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Topic : 07/17 Mommy Dearest

Number of Replies: 326
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 31, 2006, 12:44:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/06) Marri and Jessica both want to confront their mothers, who they say were neglectful and abusive during their childhoods. Marri has put up with her mother, Marilyn's, addiction to crack cocaine for 18 years, and she's ready to shut her mom out of her life for good if she doesn't admit she has a problem and seek help for it. Marilyn says her drug use is the solution, not the problem, and she can be a good mother and still smoke crack. Then, Jessica says she had to care for herself when she was a little girl. Her mother, Deana, was never around, and when she was, she was bringing strange men home for sex. In a ploy for attention, Deana committed her daughter to a mental institution -- three times! Tired of holding in her anger, Jessica demands her mother take responsibility for what she's done. Will these daughters get some emotional closure on their painful childhoods? Share your thoughts here.

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July 26, 2006, 2:52 pm CDT

What about compassion for the poor?

Quote From: flthomcat

Why? Because it's what God wants us to do. And because they brought us into the world. They are human. They make mistakes....some makes LOTS of BIGGIES. Sometimes we honor them by finding them help (whether they take it or not is their choice). Sometimes we honor them by using tough love approaches so they'll get the help they need. Sometimes we simply tell them we love them and keep our distance until it's safe to be around them.  


ALL The commandents make perfect sense. It's when we don't follow them that we have problems. That's what's wrong with our society; when things get tough, we bail on God and His teachings!!! Sorry, but if you're a Christian (a good one), you don't pick and choose which teaching you like and will follow. Being a good Christian sometimes means sacrifice.  

C'mon!  Christians pick and choose what they follow all the time! 


What about having compassion for the poor?  Most Christians hate the poor and vote for people who make their lives even worse! 


What's more, my old man beat me into the floor as he sat on top of me.  God can take a flying leap into Hell.  I refuse to respect my old man. 

August 5, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT


Quote From: jim1970

C'mon!  Christians pick and choose what they follow all the time! 


What about having compassion for the poor?  Most Christians hate the poor and vote for people who make their lives even worse! 


What's more, my old man beat me into the floor as he sat on top of me.  God can take a flying leap into Hell.  I refuse to respect my old man. 

That is quite a opinion!!!


I am a christian and believe me I would give the shirt off my back for someone in need!

That is a stereotype way of thinking  in my opinion...Yes some "christians" do tend to shun poor people. But not all of us do. I have gone to shelter after shelter in my lifetime to try to do what I could. My father works at a place in Weatherford Texas that not only provides apartments free of rent for homeless people....he provides cars,grocerys,job training....placement....he also teaches them how to get their life back on track. He is a very strong christian and he loves to help out anyway he possibly can.


As for voting for people who make their lives even worse....Everyone has the right to vote...period..whether you have a house makes no difference. Go and vote!! Make your voice heard!!


As for your husband beating you.....Do you honestly think God was sitting there thinking to himself "this is so much fun to watch the child I created being beaten and abused!!" No!! It breaks God's heart intensly to see his children go through anything that hurts them. Just as with your own children it does. He allowed you to make your own descision....that does not mean it didn't break his heart. You don't have to respect your old man...God does not say to respect evil actions...He does say to forgive them. THere is a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge difference. 


You know what though....forgiving is in your best intrest anyways. Forgiving does not mean forgetting either. Just because you forgive does not mean you have to forget. Forgiving is saying you know did horrible things to me that hurt me deeply....but I forgive you for them....not because I have to....but because in order to heal myself and move on I have to let go of my past and let go of the anger and resentment I have towards you that drags me down. I hope that you can come to realise God loves you very much.....when you hurted he hurted with you. He understands how you feel he was beaten and thrown on a cross while people cursed and laughed at him.


I understand how you feel about your old man.....I was sexually and physically abused by my own father. I found that in order to move on and have a happy life I had to forgive him....not forget what he did....but forgive him. If you ever need someone to talk to my email address is free to write me anytime you want.

September 2, 2006, 12:18 pm CDT

Benzodiazamines (valium)

My friend friend, aged 47, has suffered to this day from Post Traumatic Stress going back to the early years of having an abusive, sick mom like in Mommy Dearest.  She can't get beyond it.  With the fear of NOT being to not sleeping, to depression, to anxiety, to panic attacks, to now trying to withdraw from Valium (benzodiazamines).  This is a drug that FEW doctors now the consequences of.  The withdrawal is worse than crack cocaine.  IT IS HORRIFIC.  SHE NEEDS HELP and their is no where to turn.  She is not even well enough to write this letter.  There are days we cry together, pray together and feel hopeless together.  The only people who know how to help are the people in the UK, such as  How they work and how they withdraw.  Some days I wish Dr. Phil would wrap her up and get her some help.  In the meantime, are YOU familiar with a situation like this?  It all began with Mommy Dearest.   Dr. Phil, please help us. Louise
March 8, 2007, 9:17 am CST

You owe your mother nothing

Quote From: lipperta

I went through the same thing with my mom. She was very abusive to me and my sister both physically and mentally, and even now today at 25 years old I find it hard to forgive and forget. The damage that has been done to me is still there today and it has been a hard road, and very hard to heal. I think I will read that book that the other girl suggested too. I truly believe that my mother had some kind of disorder because of the abuse she endured as a child. You can find reasoning for everything, but it is still no excuse for what she did to us. I feel sorry for her in a way but at the same time I have to heal too and she constantly blames me and will not admit to doing anything wrong. She says that I have to grow up and that I have mental problems when I try to talk to her about it and then she just hangs up the phone. I don't know how or why she is the way she is and why she can't say sorry and try and have a relationship and work things out. It really wouldn't be that hard, it would solve alot of things.  


I think my sister and I missed out on a lot and I wish that it could have been different. All I can do now is heal myself and try to be a better mother than she was when I do have kids. -  Amanda. (I also have something on the message board -  'Struggling to make peace with my mother'). 

You owe you mother nothing and you owe it to yourself to stay in your personal integrity and take care of yourself with an open door to your mother that WHEN AND IF she chooses to create a clean life for herself, there may be room for future visitation.  But it may never happen and you need to surround yourself with healthy people.  Parents do screw up.  The question is, once you're an adult, do you let them continue to pull your strings, or do you take care of yourself by getting/staying healthy and finding love INSIDE and perhaps spiritually, through your local church?  I say at all cost, find true love inside of you, because you are worth it.


Best wishes.......Kandy in Seattle

May 7, 2007, 2:53 pm CDT

Mentally Abusive Mothers

I am currently in a relationship with a woman that has a mother with "clingy" issues.  What I mean by that is, her mother was abused in many different ways by her husband, and after their divorce, she only had her daughters.  She became over-protective of them (one of them being my fiance).  Now that we're together, she still tries to control her daughter's lives.  I say she's mentally abusive because when my fiance doesn't do what her mother wants her to do, they tell her things like "You don't love us anymore" and "We can't believe you're putting Scottie (me) before your family."   Due to all of the things her mother has been through in her past, she doesn't really trust men and she's become a lesbian (not making that up).  For some reason, she feels I'm taking her daughter from her, and her family hates me now.  Them hating me doesn't bother me one bit.  It's just the guilt trip they put on Christina.  They're constantly making her feel guilty for trying to live her life and she comes to me crying.  My natural reaction is to yell at her mother for making her cry.  I'm tired of doing that.  If anyone knows how deal with this please contact me.  I'll be more than happy to give more details.  Thanks.
February 20, 2008, 4:49 pm CST


Quote From: eden777

I found the greatest lessons that I have learned through life has been while facing the consequences of my actions.  I have moved past the shame and guilt that have plagued me because of my choices.  You seem to have gained some wisdom and I hope that you have been able to move past the shame and guilt that have plagued you.  



My goodness it was in Jul of 2006 that I made one post on here and received only one response.  I now have another problem and it is Feb of 2008.  My husband and I lived in one place for 20 years and now we have moved to a small town.  This town is central to all the children, however, still 7 hr drive to each one.  I'm a senior and having moved around most of my life, I thought this would be an easy transition for me but I am finding that I am very sad and feeling lonely.  The town is lovely and friendly but everyone we have met already have their friendships established and also have their families living here so we really don't fit in.  My husband is content doing his "Thing" I keep trying to fill my time but I have this overwhelming sadness taking over.  We had become very close to a grandchild and had made good friends and now there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not having a tear or two because I miss what was. Is there anyone out there that can relate to these feelings?
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