tried sending her to sit on her bed because time out isn't working, we have tried taking away her favorite toys for the rest of the day.  Nothing seems to work with her.  She apologizes for what she has done after her punishment, but seems more like she is doing it because she has to then because she is really sorry.  She is very energetic and sweet, untill about 4 or 5 at night and then is just a total terror.  By bedtime, I am totally on edge and have no energy for my husband.  I really need some advice on what to do to deal with her.  I hate yelling and I do it way more then I would like to admit, I am trying to work on it, but it is so hard when you are getting ignored by a 3 year old.    

   

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I am at the end of my rope.  

   

TIA  

Tracy  

 
May 17, 2006, 9:21 pm CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: mt_mamma

I have a little girl who will be 3 in June, and she is just more then we can handle.  She goes nonstop and won't listen to a word we say.  I should say that she is the middle child, but has been like this since she could walk.  We have tried time out and she sits there singing to herself untill we come let her up.  We have tried sending her to sit on her bed because time out isn't working, we have tried taking away her favorite toys for the rest of the day.  Nothing seems to work with her.  She apologizes for what she has done after her punishment, but seems more like she is doing it because she has to then because she is really sorry.  She is very energetic and sweet, untill about 4 or 5 at night and then is just a total terror.  By bedtime, I am totally on edge and have no energy for my husband.  I really need some advice on what to do to deal with her.  I hate yelling and I do it way more then I would like to admit, I am trying to work on it, but it is so hard when you are getting ignored by a 3 year old.    

   

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I am at the end of my rope.  

   

TIA  

Tracy  

How much sleep is she getting?  I know that when my kids were at that age, when they didn't get enough sleep, they turned into hellish terrors around dinnertime because they were on overdrive if they lacked in sleep.  This typically occurred when they missed their naps.  My kids needed naptime around 1 p.m. everyday to not exceed 3 p.m. at that age and gradually changing it to quiet time as they got older.  When they got the sleep they needed, they were MUCH more cooperative.  They also went to bed by 7 p.m. at that age as we got up by 6 a.m.   Hope this helps!
 
May 18, 2006, 11:14 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

Quote From: beertje

How much sleep is she getting?  I know that when my kids were at that age, when they didn't get enough sleep, they turned into hellish terrors around dinnertime because they were on overdrive if they lacked in sleep.  This typically occurred when they missed their naps.  My kids needed naptime around 1 p.m. everyday to not exceed 3 p.m. at that age and gradually changing it to quiet time as they got older.  When they got the sleep they needed, they were MUCH more cooperative.  They also went to bed by 7 p.m. at that age as we got up by 6 a.m.   Hope this helps!

we usually have "quiet time" but most days she falls asleep.  we do this because her 6 1/2 year old brother is in the same room.  so we turn on a movie for them and she falls asleep.  we all get up in the morning around 7:30 so the older two go to bed at 9.  i don't think they would sleep till 7:30 if i put them to bed earlier, guess it might be worth a try.  i know she needs more sleep then her older brother but how do i get her to bed before him?  she just wouldn't go for it, she'd sit in there playing till he came in. 

 
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