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Topic : Things That Worked For Us

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:51:05 pm
Author : dataimport
Has one method of discipline worked really well for you? Don't keep it a secret - share it with us!

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March 27, 2006, 10:46 pm CST

Quick question

My husband and I are somewhat clueless about children, never been around one much until we had our own.  We are good parents, don't get me wrong...but we learn as we go...LOL

Anyway, our daughter will be 2 in a month and she is getting into that "terrible twos" phase. How much can you discipline a child that age? And exactly how do you go about it? The term "no-no" doesn't seem to work well, I think I use it too much and I've been too flexible about it.

Frankly this is a difficult issue with me. I had severe PPD and I have guilt about it still. I have a hard time punishing my daughter in anyway, but I am willing to do it for her own good, even if it makes me feel ill sometimes.

I am just wondering, what exactly does a 2 year old understand and how much can you discipline them?
 
April 6, 2006, 5:11 am CDT

Frustrated Mom needs help with 8 y/o

Good Morning to all.  I  really need some advice with my 8 y/o daughter.  She is a former preemie with a special needs sister.  She has always been very compassionate, caring and helpful around the home.  Her grades were always stellar and she seemed to be a very responsible child.  This year she has turned into a monster!  She has started lying about all kinds of things, some very simple things that I see no point in the lying even for a child.  Her grades are failing.  We have talked to the teacher and it appears to be a focus issue.  She just is more interested in being social over school work.  She isn't bringing papers home to me and is lying about some of the papers she does bring home.  We have tried several types of discipline but nothing seems to be working.  Her teacher follows through with no recess ect. for about 3 days then seems to just let her get away with it.  I have sent yet another note to school today after finding papers a month old that were just brought home from school yesterday.  I cannot do my part in sending items to school that are needed if the papers are a month old!  I surely can't go to school with her.  This year is almost over and I'm afraid her last grade card is going to be really poor.  Overall, it's not just school that I'm concerned with.  These behaviors seem to be affecting all facets of our lives.  She's lying to get her way and lying to try to get out of things.  She is also not taking care of her things or herself (such as nails/hair etc.)  There hasn't been any big changes at our house that would have precipitated her new behaviors that I can think of.  Is this a phase and with time and discipline she will grow out of it?  Any advice will be appreciated.  I realize consistency is key, but you can't be consistent until you find something that works!  Thanks so much.   
 
April 14, 2006, 4:45 am CDT

Need Help Desperately!!

I have a 10 year old son.  He is very defiant to me & my husband.  He is the middle child.  He has to argue about everything. He complains he never gets anything.  His list of complaints are that he says we don't love him, we never let him do anything, his siblings get to do whatever they want.  While he complains about all of this, my husband and I are trying to explain to him that if he would do what he was told and listen to us and show us some respect, he might get his way more often.  He backtalks us.  Flat out refuses to do ANYTHING around the house or anything at all anywhere.  He yells at us.  When we ask him to make his bed or some other chore, he looks me in the eye and says NOPE, that's your job.  It's almost as if he enjoys the negative attention.  We've tried every discipline we can think of.  He has nothing he considers special.  His room is empty.  He has a bed and his clothes.  He's been grounded.  He's lost TV and all other fun priviledges. He's missed baseball practices.  NOTHING seems to work with him!  I don't know what to do!!  I love him and I want to get this right.  Can anyone help me??
 
April 18, 2006, 9:06 am CDT

Defeated by 6 yr. daughter

I feel so defeated by my defiant 6 yr. old.

She whines and screams at me and tells me daily that she hates me (like when I brush her hair before school (of course I always do it "wrong, or because I "touched" something of hers so now she won't wear it ...).  She fights me on everything - from which seat she'll sit at at the dinner table and in the car - refuses to put her seatbelt on ... everything is a battle.

She is a twin and her brother behaves well.  She has developed an image of herself as a "mean" person and is going with it.

Any suggestions on how I change her behavior and her self image?

I feel like this could be a "commando" situation, but what I don't understand is how she would earn things back, when to take them away again, etc.

I was thinking of taking her things to a storage unit and letting her earn things back a few at a time ... but what to do then when we have "bad" days?

I'm so exhausted.

Thanks for any help you can offer!

 

 

 
April 20, 2006, 9:53 pm CDT

punishment for the dificult child

Quote From: klinchey

I have a 10 year old son.  He is very defiant to me & my husband.  He is the middle child.  He has to argue about everything. He complains he never gets anything.  His list of complaints are that he says we don't love him, we never let him do anything, his siblings get to do whatever they want.  While he complains about all of this, my husband and I are trying to explain to him that if he would do what he was told and listen to us and show us some respect, he might get his way more often.  He backtalks us.  Flat out refuses to do ANYTHING around the house or anything at all anywhere.  He yells at us.  When we ask him to make his bed or some other chore, he looks me in the eye and says NOPE, that's your job.  It's almost as if he enjoys the negative attention.  We've tried every discipline we can think of.  He has nothing he considers special.  His room is empty.  He has a bed and his clothes.  He's been grounded.  He's lost TV and all other fun priviledges. He's missed baseball practices.  NOTHING seems to work with him!  I don't know what to do!!  I love him and I want to get this right.  Can anyone help me??

We started this when my son was 7. We made him do push ups for everything from back talk to fighting.   He is now 10 and thinks twice about how he talks and acts around all adults.  The respects us and understands that we are the authority in the house.  If he has a problem or doesn't like something he's been told to do he doesn't whine anymore he comes up and nicely tells us his issue with it. It's so freaky. The only thing he's done recently that I didn't use push ups for was when we told him that we were all going to clean the house as a family to get it done faster. He made the mistake of saying it was womens work. SO for the next week he did everything from the laundry to the dishes to the floors.  Now when we ask him to help he gladly does it without complaint he even offers to help with the laundry. 

  

hope this helps  

ca  

 
April 20, 2006, 9:55 pm CDT

punishment for the dificult child

Quote From: klinchey

I have a 10 year old son.  He is very defiant to me & my husband.  He is the middle child.  He has to argue about everything. He complains he never gets anything.  His list of complaints are that he says we don't love him, we never let him do anything, his siblings get to do whatever they want.  While he complains about all of this, my husband and I are trying to explain to him that if he would do what he was told and listen to us and show us some respect, he might get his way more often.  He backtalks us.  Flat out refuses to do ANYTHING around the house or anything at all anywhere.  He yells at us.  When we ask him to make his bed or some other chore, he looks me in the eye and says NOPE, that's your job.  It's almost as if he enjoys the negative attention.  We've tried every discipline we can think of.  He has nothing he considers special.  His room is empty.  He has a bed and his clothes.  He's been grounded.  He's lost TV and all other fun priviledges. He's missed baseball practices.  NOTHING seems to work with him!  I don't know what to do!!  I love him and I want to get this right.  Can anyone help me??

We started this when my son was 7. We made him do push ups for everything from back talk to fighting.   He is now 10 and thinks twice about how he talks and acts around all adults.  The respects us and understands that we are the authority in the house.  If he has a problem or doesn't like something he's been told to do he doesn't whine anymore he comes up and nicely tells us his issue with it. It's so freaky. The only thing he's done recently that I didn't use push ups for was when we told him that we were all going to clean the house as a family to get it done faster. He made the mistake of saying it was womens work. SO for the next week he did everything from the laundry to the dishes to the floors.  Now when we ask him to help he gladly does it without complaint he even offers to help with the laundry. 

  

hope this helps  

ca  

 
April 26, 2006, 7:50 am CDT

Help !!!!!!! I am becomming despreate

I have a 13 year old who has ADHD and he is the middle child between two sisters. His siblings are 14 and 7. My oldest daughter is 11 months and 19 days older than my son. Anyways I have tried to raise my children as everyone is equally loves no one in the family is loved more than the other. But I have found myself at the end of my rope. He is extremely hyper and angry. HE hurts his sisters and doesn't know why he does. He thinks that my 7 yr old gets more attention than him. She also have ADHD with ODD and having two children with this is tough enough but I am becoming desperate. That i have even thought about sending My son to a Christian boys camp. I cannot control him any more neither can my husband. We have taken everything away from him that we could. Still hardly fazes him. Then after we take everything away then he get bored I even asked him to go play Basketball he does for a few minutes then goes down to our creek in the back of our house. I am afraid that he will get hurt and I will not know what happened to him. At this time of year the water is rushing violently I explained that to him he just shrugged his shoulders and seems to ignore my warnings.  I would love to get the help he needs. He is going to therapy and he does not tell the therapist what he does he simply says everything is good. In reality I am loosing my mind and my since of parenting. So I talked to him (his therapist)  he said he would talk to my son.  One of the other reaons my son is having a problem when he was 7 he was molested by a neighbor I did not know any of this until 1-26-05 when he My son tried to have sex with my girls. Then everything came out he was sodomized and forced to give this man oral sex and in 2004 he was grabbed by this guy at baseball practice grabbing my son's buttocks. Now my son will not play baseball a sport he loves due to this problem.  I know my family has been through alot. My husband and I were on the verge of getting a divorce not  because of our son there were other issues. I would like help with my family and I have also been going to a therapist . She says she doesn't know how I keep it together. I just say one day at a time. I have spent time with each individual child and I thought that would help. Didn't help. My husband and I are back together we are at the end of our rope. We have done almost everything we could think of this is our last hope. Please help us. 

Thank you  

 Jennifer 

 
April 30, 2006, 7:09 am CDT

THE GOOD CHILD GUIDE

I found a book on the net and I ordered it . It is called "The Good Child Guide" by Dr. Noel Swanson. It teaches parents how to deal with bad behaviors from thier children and how to make it better and all. It is also for parents who have children with ADD/ ADHD and other disorders as well. My 2 kids are getting out of control so I ordered this book, also I found it when I was looking up the signs of ADD, it lead me to this book. I just wanted to share this book with you. It is really helping me! I am now doing the 1,2,3 thing, it talks about and boy are my kids moving now. Good luck!
 
May 2, 2006, 8:29 am CDT

Things That Worked For Us

My three year old daughter whines over everything.  I dont give into her we never have. I would like some advice on how to prevent her from being set off. I do have another baby on the way in a month and know that is effecting all my children. any advice would be helpful. thanks 

  

 
May 2, 2006, 12:46 pm CDT

I need more ideas

I have a 6 year old.  He is very defiant.  He is failing Kindergarden!  We thought we were on the road to good behavior and BAM the bottom fell out big time!  We have done it all.  I couldn't even list all the reward ideas we have tried.  And most of the punishments dont work at all.  Most of his bad behavior is at school because he knows better then act like that here.  He has even been suspended from school.  He has to attempt to do most of his school work alone away from the group setting in class.  When home he doesn't even attempt his home work no matter how many times we tell him the directions or what the word is suppose to be.  He is in counseling and every time he goes he is bad in school the next day.  Any time he has been good and we reward him he is bad in school the next day.  His teacher has a Daily Behavior Report for every 15 minutes of the 3 hours he is at school.  The most smilie faces he has brought home is 8.  After he could bring home five for several days in a row we asked him to bring home 6 and he brought home 8.  (2 days in a row)  We were working on a goal of 12 but his dad took him to the movies after he got 8.  His reward for 12 is any place he wants to eat.  Everyday at 9:30 he always has a number (which bad behavior) in this time.  No matter what!  Most of the bad behavior is, not paying attention, not staying in seat, talking, not following directions, not keeping hands to self, not completing work.  Todays paper included Aggressive behavior, not staying in seat, and a visit with the vice principal.  Also included was (from his teacher) "I sat him by himself for work today-crawled around the room, defiant most of the morning, played in the water, made excuses to go to the bathroom.  Not a good day with attitude!  Sat in chair "upside down" most of the morning." 

  

He has not be diagnoised as ADD/ADHD (they have ruled this out)  the only thing they tell me is he is depressed but shows no signs of depression (sleeping alot, crying, etc.)  I am at the end of my rope seriously this time and don't know which way to go now.   

  

BTW (I have read 123 magic)  and most reading material I come across is unrealistic behavior managment or for older kids. 

 
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